This may sound like I think its funny, and I kinda do. But it is extremely infuriating.
So I've always had this curse where people can't understand what i'm saying no matter how simple I put it. One of my old bosses told me to tell him when I had a half shift, so I did. One day I tell him EXACTLY like I have been and he just couldn't comprehend my words. I say "I have a half shift today" And he's like "I don't understand what you're trying to say... Do you want me to check if you have a half shift?" And I'm like "No, i'm telling you I have one." and he's like "Okay... I'll check for you.
!WELL it started happening to my friend, and someone I met recently too.
My friend asked for lemonade no ice. He got strawberry lemonade with ice. So he said "No, I wanted normal lemonade with no ice" so they get the ice out and give him the strawberry lemonade. So he's like "Do you guys not sell normal lemonade here?" And they're like "We do" (now they AWKNOWLEDGE what he was talking about) so he said "Okay, I want normal lemonade" and then they try giving him the strawberry lemonade again right at that moment. He gives them a weird stare like "REALLY?!" and then suddenly the waiters like "Ohhhh, you wanted NORMAL lemonade" and he's like "Yeah" the moment the waiter turned around my friend nearly jumped out of his seat and then he was like "Now I know what its like to be you DX"
Another time was I went up to someone and said "Can I have ranch?" and the girl was like "Ranch?" and I'm like "Yeah, can I have ranch?" and she just stares at me blankly and then she says ranch again, I repeat, she repeats, I repeat... I'm thinking "She knows what I said, I really don't know what she's processing." meanwhile my friend is in the background laughing his ass off beccause of the sheer absurdity of this situation. She finally gets my ranch and I'm like "Why are you laughing?" and he was like "That was the most stupid exchange of words Ive ever heard. You were as clear as possible and she just couldn't grasp that you were asking for ranch.
And recently with the new friend I met (Because of this bullshit ironic enough) the team has a discussion about the proper way to fill out a thing of paperwork. They ask who wrote it, he says it was the boss, and everyone starts acting like he wrote it. So he's like "I mean I didn't really write it, I was just there when the boss wrote it" but nobody could comprehend that so they keep blaming him. The worst part was it was the one who filled out the paperwork that complained about it being wrong later on DX Reminds me of a math teacher I had that showed me how to do a problem, then marked his OWN ANSWER WRONG!
So I run into him hiding at the lockers during lunch and I'm like "Oh hey, its you :D" then we start talking and I mention what happened and he's like "FINALLY! Someone who can understand English."
It just baffles me that people can't process simple phrases, at least around where I live.