@Zombehs Yeah, Araki is daijoubu.
@Click This Oh boy, she wants immortality now? Talze Utera's lands have been merged into everyone else's lands, and the black miasma is basically gone. And, to confirm, she got into magic AFTER she graduated? Or before?
In regards to Aegis, this is a normal steel shield? Or is this a Talentium shield specifically for shield-bearing tank-knights? The latter is pretty stronk, but the former is literally useless. Can Areaward and Manaward be detected via magic sensing? Or do they have countermeasures against it?
@Warm Regret Just so you know, slaves don't can't buy freedom. If you're a slave in Illiserev, your master is generally going to be a capitalist who wants all da money for himself, so, you know, it's sorta normal not to have any money or any hope of being freed eventually. Also, STDs are still a thing in this fantasy world. If you feel like being a sado-masochist, might want to give Tulian one.
Chances are that, for Miasma, people aren't going to get a whiff and become temporarily blinded unless you throw it in their eyes.
The effects of Savage Heart will be resistible.
Scale Artes will probably be gravity magic.
Perfect Harmony will be splitting his offensive power between the two Tulians as well.
Everything else is fine.
@Reanimator Bob Crystalla age quickly in the beginning, before slowing down as they reach adulthood, and then basically stop after that. So if Ralfy didn't do anything to her Allis, it's going to be fairly prominent. So at the age of 23, she would have already been an adult Crystalla.
> able to fling this across
what is 'this'?
And Telekinesis is fairly complicated, really, but I guess I'll mark it off as 'hurr durr natural'.
During those six years, did Ralfy just stay in the same place? Not meet anyone else? Did the father just die? How do you even become a brute force brawler if you don't have anyone to fight seriously? XD
If she went into a village with those big ass crystals sprouting from her back, said villagers would probably also be in fear, and generally run off at the fact that a citizen of Talze Utera had come back into society for vengeance and all that. Chances are, her appearance would just mean that Astopolian knights and a variety of bounty hunters will be hunting for her again, to kill da monster and all that.
So yeah, the last paragraph of your biography needs to be worked on.
Your Force is not simple. You have the ability to move any object, with any degree of force. That's a REALLY open-ended spell to learn, meaning that there's a metric ton of modifiers that you have to place over the base incantation. With Talentium, it becomes easier, but Telekinesis is a hell of an 'academic' magic.
Everything else should be fine though.