I'll get round to reviewing the sheet properly when you're out of the W.I.P. phase, obviously, but for now, I've got a little nitpick that's probably really annoying, so sorry for that. In the picture, he's wearing a hoodie, which is modern clothing (unless I'm mistaken and it's a cloak or something). The visual description for him is spot-on and really good, but if that is a hoodie he's wearing, could you change the pic? Sorry, it's annoying, I know.
Also, 'Kind', 'Caring', and 'Smart' aren't skills that should be in that section, those are personality traits. Same with such stuff in the 'Weaknesses' section. Other than that, what you've got so far looks good! Let me know once Ash is ready for a more in-depth analysis.
Briaes looks great! As soon as I saw the picture and name, I thought 'Blenngham' and was right, which means you've done a good job of characterizing a person with the city I had in mind. Consider her fit to be part of the cast when the OOC comes out.
The story all matches up well, so you're good on that front! I will mention that some other people are going for a taming-focused class, and they've made their own city for it, but that doesn't mean you have to change your three wolves you start with or anything. I'm just asking: Can Briaes tame new wolves, or when they get rekt, is that it?
I like her personality, which reminds me that so far, everyone is doing a really good job of bringing a variety of personalities and nationalities to the cast so far! We're getting a real varied cast on that front, which is great. Makes me excited for the possible exchanges of dialogue we're going to see in the initial 1v1's. If someone goes Keldian, shit is gonna get real.
Okay, I got some stuff done and the WIP removed, but I'm not sure I'm happy about my character, but frankly my brain is too dead from recent lack of sleep, so tell me everything I need to fix for him and I'll get all up on that tomorrow~
P.S. I didn't notice my other picture was just a hoodie, so I threw up that one~ If the new picture doesn't work either, I'm more than happy to look for another (is slightly addicted to looking for character pictures)
I'll never be able to explain why but I found this statement extremely funny. And also: Yay, Aridian gets a pass. I'm gonna have to acclimate myself with the spellings of the different cities and towns
She used to have a lot more but they've died over time to bandits and monsters. Only 3 left now but she could theoretically get more. All it takes is gaining their trust as animals first before she can boss them around.
Ash looks good, and hurray! I'm glad we managed to get someone from Drokk, too.
Because of his weaknesses, frail nature, and combat-unsuited body, he's going to be a pretty powerful rewriter, just so everyone knows. He looks good to go, the story's good and such for someone of his upbringing. But, there's still something about the picture that doesn't seem... right.
You don't have to change the picture this time, as it's an improvement, but is that a ribbon on his head and a paper chain around his neck? And geez, Ash, you couldn't wait to eat until afteryour CS picture was to be taken? Greedy boy. You can keep the picture like that if you wish, but a second change might be welcome.
@Jakers I'll be completely honest, I only used that picture as the second picture because I was exhausted and needed to get to work on his Bio ^^; I changed it again to something hopefully better (not sure why I'm having an issue finding a proper pic for him) BUT I'll change it as much as I need as I have a HUGE repertoire of pictures to look through~
@Jakers I'll be completely honest, I only used that picture as the second picture because I was exhausted and needed to get to work on his Bio ^^; I changed it again to something hopefully better (not sure why I'm having an issue finding a proper pic for him) BUT I'll change it as much as I need as I have a HUGE repertoire of pictures to look through~
Well, the pic you've currently got for him is acceptable. You've got a lot of time to pick the best picture possible for him if you're looking to do that, but for now, consider him good to go for the OOC stage!
@Jakers I think I'm finally done. Take a look. I changed the picture and filled out the rest of the CS. Hopefully this makes things clearer and easier to understand.
@Jakers I think I'm finally done. Take a look. I changed the picture and filled out the rest of the CS. Hopefully this makes things clearer and easier to understand.
Yep, she's good to go now! Because you decided to make her a pure assassin in the end, note that she's going to be super good with those daggers and an accurate shot. I'm guessing she can sneak, too, making her easily one of the stealthiest in the cast so far.
If I had to say there's something else you could add, you should put something about her being very skilled at acrobatics/athleics in her profession details, as those are very powerful traits for an assassin.
Yep, she's good to go now! Because you decided to make her a pure assassin in the end, note that she's going to be super good with those daggers and an accurate shot. I'm guessing she can sneak, too, making her easily one of the stealthiest in the cast so far.
If I had to say there's something else you could add, you should put something about her being very skilled at acrobatics/athleics in her profession details, as those are very powerful traits for an assassin.
Added it in. Thanks for the suggestion. This CS has tired me out more than any other I've made in the past year at least. I hope it's good. I'm going to go eat lunch and pretend that I can actually sleep tonight.
Name: Theo Lukass Age/Gender/Height: 19/Male/6'2" Province: Abbelest
---
Personality: Beforehand, Theo could be thought of as a very kind and outgoing individual, and though he still can be, the boy has since surviving the massacre at Abbelest become much more stoic and serious due to the loss he's endured and chaos he's witnessed. In all honesty, the dark-haired mercenary could've turned out a lot worse than he currently is.
Rather than filled with anger and spite towards Keldians, Theo seems to remain rather calm when seeing, speaking or hearing about them. Of course, he doesn't like them; hates them in fact, but he won't allow himself to be overcome with rage as that would simply put others and himself at risk. The loss of those he cared about actually did more good than bad as Theo shows to be extremely mature for his age, speaking more in the same way of a calm veteran that someone with the same lack of experience as he.
While a mercenary and used to demanding payment for his services, Theo is ironically not very greedy or concerned with monetary gain. Honestly, he'll put a stop to something or help someone of his own volition simply as he sees it as the right thing to do, not asking for any kind of reward, though he won't often decline if offered. He has somewhat of a hero complex, that is for sure. Theo especially seems unable to turn a blind eye to wrongdoing, despite the current situation. This means that if he sees corrupted or bandits ravaging a village, he'll almost certainly focus his efforts to protecting it or at least ensuring survivors escape. Or if someone of higher status abuses their authority, he won't hesitate to stop their impositions. This can be taken as both a good trait and bad fault. Theo's heart is definitely in the right place… but unfortunately, what the heart dictates isn't always what's best.
Relations: Karmia Razgriz- Theo, like any Keldians, detests the girl. However, he does see himself as owing the woman, which is verily the only reason why he is willing to associate with her at all in a form that is not completely cold. More or less, he seeks to repay her as quickly as possible so as to be able to cut association with her.
--- Biography: A boy born to leaders of a mercenary company stationed primarily in the province of Abbelest. The Gray Wolves, initially making a name for themselves as a diverse freelance company, were quickly dragged into the war effort when Kelda and Abbelest went at arms. They were compensated well and ensured steady income for the company but—due to Abbelest's grave disadvantage, the troupe would endure losses as often as the faction itself. It was for this reason that Theo lived a mostly sheltered early life. While the majority who took to wielding a blade for the profession trained young and considered themselves adults and independent when they came upon sixteen years of age, Theo experienced his first battle but a year ago, when he was eighteen, verily only being allowed the opportunity for acquiring battle experience through the taking of side-jobs of much less endangerment.
By not any means weak or unskilled, Theo stood little chance at proving himself in battle, more so for the reason that the war was coming to a close with Abbelest on the losing side. The battles the company participated in only grew more and more disadvantageous and Theo didn't hold much of a fighting chance when the company and a detachment of Abbelest forces attempted to circle the enemy's sides and flank them only to be ambushed on the way. The detachment was nearly wiped out and the company acquired more losses as well. While Theo attempted to stand and fight to protect those of him troop from being slain, a retreat was ordered as it was obvious they stood no chance at repelling the enemy, forcing the boy to leave the fallen behind, an action that would forever haunt the young swordsman.
Around five months later, The Grey Wolves stand greatly diminished, more of a squad than a company really. His father, Ryker, a skilled swordsman and tactician hailing from a military family of the same province they fought for. His mother, Hildegarde, a warrior from Blenningham with a monstrous strength and brutal fighting style that did not disappoint stereotypes. Raynard, an arrogant man with a past unspoken who hailed from The Binnes surprisingly, though you wouldn't guess that at first glance from his personality and actual enjoyment of "getting his hands dirty". Cecelia, a knightess as well from Abbelest who left the military over a decade prior in order to join the Wolves. Finally there was Theo and his younger sister Lucielle who was much too young to even be considered for combat in normal circumstances, let alone the dire ones that plagued their current day. The great mercenary troop now reduced to five active members, it was only when it was too late that they contemplated breaking contract and fleeing; a thought that, while cowardly, Theo's parents heavily considered for everything else aside, the well-being of their children. They were vagabonds, not actual soldiers, so long as they did not wield their blades for Abbelest, they could live and revive their name elsewhere. If only they considered this plan prior to when Kelda launched its final purge on the faction.
Fire engulfed the city and soldiers executed any who managed to escape the gluttonous flames. It was here that Theo lost the rest of his company and family. While they managed to survive the fire itself, they quickly wound up separated when an immolated building collapsed. With his parents and Raynard cut off from the other three and ambushed by a detachment of Keldian soldiers, Theo once again was forced to run and hope for the best; his parents and Raynard were skilled combatants and there was no way around regardless, he felt it was necessary to focus his efforts to protecting his younger sister. Unfortunately, the three didn't make it far before they too were attacked by Keldian personnel. It was here that Cecelia, who he had grown up looking to as a non-biological aunt, was felled by the numbers. Enraged, Theo gripped his blade and charged at the commander only to be blasted back by the user's magic into an inflamed building along with his sister. Theo recovered only a few moments too late and saw his sister, collapsed and unmoving, only for burning debris from above to fall and bury the girl the second he moved to retrieve her. Filled with grief and shock, the sole survivor of the company, Theo sat there frozen, only being thrust back into reality when the structure shook and more debris fell to his side. Fleeing from the building, it was there he encountered yet another Keldian, albeit one slightly different.
Falling to his knees after escaping the unstable structure, Theo looked up to see a mounted Kaldian woman with blade in hand, just staring down at him. Exhaling heavily, fatigued and with having lost his blade after getting blasted through the fiery building, he wouldn't have stood a chance. The woman could have killed him with ease, but instead, she just nodded her head back in the direction she came from, told him of a hole in the encirclement of the city, then went on her way. Theo did nothing in response but stare up in anger, though he did trust in her words. Well, it wasn't so much trust as her not having a reason to lie. Following along the route he was told, he encountered another duo of soldiers not as benevolent as the woman that spared him, which he was saved from by Raynard; a bitter-sweet moment as, while he now knew Raynard was alive, it was also how he learned of his parents' passing.
Truly, if it wasn't for her, there was a very good chance that Theo wouldn't have made it out of the city. Together, the two escaped the city just as the "Corrupted" began chasing even the Keldians out. Raynard stated that he would be going his own way after the two had recuperated, but not before replacing the boy's equipment. He gave the reason that he owed Theo's parents and being from the Binnes it's not like he was short on money. After that, however, the only other survivor of the company bid the boy farewell and set off on his own, leaving Theo to make a name for himself from scratch.
In the months to come, the Theo would roam, continuing his parents' profession by taking on jobs in various provinces, sometimes simply lending aid and leaving without a word of compensation at all. In the few months to come, he would take on the name of his company entirely, earning the epitaph "The Gray Wolf" for his ferocious fighting style and brutality in battle. Though, as is expected, his name is only spoken of rarely and in certain parts of the continent he has traveled within the past few months. Verily, Rhyzen's messenger might have missed him were he not to have witnessed Theo's combat proficiency first-hand. With the promises of renown and reward, as well with the capability of helping people, Theo accepted the invitation with the hope of one day rebuilding his parents' company and creating a new family for himself.
---
Profession: Mercenary Profession Details: Well-traveled, Theo finds advantage in his skill with blades as well in his experience with various cultures, people and combat styles. He as well possesses a limited sufficiency with tactics and bartering. Hardy and flexible to adapt to multiple scenarios, Theo can play the shield or the sword in a battle. Signature Moves: Theo makes use of his diverse knowledge of and experience with various combat styles. Rather than use any specific style, Theo shifts and alters his form to suit his needs. Whether he needs to brute force his way through his enemies in a style similar to his mother's and make use of large sweeps and cleaves, relying more on instinct and brutality to intimidate and break his opponents or his father's style of enduring and parrying blow after blow until a lethal opening presents itself, then taking advantage of it, with blades, axes and even pole-arms, Theo is a jack of all trades.
--- Skills:
Personality: Honorable, prideful, arrogant and a tad bit deranged. Karmia tends to be a typical Keldian. Honest, honorable, too violent for her own good. Always, if a bit absent mindedly looking down on the weaker elements, or at least more ignorant, of the population. Being a noble woman as well she often as of late wrestles with the ghosts of her past, seeking answers to a great many questions, and perhaps a bit more peace. Oddly, or at least for people who don't know Keldians that well, she has a conscious. Knowing when duty and pointless violence have crossed a fine line.
Because of this while Haughty and mocking, if not a little unhinged, Karmia tends to at least treat people fairly..if not unapologetically. Overall while she harbors some distrust and resentment towards others based on where they are from, it also holds true for her fellow countrymen. In general class and social standing are more important to her than any bloodlines. A fact that those who can stand being around her, will quickly learn.
While this is mostly an aggravating factor, Karmia is known to be somewhat kind to her comrades, sharing food, or trying to talk civilly with them. While her smart remarks may not cease, or her general nature, she will readily fulfill some requests.
In battle the Royal Dragoon is known to be unrelenting, relying on her enchanted armor and blade. With both, the Storm Raven, lives up to her name. Though she is surprisingly observant and watchful, even if her conclusions may not be the most sound. Like a hunting hawk, she stays perched above, waiting to make her presence known. A skilled combatant, Karmia can be trusted to watch someone's back...mostly.
Paradoxically, she seems guided by whims and her code of honor. While able to be a noble lady, Karmia can show a surprising amount of bloodlust. Believing its better to be feared than loved, she joins this new army for a host of reasons, confined to herself.
Though perhaps that kinder nature of the well learned woman, that shows mercy, is closer to the truth, than the sociopathic Keldian. We take shape to the events and people around us.
Profession:Keldian Royal Dragoon. (Specialist Physical rewriter.)
Profession Details: Soldiers of the former Kelda Royal Army were known for their use of specialized rewriters who could physically rewriting augment their bodies with wings for speedy movements or combat recon gliding. While this naturally has its own uses and specializations, the use of heavy armor and weapons, tended to limited effectiveness among some troops. Those who have a long history or noble upbringing tend to afford a bit more in regards to training and skill.
Armed with enchanted weapons, and the so called "Blood Ribbon", these elite soldiers were titled Royal Dragoons. Focusing on the use of heavy two handed blades, enchanted armor, and magic that is meant to make the body stronger. They are trained to specialize in combat actions from, or to the skies, if but for brief periods of time.
Not many of these soldiers survived the war however. Being from the noble houses, noticed by the red ribbon, and while Elite soldiers, still fairly human, they were prime targets during the war, and in its aftermath.
~~~
When they were still a forced to be reckoned with, the Royal Dragoons were infamous for leading several sieges and subjugation missions, ending up in places normal soldiers could not even for their normal Keldian counterparts. While not able to truly fly, these Dragons were known to cross short distances quickly, able to leap up tall structures and reach areas other soldiers cannot. Their flight ability seems to be a form of advanced gliding.
While flight still eludes these elite soldiers, they have more mobility than the standard, able to jump great leaps with aid of the wings. The Royal Dragoons served as a form of Heavy Infantry and Reconnaissance.
As to how this system of rewriting is activated, it would seem the Blood Ribbon holds the key, not merely being for show, the ribbon connects to needles located beneath the rear back plate, connected to two back hinged plates. When pulled by the left hand both needles drag across the back, releasing the Rewriters ability.
By the same manner, the blood spilled helps with the armor and weapons enchantments. Once fully removed, the needles are pulled completely, in part this is so the Royal Dragoon doesn't die from unneeded blood lose. If after this period blood is needed to be shed for more spells or bower, the user will have to resort to other means.
Signature Moves: Short of traditional sword fighting, and infiltration tactics, Karmia developed a few specialized moves from her eight years on the battlefield. Where she earned the nickname Storm Raven. Those tactics mostly consisted of powerful high-speed charges, surprisingly, being able to use her massive blade one handed, and normally attacking from the high ground.
Of note she developed a glider attack. By ascending to a high area and gliding down with use of her wings, its a form of swooping attack the Royal Dragoons had a variant of. Hers was mostly using the sword in "flight".
Skills: Mostly trained and raised to be a soldier and a noble, Karmia's skills outside of these factors are rather slim.
Etiquette and social protocol:
when dealing with high society, Karmia, even if begrudgingly can function to the rules and manners expected of a noble lady.
Well Learned:
Karmia has the advantage over most in this age by having proper tutoring. Able to read and write fairly well.
Entertainment:
Knows a variety of dance and the use of musical instruments. This in part falls under her Etiquette training, though she picked up many questionable songs and how to belly dance, though that last fact is largely unknown. The most outgoing one may see her being in this regard, is playing a Ocarina or Lute.
Weakness:
Autoimmunity related issues:
Karmia depends on a healers care every so often, while a long term treatment is possible, her body is in a state of internal conflict. Medications or magic treatment has to do until she has the means to afford this. Noticeable effects of this is a case of insomnia, pale skin, headaches, and light sensitivity.
Lack of ranged Capability:
While able to achieve some means of high-speed movement and a great sword fighter, Karmia lacks any means of ranged combat, she must weather such attacks, or clos in.
Mental Instabilities:
Issues cutting far deeper than just personality plague Karmia, from bouts of rage, blood lust, nihilism, and paranoia. She has through the last year been through much. Without the chance of a break, her very nature has became somewhat twisted, if left too long to her own devices. In attention shes known to have psychotic episodes.
Confinement, or speaking out of reason are good options to settle the situation with her. If this is permeant, or curable, only time will tell. Seems to enter an almost Berserker like state in extended combat, may speak to herself at times.
Biography:
Born into a family of five, Karmia is the youngest daughter of Razen Razgriz, the Keldian Baron, and his wife Ishtar. Sister to Alvir and Jerik, Alvir her senior by six years, Jerik by four. Any further additions to the family seemed to have been halted by the worsening situation with Abbelest. Being of a noble lineage, life was better than most. Education, food, training, were in plentiful supply. Though, not all was perfect, responsibilities and duties were heaped on high. Both civil, and martial. Studies of the latter seemed to suit Karmia, which was just as well, for by the age of sixteen the war that waged on for four long years would conscript her.
Heeding the call to duty with her natural and long breed abilities as a Aerial Rewriter, it was no surprise she would end up in the Royal Dragoons, with the Kingdoms most skilled in Rewriter abilities, and normally of noble blood. Climbing the ranks fairly quickly Karmia was a noted scout and ambush tactician. At first rather small scale, attacking Abbelest scouts, often sweeping in from above, aiming to take their heads in her first strike. Later on this progressed into attacking gate keepers, messengers, other targets of opportunity, as if careful in choosing who to kill.
These tactics while not limited to her, possessed a certain fear factor in Karmia's case.
Sweeping down with a massive two handed blade, the woman would seemingly fly into enemy ranks. Among friend and foe, her distinctive black wings, and the purple flash of her aura, lead quickly to the nickname "Storm Raven." And her armor being unofficially colored in purple.
Over the course of the next three years, she would be noted for distinguished service in the Battle of the Cauldron. Named after a gap in the Kelda frontline where a fort of Abbelest long stood. The Royal Dragoons, while always a specialist unit, was till this point seen as a "baby sitting" and recon force. Under the direction of her father, the Dragoons led a raid which had startling success, leading to the collapse of the salient and consolidation of Keldian forces.
Sneaking along in the darkness the Dragoons would scale an older, partly collapsed section of the fortress, and then glide into the main citadel. Having operated in the area for years, Karmia would serve as a single to the Keldian Shock Troops, and hopefully as a means of fear to the local garrison. Having scouted out the area thoroughly beforehand the Royal Dragoons knew more or less what to expect, and where.
Jumping from the tower in that dead of night, Karmia's purple aura lit up the horizon. Gliding down to the central keep, her normal glider tactics cut down a bodyguard, and she dueled the local commander. Having little respect for the aging peasant, Karmia fought him one handed, swinging her massive blade. With a bit of finesse that spoke of training and battle experience, Karmia went directly for the commander's head, once he was worn down. Between the death of their commander, commandos in the walls, and the Kelda Army assaulting the outside, retreat and surrender were the only options left to the garrison.
Most of whom chose the third option of death. It was in such a pointless clean up that Ishtar would die. This would sour the mood of the Dragoons, seeing such last stands and revenge as stupid.
Regardless, her own actions would lead to the Army giving her the current garb she wears, and her nickname becoming an official title. Her father would be promoted to colonel of the Royal Dragoons, her brothers gained rank as well. Given this, the Dragoons became an elite special tasks unit that acted semi-independently of the main army, because of this and the noble blood of the unit, a certain arrogance would form within its ranks, and oddly, compassion.
Karmia's fighting tactics largely did not change, consisting of gliding into targets of opportunity and then fighting with expert swordsmanship. At times both hands on the sword, at others with one free to assist with melee. Trusting her armor to protect her body, Karmia's presence was noted on many a battlefield. While not the strongest soldier, or the most blood thirsty, the fact she seemed to hunt a single target, and would sneer at those weaker than herself, had a certain reputation.
The Storm Raven was always out there, her purple signature heralding destruction, or simply the deaths of a select few. Though in some ways her father would become more feared, and her brothers respectable in their own rights.
Near the closing stages of the war, the Royal Dragoons would be reassigned to deal with a threat that had caused the Keldian lines to buckle in some areas, the Free Company known as the Grey Wolves.Troops worthy of respect, having observed them and fighting a few skirmishes, a battle plan was formed. In co-operation with the Royal Army. The Army would allow a detachment to retreat past a forest and open plains to the North West. One which more likely than not, the hard pressed Abbelest Army would take. And so they did. The Grey Wolves with other forces "broke" the Keldian lines, moving up from the front to encircle and route the frontline forces.
Karmia remembers that day well. Heavily armored foot-soldiers laying in holes, covered by wooden thatch, the Royal Dragoons in the treeline. Like birds of prey, the spread wings, attacking the mounted men first, during this confusion, infantry would rise up from hiding. And from there, the Royal Dragoons would land in the heart of the mob.
With superior armor and weaponry. Karmia hacked men apart in great number, having some respect for these men and women, she would go for killing blows, or some attempts at incapacitation. Black wings spread out, the Storm Raven found them to be remarkable fighters, with a few hard-pressed bouts, her ability to use her Calvary killing blade one handed paid off. What was an ambush, then a pitched bloody battle, soon became a route. While losses were heavy, the Dragoons allowed the survivors of the Grey Wolves to retreat without harassment.
Not being citizens of Abbelest, the Royal Dragoons took the Grey Wolves wounded, and treated them fairly well. It would have been a great deed if not for what happened next. With the destruction of the Grey Wolves, and the supporting Abbelest Infantry by the "retreating" Keldian forces, the first major breakthrough was had. Abbelest's defeat was now a matter of time.
The Dragoons given loses were reassigned to rear security, a well deserved rest. But when the reports of genocide came through, the unit's higher officers voted almost unanimously to disobey this command, so that Keldian honor would stand true. Abbelest was defeated, there was no point in this madness. As the main army swept through, the Royal Dragoons would find survivors in their "security sweeps." Those not armed were told where and how to escape the encirclement. Karmia in one memorable action came across a survivor of the Grey Wolves, with a fiery look in his eyes. Riding atop a horse with a black cloak, she stared down at him, sword in hand.
Then she nodded him off, doing as her father had instructed. He would not be the last, but he was one of the few she would remember. Soon there after, word of this would reach command, at first the Army was prepared to kill the whole Regiment, until her father agreed to commit suicide, taking punishment for the units actions. Spilling his guts out before the whole unit, sword in hand, Karmia collapsed.
When she next awoke it was to madness. Both of her brothers would be killed in this city by these... things. Karmia herself underestimating the creatures, was wounded heavily in a battle with one. A large one much like an animal. Its maw biting into her head, and swinging her like a child's toy, before being felled by a passing unit of Archers. Escaping that hell thanks to a passing healer, Karmia's mental state steadily seemed to collapse.
Reaching her homeland after a terrible journey, she found nothing but open civil war, the King was gone, and she may likely be the last of not just her family, but the Dragoons as a whole. Her family servants were mostly dead, she was scarred, and now white haired, no prospect of marriage by most accounts, she hurriedly sold off her family lands to a local warlord, desperate for gold, to pay for her journey, and healing.
Forced to seek care for her injuries and not wanting any more of this.. madness that was their war, Karmia would come across a missive from the king, in search of answers, healing, and maybe peace. The now, white haired "Storm Raven" sets out, blade in hand once more.
Relations:Theo Lukass - She tends to somewhat look down upon him, for being both a former enemy and lower caste. It is a bitter irony, that the one person from her past, would be him. Having some respect for his compatriots, and other things to worry about, she is somewhat civil to him. For her the war is long over, and a new one is just beginning.
Following his past events with some interest during her more stable moments. Mostly based on what she overhears from the small folk.
Other notes: Her nickname in part comes from her finished black wings, but also from her visible purple aura when channeling magical power, as well as armor color. Of note before her accident, her hair was black.
Theme song (for the lulz?)
Welp that's in, let me know if there are problems.
Theo looks good to go! Also, props to you two for working out a relation of some kind.
For suggested changes, firstly, his profession is stated as 'Mercenary'. There were a ton of mercenaries about, all with varying fighting styles, so this makes it unclear how Theo fights, though I'm guessing your going for a Jack-of-all-Trades type. Can he use practically any bladed weapon/style instead of having a specialty? Or is there a preferred weapon/style combination he likes to go for?
Also, 'No Rewrition' is in his weaknesses, though this is such a common thing amongst folk within the world, it's not like it's going to cripple his ability to fight and survive.
It's nice to have a Keldian in the mix to tell the two sides of the story, though with the amount of Abbelestians in the cast, poor old Karmia's going to have a hard time. Though I'm sure she'll be fine, being a strong independent woman and such.
Like I've said to others, if there's something you could clean up on right now, it's your presentation. The way you've aligned stuff in the center and not used any breaking lines makes the thing seem a bit cluttered. It's not like it's unreadable, but it could be built on.
(Also, when I first saw 'Razen', I thought you misspelt 'Rhyzen' for a word that sounded like a sun-bleached grape. God bless King Raisin, the first leader to be sponsored by the California Raisins.)
Hmm I may do that on the alignment, I normally use field box around my bios, which positively HATES even one line being out of whack.
And hahaha on the name, not its a older name from the "stans" I assume the people of Kelda are based on that region based on the kings name.
Fixed it up a little, hope that's better, took both of my optional weakness, and combined them. I have one more way to make it look a little better, may attempt that later haven't been sleeping well so might be a bit.
@Jakers I have just a few questions. I was interested in knowing what you had in mind for the creatures of the corruption. By this I mean their physical appearances. I wasn't sure if their description was something you wanted to save for the I.C, but I figured since they're a big deal people would have already known as much as they can about them. Of course if you already have something in mind for that there's no problem.
Also, How are our characters going to be grouped? There are quite a few players who've shown interest already and it would be kinda clustered for everyone to go off on the same mission at once, so I'm wondering if you plan to perhaps have characters be grouped in different teams or something along that line.
Finally, do you have a specific date in mind for when we go live with the R.P?
