Anchor (lxngdon and MaryGoldRound)

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Lucas swallowed hard furrowed his brows at the mention of Ryan and his hickeys on Claudia. It was an uncomfortable fact to know, and irritating as well. But that wasn't what truly upset him.

Nor was it the fact that Brogen hated him, no, he was used to being persecuted. It was because he has to attack Claudia in the midst of it, and rile her up to the point that was about to squeeze his hand off. That set him off enough to say something.

"You know what, Brogen? Fuck you. And I'm sorry about Tate, but fuck him too." His tone was low, but dangerous nonetheless."He was an ass, and you're being one."

Lucas stood up from his seat, pulling his girlfriend up with him, ready to leave the table.

"And he's still alive and healthy, isn't he? Not all of our brothers have that going for them."
 
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Claudia blinked. She rarely heard Lucas openly talk about his brother without being prompted or taunted beforehand, and it was a surprise to hear those words come out of his mouth. It also made her incredibly sad.

Brogen closed his mouth, whatever he was going to say dying before it could escape his lips. Claudia sat back down and pulled Lucas down beside her.

Quentin spoke for the first time. "He was an ass," he said to Brogen with the smallest of chuckles.

Brogen half-smiled, too. "Yeah. I guess so."

"And you know that Dad would have sent him to military school eventually. He got in other fights. This one just sent him over the edge because it involved Claudia."

Brogen sighed, looking up at Lucas. "Look, I don't hate you. I hate that my brother has been sent away and my sister's left her hickeys all over you. Just ... fuck, I don't know. Know that I know that Tate probably deserves whatever he got from you, but I'm still going to beat your ass if I see one hickey on my sister."​
 
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Lucas softened considerably, including his expression. His defensiveness was replaced with slight embarrassment for his bruised neck and, unconsciously, brought his hand up to cover the spot. "Did you do the same with Ryan?" He raised an eyebrow at Brogen.

He didn't care that much, but it was annoying to hear Claudia's ex mentioned about hickies twice in one day. It wasn't like he wanted to hear about anything sexually related between the two of them. Especially when he and Lucas were so different in contrast. For one thing, Ryan didn't have practically the entire school on his back.

"Also it wasn't like I asked for this mark. So, yeah..."
 
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Claudia bit her lip. "Well, actually, Tate beat up Ryan," she admitted, twirling her pasta around on her fork absently. Her eyes strayed over to where her ex was seated at Crystal's table.

"Well, I fucking would have," said Brogen bitterly. "Shit, even Quentin would have, but Tate was the one to walk in on him fu --"

Claudia kicked her twin, hard, under the table, looking at him with an appalled expression on her face. Was Brogen really going to bring that up in front of Lucas, a week after he had wrecked their older brother?

"Jesus on a fucking tricycle, Claudia, that was hard," groaned Brogen, reaching down to rub the knee she had assaulted.

"Finish that sentence, Brogen, I fucking dare you," snarled Claudia. Quentin looked at her, alarmed at how angry she was.

She had a right to be angry. She had a right to be mad with her twin, for bringing up a forced sexual encounter between her and her ex-boyfriend.

Well, not forced. Persuaded was a better word.​
 
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Lucas made a decision not to comment on it after connecting the dots wth ease. Even so, he lost his appetite. Then again he never had one, but his stomach churned just a little anyway. He hated Ryan, and he hadn't interacted wth him truly yet. Knowing that he had been wth Claudia and apart of Crystal's friend group was more than enough reason for him.

He squeezed her hand underneath the table gently as he brushed his thumb against the back of her hand. It was an endeavor to give her some kind of solace and hopefully cool her flames.

"So, anything important I've missed while away or way or just the usual?" He questioned steadily.​
 
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"Mostly the same," said Quentin with a tiny shrug. "Everyone's just a lot angrier. But not specifically at you."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is," said Quentin. "Crystal's angry at Claudia, the football players are angry at Claudia, the cheerleaders are angry at Claudia. Really, everyone thinks this is Claudia's fault."

Claudia rolled her eyes. "Ah, yes, because I have a switch that controls Lucas and this is all a part of my malevolent plan to send my own brother to Alaska. Makes perfect sense."

"Actually, I heard someone say that."

"People are dickheads."

Claudia didn't care about rumours -- as long as she had Lucas, she was fine. She didn't need the approval of other people. Claudia rubbed his knee and kissed him on the cheek to console him, because she knew he would be blaming himself for everyone blaming her. "This isn't your fault," she murmured to him.​
 
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"I'm not sure that it isn't." Lucas muttered from underneath his breath. Things would have been more favorable if everyone would have stuck to only blaming and hating on him. He was the one that adapted to it. And though she may not have cared, she still would never deserve any mistreatment.

The again, the mindsets of most of the other students were absurd and - or usually followed whatever someone else, like Crystal and her possy, said.

"Yeah, so, basically, the same typical routine with an extra dose of salt?" He snorted.
 
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"Yeah, pretty much," said Quentin with a small shrug. "Oh, and, Lucas? Really, this isn't your fault. Claudia basically dug her own grave by casually mentioning to the entire parking lot the location of Crystal's father."

Claudia blushed and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "She was ragging on Brogen."

"Oh, I know. And I love that you did it, it was hilarious."

"What's he even in prison for?" Brogen asked, stealing a glance at Crystal.

"He beat the shit out of her mom for like, years, and killed their baby before it was born because of it," said Claudia, and she felt sick saying it. It was sad. She pushed her plate away. "So manslaughter or something like that."

Silence. Brogen and Quentin pushed their food away in unison.

"Well, that's the fucking saddest thing I've heard in a while," noted Quentin. "Now I feel like you're a shitty person."

"I didn't say why he was in prison." But Claudia agreed with Quentin. She was a shitty person.​
 
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"It was a pretty shitty thing to do." Lucas admitted truthfully. However, he made sure to clarify his full opinion because he knew what she was thinking. It had been on her mind the day she said it too. "But it does not make you a shitty person. It was a mistake."

"It is really fucking horrible." He exhaled with a look of distaste.

After knowing that, he pitied the girl, more than he thought it was possible. She was his and his beloved's tormentor. And though he didn't fully comprehend it all, he could partially see why she was the way she was.

"And it still doesn't give her the right to do what she does..."
 
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Claudia rubbed her forehead as if she wanted to erase the memories of what she had done to Crystal. She hated what she had done, but she hated Crystal more, so she didn't fully regret it.

Claudia knew that made her a bad person. She chose to ignore that.

The bell rang, but she didn't move. "Quentin," she said, "is Mom home tonight?"

"No. She's gone down to New York to see Auntie Georgie."

"Cool. Lucas, you're coming over for dinner."

Before Lucas -- or Brogen -- could say anything, Crystal and her friends walked behind Claudia and her boyfriend. She didn't think anything of it, until one of Crystal's mindless clones opened a plastic bag and dumped a disgusting mix of flour, orange juice and eggs on their heads.

The entire cafeteria froze. Claudia stiffened, too, moving only to wipe the mess out of her eyes.

"Oh, sorry, Claudia," said Crystal in a sickeningly innocent voice that was loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear. "I thought you'd need something to eat. Oh, wait, are you still telling people you're not bulimic?"

Claudia wasn't bulimic.

But she had been, and Crystal knew that.​
 
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Lucas grimaced. The sudden turn of events soured his uplifting spirits. Surprising it was not, yet it did not change how upsetting it was.

He was tired of Crystal. And he was tired of her bullshit. Most of all he was tired of her ragging on Claudia and that he had yet to say nor do anything about it - like she had done for him countless times.

Seriously? Bulimic? Lucas had no idea if that was a lie or not. Regardless, it was not something you go around accusing someone of it.

He calmly rose from his seat and exhaled through his nose before turning to face the girl. Assaulting her was not an option, it never would be. And another suspension wasn't what he needed anway.

Reaching to his head, he wiped out a glop of the gook, or whatever it was, onto his hand. He looked at the repulsive mix before flicking it into her face."Maybe if you coat your face in this shit you'll look prettier. Well, no that's not true, but at the most, you'll be more bearable to look at."
He finished, wiping the remnants from his hand on her shirt.

"Come on, let's go clean up." He turned back to Claudia grabbing his things and taking her hand.
 
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The room was silent as Lucas stood up. Everyone was on alert, as if they expected Lucas to break down and beat the shit out of Crystal like he had Tate. When Lucas spoke, there was a chorus of, "OOOOOOOOOH!" from the entire student body, and Claudia looked around to see people smiling.

Happy, that someone was standing up to Crystal.

Claudia grabbed her own bag and turned around to see Crystal staring at Lucas, agape and looking absolutely horrified. "Oh, sorry, was that not the fucking reaction you expected?" Claudia snapped at her.

She was tired. She was tired of Crystal and her bullshit.

Claudia stepped back and bowed, causing all the mixture in her hair to fly off and land on Crystal's face and clothes. The students have another shout of approval and Crystal squealed.

"Forgive me, Your Majesty," Claudia snarled, before grabbing Lucas's hand and pulling him out.

She didn't stop, say or do anything until they had reached the unisex bathroom and Claudia had locked the door. She reached into her bag, pulled out her travel-sized shampoo and conditioner and pulled off her shirt, leaving her in her camisole. She leaned over the sink and scrubbed the crap out of her hair with the shampoo as she cried.

Her brothers hadn't even known about her eating disorder. Now everyone knew, including Lucas.​
 
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"Claudia..." Lucas began softly.

He hated to see her cry. He hated for her to be this upset and sad. The boy didn't care what Crystal had said or anybody else either. Whether it was a negative or a positive. All he cared about was Claudia and her happiness. He'd so anything to see her smile.

Truth be told, he was unsure if he was the best at consoling others. But he'd always be solace for her whenever she needed it. Primarily now.

"It's alright." He placed a hand on her back and rubbed small circles into it.
 
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"It's not alright," whispered Claudia.

She got all the stuff out of her hair and off her neck and chest, leaving her mostly clean, and she stood up as she looked at her distraught reflection in the mirror and Lucas standing behind her, always there for her. Lucas, who she didn't deserve and never would deserve. Lucas, who she loved more than anything.

She turned around and cast her eyes down, unable to look at him. "I guess I deserve it. I spilled her darkest secret, so she spilled mine."

She was aware she had just confirmed what Crystal had said about her. Ashamed, Claudia looked away, found a hairbrush in her bag and ran it through her hair before putting it up in a ponytail. She took her sweater out of her bag and put it on over her camisole.

"Sit at the sink, I'll wash your hair out for you."​
 
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"Claudia, it's nothing to be ashamed of," Lucas stated clearly. He did as she said and sat the sink, dropping his bag on the floor next to the door.

"These type of things, we can't help them. I'm fucking schizo." He shrugged a shoulder as if it wasn't a big deal."And even before that, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome at age three. So, I was basically a weirdo before I went crazy."

It wasn't necessarily a secret, but it was something he hadn't told her. He didn't want her to think and feel so vulnerable and ashamed. Because, like he said, it wasn't something she could completely help and he would never think differently of her for it. He'd even show her his own sensitive spots to prove it.

"And when the visions or voices or whatever thoughts and pain became too much, I just...I cut myself."

Hesitantly, he pulled his shirt off over his head. There was a reason he only wore long sleeves. From his wrist to all down his forearm where lined with horizontal scars from s cutting, on both arms. To be honest, somewhere recent and still healing.

But he would have had to tell her at some point.
 
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Claudia had been facing the wall as she picked hairs out of her brush, but at the mention of Lucas cutting himself, she turned around in alarm and looked at him. Her eyes moved his forearms, which were lined with cuts, some white and some red and scabby. Meaning he had only done them recently.

Slowly, Claudia walked over to him, an impassive expression on her face to hide the total, gut-wrenching agony she felt inside. She took his right hand gently in her own and ran her thumb down his forearm -- carefully, barely brushing him as if she was afraid she would re-open all of the wounds if she touched him too hard.

Without speaking, or hesitating, Claudia leaned over and kissed his wrist, then all the way up his forearm until she reached the inside of his elbow. Then she kissed his shoulder, and his neck and finally his lips. She teared up again as she pulled away and slowly, with shaky hands, pulled up her sweater and cami to reveal her entire stomach.

Claudia had an array of cuts on her stomach, ranging in different directions and lengths and depths, but they were all healed. She had been applying scar cream every day for the last year and some of them had disappeared completely, but it was obvious she had hurt herself before.

"Y - you showed me yours, it's only fair I show you mine."​
 
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Lucas wasn't expecting to see the scars that were wildly scattered all over her abdomen.

In that moment, he had forgotten how to breath. He was shocked. Genuinely shocked.

Claudia Lightwood, the girl he was hopelessly in love with, who was always so cool, sophiscated, and vibrant...Had been suffering. She had been in so much pain that she had resorted to...his eyes stuck to her stomach, never blinking, not even once.

Scars, wounds, blood, it never affected him. It couldn't affect him. He had seen it so much in his hallucinations and nightmares and violent words and thoughts always creeping into his head. Lucas himself had evidently done great harm to himself on many, many occasions. To the point it had become normal occurrence in his life. Better physical pain than the mental and emotional pain.

But his heart broke after seeing Claudia's marks, her blemishes. It was impossible for him to not be affected by it. To know that the girl he loved had been hurting so much. His heart rendered and his stomach twisted.

Lucas was at a loss for words. He knew no words in the English vocabulary that would comfort her in some way or another. No words had comforted him when it came to those ugly scars of his.

"It must have hurt." He whispered softly, so delicately, as if speaking itself would cause her any pain. And he wasn't just referring to her previous injuries, but the reason they were put there too.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he hesitantly, and carefully, ran his his fingers down her exposed belly, tracing the lines so lightly that it could only be felt as a tickle. He knew that they were healed, but it didn't stop him from treating them as if they were still in the process of recovering.

He put his hands on either side of her waist and moved his gaze into her eyes. His expression was unsmiling and his eyes intensely serious. Still, he could find no words to address the old wounds, but...

"I love you. And you are the most beautiful, extraordinary, intelligent and lovely person on this whole planet." And he meant every word. His tone no longer soft, but firm and sure. "I love you so much. Without pause, without doubt. And when I think it's not possible to love you anymore than I do, you prove me wrong. Every. Day."
 
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As Lucas touched her stomach, Claudia was taken back to the day she had first made love to Ryan. When she had thought he had loved her. He had kissed her and her scabbed scars and told her she was beautiful.

She hadn't believed him. Claudia had never believed she was beautiful.

But now ... Lucas, with his own scars and his stunning eyes and serious tone, was telling her that she was beautiful and that he loved her.

She still didn't think that she was beautiful. How could she, with her scars and her bitchy personality and her toxic mindset?

But she believed that he loved her.

She dropped her shirt to hide the scars and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hiding her face in the crook of his neck as the tears began to fall again, dropping on his pale skin.

"You're so beautiful," she choked. "You're such a beautiful person. I love you so, so fucking much. I don't care what anyone says, what Crystal or fucking anyone else says about you. You're the most beautiful, perfect, amazing person in the universe and I could live a thousand years and never deserve your love."

Claudia wasn't bulimic anymore and she didn't cut herself anymore, but she still hated herself. She had always hated herself, but now, knowing she couldn't save Lucas from the rest of the world who didn't realise how beautiful he was, she hated herself more.

She sniffled and pulled away. "Lean over the sink, I'll do your hair now ..." she murmured, brushing her tears away with the back of her hand.​
 
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Swallowing down hard once more and nodded. "Alright," He complied with her wishes after squeezing her waist gently and kissing her forehead tenderly.

There was more he wanted to say. Just about anything that would comfort her, because somehow, he felt that he failed to do so. And he still couldn't think of anything good enough to say. Words failed him as well as everything else did.

So, he put his head in the sink and allowed her to scrub his hair clean with her shampoo and conditioner, while he remained silent. Barely breathing, he closed his eyes, trying not to see her old wound marks in his head. And he epically found at that as well.

No doubt, he'd have to ask her. Later when they were no longer within school was. And preferably in her bedroom where they talked about many other things. Whether it was silly or not.

"Thank you." He was referring to more than her washing his hair and her previous speaxh to him. But he didn't elaborate either.
 
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Claudia didn't speak as she combed through Lucas's hair with her fingers, washing out the disgusting mess and then treating it with her shampoo and conditioner. She only spoke when she had finished and he looked blond again.

"You don't need to thank me," she whispered, turning off the taps and handing him back his shirt.

Claudia was rather distant for the rest of the day. She was visibly distraught, tears escaping from her eyes every hour or so, but she hid them and ignored the whispers she was receiving from students who had witnessed the debacle in the cafeteria.

Brogen and Quentin didn't say anything when Claudia brought Lucas to their car and sat in the back seat with him, curled up against him as she closed her eyes.

Her parents were away for the next couple of weeks so there was no worries about Lucas coming over. Claudia held onto his hand and politely declined her brothers' offers for snacks. She couldn't eat anything. She felt sick.

She lead Lucas up to her bedroom and laid down on the bed with him, her head resting on his chest as she shakily inhaled.​
 
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