Λbsence Info + Sign Ups

Hey, @alaska mind pointing out the location of the World Trinity on your map of the planet? Just need it to figure out where they are, so I have a general idea of where to place an island that serves as a stopping point for various major trade routes.
 
Heyo! For the new sheets that have yet to be reviewed, I'll just share me & alaska's thoughts of the two new ones. And in case you missed it, I'm Co-GM'ing for Absence, so rest assured I'm not just some random dude criticizing sheets. Without further ado:



@Giltine13

Kaito is looking good so far; we can certainly see this CS being accepted soon! However, there's a few things about Kaito's CS that struck us as kind of odd.

>It says he's performed 'countless acts of murder' (this means murder of non-MAGNA as you made murder of MAGNA a separate thing, and an amount of people in double-digits) within his list of crimes, and it's also established that he can be kind of sadistic and like to torture people in combat. This is kind of a big deal, yet we can't see elements of this built on in his history of personality? Sure, murdering a MAGNA officer in the heat of combat is an understandable thing. ...But countless murders? We feel like that's a bit of a big thing, if you get what we're saying. Unless a big part of your character was for him to be so ruthless, these parts might be better off removed for now. (A lot of our crew probably wouldn't be chill with a mass murderer, either.)

>There's a bit in his history where his crew go on a mission and just... 'find 3 Moriae cards'. Finding 1 is a huge deal, let alone 3, so would you mind elaborating a bit on the mission he performed in order to get 3 whole Moriae cards?

>Do you think you'll be able to get a picture up anytime soon? Whilst pictures aren't a must, as we can get a feel for what your character looks by description, they're generally super duper helpful.

Other than that, if these changes are addressed, Kaito's good to be accepted. The Moriae Card itself is totally fine (a perfect example of a Gondyr card), we think, so don't worry about that.



@Mehsik

Me and alaska like a lot about this sheet, and it's great for what we assume is your first(?) CS on iwaku. We particularly appreciate a user that doesn't use Suntsumei/Moriae abilities, as we've already got a lot of those. That being said, there are some parts that could use a bit more development, and then he'll be good to be accepted.

>To answer your questions, we think the areas in particular you could improve on are the 'History' and the 'Abilities' section. We understand where you're trying to go with the History, and we like it so far, but it could use a little more 'between-the-lines', because as it stands, it's somewhat short. What was his life like post his parents' death, for example? Just a few more details would flesh out this history a lot better.

>Although your character doesn't use Suntsumei/Moriae Cards, which is totally cool, sections within 'Abilities' such as Combat Personality still need to be filled to give us a better idea for the character. Also, give us a bit more flavour of his 'Base Style'. We get he uses guns and loves em', but how does he handle them? Does he shoot in a flamboyant manner, or is he a no-nonsense sort of person? Does he get up close and personal and blast people away, or does he prefer to shoot from a distance? Does he shoot to kill?

>Whilst it's not a must, we'd appreciate it if you could find a picture. It's cool if you can't find anything that you had in mind for him, though. Also, as a side note, we think a role of 'Cannoneer' or 'Sniper' would better fit your character and be a very useful one for the crew to have. Whilst it would be useful to have guns repaired (as some other chars have firearms), it wouldn't be a consistent enough job to have on the ship. You can still keep the gun tinker bit in the skills section, though!

When the first two sections in particular are addressed, we'd certainly consider accepting Alex. Hope all this helps!



(Also, for those who have asked questions or are waiting for CS'es to be re-looked at, alaska is currently AFK, and I don't want to answer things for her when I might be wrong. Not ignoring you, promise!)
 
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Added an image to the CS, it might not be the best, but I'm leaving in 30 mins, so I can't make anything better at the moment. I might even add a full-body traditional drawing, just so it would be clear how the guy looks. I hope what I got is okay, if not I can always take it down.
I will try to fix up my CS while I'm away, hopefully I'll have enough time to make those edits. In case I don't, I will do them right after I come back, which should be on the 20th.
 
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Thank you for the reply. Yes, it was my first time making a character sheet in general. I will be editing the sheet when I find the time.
 
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Sorry, one more question, is it possible to destroy a Moirae card?

A card would generally be considered destroyed if a user with a card dies. So far, no card has been recorded twice, so as far as the world's (limited) knowledge is concerned, a user must be killed to destroy the card within them.

Hey, @alaska mind pointing out the location of the World Trinity on your map of the planet? Just need it to figure out where they are, so I have a general idea of where to place an island that serves as a stopping point for various major trade routes.

gqgigtA.png


Top point is Holy Dosantua. Right point is the Sunny Valley. Old Pharona is the point in the water. Pharona deserves a special mention, because while it is confirmed to exist (trades do happen) and the general location is known, it seems to move considerably for a continent, and is sometimes very, very difficult to track down for sailors. If you want to pin point trading routes, it'd probably be wise to use/create an island that is in the general vicinity and is used by Pharonian traders as a gathering point with business partners.
 
I may have overlooked it but how old is MAGNA?. Is it a recent like 40 years or is it more like 400 years?
 
I may have overlooked it but how old is MAGNA?. Is it a recent like 40 years or is it more like 400 years?

On the first page under "History" it looks like MAGNA is at least 450+ years old. It may be older than that though ^_^
 
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  • pj9b3FL.png
    ○ Name:
    Berkman, "Alex" Alexander

    ○ Bounty:
    rVubNzO.png
    Merits

    ○ Role:
    Sniper

    ○ Sex:

    Male

    ○ Age:
    22

    ○ Date of Birth:
    5th of August

    ○ Height:
    185cm
    ○ Weight:
    80kg

    ○ Home Island:
    Jabber Jack


  • pj9b3FL.png
    18581435_467928830215004_1598022705091706880_n.jpg

    ○ Physical Appearance:
    Alex has a tall and lanky build that compliments the rest of his odd features. He has abnormally long arms and boney fingers. This along with his sunken in eyes and cheeks reveal a almost sickly appearance. However, his eyes are not dead, as they shine with the same hue as that of a sapphire. He has blond hair that almost reaches down to his shoulders, for convenience he sometimes puts in a ponytail. He possesses almost pale skin that does not seem to tan no matter how much time he spends in the sun. This causes him to stay indoors must of the time.



    ○ Style:
    (Working on this aswell)


  • pj9b3FL.png
    Personality
    ○ Personality:
    Being raised in a place where expression is everything, Alex has the ability to understand many forms of art and abstract information. He also prefers to find the light in what most would consider a bad situation.

    Alex's expresses himself by modifying and styling fire arms. He is almost a border line fanatic. Once having entire walls covered in weapons. However he is confused on whether or not the common people should have guns.

    He is struggling with his ideals right now.

    Alex has a deep appreciation for people who have strong beliefs, express themselves, show self control, and are honest.

    He likes to argue and debate subjects but will avoid them if they seem to be heading in the direction of a fight.

    ○ Likes:
    ● People who agree with him
    ● Guns
    ● Reading
    ● Toppling corrupt goverments
    ● Cawfee

    Artistic Expression

    ○ Dislikes:
    ● Goverments
    ● People who disagree with him
    ● Physical Exertion
    ● Impatience and Immaturity
    ● Sun Burns
    ● Liars



  • pj9b3FL.png
    History
    ○ History:


  • pj9b3FL.png
    Abilities
    ○ Skills & Talents:
    20/20 Vision | Is capable of seeing things clearly from far distances away.

    Charismatic | Has the abilty to draw and lead mobs of people

    Gun Fanatic | Alex loves guns and has a deep knowledge of mutiple variations of fire arms.

    Gun Tinker | Has the abilty to fix guns and modify them with the proper blue prints.


    ○ Combat Abilities:
    Base Style:
    ○ High Powered Rifle| A long distance weapon capable of shooting over one mile accurately.
    ○ Revolver| A much shorter ranged weapon but still powerful.
    ○ Basic hand to hand comabt| He has recived basic training for hand to hand comabt.


    Alex relies heavily on his weapons and is some what vulnerable to close range attacks.

    Combat Personality:
    Alex is not one to fight carelessly as he knows that he is weak. He uses his range and accuracy to his advantage. When in a conflict, Alex attempts to end the fight quickly to avoid as much blood shed as possible, he aims for leaders. Also prioritizes facilities over individual battles. He is very serious while in battle only stopping to make comments that would be beneficial. When it comes to killing his enemies he does not show mercy. He does his best to avoid harming innocence and is angered if they are killed on purpose.


    Equipment:
    Alex carries his ammo belt, rifle, and revolver. Prefers not to carry anything else.
 
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I am still working on it just wanted to show my progress so far. Been staring at is so long the words are running together lol.
Whenever I was thinking of this character, I jumped to this picture. Cause I love it's design. Sorry, I can't draw. ay lmao.

Thoughts
-Is the Discord open to everyone? Cause I would like to join it.
-I did not put a whole lot into personality because I feel a lot of it could change but tell me if I need to be more descriptive.
-I thought I figured out how to add image but it went back to just saying [.IMG.] so if you could tell me what I am doing wrong. plz and ty

And as always, please tell if you think anything else needs to be worked on.
 
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I am still working on it just wanted to show my progress so far. Been staring at is so long the words are running together lol.
Whenever I was thinking of this character, I jumped to this picture. Cause I love it's design. Sorry, I can't draw. ay lmao.

Thoughts
-Is the Discord open to everyone? Cause I would like to join it.
-I did not put a whole lot into personality because I feel a lot of it could change but tell me if I need to be more descriptive.
-I thought I figured out how to add image but it went back to just saying [.IMG.] so if you could tell me what I am doing wrong. plz and ty

And as always, please tell if you think anything else needs to be worked on.

Discord links are given out later today. o7
I'll go over the personality in a bit and give my thoughts. :)
You put images in like so:
*IMG] Remove the * to make it work.


On the first page under "History" it looks like MAGNA is at least 450+ years old. It may be older than that though ^_^

That's pretty much correct. MAGNA is an old institution. They have been in power and protected the people for a very long time now.
 
Welp, still working on my character, mostly because... well, because the idea is really ambitious and difficult to explain, and will almost certainly require clarification, so I might as well explain it now.

If you watched Split, the antagonist character has Dissociative Identity Disorder, resulting in his split into different personalities. I'm trying to write a character with a similar split, except her second personality has a spiritual origin as opposed to a psychologically traumatic one. For roleplay purposes this can be interpreted differently, but the character sheet will present it the way she perceives her second personality. The other characters should merely see my character as going through an abrupt personality change. Since I'm writing appearance, personality, and combat for both personalities, I'm essentially writing a character sheet and a half. Hence why it's taking so long.
 
I'm still working too. ^^ Well, I'm technically "done" with the character, but I'm still going over the history and seeing if I want to pare anything down. You know for mystery's sake. Or something. (Which is ridiculous given that my character hates secrecy.)
 
felix_character_concept_by_sketching101-dbiybsw.jpg


  • General:
    Name:
    Felix

    Epithet:
    Spectral Thief
    The Rook’s Lance

    Bounty:
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    1,000,000 Merits as the "Spectral Thief"
    -Theft of several priceless artifacts,
    -Assault on MAGNA agents,
    -Unauthorized use of Moirae Cards,

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    10,000,000 Merits as the "Lance"
    -Murder of several MAGNA officers,
    -Association with wanted rogues,
    -Unauthorized use of Moirae Cards,

    Role:
    Rigger

    Sex:
    Male

    Age:
    19

    Date of Birth:
    Unknown (4th of September)

    Height:
    1.86m

    Weight:
    75kg

    Home Island:
    Pesci Archipelago


  • pj9b3FL.png
    Appearance
    Physical Appearance:
    While he isn’t the largest man on the seas, it’s not difficult to see Felix’s past as a sailor. He’s quite well built and strong, but his muscles only become clear when he pushes himself to his limits. He has a diagonal scar below his right eye that extends up above his brow. Another, smaller scar crosses the first on his cheek. There are three small cuts right next to the large scar. He has long blond hair with poorly kept sideburns down to the bottoms of his ears and light hazel green eyes. The tattoo from the Moirae card is on his right ankle.

    Style:
    Felix doesn’t care too much about his looks, which becomes clear in his poorly kept, wrinkly clothes and unwashed smell of salt about him. He always wears his bandana with what seems to be a playing card pinned to the side of his forehead by a band. He wears a hood for any event when he might not want to be identified. He has a belt strapped across his right shoulder down to his left hip, running on his back and front. Just under his chest, two leather holsters are tied to the belt. He has a second belt around his hip on which he keeps his short swords. The biggest variation he demonstrates in his clothing is his footwear: When on a ship, he rarely wears his boots.


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    Personality
    Personality:
    To anyone seeing him for the first time, Felix can seem like a loner. He doesn’t naturally go out of his way to meet new people and isn’t too friendly looking. Talking to people aimlessly doesn’t come easy to him due to the limited relationships he had with people his age for a large portion of his life.

    Even if he is a bit of a loner due to these qualities, he would like nothing more than to make new friends and find a new family. He makes an effort to not be offputting. If someone starts a conversation, even if it’s about something that might make him uncomfortable, he does his best to participate. If he forms a bond with someone, he’s fiercely loyal, out of a fear of losing them. Although that side of him only appears when his loyalty is called upon.

    He doesn’t have any political ideologies that lead his actions. He doesn’t oppose MAGNA because he thinks they’re wrong. In the contrary, he appreciates the work they do especially since without them, there would be way more people who would have to suffer the same things he and his family had. He isn’t sided with them mostly because in the eyes of the state, he’s a felon who uses an illegal relic for personal gain.

    Felix has a difficult time with trust, despite his efforts to open up to people. Because of the time he spent with his captors in his youth, he approaches people with wariness. The misplaced love he had placed in the captain who’d taken him away from his family and the realization of his position made him rather distant in his later years. He hasn’t returned home either, not trusting that his parents could see him as a son after all he’d done.

    Likes:
    ●The smell of the sea
    ●The feel of the wind
    ●Card games
    ●Meat
    ●Drinking
    Dislikes:
    ●Small talk, but he tries to get used to it
    ●???
    ●???
    ●???


  • pj9b3FL.png
    History
    History:
    For most of his life, Felix has had a rather big family, if it could be called that. During his first years, his family lived a calm, modest life on Pesci. From what little he can remember of them, they were farmers near a small village. Life was difficult for people like them on the Pesci Archipelago. Rogues would come around annually for a protection tax, which would include more than half of their produces. The only protection these people needed was from the people stealing from them under the pretense of “protection”. On the fourth year after Felix was born, the farm couldn’t come up with enough produce to pay up, so the rogues decided to take something of similar value: a young slave.

    And so Felix’s life on the seas began, on the Breaking Dawn. He spent his early years as a cabin boy on a large ship. The captain, Albert Hume, was a charismatic, likeable man with a knack for charming people. He had a strange, card shaped tattoo on his face that bore a great resemblance to tattoos many of the other slaves had. Unlike most, these slaves didn’t hate their master. To them, he was a benevolent man who gave them a purpose to live. They weren’t too much older than Felix, but participated in combat quite often, as the vanguard in fact. They were capable of feats Felix could scarcely imagine. Any ship that found itself in the crosshairs of the Dawn wouldn’t survive to tell the tale of these monster children. Influenced by the people around him, Felix grew to idolize the man who separated him from his family years ago.

    Around the time Felix had reached the age of ten, the ship sent a landing party with Felix as the only one of the slaves to accompany the captain. They went in a cove where there was a small cave entrance, too small for any of the burly sailors to weasel through. Hume sent the young boy through to find what was supposed to be hidden down there armed with a knife, a torch, and instructions for what to do when he found what he should be looking for. When he got inside, he lit the torch they passed him through the hole, seeing a long way down some stairs going seemingly nowhere. He followed the ancient steps down, walking for a couple of minutes before reaching a large open space deep underground with a pedestal in the middle. He made his way down to the center to grab the worn out piece of paper standing up on the pedestal. He pulled out the knife and the words of the captain rung in his ears. Without thinking, he cut into his palm and let the blood out.

    The next thing he remembered was waking up outside the cave’s entrance with the entirety of the cave collapsed, lowering the height of the hills in the cove significantly. After that day, the first mate began teaching him how to handle knives and guns, while the oldest of the young slaves taught him how to seem harmless. It wasn’t so difficult as a child, as nobody expected someone like that to be dangerous.

    He worked under Hume for several years, the ability granted to him by his Moirae card earning him the moniker “Rook’s Lance”. As time passed, he grew to hate Hume, but could never do anything about it. When he was in the man’s presence, he always felt as though he could never do anything to that man. He seemed out of reach. He couldn’t leave because of whatever that man had about him. He couldn’t muster up the courage. Thankfully, he didn’t have to. They usually avoided MAGNA ships, but one day around the time he turned 15, a MAGNA ship gave them great trouble. A cannonball hit the mast he was on, sending him flying into the sea. He tried to make his way back to the ship, but he lost his way in the stormy waters, unable to find the right direction. He found himself washed up on an island the next time he woke up, all alone.

    He spent the following years as a thief, trying to make some good coin by stealing valuables from the homes of the rich and selling them off.


  • pj9b3FL.png
    Abilities
    Skills & Talents:
    Wind Telltales
    Over the years, Felix has grown quite adept at telling the properties of the wind, capable of noticing aspects and movement of the wind through intuition. By watching the sea, he can tell where specifically there are torrents of wind. By the nature of the wind, he can tell its direction, and from its direction and strength, he can notice when it’s about to change directions.

    Balance
    Due to the nature of his job on ships, he has grown used to having to find his balance even in the rockiest of situations. While he doesn’t have the gymnastics training to do flips on a pole, he can walk on it in a storm and work the sails.

    Cooking
    It’s fair to say that Felix is the very definition of a natural cook. He has a sensitive tongue and nose that helps him pick out good ingredients and has the intuition to make proper seasoning and cook whatever he’s making just right.

    Combat Abilities:
    Base Style:
    Felix mixes the abilities granted by his card with the fighting style used by the slaves of the Breaking Dawn. It’s a fighting style that depends on agility and use of weaponry to quickly mow down numerous enemies in skirmishes. He uses the mobility granted to him by his card to rapidly move from enemy to enemy even if he can’t lock down the kill. If he’s fighting a single opponent, he uses his ability to get to blind spots or high grounds.

    Card Name:
    The Dove

    Card Overview:
    The card has a blue dove drawn on it. It symbolizes the freedom granted by the ability, likening it to that of a dove. Felix is only capable of transporting himself from one spot to another, with a distance cap of 15 meters. He does this by using the simplest technique afforded to him by the card: moving freely without obstruction of matter or time for a maximum of 15 meters, making it seem like he’s teleporting.

    Combat Personality:
    When fighting, Felix is dispassionate and calm, always trying to avoid getting hot-headed. He calculates his moves in his mind: from where he’ll attack, where he’ll move on, how he’ll retreat if an unexpected element shows up… He doesn’t like fighting, but he doesn’t dislike it either. He’s simply impartial to it. If it must be done, he will.

    Equipment:
    Felix carries two curved short swords and two flintlock pistols that have no particularities.



Drawing by yours truly :D
I've extended the personality section and changed the name and potential of the card. I hope it's good ^^'
 
So, is Felix teleporting or stopping time? If he were stopping time then that would be too OP.


Since I already posted, I was refining my history page and I noticed that I was just kinda assuming what MAGNA was, I was kinda relating them to the nazis lol.

So is MAGNA a bad institution? Or do they just really hate pirates and people who would question their authority?
 
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I've extended the personality section and changed the name and potential of the card. I hope it's good ^^'

The personality section is still a little lacking, I'm afraid. Just to avoid any misunderstanding: I'm not saying fluff up your personality. I don't want more words, or anything. If you can say what you want to say in few words, then that's a great skill to have. But content-wise, it's still a bit empty. His personality section so far is mostly that he doesn't feel strong about MAGNA, and that he has difficulties with relationships. But surely there's more to him as a person? What are his thoughts? Does he have a strong/poor sense of humor? Does he not have any opinions on stuff other than MAGNA? You know what I mean? I'm just trying to give examples to stir the creative juices. Basically, I know about him that he has issues with people, and that he's a bit of a loner because of that. I also know his stance on justice and the law. And then I know that he has the potential to be really loyal. Those are all fine points, and I don't think he's bad or anything, really. The writing is fine, too. I just feel he's not quite a full person yet, if that makes sense?

As for his ability section, that one definitely could use a little more work. The fighting style of the slaves is still not explained, really. Most fighting styles incorporate speed to some degree, and in a fight, most people aim to mow down the enemy. But how? What are the characteristics of that fighting style? Is it punch or kick based? Is it based on evasion or strength? How does he incorporate his powers and weapons? What makes it a unique fighting style?

His Moirae Card is also pretty barren so far. What is his actual ability? Teleportation? Is that all, or is that the only skill he can currently do due to the actual power? And, out of curiosity, what song is it based on?
 
So, is Felix teleporting or stopping time? If he were stopping time then that would be too OP.


Since I already posted, I was refining my history page and I noticed that I was just kinda assuming what MAGNA was, I was kinda relating them to the nazis lol.

So is MAGNA a bad institution? Or do they just really hate pirates and people who would question their authority?
It's basically teleportation, I just wanted to explain the mechanics of how.

From what I understand, MAGNA is simply a government trying to maintain order where pirates pillage, steal and do all sorts of unspeakable things. I'm not sure if it's right to liken them to nazis...
 
Since I already posted, I was refining my history page and I noticed that I was just kinda assuming what MAGNA was, I was kinda relating them to the nazis lol.

So is MAGNA a bad institution? Or do they just really hate pirates and people who would question their authority?

Okay, so, I definitely like the bio more now. It feels much more organic, and I quite like the story. Though there is one thing, and I assume this relates to the MAGNA question: Why would MAGNA oppress the island's artistic activities? They wouldn't really do that, since there isn't any reason to. The only reason to oppress an island would be to make sure Rogues can't settle down there, because they are known revolutionaries, because they openly revolt against MAGNA, or something of that sort. You'd have to find a reason as to why they crack down on the citizens like that. For example, are the people of Jabber Jack known to channel their artistic freedom into a sort of rebellious mood? Would they be likely to go against MAGNA, even if left alone by MAGNA? If yes, then perhaps MAGNA would intervene and prematurely just try to establish a strict order. If not, then you'd have to look into different ideas.

MAGNA is the government. Think about your own government. Are they always good? Always bad? Do you hate them? Would you understand why they'd fight and search and imprison criminals, even if they may be petty criminals? This probably varies depending on your country, but MAGNA is just that: A governing body with absolute power. Most people like them. Most people are protected by them. But they're far from flawless. They're an all-or-nothing type of institution. If you're no ally, you're an enemy. And enemies get eliminated.
 
The personality section is still a little lacking, I'm afraid. Just to avoid any misunderstanding: I'm not saying fluff up your personality. I don't want more words, or anything. If you can say what you want to say in few words, then that's a great skill to have. But content-wise, it's still a bit empty. His personality section so far is mostly that he doesn't feel strong about MAGNA, and that he has difficulties with relationships. But surely there's more to him as a person? What are his thoughts? Does he have a strong/poor sense of humor? Does he not have any opinions on stuff other than MAGNA? You know what I mean? I'm just trying to give examples to stir the creative juices. Basically, I know about him that he has issues with people, and that he's a bit of a loner because of that. I also know his stance on justice and the law. And then I know that he has the potential to be really loyal. Those are all fine points, and I don't think he's bad or anything, really. The writing is fine, too. I just feel he's not quite a full person yet, if that makes sense?

As for his ability section, that one definitely could use a little more work. The fighting style of the slaves is still not explained, really. Most fighting styles incorporate speed to some degree, and in a fight, most people aim to mow down the enemy. But how? What are the characteristics of that fighting style? Is it punch or kick based? Is it based on evasion or strength? How does he incorporate his powers and weapons? What makes it a unique fighting style?

His Moirae Card is also pretty barren so far. What is his actual ability? Teleportation? Is that all, or is that the only skill he can currently do due to the actual power? And, out of curiosity, what song is it based on?

I understand what you mean, and I'll try to expand more. I'm not very good at writing about the personality, since it's so much more abstract than the backstory of a character, but I'll do my best.

I'll clarify the skill and fighting style more too, but I couldn't really find a song to fit the ability. I could look into it more and see if I can find something, though.
 
I understand what you mean, and I'll try to expand more. I'm not very good at writing about the personality, since it's so much more abstract than the backstory of a character, but I'll do my best.

I'll clarify the skill and fighting style more too, but I couldn't really find a song to fit the ability. I could look into it more and see if I can find something, though.

It doesn't have to fit it, it's just a rule for the names. ;)
 
I fixed those things up, at least I think I got all the spots, but its kinda hard to do on my phone. If I missed something just tell me and I'll get to it ASAP.

I added a bit on that mission when they got the cards, hopefully that's acceptable as I don't want to give out too much detail.

As for the sadistic thing, well I wanted to have a bad guy who actually is a bad guy. I didn't put anything about it in the personality as I thought it would be repetitive, nor in history as I hoped to reveal the roots of this problem through the RP. But anyway, I tonned it down a lot, since I don't want to completely remove it. I hope that's okay, but if it's a total no-go then I'll remove even that.

Lastly, is the picture okay? Or should I get rid of it, too?