J
Jakers
Guest
Original poster
Aridian is on the right track, but he needs a bit of cleaning up so far, with typos and such. For example, his profession is 'Friction Rewriter' but a line just below it says 'gravity Rewrition'. You should also organize the backstory into paragraphs; it's quite the wall-of-text.Aridian Kellar
Story-wise, here are the issues. Rewrition isn't something you just 'discover', as such. It's a unique and rare gift (though with the amount of rewriters this RP's getting, it doesn't seem that rare,) that's passed down through a family bloodline of rewriters. So, Aridian's mother or father would've been a rewriter and informed him about his possible powers at some point, unless they hidden this information from him for whatever reason. Also, he had Rewriter's Fingers injected into both his eyes? Wha? Rewriter's Fingers are usually needles injected into the body to connect a link between your blood and the outside air. Having two needles shoved in your eyes probably isn't going to do a lot of good for poor old Aridian, unless you want him to be blind, which would majorly cripple his combat capability.
As for his Friction Rewrition, I'm not actually a smart person when it comes to science, so is it actually possible to create a full-on explosion using friction? That sounds like it would take a serious amount of power, and the explosion side of his Rewrition is something I'm not too comfortable with him starting with, but it could be something he later learns as he grows in power throughout the RP.
Just about everything else seems good, just edit him a bit and he should be ready to join the cast.
I know this is WIP and stuff, so it's prone to a lot of changes, but here are some brief thoughts so far.Lydlos Morder
Firstly, the picture probably needs to be changed to something else. I've already told someone they can't use a certain picture because the gear was from another gaming franchise that exists IRL, and that's the same case here. All of her stuff is from Assassin's Creed, I believe, and even if it isn't, gear like that isn't anything like Blennghammen people would wear.
Secondly, an assassin in Blenngham is a bit... odd. Blenngham folk are all about honor and war when it comes to killing others, not about being sneaky and such. Lydlos would be very much frowned upon there if people ever found out her profession, and I don't think anybody would want to hire her. She can still be from Blenngham and such, but it begs the question of who in this honorable and powerful freezing-cold city would want to hire an assassin, and who would train her to do the things she can do?
Well, the trained guard there fight a lot better than they look, and people of Meadow often possess a lot of natural talents in all sorts of skills. They're also one of the few cities that feel like they don't need to build anything fancy or live a luxurious life, despite possibly having the resources to upgrade and such. They take what they need from the land, and, similar to people of Drokk, they have absolutely no interest in war (though they didn't sign a contract to completely prevent it like Drokk did.) It's just a pretty cool place that produces some pretty cool people. Nowadays it's in a lot of trouble with the recent events and stuff, but then again, so's everywhere.This came rather late, but what's so interesting about the town? Other than being an agricultural village that is.
YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT. GET IN HERE.Hey, hey, hey! Long time no see, man! Saw the banner.
Still room for this goof?
Was it the blood banner? That's my favorite one.
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