Kiss With a Fist

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For some reason, Emil asking Levi if he was afraid of him completely blind sided him. It was a reasonable question, certainly, but he never thought his brother would care enough to ask. He held his breath for a few seconds while he waffled about whether or not he should be honest. In the end, he decided on partial honesty. "I'm not afraid of you when you're like this," he said, exhaling. "Of course I'm afraid of you when you get angry. I think anyone would be." Even if Emil asked him for the truth, Levi didn't want to tell him about how he altered almost all of his behaviours just to keep him happy, and not set him off. Hell, Levi didn't even like acknowledging that himself. It would ruin the moment, and he didn't want that.

Emil's nostalgia made Levi smile, though he was quite taken aback to hear that he used to be jealous of him. "... No, I didn't know you were jealous of me," he admitted. "I used to be jealous of you, because you were cool. You had so many friends, and I didn't. I was the kid who got notes taped onto his locker that said 'faggot', because I was in dance. And look like a girl, I guess. Even with shorter hair. Whatever. Did you know I got the shit kicked out of me in gym class, once? But they were careful to avoid anything that could be seen over my clothes." Levi frowned at the memory. "And it seemed like you could get away with anything, whereas I couldn't get a 'B' without mom and dad flipping out... so I guess we were both jealous of each other, for equally stupid reasons." He huffed softly, and smirked. "Sucks to be them, though. I probably got more pussy from being in dance than they have in their entire life, and I didn't even take their clothes off." Plus, dance helped him become quite flexible - in and out of the bedroom.

As his brother continued - talking more than he'd ever heard him talk - Levi's face softened, and he tucked his head under his chin. "You can't help who you love," he murmured. "It's not like I woke up one day and said, 'I want to fall madly in love with my brother, that sounds like a great idea, not like it's incredibly taboo or illegal or anything'." It happened gradually over years, and no matter what Emil did, it didn't go away. By now, Levi just accepted that he was insane. At Emil's apology, his face heated slightly, and he wrapped his arms around his torso. "... It's okay. I... don't really mind it, when you say it," he confessed. "Pretty sure you could call me anything you wanted, and I wouldn't mind."
 
Emil chuckles, looking at Levi with an incredulous expression, "How in the hell were you jealous of me? All I did was get into fights and a lot of those friends were fuck buddies, at least when I was a teenager. And the reason I could get away with shit is because, rightfully, our parents had no hope in me, you were, are, their hope. And I can see why, I'm an idiot that has mood swings and can't communicate well without hitting someone. But you're an intelligent, young man that has lots of potential, and is growing up to outshine his failure of a brother." He cups his cheek, stroking it with his thumb, an earnest look in his eyes. "Actually, you have been outshining me since birth." He chuckles, giving him a small smile, he is being so cheesy right now. As long as Levi doesn't mind though, he'll spill his feelings like a girl, until Levi tells him to shut up.

His hand moves to the back of Levi's head when he tucks his head under Emil's chin. He chuckles under his breath, "Of course not, or at least I hope not, that'd be an awful decision to make." He presses a kiss to the top of the other's head. He felt like they were a normal couple, despite being far from it. But this seems like a thing normal couples would do, lie with each other and talk about shit. "Mmm..but unless you particularly want me to, I won't, since I know you probably still prefer me not to, right?" He closes his eyes, inhaling deeply. Then he hears their buzzer and tugs Levi closer, groaning in protest. "I don't wanna..." He pouts, in an almost childlike manner.
 
"Well... even if they were just fuck-buddies, I would probably still have been jealous that you were getting laid, and I wasn't," Levi said, voice tinkling with amusement. "You were my cool older brother. All the girls in my classes had a crush on you. And I think one of the boys, too. Of course I had to be jealous of you. Makes me kind of sad that you were jealous of me, though... you shouldn't be." He said those last three words very seriously, looking a touch pained for a moment, but he continued on quickly so Emil wouldn't have time to question him. He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Maybe eventually you'll just... come up with your own name for me," Levi said, pressing his nose against Emil's cheek. "'Babe' is just so... I don't know... cliche. Maybe that's why I've never liked it." He wrinkled his nose, and just pressed a kiss against his skin when he heard the buzzer. He couldn't help but laugh at Emil's reaction, but still wriggled to pull away from him, so he could grab his pants. "Well, you don't have to put on pants, I do," he teased, slinking off the bed. "And if you just want to hold onto me, then we can, I dunno, cuddle on the couch while we eat. If you wanted to..." Levi certainly wanted to, but he didn't want to be clingy.

He left the room while stretching, trying to get the kinks out of his muscles, and quickly grabbed a clean pair of sweats before buzzing in the delivery man. He paid quickly, tipped accordingly, and then grabbed two bowls and two forks from the kitchen before bringing everything into the living room. "You can get your pantsless ass in here now," he called to Emil, flopping onto the couch. "I'm so hungry..."
 
Emil wants to question Levi's last statement, but he changes subjects quickly. He nods, "Maybe, I don't really know what to call you, other than Levi." He sighs when he says that Emil doesn't have to put pants on but Levi does, "But that's the problem." He gets up when he's called to the living room. "Well, I wish I could say the same to you, but apparently we have to wear pants when we open the door." He chuckles and sits down next to Levi, "So...I have no idea what it is we're actually eating..." He looks towards Levi with a shrug, "I couldn't decide what I wanted, so I figured I'd just eat whatever you said."

He leans closer to his brother on the couch, looking at whatever it is, since he'd forgotten the name of it, other than tofu. Unfortunately, it looks like it has a more tofu than anything else, but hopefully it doesn't taste as bad as it usually does. He lets his arm snake around Levi's waist, moving his naked body closer to the younger's clothed one. He realizes something, narrowing his eyes at Levi, "I hope to God you wouldn't have been jealous of me having fuck-buddies, because even when I was in secondary school in my last year you would have been in junior high. I hope you weren't thinking about shit like that then. I'd like to think you were innocent-ish at least that long." He kisses his brother's temple, "Honestly, how many toys and things you have now still surprises me. Sometimes I think you're still like five and that you're still that cute, innocent Levi. I'm sorry the world's corrupted you..." He nuzzles the other's hair.
 
Levi snorted in amusement. "I didn't want to scare the poor delivery man," he said. "He was a small old Chinese man. Looked a little like lao ye. Would you want to greet lao ye without pants on?" He glanced at Emil with a shit-eating smile, and started to dish out rice into each bowl. "It's mapo tofu. It's spicy. And garlicky. And normally has pork in it, but not this time... I think." He opened the container and glanced into it with a shrug. "Whatever. Even if they forgot, I'm hungry enough to not care right now." He portioned the food out evenly, and then handed Emil his bowl. "If you don't like it, I'll eat it."

When Emil moved closer and wrapped an arm around his waist, Levi's stomach fluttered. This felt too nice, too normal - and he didn't trust it. "No, I probably wasn't," he said with laugh. "I think I was mostly interested in playing video games when I was 11." At the assertion that the world had corrupted him, he huffed. "The world hasn't corrupted me," he said pointedly. "I'm not ashamed of my sexuality, Emil. I know what makes me feel good. And when you're not getting laid for over a year, sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands." He craned his neck to look at Emil and smirked at him. "Though, I do have some toys that can be used with a partner... just saying."
 
Emil sighs, shaking his head, "Why do you have to make such good points?" He looks at the food, a weird expression on his face, "Okay...." He takes the bowl, poking it with his fork with narrowed eyes, looking like he's quietly challenging the food. He takes a bite, surprisingly, it's not too bad, the spiciness of it being the best part. He quietly eats, seeming enraptured by the food, since his own hunger was a bit unbearable. The spicy food is burning his busted lips though, so he slows down, regretting leaving his water back in the bedroom. He brings a finger up to his lips, touching the many places they'd split, glaring at nothing in particular. This is a frustrating way to eat.

Emil chuckles, "Probably, I don't really remember much from when I was in high school, if I'm honest. It was all kinda of one big blur of the same stupid shit." He looks at his brother weirdly, "Really a year? Jesus, how? You're bound to get hit on a lot, so I can't imagine you going for a year or more without getting laid." He's surprised but allured by Levi's statement, "Mmm...maybe we'll try them out next time...hmm?" He smirks, nibbling on Levi's ear, chuckling afterward. "You shouldn't tempt me until you're better. Otherwise, I'll tempt you too." He continues eating the surprisingly good food like nothing happened.
 
Levi watched Emil take a bite first before he started to eat, and smiled when it seemed like his brother enjoyed it. He was pleased to find out that they did, indeed, remember to leave out the pork, which meant that he wouldn't have to feel sick later. He was quiet as Emil spoke, only laughing at his incredulous reaction to him being sexless for a year. When he nibbled at his ear, however, his eyelashes fluttered, and he put his fork down; yes, he definitely regretted his brother finding out about his 'ear thing' now. It seemed like he was going to keep at it relentlessly, at terrible times.

"School is why I didn't get laid. Mostly." He said after a few moments, brushing his hair behind his ears so it didn't get in his food. He was quiet for a moment then, a faint flush creeping over his cheeks. "And, uh... you. I didn't want to... sleep with anyone else." He didn't look at Emil as he said this. "So I didn't. And the guys that hit on me are usually 'straight' guys, y'know the type? 'I'm totally not gay, y'know, I'm just here at this gay bar because I'm curious. No, bro, I'm on grindr because I'm curious. I'm sending you a picture of my dick because I'm curious. I'm not gay, bro. But, like... wanna come suck my dick?'" He said all of that in a put-on low voice, and then rolled his eyes. "Because I'm 'soft' and 'kind of look like a girl'. That's what that guy who..." He stopped himself, eyes wide as he realized what he was about to say.

No, he really did not fucking want to think about that right now.

Levi cleared his throat awkwardly. "Anyway. That's that. Sorry for rambling." He then went back to eating, because running his mouth kept getting him into awkward places. However, he did have one more thing to add. "As soon as I'm healed I'm pouncing on you. Like, the moment. You know that, right?" He said this without looking up, and went back to eating like he had never said anything at all.
 
When he hears 'you' Emil almost chokes on the food that's currently in his mouth. He feels bad for keeping his brother from having sex, since that means he's the reason his brother was desperate enough to go out and get all those toys. He chuckles at his brother's mocking tone, "Yeah, well, I guess mine was more, 'I don't give a fuck as long as I can fuck' and I found both men and women attractive. So I doubt I'm better than any of them." He chuckles again, "But I love you because you're Levi." He glares slightly at the comments, "You are soft, which is nice, but I don't think you look like a girl at all." He looks over at him, eyes trailing over his brother's body, maybe it was because he's seen the other's dick too much to think he looks like a girl, but he definitely didn't look like a girl to Emil.

Emil shakes his head, "No it's fine, I rambled on and on earlier. It's your turn. Plus, I feel like we haven't talked about shit in a long time. I want you to talk more." He smirks at his brother's comment, a husky voice coming out, "I look forward to it." He brushes his lips over Levi's ear like he's going to do something with it, before he continues down to just below his ear, sucking and nibbling to leave a small love bite. "Just a reminder for you." He licks the spot again before pulling away and trying his best to avoid burning his lips with his food. He finally just gives up, "Levi, do you want my food?" He looks at his brother, not waiting for an answer before he sets his bowl down on the coffee table. Moving back to his bedroom to get his water. He picks it up, walking out of his room and his eyes naturally move over to Levi's room. Curious about exactly what toys Levi was talking about when he said they could be used with partner, he knew of lots of things, but wants to know specifically what Levi has. Since the first time they fucked it was while Emil was drunk and he couldn't register shit. So he walks into his room, unceremoniously, moving over to the drawer again. He opens it, looking in curiously.
 
Levi wasn't sure what he expected Emil to do in response to his confession, but he didn't expect him to start sucking at the spot behind his ear. His breath hitched at the sensation; no one had ever done that before, and shit, it felt nice. His face felt hot - and not entirely from the food - by the time his brother pulled away from him, and he cleared his throat, hoping his flush wouldn't be noticed. When asked if he wanted the rest of his food, Levi blinked at Emil in confusion, until he zeroed in on his busted lips, which were looking particularly red. "Ah, shit," he said, blowing a puff of air. "I forgot about your lips. Sorry... yeah, I'll eat it." He would have to finish his portion, first, but he certainly didn't mind eating the rest of his brother's.

He paid Emil no mind when he wandered back into his room, mostly focused on eating, but did look up when he noticed him move into his room. What exactly was he doing in there? As far as Levi knew, he didn't have anything of his brother's in his room. "What are you doing in there?" He called, though he didn't care enough to actually get up and find out. It wasn't like he was keeping any secrets. Though...

He truly did have quite the assortment of toys hidden away in his bottom bedside drawer, along with condoms and lubricant. He had two dildos, one of which was quite a bit larger than the other, along with a prostate massager, vibrating anal beads, and a vibrating cock ring. Also hidden away in his drawer of secrets was a length of Japanese silk rope, a blindfold, and leather restraints, leftover from the last time he had a boyfriend. He couldn't use them by himself, but he had no intentions of throwing them away - they were expensive.
 
Emil hears his brother call from the other room, "Nothing~." He says that in almost a sing-song voice as he takes a sip of his water before he begins shuffling through the drawer. Finding the two entirely different sized dildos he wonders why they're so different in size, since you'd think if you like one size better you wouldn't have both. He moves them aside though, his curiosity getting the best of him in this situation. "Man this shit is gay." He chuckles, looking over the things in the drawer, his brother did say he was very comfortable with his sexuality and it shows. It's not like he minds though, in a sort of weird, twisted way it's kinda cute. He was especially impressed by the cock ring, moving it aside eventually as well. Then he finds the good shit, the stuff Levi had apparently been referring to, it was BDSM kinda shit, the restraints and blindfold pointing to that sort of stuff. He didn't know Levi was into that, and it was kinda surprising. He pushes all the things back into place quietly.

He closes the drawer and goes back to sit quietly next to his brother, pulling him close. He closes his eyes as he leans his head against Levi's. "'M tired again..." He lets his hand go to the bottom of his brother's hair, toying with the ends, "Your hair is soft..." He pulls Levi into his lap so he can rub the other's back gently. Using the same hand he was playing with his hair, he lets it trail down the other's spine. "Levi, I love you..." He knows he's just saying random things, but they connect in his head, just not in his words.
 
Levi narrowed his eyes in the direction of his bedroom, knowing full well that Emil was not up to 'nothing', but didn't care enough to actually get up and go bother him. After their conversation, he had a feeling that his brother might be snooping around to see what he meant by 'toys they could use together', but he had already seen what he was packing, so there was no use being embarrassed about it now. He focused on eating, and by the time Emil returned, he was just finishing up the last remains of his leftovers.

"We can lie down again if you want," he said, nudging Emil's head with his own as he placed the empty bowls inside of each other. He hummed softly in response to him playing with his hair, and let himself be pulled onto his lap without struggle. A shiver followed Emil's fingers as they trailed up his spine, and he sighed quietly when he professed his love again.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that," Levi murmured, kissing Emil softly on the mouth. After a few moments, he laughed at himself. "Did I accidentally overdose last night? Am I actually dead?" It occurred to him after those words left his mouth that Emil was probably going to ask him what he meant, so he tried not to react to it. "Or just dreaming?"
 
Emil shakes his head, "Nah, I'd rather just stay here... I think I've been sleeping too much anyway..." He continues letting his fingers trail up and down his brother's spine gently, his eyes closed. He lets his lips move with Levi's and grumbles in protest when he moves away. His eyes shoot open when he hears his brother's questions. "What? What do you mean? I thought you said you just took something to sleep... If you took enough to even possibly even be sort of close to overdosing you obviously didn't take what you're supposed to... God dammit Levi, why did you put yourself in danger? For what?" He ignores his last question, concern written all over his face. Of course he didn't know it was because of him.

He pulls the other close, "You're not allowed to die without my permission, so you're not dead, fucking idiot." He grumbles something under his breath and then just sighs. "I honestly don't know if I'd be able to get through life without you. And I'm not saying that in a cheesy, I couldn't live without you way, I'm saying that with all seriousness. Even if I didn't love you like this... You keep me on my feet." He nods, "If only I was actually any help to you in your life. All I seem to be doing is screwing it up for you." Sighing again he lets his hand stop running over the raven's spine, wrapping both of his arms around his midsection.
 
Shit. Yes, he had definitely fucked up. The moment Emil started to raise his voice, Levi froze, preparing himself for the absolute worst. He had been so stupid, expecting this to last, so fucking stupid --

... but nothing happened. When he forced himself to look at Emil, there was no real anger on his face, just concern. Levi exhaled slowly, not realizing he had been holding his breath. Shit. He was more afraid of Emil than he was willing to admit to himself. He laughed nervously and shifted so his legs were on either side of Emil, and his hands were on the back of the couch; he was feeling a bit lightheaded now, and needed the support. "It was a bad night," he said. "And I hadn't been sleeping at all, so... I just wanted to sleep. Didn't want to think anymore. It worked, at least, but it was extremely stupid. I'm sorry."

Levi laughed a little more boldly when Emil said he wasn't allowed to die without his permission. There was something darkly amusing about that statement. Levi always felt like he belonged to Emil, regardless of the state of their relationship - and from the sounds of things, Emil felt the same way. "Well... I don't want you to die, either. And you keep getting into terrible fights all the time..." Levi pulled back just enough to look down at Emil, his expression unreadable. "You look really bad, this time. If you get into another fight, maybe next time they won't just leave you black and blue..." He sighed and collapsed down onto Emil, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders. "If you just... stay with me, hold me like this... you'll help."
 
When Emil hears his brother sigh in relief he furrows his eyebrows. "You are afraid of me...even when I'm not like that... Levi... don't lie to me next time...please." He leans in to plant gentle kisses on the raven's jaw. "And don't do stupid shit like that again..." He presses his lips to Levi's after that. "Are you sure that's all it was? I doubt not being able to sleep would make you that frustrated. Unless you're slowly turning into me." He chuckles, their lips still only inches apart.

Emil averts his gaze at the comment about him getting in a lot of fights. "It feels good though..." He knows that sounds terribly odd, especially because of all the wounds on him. "It helps me get my anger out with someone other than you... I'll try to listen though, and it'll decrease when I start taking meds, right? So don't worry to much, Shagua." He spits out one of the few Mandarin terms of affection he can think of. He really is going to try to find something Levi likes.
 
Levi looked down as Emil realized that he had lied to him, feeling his pulse start to pick up. Even when his brother kissed him so softly, it didn't calm down, and despite the fact that he had just been told not to lie, Levi still couldn't tell the truth. "Just... after what happened with that guy from the club, I just wanted to sleep. That's all..." Dance hadn't been Levi's only recreational activity in school - he was also in the drama club, and he was going to put his experience acting to use right now. He let himself tear up slightly at the mention of the attack, and looked wounded for a few seconds. Hopefully, that would be enough to convince Emil that he wasn't hiding anything else.

He rested his head in the crook of Emil's neck, and sighed. "Let's just get a punching bag, then," he joked weakly. It wasn't a real suggestion; Levi knew that Emil already went to the gym to get out aggression, and it never seemed to help. At Emil calling him 'Shagua', he lifted his head up in surprise, and stared down at him. After a few seconds, he laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Do you know what that means?" He asked, voice tinkling with amusement. "It means 'stupid'. You just called me stupid."
 
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Emil feels bad for questioning it when Levi said he just wanted to sleep. His grip around his brother becomes tighter, "'m sorry, Levi..." He wipes away the forming tears, a frown present on his lips. "Don't think about that shit..." He presses their lips together again. "I love you..." He whispers this in hopes it'll make his brother feel a hit better.

Emil shakes his head, "They don't work all that well. And they don't hit back. I need to be hit back to enjoy it." He smiles at the attempted suggestion though, "Just getting hit by you makes me happy. Weirdly. Not with me hitting you, just you taking out all your frustration out on me. I love it." He licks his lips, it is strangely extremely enjoyable for him. "Though it hurts like hell though afterwards." Emil looks at the other with a puzzled expression when he asked him if he knows what it means. He honestly doesn't, just remembering it as a term of endearment. When his brother tells him the meaning he shrugs, then says teasingly, "Okay, I'll keep it then, it suits you." He chuckles, honestly upon occasion he really might use it again.
 
Levi felt a pang of guilt when Emil reacted so compassionately to his tears, but mostly he just felt relieved. Forgiving him for lying once was a miracle all on its own; there was no way he would forgive him for lying twice. "I love you too," he murmured against his brother's lips, rubbing his shoulders idly.

Hearing that Emil apparently enjoyed getting beat up by him was surprising, to say the least, and Levi pulled back to look at him quizzically. After a few seconds, he got a dark look in his eyes. "Hmm... you were digging around in my drawer earlier, weren't you?" He asked. "I knew what you were doing in my room. So I'm guessing you saw the restraints, huh?" He smiled, and leaned down to kiss Emil again, though this time not quite so softly. "What if... I tied you up, and wailed on you? Would that help?" He pulled away and tilted his head.
 
Emil gets a similar look in his eye at the thought, "Not until you're healed~." He licks his lips again, leaning towards the other's lips, "Seems like fun though... Especially if I get to fuck you afterwards." That's why he needs to be healed, because if there were restraints and Levi got to hit him, he knew he'd want to fuck the other hard. He nibbles on the other's lips, "Heal up quickly~."

Then he changes the subject because this is going down a road not good for his dick. He moves Levi out of his lap, picking up their bowls and taking them to the kitchen sink to be washed not now. After he goes back to Levi's room, flopping on his bed. He likes it better here, smells like his brother. Without asking he moves under the blankets and closes his eyes to go to sleep. His tiredness catching up with him again.
 
God, this was dangerous. If their relationship continued down this path, then Levi feared he would be in a state of constant arousal. "You'll definitely get to fuck me," he said against Emil's lips. "That's the whole idea." Though Levi also wondered if beating the shit out of his brother would make him feel better, or make him less afraid. It could be a fantastic side effect, but there was no point thinking about it now. It couldn't happen for a few days yet, until the tear healed. Hopefully by then he would also stop feeling a vague sickness every time he thought about a dick coming near his ass.

It would be different if it was Emil. Right?

He couldn't help but make a noise of disappointment when Emil got up, but he didn't pout. His brother still looked exhausted, so he didn't mind if he went to lie down again - though the fact that he went into Levi's room instead of his own did pull a smirk out of him. He would have followed, but there were some things he wanted to do first, mainly cleaning their dishes, feeding the cat dinner, and making one last ditch effort to study.

It didn't work.

He lasted an hour this time before he gave up, but he was certain he absorbed absolutely nothing. He would just have to cram tomorrow, after seeing the doctor. After that he cleaned up in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and putting his hair up, before sneaking into his room. When he saw Emil sound asleep in his bed, his heart fluttered.

"What happened to sleeping together in your room?" Levi whispered with a note of amusement, though it was more to himself than anything. He didn't mind this, though. He preferred his bed and his room; they were cleaner, more organized, more familiar. He liked Emil's bed just because it smelled like him, but if they started to sleep in here together, then inevitably Levi's bed would start to smell like Emil instead... and that would be perfect.

Sighing, he slipped his sweater off his head, pausing to smell it before taking it off completely. He folded it carefully on his desk, not wanting to throw it just anywhere, where the smell could wear off. He then crawled into his bed and curled up against Emil's warm, solid body, and was certain he was going to sleep amazingly, for the first time in ages.
 
Emil hums against Levi's lips in approval. "God...you don't know how much I'm looking forward to that..." He lets his hands gently massage Levi's sides through his sweatshirt.

Emil shifts slightly when his brother enters the room, mumbling something and sighing in his sleep. His arm that's wrapped around the pillow under his head pulls tighter, squishing the pillow slightly. Emil's dark hair is more disheveled than normal, falling over his face.

When he feels the warmth of his brother next to him he moves closer to the source. Emil seems to be having a dream about when they were younger because he wraps his arms around his lover and makes what sounds like a shushing noise. "Is...ok...Levi...I'm here...I'll protect...you..." He pulls him close in an almost protective manner. He sleeps peacefully after that.

When he wakes up in the morning he knows he needs coffee. Like a gallon or two. Today they're going to see the doctor for Levi and he's going to hope no one pisses him off. Especially that doctor... He really wants to go as well to help Levi. He stands from the bed, going to check his wounds from the many blows he'd received. He still looks like shit upon inspection, but less so than yesterday. He chuckles at a dumb thought he had before waving it off. Emil yawns, going to the kitchen to make coffee. He's sure there's going to be parts of this that Emil wants to punch that guy again, but he'll try to contain it.
 
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