Kiss With a Fist

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Levi paused his ministrations the moment the man told him he didn't listen well. Shit. He sure knew how to pick them, didn't he? He wasn't really surprised, though. He picked up the first person brazen enough to come onto him; of course he wasn't going to be the greatest person alive. He sucked in his breath when a hand curled around his cock, and sighed. He didn't want to fight this, right now. There was always the chance this guy could get violent if he declined, and he didn't want to deal with it.

Staring up at him from beneath his thick eyelashes, he obediently took the three fingers into his mouth, and made quite the show about sucking them. He lavished his tongue on the underside of them, and took them deep into his mouth, maintaining eye contact the entire time. He was quite good at playing the seducer, even though he had only really been with four people total, including his brother. He was just very in tune with his body and his sexuality, and generally knew how to make a man weak in the knees.
 
Keith keeps eye contact as well, almost challenging Levi. He continues stroking and teasing Levi's cock, getting a bit impatient, but not sure he wants to take his fingers out of his mouth, as that felt good in itself, so there's no telling how good it'll feel when he gets to go inside him. He takes them out slowly when they're covered well in saliva, moving them down to his ass and without warning, shoving them all in. Keith continues with his other hand, stroking Levi. "Mmm, you're obviously not a virgin, you're not as tight as a virgin would be... But I could already tell from all the hickies you have..."

He smiles a bit, his lustful gaze travelling up and down Levi, "So who was it? Recently? Otherwise all these wouldn't still be here.." He is referring to the regular love bites all over Levi. "They'd have faded, I'd say they were probably even last night. Did your boyfriend break up with you?" He makes a mock sympathetic face as he starts moving his fingers in Levi. "If only you were a girl, this'd be so much better, but what can you do?"
 
Levi was absolutely not prepared for the intrusion of three fingers, but the only sound he made was a strangled cry. He squeezed the fabric of the couch so hard his knuckles turned white, and bit his lip. Once again, flashbacks of the other night with Emil flooded his mind, making him feel nauseated. With the way the guy kept talking to him, like he might somehow enjoy being demeaned, he almost wanted to throw up on him. The hand on his cock did nothing; he was barely maintaining an erection at this point, but he was still determined to go through with it.

He parted his lips to reply, almost telling him 'my brother tried to rape me, and then had sex with me, and then broke my heart, so here I am rebounding hard with the asshole of the century - you - because I'm completely fucked up. Isn't that funny!?', but he didn't. He didn't trust himself not to start crying - or laughing hysterically, whichever - if he started talking like that, and that was the last thing he needed right now. Instead, he almost viciously sunk his teeth into the side of the man's neck, and squeezed the base of his cock with great force.

He pulled away with blood on his lips, and a dark look in his eyes. "If you want to go fuck a woman, you're welcome to leave," he hissed. "Either shut up and fuck me, or get out. Pick one." Levi had little patience for games right now, and wanted to make that clear. The only person he could really tolerate demeaning him like this was Emil.
 
Keith almost smiles cruelly, "Ohhh hell no." He reaches up to his neck, touching the blood. He forces Levi to lie down on the couch, pinning his hands behind him with one of his own hands. "That was a mistake." He digs his nails into Levi's cock, scratching up it painfully slowly. He leans down, biting down on Levi almost equally as hard as he had. He takes out his fingers, "I was going to prepare you more, but since you decided to do that I guess I won't wait." He shoves himself into the other without mercy, probably making the smaller bleed but not caring. He takes his hand away from Levi's dick, going to pinch a nipple hard.

He begins moving, again, without warning, grunting roughly. "Ooh, you're tight." He scratches down Levi's chest and stomach. "Maybe you should go back to whoever was so gentle with you, bitch. They'll be quite disappointed won't they though? Knowing you had sex with another guy. Hmmm." He smirks, "Maybe you'll break their heart. Sounds fun. You're welcome."
 
Levi saw the switch flip in his companion's eyes, much like what happened with Emil. What he did next happened in a flurry, and with the alcohol in his system - and the steadily mounting panic threatening to consume him - he had trouble catching up until it was too late. The nails digging into his cock made him kick his legs out wildly, though somehow he managed not to scream. The bite only made him whimper, and tears stung at his eyes. What did make him scream - however quietly - was his well endowed partner ploughing into him like he was nothing more than a fleshlight.

Why was he so fucking stupid? Why did he always have to pick fights with men larger than him? Why did he have to have such a goddamn Napoleon complex, thinking he'd be able to fight off someone if they really decided they'd want to have their way with him? Emil had already proved that. He'd already proved to him that he was weak, worthless, only good for acting as a cum dump, and yet he had tried to convince himself, fruitlessly, that he wasn't.

Because he was stupid.

Levi squeezed his eyes shut, fighting tears, and draped an arm over his face, so he didn't have to look the disgusting prick in the eyes. If he could just pretend he was somewhere else, then he could handle this. He would never have to see this man again, and could pretend that the bites, the scratches were from someone else - Emil, maybe. But was that better? Why did it feel better, when his brother almost did the exact same thing? This was all he was good for. Pretend you're somewhere else. Pretend you're somewhere else. Pretend you're somewhere else.

Oh, god, he wanted to scream, or puke, or a combination of both, but he didn't. He bit his lower lip so hard that he tasted blood and refused to make a single sound, not even when he felt like he was being torn from the inside - ruined. His entire body trembled so hard that he felt numb; his limbs felt like they were on another plane of existence entirely. He had wanted Emil to come out and see him in the throes of passion, not this. He never wanted Emil to see this. He wouldn't be jealous of this - not that he would be jealous to begin with. Levi was foolish for thinking otherwise. God, he was so foolish.

Pretend you're somewhere else.
 
Emil wakes up with a start when he hears a small scream, he immediately assumes Levi's in trouble. He stands up quickly, moving to his door, opening it slowly and looking around with groggy eyes. He rushes out, only to find some guy on top of his little brother. And with that he immediately punches the guy square in the jaw. "Get the fuck off my brother and out of my fucking house."

Keith is surprised when he's suddenly clocked in the jaw, pretty badly too. He winces, blood dripping from his chin now. He looks up to see a guy that's quite intimidating. "What the fuck? You didn't tell me anyone else was here." He pulls himself out of Levi, glaring at this new guy. He moves off the couch, winding up a punch for himself, unfortunately, at that Emil jumps over the couch, tackling Keith to the floor.

"You won't ever lay a fucking hand on my brother again, especially if you're dead." He growls out, hitting the guy in the face again. The two begin tussling, shouting at each other and exchanging punches and kicks get involved somewhere along the line. Unfortunately, Emil has intent to kill this guy, holding his throat tightly. He's pretty much blind with rage, not thinking logically about it, he just knew, as an older brother he's supposed to protect his younger brother. If that meant fucking killing someone, so be it.

Keith can feel the adrenaline pumping through Emil's blood, he somehow ended up below the larger guy. His throat being squeezed tightly, so he's struggling for air. He pulls at the hands around his throat, trying to pry them off. This guy really intends to kill him, and it's terrifying to think his life might actually end here.
 
Levi had resigned himself to his fate, having almost successfully disassociated himself from the situation when Emil came barrelling out of his room like an angry bull. His eyes flew open when he heard the sickening crack of a fist colliding with bone, and it took every ounce of strength he had not to vomit right then and there. He wanted to reply when the man angrily questioned him, but couldn't, especially not when Emil tackled him onto the floor and began to beat the life out of the prick.

He had to turn away to dry heave a few times, tears flowing freely from his eyes though he didn't sob. They just kind of trickled down his face as though they were there own entities. This wasn't what he wanted. This wasn't what he wanted at all, so why did he feel so elated that Emil was defending him like this? What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he feel like this was a successful experiment in getting his brother to care about him? Emil didn't need to go see a professional - Levi did.

But he couldn't have Emil murdering someone in their apartment. At first, his mouth wouldn't work, and he couldn't get out any actual words, but after a few tries, he managed to find his voice again. "Stop - stop - Emil, stop!" He shouted hoarsely, fumbling off of the couch with a grimace. The only reason he was able to get to his feet at all was thanks to adrenaline. He ran behind his brother and desperately started to tug on his arm, though his strength was pitiful right now. He still felt like he was watching this all unfold from somewhere else, that his body was moving of its own volition, which made it difficult to put any real force behind his actions.

"Emil, it was my fault, okay? Stop. Let him go." It hurt to actually say the words 'it was my fault' aloud, but he knew it was true. If he hadn't provoked him, this wouldn't have happened. He was sure that somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that this was going to happen tonight, and he still let it happen. "I don't want you to go to jail because I was a fucking idiot, okay?!" He wasn't sure what he would do if Emil went to jail. Kill himself, probably, because he was just that level of pathetic.
 
Emil is just pulled out of his rage by Levi telling him to stop, almost continuing to squeeze the life out of the man. "It's not your fucking fault. You were the one being hurt in that situation. I don't care if you fucking provoked him or something..." He's trembling in anger, still wanting to rip this guy's windpipe out, but knowing that wouldn't be a wise decision. He pulls the guy up with him, Keith having his underwear around his ankles and his pants having come off during the fight. He takes him to the door, shoving him out, without his pants. He spits at him, "Fucking freeze to death or get arrested. I don't give a fuck about you." He slams the door after the other.

Then he goes over to the pants, picking them up and tossing them in the trash. He moves over to Levi, checking him over, he grumbles out, "What the fuck was that? Did you let him in? Did he knock at the door or something and force himself in? Are you ok?" His brotherly instincts taking over, he strips off the shirt he'd been wearing, pulling it onto Levi. "I'm sorry I didn't help earlier." He looks at him, concerned. "You should have screamed before then." He would have beat the shit out of the other way before if Levi had just screamed. "I could have come and gotten that bastard off you before then." Emil brushes his own bangs out of his eyes, letting his fingers continue on through his hair.
 
Levi would have sighed in relief, if he was capable of feeling relieved right now. Something about hearing Emil say that it wasn't his fault stung, instead of making him feel better about the situation. He wasn't there; he didn't know the awful shit that Levi did. And how could he say that, anyway, after he -- ?

He watched helplessly as Emil threw out the other man, looking very far away. He didn't pay his brother any attention when he pulled his shirt over his body; he barely even registered his words. He felt like he was going to collapse, or cry - wait, he was already crying - or vomit, or...

"Hold on..." Levi grumbled, running a hand over his face. "I gotta..." His eyes suddenly widened, and then he pushed Emil out of the way, running to the kitchen sink; he knew there was no way he was going to make it to the bathroom, so either it was the sink, or the floor. He then proceeded to violently heave up what minimal food he ate that day, and the horrible alcohol he had forced down his gullet. It was so violent that it even came up through his nose, which was the first thing to actually make him start sobbing.

God, he hated himself. He hated himself so much. Even if Emil told him that this wasn't his fault, it was. It was absolutely his fault, and now he was crying about it, like a fucking child.

It took Levi five minutes to stop retching long enough to get out words, though he contemplated just pretending to faint in order to get out of explaining what he'd done. It wasn't like he had any dignity left to save. He was already the world's biggest piece of shit.

"I let him in," he finally croaked, firmly pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes in an attempt to get his head to stop pounding. "I went out to drink, picked up the first guy who hit on me... I told him to stop talking. Wouldn't stop talking. So I bit him. And then he bit me. And..." Another shudder overtook him, and he retched again, though nothing came up. He spit in the sink instead. "Didn't want you to hear. Could've handled it. Sorry to wake you."
 
Emil watches with wide eyes as Levi runs off to retch. He winces at the sound, almost gagging. He presses a hand to his head, sighing and trying to calm his own stomach. When Levi comes back, he has this strange urge to hug him and kiss him gently to comfort him, but he shakes off the feeling not sure where in the hell it came from. He'd never felt a random urge like that, especially towards Levi. I mean, sure, he'd had sex with him on impulse, but it wasn't the same feeling at all.

He felt like holding his brother gently and letting him tell him all his problems. Emil ignores it though, it's foreign and weird. He does reach out to rest his hand on his shoulder though, "You didn't seem to have control over the situation at all when I walked in. At least you stopped me from killing the bastard." He still felt like strangling the guy, but it's too late now. "Maybe I should have just done it..." He mumbles, narrowing his eyes. "I don't care that you woke me, I would have felt awful if you ended up getting hurt and I didn't wake up to help."

Emil gives in at least to his desire to hold his brother, pulling him close and resting his head on Levi's, "I'm sorry for not helping sooner." He takes in Levi's scent, and it's definitely not as good as usual, since he smells like that guy. He grumbles under his breath, then speaks normally, "Don't do something reckless like that again." With that he releases Levi, turning to go to bed. "I'm tired."
 
Levi flinched when Emil put a hand on his shoulder, but didn't move. All of the words his brother said to him went in one ear and out the other. The only thing to jostle him temporarily back to reality was Emil pulling him close, which made his eyes well up with tears again. He muttered something about never having told the guy to stop, but it was barely loud enough for himself to hear. He hadn't, too; it made him wonder if, on some twisted level of disgusting, he wanted to be raped, to get his brother's attention. His stomach turned again at the thought, but he didn't gag. His body hurt too much.

"I won't," he croaked, and wondered if it was a lie or not. He seemed to be in a downward spiral at the moment, and was only picking up momentum. He watched his brother trudge back to bed with a heavy heart, simultaneously wanting to run after him and ask him to love him and also jump out of the window. In the end, he settled on huddling in the bathroom, to try and bring himself back to reality.

And he wished that he hadn't.

The guy had definitely done some damage. The scratches on his cock were an entirely new sensation, and it was awful. It almost looked like he had let Felix get a little too close to him in the shower. The bite on his neck was even angrier than the bruises Emil had left, with fresh blood just starting to clot. The worst part, by far, came when he crawled into the shower - sitting as the water scalded him, not standing - and inspected himself, only to discover that yes, he had torn something, and even if he didn't come, Levi still now had to worry tenfold about diseases.

He threw up two more times in the shower, and sobbed for forty minutes until all of the hot water ran cold.

Levi paced around the apartment for another thirty minutes after that, naked, biting his nails for the first time since he was a child, looking at the blood on the floor and trying to convince himself that it was just jam. When he couldn't, he scrubbed up the mess, feeling crazed like Lady MacBeth.

He didn't know what time it was when he finally wandered into his room to put on clothes, but he could hear birds starting to chirp already, even if it was still dark outside. He sat on the edge of his bed for a long time, staring into space, and wondering if he would ever be able to sleep again. He felt broken and useless, and didn't want to shut his eyes. He had no idea what he wanted to do. He didn't think anything could possibly bring him comfort, right now.

But then he remembered what he used to do when he was a very small child, before something inside of Emil snapped, and he started to have violent mood swings. When he would get scared, he would crawl into his brother's bed, and for the first few years, Emil would put up with it. Sometimes, he would even read him stories, to get him to calm down. And right now, that's what made the most sense. Levi felt very, very small, and Emil was very, very big, and he had protected him, and --

He didn't even remember walking into Emil's room, but he was there, and then he was softly slipping into bed next to him, and curling up tightly next to his side. He reached for whatever part of Emil he could find, needing to touch another human being. He didn't quite remember opening his mouth, but he did remember, in a watery voice, telling him, "I love you, Emil. I love you so much. I love you more than anything. Please don't leave me. Please."

And he hoped it would be enough.
 
Emil thinks hard for a while about why he felt that urge with Levi, it couldn't be brotherly, because he doubts other brothers would want to kiss their younger brothers how he imagined. Yes, he imagined it. He knew Levi had just puked and yet his brain went on imagining things. He didn't sleep until about 5 AM, having a dreamless sleep.

He's woken up at around 6, to his disappointment, by Levi curling up in his bed. Usually he'd push him out and say something snarky, but Levi seems to broken. He turns over, wrapping an arm around his little brother, he remembers when they did this often, back when Emil was normal. He begins stroking the other's black hair, barely conscious. He hears the other's confession, freezing, but figuring he must still be drunk or something. "Should I read you a story like I used to?" He smiles a bit down at him.

Emil honestly just wants to sleep, but he wasn't going to abandon his brother right now. He really felt awful, "I wish we could go back sometimes... Maybe that'd be best...." He sighs a bit, moving his head above Levi's, "We could go back to being innocent, and I could go back to when I didn't feel like killing people constantly throughout my life."
 
Levi knew there was a strong possibility that Emil might kick him out of his bed, especially after his unexpected confession, but he was prepared to plead his case if necessary. Thankfully, it didn't come down to manipulation this time, which made Levi feel just a touch less disgusting. His body almost melted into the mattress when Emil wrapped an arm around him, and he had to bite back tears again as he started to stroke his hair. He knew he was just doing this to be nice, after what happened, but he still loved every second of it. He could pretend for the next few hours that they were lovers and that everything was okay, until he woke up tomorrow and had to go to the clinic just to make sure he didn't have fucking HIV.

"You don't have to read me anything," he murmured, wrapping his arms around Emil's waist. "Just let me stay here... please." He sniffled, perhaps exaggerating the extent of his tears this time. "Maybe we can go to the doctor together." He suggested after a few seconds of silence. "And then maybe everything could be normal again..." Levi doubted things could ever go back to being 'normal', but it was nice to think about, at least. And maybe he just didn't want to go to the doctor by himself.
 
Emil nods, "That's fine, you can stay..." He leans down a bit and kisses his forehead, surprising himself more than anyone. He moves his face away, not sure where the hell that came from. "Yeah...we can go to the doctor together." He keeps his gaze averted from Levi, not wanting Levi to feel weird about the kiss he just gave him. "Maybe..." He sighs, pulling Levi closer and resting their foreheads together as he closes his eyes again. Maybe they could go back to normal. But what is normal anyway? For brothers.... He doubts they have sex together, and still do stuff like this, like when they were kids. He voices his thought, "What is normal though?" He murmurs before drifting off.

He wakes up only a few hours later, around 8, looking at Levi in his bed with groggy eyes. At least this time he wasn't hungover and naked when he woke up to Levi in the same bed as him. He strokes his little brother's hair again, looking him over. He hadn't been this close to him without being drunk in years, and he hasn't taken the time to study him. He realizes how much Levi's grown over the years, he still sort of looks like younger Levi, but more grown up. Emil sighs, well that makes sense, but it feels like he shouldn't have changed any. Like he was always going to stay the innocent, little Levi from when they were kids. He hasn't helped with the innocent part, since he tried to rape him only a few nights ago, then the night after he had sex with him. He's not sure why Levi let him do that, it seemed a bit trusting, but Emil knew he was probably afraid of him flying into a fit of rage if he refused. He reaches over to Levi's ear, touching all the piercings, this is another addition to his body from when he was a child. He continues touching things he notices have changed gently, thinking about how exactly they'd changed. He sighs, pulling his hand away, this is weird, touching your brother while he's asleep. He pulls his hand away and just closes his eyes again to wait for Levi to wake.
 
Though his tears were mostly exaggerated at this point, Levi really did tear up when Emil so gently kissed his forehead. This was all he wanted, really, this soft, loving affection, and it hurt to know he was only receiving it because he had been attacked, and Emil felt bad for him. But he wanted to pretend that this was real, and when he woke up, his brother wouldn't hate him, and wouldn't go back to having a regular, normal boyfriend. He said nothing when asked what 'normal' was, because he didn't know anymore. He just wanted to go to sleep.

And sleep he did. He didn't sleep for long, but he slept dreamlessly, which was much needed. He very vaguely remembered Emil touching him gently, above the waist, but was so out of it that he couldn't tell if it was really happening or not. He woke up at around 11:30, feeling quite ill and sore, but warm and safe. He remembered that he was here with Emil, and he contemplated just pretending to sleep for the rest of the day, so that maybe his brother wouldn't move, but he needed to go to the clinic today. He knew that it was too early to detect any diseases, which was a nauseating reality, but he did want to make sure that the prick hadn't ruptured anything.

Levi groaned at the thought and opened his eyes, immediately regretting the decision when the light burned them. He hadn't even drank that much, not really, but the alcohol combined with an empty stomach and exhaustion made him feel like a dumpster fire. He rolled over and stretched out his legs, wincing at his sore muscles. Shit, was he ever in a state. Emil was still next to him, but Levi couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not. He stared at him silently for a few minutes before deciding he should probably see if he was awake, to find out of he hated him or not - like a masochist. Gently he shook Emil's shoulder, his hair tousled and messy.

"Are you awake?" He asked, voice hoarse. "... Do you hate me?"
 
Emil looks at his brother as he wakes up, thinking he's just shifting around, he closes his eyes again. He feels his shoulder being shaken, he opens his eyes again. He looks at Levi, "I'm awake... Why would I hate you?" He furrows his brows, thoroughly confused. "You're my little brother, I can't hate you." He grumbles and rolls over, stretching, hearing his bones pop. "Plus I live with you, it'd be troublesome to hate someone you live with." He closes his eyes again, "I'm so tired, but we should probably go to the doctor..." He opens them again, looking at Levi. "You're so small compared to my shirt... I think it ate you."

He basically rolls off the bed, sighing. Emil isn't sure what to think about anything that happened last night, since he was barely conscious anyway. "I'm sorry if randomly kissing your forehead like that was weird. I don't even know why I did it." He squints, staring off into space for a minute before shaking it off. "So let's go to the doctor..." Emil begins stripping out of his pajama pants, tossing them on his dresser for later use. He walks over to his closet, picking out something random to wear. Then he goes to his bedside table, picking up his glasses and putting them on. He honestly needs new ones, since his vision is gradually getting worse, but he didn't really have the time nor money to do so.

Emil picks up random pieces of clothing he'd strewn about the room throughout the week, putting them in his basket, before picking that up and taking it to the small laundry room they have in their apartment. "I have laundry today, so get together yours, Levi." He rarely did any of the housework, and he feels bad about it sometimes. On these occasions he'll do whatever he sees that needs to be done. He doesn't do it often mainly because usually after work it's in the middle of the night and he just wants to pass out.
 
Levi sighed in relief when Emil said he didn't hate him, but didn't look up at him, just in case his eyes said something else. He made a face when he said they should go to the doctor, but he knew that he was right. What did make him look up was Emil apologizing for kissing him on the forehead.

He felt like asking him if he was stupid, but bit his tongue. Of course he didn't think the kiss on his forehead was weird. He adored it, and he wanted him to do it more often. Did he miss his confession last night, the one where he said he loved him? Did he somehow interpret that as sibling love; did Levi had to say 'I'm in love with you' for his brother to understand? Perhaps he understood, and he was just ignoring it. That was definitely a possibility, and the most logical one. There was almost no chance that Emil returned his feelings - nor was he that stupid. Yes, Levi thought, Emil was definitely just ignoring him, but he couldn't be angry. It was still legions better than kicking him out of the house, and never speaking to him again.

"Okay," he said softly, sounding very distant. He slipped out of Emil's bed very carefully, dismayed to find that his body was incredibly sore this morning. He shuffled into his room just as carefully, and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Levi hated to leave the house looking so dishevelled, but he just didn't have the will to put any effort in his appearance beyond combing his hair and pulling it back into a ponytail. He grabbed his laundry basket out of his closet and kicked it into the hallway and down to the laundry room; he was sure he looked absolutely pathetic, but maybe the more pathetic he looked, the nicer Emil would be to him - and for longer.

He then stopped in the bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth, avoiding his reflection to the best of his ability. When he did catch his reflection, though, he was horrified to see just how much he looked like a fucking abuse victim. Suddenly, he had second thoughts about going to the doctor today.

"Do you want coffee?" Levi asked Emil quietly when he left the bathroom. "'Cause I really need coffee..."
 
Emil clears his throat, picking up the basket and he begins emptying out the clothes into the washer. "Levi.." He wants to ask if maybe he was just drunk when he'd confessed to Emil last night, but decided it was dumb and he probably wouldn't remember it anyway. He shakes his head, "Never mind." He goes back to the laundry, not worrying about it anymore.

He nods when asked about coffee, "If you would." He finishes putting the laundry into the washer and starts it shortly after. He goes into the bathroom now, brushing his teeth and then taking a piss. He looks into the mirror, fixing his disheveled hair and rubbing his tired looking eyes. He hears a beep from his phone in his room, meaning he has a text. He really only has a few contacts in his phone including Levi there's his mom, dad, Alek, his bosses, and that's it really. He realizes how little of a social life he has and sighs.

He finishes up in the bathroom, going to his bedroom to check on the text. When he sees it his breath catches, "Well that didn't fucking take long." He tugs at his hair in frustration, "God fucking dammit." He hisses out, tossing his phone across the room like it's a Frisbee. "I'm going to need a fucking gallon of coffee now. God dammit." He tears through the apartment, straight to Levi, he can feel himself looking for something to get angry about at Levi. He can't stop himself though, needing to be angry at someone other than himself right now. He hisses out something under his breath, "God dammit Levi... Why in the hell did you even break our rule about not bringing people home? Huh?" He says this in a confrontational manner, "If you hadn't you wouldn't have to worry about you having potential diseases. You're not supposed to just go pick up fucking randos from a bar. And you're probably more fucking hurt than it was worth. Why did you even do it? Did you need to get fucked that badly?"

Emil corners Levi, his face covered in anger. "I don't know what the hell you thought would happen. But you're fucking lucky I was here, otherwise you could be fucking dead in a ditch right now and no one would no what happened to you. Then I'd get the fucking blame from mom and dad because I'm the older brother and I didn't protect you, even though you're a fucking adult. Though you're an adult that can't defend himself even if he's getting raped. Nope, you weren't doing anything last night other than letting that guy have his way with you. You didn't even seem to be present. You were just going to let him finish and toss you away like fucking trash. What the fuck is wrong with that picture?"
 
Levi had started the coffee machine, blissfully unaware of his brother's building rage; he thought they were going to have a good day, a quiet day, and things would slowly start to improve. But the moment he heard Emil toss his phone across the room like it cost nothing, he knew he was wrong. He was always wrong. He almost didn't bother looking up at Emil when he stormed towards him, but he wasn't giving him that choice.

Each word out of his brother's mouth felt like a dagger to the gut. What the hell happened to the Emil that let him sleep in his bed, touched his face and his ears and his hair like he was something to be treasured, and kissed him? How could he disappear just like this, to be replaced with some sort of fucking demon?

"I'm not... I'm not going to the doctor because of..." Levi's breath hitched as he stumbled over the word 'diseases'. He couldn't even get himself to say 'because he tore me, and it fucking hurts'; Emil would just think he was even more disgusting, and never want to touch him again, because he was ruined. A noise that sounded suspiciously like a whimper bubbled from his throat as Emil cornered him, tears welling up in his eyes no matter how hard he tried to fight them. He felt so broken right now; he couldn't fight anything like he normally would be able to. He was acting like a little girl, and for the first time since he was a young child, his masculinity felt wounded. He wondered if he'd ever feel like a man again.

He stared at Emil with wide eyes for a while, stumbling over words in his head as he tried to think of something to say. He wanted to yell back, to be just as vicious, but he couldn't. He was so tired. "How can you even say that, Emil?" He asked finally. "After you tried to rape me? You knew I wouldn't be able to defend myself. Y... you told me that's why you pick fights with me, because I'm small, and can't stand up to you. How could you even..." The dam of tears building up in his eyes finally spilled forth, and Levi slid down the wall into a crumpled pile of defeat. Why did he think that Emil would be kind enough to treat him gently right now? Every day, it seemed like he was getting dumber and dumber, more willing to believe that his brother would somehow change.

"You've made it so clear that I'm useless," Levi sobbed out, wiping globs of tears off of his face as he pulled his knees up to his chest. "So why do you keep asking me, why, why, why? You know why. You know why. You're..." He rubbed his eyes fitfully, before staring up at his brother with the darkest gaze he could muster. "You're why."
 
Emil listens to his brother and spits back at him, with venom in his words, "I don't give a fuck." With that he turns, leaving the apartment with a slam of the door. He needs to get out, to get into a fight with someone. Usually he'd stay with his brother and basically use him as a mental punching bag and physical one as well, but he didn't need that. He needs someone to hit him back, not like Levi, since Levi never fights against him. He needs pain right now, instead of just giving it, and to reflect the pain he's going through emotionally.

So that's what Emil does, he goes out with intent to pick a fight. He is bumped into by a large guy on the street and smirks, this is exactly what he was looking for. He makes a remark like, "What the hell man?" Then he launches into fighting, tussling with the guy, getting punches and kicks to himself, along with delivering them. They only stop fighting when they hear police, both of them taking off like they're on fire. He has bruises everywhere, his knuckles bleeding, along with various other places on his body.

He has no where in particular to go now, wandering aimlessly down alleys and streets, already having a bad sense of direction and ends up getting lost. Emil stops, feeling like he's going to lose everything in his system, and a few moments later he does, right in the middle of the street. He gags at the smell afterwards, moving away from it, not too concerned about cleaning it up. He's not sure if that happened because of how much his emotions are tossing around in his stomach or the blow he'd received to the stomach earlier, probably both. He doesn't want to go back to Levi, maybe ever. He sighs, his anger having subsided since the fight. He did feel awful about what he said to his brother, just because he was angry. It wasn't Levi's fault. He wants to call him, apologize, but he remembers his phone that he flung across the room earlier and sighs.

He continues wandering around for hours, not going home for a couple reasons, mainly not wanting to face Levi but also because he's lost. He walked so far, and he's not sure where the hell he ended up, he could be in a different city for all he knows. "God dammit, I hate myself." He ends up staying at a hotel he stumbles across, a very cheap one at that, which is good for his wallet. He doesn't sleep though, just lying there, not able to sleep. He contemplates calling Levi a few times but never does.
 
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