He hated this place.
He hated these woods.
He hated those weirdass elf thingies and made sure to punt one of them in passing because he could. He hated the fact Melodic Cudgel had gone missing and he hated that his only company at the moment was Replacement Goldfish Neo and his Shoulder.
.... Its complicated.
Regardless, suffice it to say that for the thief and con artist slogging doggedly in the direction of the Mystery Shack from the woods, today would rank as one of his lowest points.
At least he still had his cigars and taking out a fresh one, he snipped it and pulled a lighter from his suit jacket. A few puffs later and he felt more human as he took a break on a log. Seeing an opportunity, Neo the Catsune left his shoulders, claiming the thiefs lap as she curled up. For her at least, all was right with the world.
The same could not be said for Roman Torchwick.
The smell of rich cigar smoke filled the air, Roman peering at his surroundings with a clinical air. Sunshine, trees, birds singing- Mother Nature in her glorious ways had saw fit to bestow her bountiful gifts on this place in particular.
For two lien, he'd burn it all to the ground.
As to the reason for Roman's bad mood, you'd have to take a few hours back.... Give or take.
(An hour or three back)
Waking groggily from his little bout of unconsciousness, Roman groaned aloud. One hand groping for Melodic Cudgel, the other would be seeking out something else- Aha.
And with a muffled curse under his breath he realized he lost his hat, the bowler cap as much a part of him as anything else of the image he so carefully cultivated. Classily dressed in a white tailored jacket and black slacks, Roman gave off the impression of a dandy. Someone used to wandering among the richer circles, with a smile on his face and a keen sense for the finer things in life. This was broadly true.
That his job happened to involve taking such things as his own, regardless of any la-dee-da concepts such as 'original ownership' was of trivial note.
Call him thief, call him liar- Call him enemy or friend, it didn't matter. He'd take your money either way, as well as anything else not nailed down. And maybe even those too. There had to be a market for secondhand nails somewhere. If anyone would know? It was him. Roman Torchwick had arrived.
Now where the hell was his hat?! Or his cane for that matter?
A sudden purring near his feet caused him to look down, the thief blinking in consternation as he mouthed aloud.
"What the fu-?"
It was holding his hat in his jaws and looking up at him like he was holding catnip. Irritably, Roman kneeled and tugged his hat out of the....Things jaws, jamming it on his head as he eyed the creature.
"Thanks. Now beat it, before I decide I want a muffler."
He rose and moved off the opposite direction to scout around, only to pause as he looked down and realized it was purring and curling around his legs.
"....."
Roman aimed a kick, but all it did was nimbly dodge before moving back in again. If anything, its purrs were suddenly louder.
"Do I look like your mother?! Beat it!"
He didn't have time to play Snow White and he stomped away to explore the surrounding area. For the next hour or so, he was immersed in cat hell. Every branch at eye-height held the cat, purring as it looked at him like he was all that and a bag of chips. An investigation by a stream almost had him knocked over as it leaped for his back and purred like a thunderstorm. He almost strangled it then and there, but it would always vanish before he could lay his hands on it. Finally, he had enough. He didn't need his cane to deal with some flea-bitten furball and he stormed his way into the clearing, champing at the bit as he looked around and bellowed.
"COME AND GET IT, YOU LITTLE SHIT! I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO HAMBURGER! YOU'RE GONNA END UP ON THE GRILL, MEDIUM RARE! AND THEN I'M GOING TO-"
He turned and bumped into something. It smelt like an odd mix of old spice and leather and moving his hand, Roman was greeting by a rumbling noise.
"That's my nipple."
Wha? Roman took a step back and looked up...And up.
It was a face combining the features of human and bull. All stacked upon a body that appeared to follow the same exercise plan as the Incredible Hulk and radiated an air that reminded Roman intensely of the jerk jocks back in high school. A feeling that would only intensify as the thing cracked its knuckles.
"Hamburger, eh? Medium rare, on the grill? Is that a crack at my race? Sir?"
Roman evaluated just how much he was screwed without his usual tools and flashed his most charming smile.
"I don't suppose you'd believe that I was actually talking about the...Gentleman with the horns over there."
He pointed to a place behind him. Turning around in confusion, the Manatour saw nothing.
Which coincidentally, was exactly what he saw when he looked back.
------
The forest erupted with the noise of the damned and the one doing the damning.
On the one hand, Roman Torchwick who was currently running with one hand keeping his hat in place, leaping over logs and using thick tree emplacements to slow down his pursuer.
And on the other, the Manatour who simply smashed his way through them all with a savage roar as words could be made out through the splintering of tree trunks as he bashed his way ever closer to the thief.
"YOUR BRAIN MAGIC WILL NOT WORK TWICE ON ME!"
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
As Roman ran, the first thing he thought was 'whatever did I do to deserve this?' What followed after was an evaluation of his life choices and how he didn't expect to die by Steroid Poster Bull, on a world he didn't even know the name of. He couldn't even fight back, his usual tools gone. And in his pathway, he suddenly saw it again. The pink cat...Thing, looking at him oddly. For whatever reason, Roman snatched it on the run as he yelled.
"GET OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT, HE'S GONE CRAZY!"
The cat merely purred, unsure what the nice human was yelling about but it was holding her now! And rubbing her cheek against his own, it blinked as the human came to a stop.
Roman cursed with the vocabulary of a thief, stomping his foot as he roared to the heavens.
"WHO PUTS A CHASM RIGHT THERE?!"
This looked like the end....And he turned around, a sinking feeling descending into his gut as the Manatour appeared and cracked his knuckles. That would have been the end of Torchwick, had he not been thinking ever to the end how to get out of this. And so, his fate was sealed as he threw the Cat at the Manatours face, yelling aloud.
"GET HIM!"
The catsune's eyes flashed and in midair, it transformed.
And instead of maybe a few pounds of angry cat, the Manatour was met with several tons of angry T-Rex as it roared and slammed into him with the same speed that Roman flung it.
Roman blinked.
And stared.
And as he watched the fight, his hands automatically reached for a cigar, cutting it and lighting up the end with his lighter.
By the end of it, the Cat trotted back and looked up expectantly. Roman automatically knelt and began to pet its ears, finally chuckling as it purred.
"Not bad. You're persistent too. Maybe we can work this out. Hmmm..."
He checked briefly and nodded. Girl names....Hmmm....
Mischievous.
Persistent.
Deadly.
There was only one name for her and he laughed, wondering what her namesake would think. And indicating his shoulder, Roman would coax her on as he grinned.
"C'mon Neo. We got folk to swindle."
And as she curled up around his neck and Roman hiked back, he grinned even wider.
Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
He was wrong. (-_-)
The door to the Mystery Shack was open, Roman framed in the entrance as he took note of the various weirdos.
And promptly closed the door.
Nope.
Not even once. He could always hitch hike.
"C'mon Neo, lets go-Neo?"
------
Be very afraid Roman Torchwick for your ensuing sanity.
Neo made friends with Mabel, purring up a storm as she coiled around her legs.
@Hospes @Mystery Shack @Blech, mobile so annoying.
