RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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Until those fucked downstairs start using their fucking brains and take me seriously and stop expecting me to know the whole god damn ed system I'm not doing another fucking thing for any of them. None of them want to think, listen, or take me seriously. So I'm fucking done. It's that or bite my hand until it bleeds from anger, pain, and apparent depression. FUCK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
 
Guess I'm going back to absolute isolation. Turns out my only friend is psycho.
 
I can't do nothing right anymore. Everytime I try to do something I get a big fuck you from the world. I wouldn't mind living on Mars at this point, maybe there would have less idiotic shit.
 
Having unexpected panic attacks over my own mortality while I'm trying to wind down for bed is always a fun time!

*screams into pillow*

(god, why am I like this ;-;)
 
Sometimes, like right now, the fact of my very existence weirds me out. Like, why is being a person so hard. I have so much on my mind and I'm not even thinking about things. Something in general just feels wrong what the fuck anxiety
 
No, I don't want to read someone else's legal papers. I know you don't understand what they mean, but I don't either. I am not a law student despite your want to press me into law school. Just let me be me.
 
I'm honestly glad that Pokemon Go guarantees you an evolution item on every 7-day pokestop streak. It allows you to, well, actually obtain evolution items, which are otherwise very rare. And there are a good number of Johto Pokemon in the game that can only be obtained by using evolution items.

However

Since this feature was added, I have gotten three 7-day-streak rewards. That's three weeks of consistent gameplay.

And every time, without fail, the item that I get is... an up-grade.

That item's only purpose is to evolve Porygon into Porygon-2.

Ever since the game's original release in July of 2016, I have never even seen a Porygon.

As of now, I am only missing three species from the Kanto dex, and Porygon is one of them. And even if I did catch a Porygon in the near future, it would still take me quite a while to get enough candies to evolve one.

Which is why I'm so glad that I have four up-grades that I have absolutely no use for (three from the streak bonuses, one that I got from random chance on a regular spin). And I'm so glad that, out of all the evolution items I have obtained in the game so far, more than half of them have been up-grades, the specific evolution item that I have the smallest amount of use for.


What are even the odds of being this unlucky??
 
I think my subconscious just yelled at me. I probably should feel comforted about it, but it just ended up pointing out my flaws on a metaphorical level. Earlier today I was feeling supremely tired so I decided a nap was in order. It turned into dream within a dream scenario that in no unsure terms told me I am being a baby about everything that's going on in my immediate life. It's true, but I can't really help how I feel and it's not like I'm whining at other people's faces about it. Poo-poo on you brain! D8< If you need to make me dream, make it about unicorns and rainbows where nothing hurts and all my favorite characters are alive! Well, you can leave Friday(my avatar) dead. He's adorable as a zombie.

One day Xellos will get a turn in my avatar spotlight, one day.
 
Don't tempt Murphy... I only hoped that things wouldn't get worse...
Not just expensive dental bills, add collapsing from a low long term blood sugar and a lot of psychic stress... I won't be surprised if something more happened, it would be just another bonus to a very annoying, frustrating and fairly challenging year.
 
I can't believe that in this day and age, people still believe things like Pokemon or Dungeons & Dragons are satanic.

Let people enjoy the small things they still have, why don't you? But noooo, we couldn't have that. >_>
 
Did too much stressing and thinking. Have killer headache.

Thinking hurts
 
People are spreading more lies than the population of the Earth. Nuff said.
 
My entire body feels like it's in a state of rebellion. Rebelling against the unhealthy choices I have made.

I've been a bad leader, and my cells have decided they won't tolerate it anymore.

They're going to make me suffer.
 
No, no, no, no, no. I don't care if you are my father, you do not get to disappear for six months with nothing but dead silence on your end and then expect us to be all buddy-buddy again, no questions asked, when you decide I'm worth your time only to pull this shit again when you decide that I'm not worth it after all.

Rinse and repeat since I was six years old. I'm so tired of it; I'm a human being, not a possession to jerk around and play mind games with when you're bored.
 
My husband was right. That's not what's annoying me. What's annoying me is having someone take advantage of me. I didn't have to go out of my way to take my neighbor to the doctor yesterday, but I did. What did I get out of it? I ended up having to drive all over God's creation, pick up her son, her prescription and sit in a doctor's office with a woman I barely know. My husband said she'd start asking me to take her everywhere, and he was right. First thing this morning she'd asking me to take her to Walmart and when I told her I couldn't because I needed to take my son to the doctor's, she wanted me to take her with me to the doctor's office. Seriously, my son possibly has strep throat. I'm not taking him anywhere he doesn't need to go, and I'm not exposing his germs to anyone else if I can help it....


So now the problem is, my husband and I both know I'm horrible at saying no to people. It's easy right now because I have an excuse, what what happens when my kids go back to school and I'm sitting around at home doing nothing? I don't even like people, so why in the hell can't I say no to them?
 
You know what's sad? When your asshole parent who's actively abused you is more respectful of your name and pronouns then your non-asshole parent
 
What is this feeling? Is it sadness? Hopelessness? Depression? Why does everything feel so wrong?

And WHY IN THE GOOD NAME OF GOD ABOVE WAS SURREALISTIC POETRY WHAT BEGUN IT
 
I'm clearly not someone to give other people advice when I can't even follow it myself. And yes I'm aware I'm the biggest hypocrite alive, but since when was I ever going to be genuine? It's amazing how people can be fooled just because I can look and act kind. Maybe I did it so I could feel needed and wanted?

Whatever the reason, my innermost motives have always been selfish and for myself.
 
Fuck you Murphy, fuck you.
Fine, I'll take the higher dose of SSRI, because I don't want to lose the things I have right now due to emotional breakdowns stressing me so much that I will fall sick with whatever again and repeat the stress a lot more.
 
I regret ever believing the psychiatrist saying he can fix me. That was clearly a lie.
 
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