Heyo! For the new sheets that have yet to be reviewed, I'll just share me & alaska's thoughts of the two new ones. And in case you missed it, I'm Co-GM'ing for Absence, so rest assured I'm not just some random dude criticizing sheets. Without further ado:
@Giltine13
Kaito is looking good so far; we can certainly see this CS being accepted soon! However, there's a few things about Kaito's CS that struck us as kind of odd.
>It says he's performed 'countless acts of murder' (this means murder of non-MAGNA as you made murder of MAGNA a separate thing, and an amount of people in double-digits) within his list of crimes, and it's also established that he can be kind of sadistic and like to torture people in combat. This is kind of a big deal, yet we can't see elements of this built on in his history of personality? Sure, murdering a MAGNA officer in the heat of combat is an understandable thing. ...But
countless murders? We feel like that's a bit of a big thing, if you get what we're saying. Unless a big part of your character was for him to be so ruthless, these parts might be better off removed for now. (A lot of our crew probably wouldn't be chill with a mass murderer, either.)
>There's a bit in his history where his crew go on a mission and just... 'find 3 Moriae cards'. Finding
1 is a huge deal, let alone 3, so would you mind elaborating a bit on the mission he performed in order to get 3 whole Moriae cards?
>Do you think you'll be able to get a picture up anytime soon? Whilst pictures aren't a must, as we can get a feel for what your character looks by description, they're generally super duper helpful.
Other than that, if these changes are addressed, Kaito's good to be accepted. The Moriae Card itself is totally fine (a perfect example of a Gondyr card), we think, so don't worry about that.
@Mehsik
Me and alaska like a lot about this sheet, and it's great for what we assume is your first(?) CS on iwaku. We particularly appreciate a user that doesn't use Suntsumei/Moriae abilities, as we've already got a lot of those. That being said, there are some parts that could use a bit more development, and then he'll be good to be accepted.
>To answer your questions, we think the areas in particular you could improve on are the 'History' and the 'Abilities' section. We understand where you're trying to go with the History, and we like it so far, but it could use a little more 'between-the-lines', because as it stands, it's somewhat short. What was his life like post his parents' death, for example? Just a few more details would flesh out this history a lot better.
>Although your character doesn't use Suntsumei/Moriae Cards, which is totally cool, sections within 'Abilities' such as Combat Personality still need to be filled to give us a better idea for the character. Also, give us a bit more flavour of his 'Base Style'. We get he uses guns and loves em', but how does he handle them? Does he shoot in a flamboyant manner, or is he a no-nonsense sort of person? Does he get up close and personal and blast people away, or does he prefer to shoot from a distance? Does he shoot to kill?
>Whilst it's not a must, we'd appreciate it if you could find a picture. It's cool if you can't find anything that you had in mind for him, though. Also, as a side note, we think a role of 'Cannoneer' or 'Sniper' would better fit your character and be a very useful one for the crew to have. Whilst it would be useful to have guns repaired (as some other chars have firearms), it wouldn't be a consistent enough job to have on the ship. You can still keep the gun tinker bit in the skills section, though!
When the first two sections in particular are addressed, we'd certainly consider accepting Alex. Hope all this helps!
(Also, for those who have asked questions or are waiting for CS'es to be re-looked at, alaska is currently AFK, and I don't want to answer things for her when I might be wrong. Not ignoring you, promise!)