Recently, I've been being eaten at by an existential crisis at the back of my mind. I know I'm on the higher-functioning end of the ASD scale (Asperger's), and my friends treat me generally normal, but since I found out, my more analytical side has been picking out all the little... quirks that single me out, in my own mind at least. To put it as frank as possible, I'm kinda scared that I'm more disabled than a believe myself to be, I just can't tell because my personal reality is the only one I can experience, and the people close to me just don't have the heart to tell me. I knew I was a bit of an oddball in school, but since I started work I've been really noticing just how different I am. It doesn't help that my hearing sucks, my auditory processing is lacking, my anxiety kicks up here and there, I move physically slower than most of my coworkers unless I'm jacked on caffeine, I'm more of a perfectionist, my memory is shit, and I can't help but notice some of the little sideways comments about me, or the mildly frustrated sighs. It brings back anxieties and fears I've had since childhood, namely that I'm just in the way, and a bother or burden. It's not all my coworkers, thankfully, most of them actually seem to like me, but I can't help the nagging feeling a the back of my brain that I'm just a little more off the wall than my perception leads me to believe.