Kiss With a Fist

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Levi bit his lip as Emil started to grind their cocks together, something he hadn't really experienced since he was a teenager, but found incredibly hot right now. When his brother's hand wrapped around both of them was when he really started to lose it; he moaned hotly when he grabbed his hair and kissed him, and didn't even care that his lip were going to look comically swollen after this. He'd wear it like a trophy.

He wrapped his arms around Emil's shoulders, fingers digging into his skin as he grew closer. When Emil said he was close, Levi almost whimpered. "Come with me," he choked out, barely managing the words before he was cumming hard and fast between their stomachs, his wanton moans muffled by Emil's mouth as he kissed him impassionately. He didn't think he could have such an intense orgasm without being fucked, but it was incredible, and he was sure it was because it was with his brother, who was finally telling him he loved him, over and over.
 
Emil does as instructed, cumming almost immediately after those words finished slipping from his brother's mouth, groaning out quietly from the high of his climax. Their cum mixes on their stomachs, still keeping their chests held together. He didn't want to do such a stupid thing such as grinding, but he really needed to finish and that seemed the quickest way. He moves his hand from their now flacid cocks, wrapping an arm around his brother gently. "Mm...sorry about that last part...I just needed you to want to come with me.. It'd be embarrassing if I came first... Haha..." He rolls next to his brother, pulling him close. "This was a bad idea...while we were both hurt..." Luckily neither of them had seemed to hit any sensitive areas, or at least they hadn't noticed because they were distracted by each other. He stands up, "I'll...be back in a second."

He leaves his bedroom, shuffling to the bathroom, usually to clean up you'd just get some tissues or something, but right now he preferred a warm cloth. Finding a small wash cloth, he uses the sink to run warm water, then returning to his bedroom. Emil crawls back on the bed, leaning over Levi and cleaning up their mess. He cleans himself afterward, setting the cloth on his bedside table, not minding that the water might damage his table. He kisses Levi's jaw gently, closing his eyes. He pulls his brother close again and whispers something incoherent to him.
 
Levi felt euphoric, and was having trouble really believing that this was happening, even if he and Emil had already had sex once. That was when his brother was drunk; this was when he was sober, which meant that he really wanted him. He would have been content to lay here with him forever, a panting, sweaty, sticky mess. "S'okay... felt nice," he said when Emil apologized, catching his breath. At the comment about it being embarrassing if he came first, Levi puffed out a breath of air. "Wouldn't have been embarrassing. I wanted you to come in my mouth..." He would still make that happen at some point; he was determined to. He made an indifferent noise when Emil said it was a bad idea and shrugged, acknowledging that yes, it was probably a bad idea, but he didn't care. At least not right now.

He was happy to just lay in Emil's bed, basking in the afterglow as he went to go fetch a cloth, only opening his eyes when he started to clean off his stomach. He stared up at him with affection as he did so, and pressed close when he laid back down with him. He quirked an eyebrow when he heard his brother mumble, turning in his grasp so his head was tucked under his chin. "Mmm... what was that?" Levi asked sleepily. "Was that... 'I want to order crappy Chinese for dinner'?" He wasn't hungry earlier, but he was definitely hungry now, and something awful and greasy sounded wonderful. He'd hit a point where it just felt like he had the hangover from hell.
 
Emil chuckles, shaking his head, "If that's what you want it to be it can. What do you want? I don't particularly care right now..." He didn't really care, mainly because he is fine for now as long as he gets to stay with Levi. Picking up Levi's phone he mumbles, this time audibly, "I said you're, uh, beautiful...but that's an entirely different story." He's content to stay in this sort of mood, where he loves his brother, since he knows as soon as he's angry it's going to go all downhill from there. He'll probably tell him he was lying and that it was just for sex, even if he knows it's not true. Emil knows there's something wrong with him, it's just trying to not flip that switch is so hard. He likes to lie to himself a lot when he's angry.

Speaking of lying to yourself, he thinks he had just been hanging onto Alek because he'd said no and Emil was pissed about it. He uses his brother's phone to send a message that he wouldn't be showing Levi ever and then deletes it after it sends, blocking Alek's number from his brother's phone so there'd be no response. He wraps his arm tighter around Levi, inhaling his scent. He rolls off the bed again, albeit a bit hesitantly, moving to his closet and pulling out one of his sweatshirts. He knew they'd need to shower still, but it didn't stop him from moving back over to Levi and tugging his sweatshirt on him. Then lying back down, admiring the smaller for a second, "That's yours now, whether you wanted it or not." He mumbles this into the other's hair as he pulls them closer to each other again.
 
Levi stretched out his legs with a groan and wrapped his arms around Emil's waist. "I want mapo tofu," he said decisively, looking at him a bit quizzically as he grabbed his phone but dismissing it. He did break Emil's, after all. When he clarified himself, Levi was a bit taken aback, craning his neck to look up at him. "Oh," he said softly, a smile spreading on your face. "Thanks." Normally compliments on his physical appearance just rolled off of his back, but hearing them from Emil made his stomach flutter. This all seemed too good to be true; he had to try very hard not to let the pessimist in him run away with that thought and make him squander this moment.

Though he was a bit curious as to what Emil was doing with his phone, Levi didn't dare ask. When he slipped off the bed, he grabbed his phone and took a peek at it while his back was turned, but saw nothing. That was almost worse than seeing something terrible, but that was just one more thing Levi had to try and ignore right now, to preserve his good mood. Emil certainly helped with that, when he pulled one of his sweatshirts over his head; Levi laughed, but affection bloomed in his chest because of it. "I'll cherish it," he said playfully, though in his head he was telling himself to never wash this shirt again, so it would smell like Emil forever. "Did you want anything? I know you don't normally like the stuff I order..."
 
Emil shrugs, "No, I'll eat it..." He isn't sure where his own phone is or how damaged it is, so for now he calls a Chinese place that he remembers is actually decent and orders mapo tofu, even though he has no idea what the hell it is, other than tofu. After ending the call he mutters something about it being about thirty minutes, and moves closer to his brother again. "You better. That was my favorite." He chuckles, tangling their legs together. Hopefully he won't be blowing up for the rest of the night, and as unlikely as it is, he hopes he can stay like this for at least a week, and only in fairy tail land where unicorns and perfect endings exist is where he wishes to stay like this forever. The longest he's ever gone without at least a minor aggressive streak was thirteen hours. It seems like the universe just likes provoking him.

Emil can't remember a time when he explicitly wished to stay mood swing free, at least for a particular person or reason. It was always just because he hates the constant changing feelings and shit. As he thinks he finds his younger brother's hand, intertwining their fingers gently, staring off into space. He snaps out of it, chuckling again, "I hope you're happy, I made a wish just for you." He winks teasingly, shortly after a sigh following.
 
Levi somehow doubted that Emil would actually like the food, but he wasn't going to argue. He wanted to take absolutely no risks in trigger a mood swing in his brother, and if that meant being one-hundred percent agreeable at all times, then that was what he was going to do. "Make sure to tell them to make it without pork," he said as Emil dialed the number, and trailed off into a yawn. He could easily fall asleep like this again, but wanted to stay awake right now for multiple reasons, not the least of which was the fact that they had food coming.

He still shut his eyes for a little while, smiling when Emil lace their fingers together. This was way too intimate, almost domestic, and Levi loved it. He only opened one eye when Emil spoke again, lifting an eyebrow. "A wish?" He asked incredulously, tracing senseless patterns onto Emil's hand with his index finger. "To what do I owe that honor?" Making wishes wasn't exactly a very 'Emil' thing to do.
 
Emil grumbles quietly to himself, he knows it's childish that he 'wished' but it's the only thing he could think to do in that moment in time with his brother. "I know it's dumb, but I am just hoping I don't go through another mood swing for a long time. I know it's not likely, so the best I can do is, well, wish." He has an unusual embarrassed look on his face, usually being confident in things he said and never feeling embarrassment from them, but he felt dumb right now. The feeling lingers for only a bit before Emil looks at Levi, "I know I seem unusually touchy and talking about how I feel is also uncommon, but for as long as I can stay calm, I want to cherish it and hold onto it for as long as fucking possible."

He rests his free hand on the raven's hip. "I want to keep the memory of feeling something other than anger or depression forever." He knows he probably sounds cheesy as fuck, but he really did always want to remember this happiness. Emil gives him a small smile as he finishes speaking. He probably sounds dumb, looks dumb, hell he feels dumb, he's just all around dumb right now. But it's ok, it's better than hurting his brother. he squeezes the other's hand at that thought.
 
Though Levi had started by teasing him, his features softened as Emil explained what he had wished for and why. God, the amount of times he had wished for the same thing was incredible; he certainly couldn't make fun of his brother for it. "Well, when we don't both look like abuse victims, we'll go to the doctor," he said gently, bringing Emil's hand up to his mouth and pressing his lips against it. "So we can figure out how to make sure you don't keep having mood swings. And then you won't have to rely on a wish." He returned his brother's smile, and leaned up to kiss his lips instead of his hand, much more gently than he had earlier. Now that his mind wasn't clouded by lust, he was also conscious of the sore on his lip, and very softly ran his tongue over it before pulling away.

"Though I'm not sure how much longer I want to wait, honestly," Levi continued with a sigh. "I need to get myself looked at. Maybe tomorrow, or Thursday after my exam... I don't know. Hopefully everything will just heal on its own. And quickly." The scratches were pretty minor, honestly, and not worth much concern, but the tear was another story. It already felt a bit better, but not by much.
 
Emil averts his gaze, mumbling again, "The problem is...is I don't know who I'll be afterwards. Just because I won't have mood swings doesn't guarantee I'll be the same as I am now..." Feeling like he sounds like a girl, Emil keeps that previous feeling of idiocy around. Usually he's a 'what happens happens' type of person, but right now he is more worried about the outcome for Levi. "You might not like the Emil that comes out of it. I don't want you to stop loving me..." He strokes Levi's hand with his thumb gently. "You're the only person that can deal with my shit, so I need you to stay." He presses his lips to Levi's forehead gently, inhaling his scent as he pulls away.

Emil nods, "I got in the way of it yesterday, but we'll have to go to two different places. So we can go to yours, first thing tomorrow. I'll...um make sure I don't wake up in a sour mood." Telling Levi how isn't a thing he plans on doing, but he figures he should tell him he has a way to make himself not wake up in anger. "I want to make sure you're going to be ok before we go to the psychiatrist." Knowing that he'll have to go to a psychiatrist makes him a bit uneasy about the whole ordeal, but if it'd have a positive outcome for him and his brother, so be it. It'd just be trying to remember to take the medicine he'd inevitably get.
 
Levi looked at Emil with a soft expression as he talked, feeling greatly sympathetic towards his concerns. He had never seen his brother this vulnerable before, even during the times were he started sobbing in front of him. This was much different, and tugged at his heart strings, especially the bit about needing Levi to stay with him. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Levi was certain that this wasn't healthy, and was a red flag if he'd ever seen one, but he ignored it. He loved Emil more than anything.

"If I still love you when you beat the shit out of me, then I'll love you no matter what," he said bluntly, realizing that it was a harsh thing to say but believing that it was the best way to get his message across. "No matter what happens to you, I'll love you, especially if you don't need to worry about mood swings anymore, because you'll be happy. All right?" Not to mention that a stable Emil would be a great benefit to Levi as well.

The comment about making sure he didn't wake up in a sour mood piqued Levi's interest, but he said nothing. "We can ask them about referrals while we're there," he said. "Because I don't think there are walk-in psychiatrists. And I'm pretty sure they'll ask if you beat me or something, just because that's what they do. And I will say no, because you certainly didn't do all this to me." He scowled, gesturing to his body. "But if you don't want to deal with that, you don't have to come in with me." It wasn't like Levi really wanted Emil to be there when he asked about STDs.
 
Emil almost chuckles at the blunt way Levi put it, but he knows it's true and sad. Nodding at his statement he smiles a bit. Hopefully it would be the same for himself, loving Levi even after he starts taking meds. "I won't be able to get in tomorrow anyway, because the closest thing to a walk-in psychiatrist is scheduling an appointment. Maybe I should do that instead... I don't know if I want to talk to our normal doctor about my issues..." He trails off, the few times he's been to the doctor he realized he didn't really like him all that much so going back to him and telling him personal shit was not on the top of his to-do list.

"I want to come in with you though..." He looks a bit put off, afraid of being asked if beat Levi, since he had in the past, not particularly this week, but he had almost raped him and left welts on his neck and chest. He checks those, having memorized exactly where they'd been, letting his fingers trace over the fading marks, which hadn't fully healed yet, but they should go away soon. To almost wish them away he leans in, letting his lips linger on each one, except the ones under his, now Levi's, sweatshirt since he couldn't reach them. He gently traces them over with the tip of his nose, closing his eyes as his skin glides against Levi's. This ends with a lick to Levi's shoulder for no particular reason. He swallows hard, feeling a bit thirsty, but ignoring it for now. Maybe he shouldn't have slept for so long, it was because of his sleepless night at the hotel, along with the depression he'd felt.

Emil rolls off the bed yet again, this time his goal being to wait for food and get water. "Do you want something while I'm up, babe?" He'd said the last part without thought and found it strange, calling his brother 'babe'. He just freezes in thought for a second, looking over to his brother to see if he'd had an adverse reaction to the name.
 
Levi hummed in thought. "Well, you can come in then, if you really want to," he said with a shrug. "And if you want, I'll come in with you for your appointment. Well, if I'm allowed, anyway. I dunno how that works..." He trailed off just as Emil started to prod at his neck, which he found very odd. He almost opened his mouth to ask him what he was doing, but decided against it. He wasn't hurting him, and if Levi had to guess, it was because he felt bad about what he did. The lick on his shoulder did pull a one-note laugh out of him, but he had no other reaction.

As Emil pulled away, Levi huffed softly, disliking the cold he left in his wake. He was about to just roll over and close his eyes when Emil basically dropped a bomb in the room. Levi stared at him like a deer in headlights for a few seconds, unsure how to process being called 'babe' by his brother. He said it so easily, too, like he didn't even think about it, and from the look on his face, he hadn't. With previous boyfriends, he had hated pet names, especially such cliche ones, but once again things were proving to be different with Emil. When he thought about it, he didn't mind at all, and the warmth blossoming in his chest only proved that.

"Um... I think we still have ginger ale. I'll have one of those." His face softened into a smile as he sat up, no longer feeling the need to lie down. He took one look at his sweatpants lying on the floor and decided against putting them back on; they needed to go straight into the wash.
 
Emil still looks taken aback when his brother answers his query. He nods slightly, walking in an almost stiff manner towards the kitchen. He had never called anyone he'd ever had sex with or dated any kind of affectionate name like that, it had always been their name and nothing else. Maybe it was because he felt happy? Or something, he just hopes he doesn't make a habit of it, since he knows Levi never really liked names like that anyway. It was one of the things he'd picked up on from their few talks where Emil didn't blow up. Maybe they could have a talk like that tonight, talk about dumb daily shit or just dumb shit in general over Chinese food. He eventually gets to the fridge, having taken longer than usual just because thinking and walking is hard for Emil. Mainly because he tends to run into things, since he's less focused on moving around safely and more concerned about whatever shit is going on in his brain.

He goes to the fridge, looking for a ginger ale, pulling one out, along with the bottled water he keeps because it tastes better than any other water. Opening his own he walks back to his bedroom and hands his brother the ginger ale. He takes a sip of his water, licking his lips afterward. He knows he should probably get dressed, but it doesn't really matter to him, he'd walk around in public nude. He's proud of his body, even if it is covered in pavement scratches, bruises, and various other visible injuries. He is more concerned about his brother thinking he needs clothes on. He stretches a bit, bones popping and he sighs, he wasn't going to put them on unless Levi says something about it.
 
Once Emil was gone, Levi sighed, and resisted falling back onto his brother's bed in some kind of undeserved domestic bliss. He definitely knew it was dumb, getting his hopes up, but right now, things seemed to be moving in the right direction. Emil hadn't had a mood swing yet today - knock on wood - which was unprecedented, and he seemed genuinely interested in going to see a psychiatrist. This was the most he had gotten out of him in a long time - not to mention that he finally got to suck him off, which he was still giddy about, like some kind of college girl.

Even if he didn't fall back on the bed, Levi did zone out, thinking about their potential future, and startled slightly when Emil returned and handed him his drink. "Oh, thanks," he said, popping open the top and taking a sip. After a few seconds, his eyes wandered, lingering on Emil, and the fact that he - and Levi - were still very naked from the waist down.

Something about this tickled his funny bone, because he suddenly burst out laughing. He laughed for a good thirty seconds, covering his mouth as his amusement swelled. "Sorry... There - there's something really weird about this," he said once his laughter subsided, grinning. "I mean... just hanging out without pants on. I know when we were younger, we'd do that... mom and dad would make us take baths together sometimes. But this is, uh, much less innocent, I guess." He chuckled again, and brushed his hair behind his ear. "But I like it. Though one of us is going to need to put pants on when the food gets here."
 
Emil chuckles, shaking his head, "Well, if you think of it as less innocent, then of course it's going to be less innocent. To me, it is what it is." He shrugs, just because Levi's still attractive to him, doesn't mean he's gonna jump him or something just because he doesn't have pants on. He'll just continue to think he's attractive. After he says one of them will have to get pants on his hand shoots up, finger touching the tip of his nose, "Not me." He chuckles at his childishness, stuff like that is habit from childhood. Being in a particularly good mood sometimes makes him more like his self as a child before he started getting mood swings.

Before then he'd been more of a caring, silly older brother, so he imagines it must have been a shock to Levi when he'd become someone else entirely. It must have come as even more of a shock when they moved in together and he ended up hitting him for shit he didn't have any involvement in or that was incredibly stupid. He'd noticed his brother's changed patterns, eventually he started hiding in his room when Emil came home, Levi had started to base his entire schedule on avoiding him when he could potentially have a mood swing. With those thoughts in mind he moves behind Levi, wrapping his arms around his abdomen and resting his head on Levi's shoulder. "'m sorry... For everything..."
 
Levi wrinkled his nose and rolled his eyes at Emil's childish behaviour, but his wry smile belied his apparent annoyance. He happily let his brother crawl behind him, but that happiness faltered when he started to apologize again. "I know," he said, twisting his neck so he could press a quick kiss to Emil's cheek. "But you can make it up to me, moving forward. Don't beat yourself up about it. Pun intended." Levi grinned impishly, but soon realized that perhaps it was a tasteless joke, and gave Emil another kiss in the form of an apology. "Sorry. Too soon, maybe. Don't worry about it tonight, at least... I know you're sorry. I know you don't really mean it. I know you can't help it. We'll work on it, all right?"

Levi didn't exactly want to utter the words 'I forgive you' again, because right now he could acknowledge that he didn't - not really. He could tell himself, and Emil, that he did, over and over, but that wouldn't make it true. There would always be that lingering feeling of fear and doubt in the back of his mind, fear that Emil would snap and assault him again. And then there was the fact that most of the time, Levi was incredibly eager to believe that he forgave him, just for the chance to hear Emil say 'I love you', and fuck him like a lover. He was willing to overlook so much.

"God... I should probably see a shrink, too," he said after a few moments of silence, but didn't elaborate. Instead he leaned back against Emil, hinting that he wanted him to lie back. "Let me lie on you 'til the food comes, and I have to put on pants."
 
Emil quietly leans into his brother's touch, listening to his words. "Too soon..." He agrees with a chuckle. He nods making a sound of confirmation the fact that he said 'we'll' work on it instead of 'you'll' work on it made Emil a bit more upbeat about the whole ordeal. He presses a kiss to his brother's shoulder quietly. "Love you, Levi..." He continues trailing kisses up his neck gently. This felt nice, being with Levi like this. He tugs his brother's face around gently, planting a kiss on his lips. He lets his lips come to rest just below Levi's ear, "I hope this lasts..."

Emil lies back, readjusting his legs as he does so, and using his arms to tug Levi back onto him. Levi's hair has fallen into his face, but he doesn't mind all that much, since it smells like his brother, who always seems to smell nice. He closes his eyes, "Hey, Levi... Would you mind sleeping here from now on...? Or at least after I start taking medicine, if you're not comfortable with it right now, I understand." He wants to start waking up to his brother's warmth, even if he has to wait until he gets his medicine. Gently letting his hand trail down Levi's arm, looking for his hand. When he finds it, he laces their fingers together and lies their hands atop Levi's chest.

He has a thought and chuckles, "You know mom and dad keep asking me when I'm going to get married... Since I'm almost thirty now, but I don't think that's ever going to be an option for me." He nuzzles into his brother's hair gently. "Honestly, they don't even know I like women and men... Wow, I keep a lot from them..." He hasn't meant to, he just doesn't talk to them that often and he doesn't feel any need to tell them everything about his life.
 
Levi was quite certain he would never tire of hearing Emil say he loved him. His eyes fluttered slightly as his brother murmured against his ear, though it wasn't a sexual reaction, this time - thank god. When he laid back down, he tangled their legs together, wanting to be touching him in every possible way. He figured they were just going to lie like this until they heard the buzzer, and was therefore quite shocked to hear Emil ask him if he wanted to start sleeping in his room - for more than one reason.

His initial thought was 'hell fucking yes,' but then Emil had to continue and make him consider the negative aspects of it, and make him second guess himself. Should he really be so eager to sleep in his brother's bed, after all he had done? What did that say about him, as a person? What did all of this shit say about him? Nothing good, but Levi had already established that. He was fucked up, and hopelessly in love, and would do anything for Emil, and could rationalize the beatings (and the sexual assault, oh, god) until he turned blue in the face.

But he didn't care. Levi wanted to sleep in his brother's room, and that was that. "We can try it," he finally said. "If it doesn't work out, I'll still have my room, eh?" He propped himself up on his elbow and smiled down at Emil, kissing him once on the lips. If he kept doing this, he could make everything seem normal. This was what normal, happy couples did, right?

"Well, they reacted pretty well when I came out to them, so I'm sure they'd react the same way if you told them you were bisexual," he said. "Especially since that means there's at least a possibility you'd find a girl and settle down. Mom would probably be all over that." He laughed softly. "At this rate, all she's going to have are grand-cats. But I couldn't see you being a dad even if you did get with a girl..." Frankly, he would feel terrible for Emil's hypothetical kids, but that was not something he would say out loud.
 
Emil nods his lips pressing against Levi's again. "I hope we can make it work out somehow..." He moves a hand to the back of Levi's head, touching their foreheads together, breath intermingling. He just wants to stay like this for a bit. "Levi, tell me truthfully...are you afraid of me...? I wouldn't blame you, I just want to know..." His eyes show pure curiosity. He doesn't move his face away, wanting to show that he's serious. He kisses him gently again, showing that he also meant no harm.

He chuckles, "Nah, I don't really see a need in telling them. I'm probably just going to keep telling them I'm not getting married." He scrunches up his nose, "Kids are a hell no for me... They're all annoying shitheads... Just like you and me when we were kids, annoying shitheads. Well, not so much you, more me." He chuckles yet again, remembering them as kids is amusing. "I was a monster of a kid, even before mood swings. I just liked getting into shit. I guess I never really grew out of that..." A quirky smile tugs at his lips. "You were a cute kid. I remember I used to get mad when people said you looked like a girl, since you didn't like it. But then you cut your hair, I'm glad you're keeping it a bit longer now...it suits you more..." He kisses the other's forehead. "I'm pretty sure if we asked mom and dad they'd say their favorite is definitely you, and I wouldn't blame them. You were always better behaved, smarter, just better in general. I used to be jealous of you. Did you know that? I still feel that sometimes. Since you're growing up to be so much better than the person I've become... I don't know why you love me, out of all the people in the world that are better suited to someone like you."

He chuckles, "But if anything, I'm grateful that you deal with my shit and still love me." He knew he went on a long rant and gives him a sheepish smile. "Also, Levi, sorry for calling you babe earlier, I know you hate pet names." Emil's smile turns to a more apologetic one, "It kinda just came out of my mouth before my brain caught up..."
 
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