RANT Your Brains Out #98274

[GrunkleLogic]

Dear Neighbor,

Nobody is interested in your toothpick show.
Nobody is afraid you you.
Nobody is impressed by you, besides the idiotic nest of banty roosters that live down the street.
Nobody cares what you do, so long as you leave everyone else alone.

How thick can you be?

From a scale on 1-10, with 1 being the dumbest, I'd say you're a negative 20.

 

[Shiri]

Nightmares. Ugh.

 

[junebug]

if i could stop hitting the wrong buttons and messing up, that'd be great


just one of those times where i feel insecure and scared of what others are going to say because i made another mistake

 

[Quetzal]

Had to take my brother to the ER Saturday night. It wasn't really that serious. I could tell. Because he'd gone three times before. And I know from experience during those times. That he was just have bad acid reflux due to his IBS. But I drove him down to ease his nerves. I convinced him in the parking lot that it was fine. So we returned home and he was indeed fine. But I lost sleep. And didn't get much sleep Sunday night. So today I woke up tired. So much so that at lunch I took my lunch at the wrong time. D:

Probably won't be a problem. But it's irksome that I'd mistake the hour so easily. :(

 

[Quetzal]

I really hate 'training'. Because it mostly involves the other person watching as I run the same part for 2 hours. It's not like he's gonna learn anything from that. Just because the boss needed something right away and I wasn't here. Now I'm stuck with him probably most of the day. So I can't get online much.

 

[LunaValentine]

I feel like I'm in an isolated void today. And I'm so tired of the constant nerve pain that I can't do shit about. I feel like absolute garbage. I guess I'll be crying while driving home today, not that anyone cares.

 

[junebug]

Tfw you took up a job offer with amazing pay but found another job hiring during your job training that is better suited to your skills :'(

 

[GrunkleLogic]

You know what today was? A god damn nightmare.

My workplace has a habit of not cleaning, and I refuse to be the only one doing it. Besides, people are supposed to clean up after themselves. And you know who didn't? That asshat that never cleans. And you know what happened today?

The bloody stove caught fire. Great, now I'll have to explain myself to the boss who already hates me. That's just wonderful.

And you know what else made my life hell today?

1. Being told by Planned Parenthood that they won't accept my insurance, which proved that the person I talked to was lying.

2. Being compared to my mother by someone I thought was a friend. They adore my sister, and think everything I do is shite, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised but I am extremely hurt by this. I mean, I've done everything I could not to be where I'm at. But I don't have the ability to hold a job due to my disabilities, and I don't make enough to live on my own. But no, it's clearly my fault that I can't afford to live in the fanciest part of town sipping wine and going to many vacation spots every year.

Not everyone is given the same opportunities growing up. Everyone just loved my sister, and gave her everything. EVERYTHING. And you know what I got? To sleep outside with the dog. A crappy stereo while she got a $300 one with extra speakers. A bus pass while she got a car (GIVEN to her). I was held back one year because I was caught drinking, which I should justly have gotten in trouble for but had it been my sister people would look at her the same as they do now. She's fucked up too, and people are so damn willing to forgive her but me? No man, no, I get the capital punishment. I don't get understanding, and I don't get to be redeemed.

I don't make a lot of money; she gets to go on 3 vacations every year because 'she graduated college' while me? You treated me like I was stupid my entire life, so of course I'm going to struggle to believe that I'd be any good in school. I've gotten through it, took 26 years. 26, you heartless pieces of dogshite. You've kept me down for 26 years, made me hate everything about myself, and now you are comparing me to the one person that caused all of this?

Fuck all of you twenty ways to Sunday and the damn horses you rode in on. Go toss yourselves, I'm sick of being made fun of for what she's done.

I'm not my parents, why do you keep treating me like I am?!

 

[Fluffy]

I get bummed out when I reach out to a person about why they're not replying to our roleplay, and proceed to be ignored. It's rude, and somewhat hurtful. It gets my anxiety going, too. Did I say or do something wrong? Do they hate me now? Am I a bad writer? It's okay to just admit it if the story lost your interest or you think our writing isn't compatible. Or to simply say you wanna stop without explanation, I don't care, just...communicate? Please? Oh well, though. I'm sure they have their reasons. It'll only take me a couple hours to get over it. *shrugs, sighs, and sips her coffee*

 

[Sidhe]

me: ok, you've finished Breath of the Wild, the wedding's over, now you've got some time to be an adult and get things done

depression: or... you could just restart Breath of the Wild because it makes you happy

me: depression no

depression: -finger over the new game button- i'm gonna do it

me: depresSION NO

depression: my crippling loneliness is only soothed in the world of Hyrule

me:

 

[Cosmic Fey]

I'm moving on Saturday and it will either be the best thing to happen to me in years, or it'll be one of the worst decisions of my life.

See I, a massive home-body with major anxiety, will be moving into a share-house where I don't know anybody. With all my past roommate experiences, I've only ever lived with friends before (which has been great for the most part, with one notable exception) because it was easier, safer...comfortable. I'm about to majorly step out of my comfort zone here and I'm so fucking scared.

Deciding to move to a different city a year ahead of schedule at the age of 12 for personal safety reasons? Sure. No problem.

Choosing to stay instead of moving with dad and step-mom and living on my own from the age of 17? Can do.

But living with strangers? Nope. Can't do it. Too much. I'm asking way too much. I'm too high-strung and shy for this

On the one hand, this could be great! The landlord is great and my new roommates seem nice enough; the place is closer to things, it won't take me an hour and a half by bus to get anywhere decent. Which means I'll be more motivated to go places, get out there, meet people! Roommate A's right - we've fallen into a rut in the last two years, change will be good.

Right? God I hope so

But, on the other hand, this might just turn into me hermit-ing away permanently, too anxious and nervous to do anything but sit in my room, scared that doing anything will put their attention on me, that this will go so so badly somehow.

HOWEVER, right now, anything would be better than continuing to live with the third member of this house. I'd rather live with strangers then live another year with her (plus a friend of hers, since Roommate A is also moving out this month), which, as Roommate A pointed out, is saying a lot coming from me.

My solace through this whole thing is that A's said I can always crash at his new place if things do get bad and my brother will be close by. The fact that A's also agreed that in a year or two, depending on where our lives are, we could always try living together again - this time with a 2-bedroom and no third roommate, or with my brother - is also a giant relief and quiets some of the anxiety, not gonna lie.

Still want this weekend to go smoothly and be over though.

 

[junebug]

it bothers me when people think i have a problem with someone when even i don't have a clue what people are talking about when i'm told "yeah we were told you might have a problem with someone". like... i swear i am fine with everyone on my team... i rarely have a problem with anyone. communication is so important and being told that by a trainer instead of the person who thinks i have a problem with them really makes me sad. i am not going to know what's going on unless you specifically tell me what's up. now i'm having to talk to the manager tomorrow because someone doesn't know how to be an adult and just fricking tell me i'm being rude or something.

i don't know, it bothers me. this has happened with two jobs before WHERE PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING COMMUNICATE. it makes me feel like shit because what am i supposed to do? read your mind? no one is perfect yeah, but if you just tell me what's up, i don't mind discussing it... i'd really just rather discuss it with this coworker than talk to a manager.

honestly so early in job training (it is nearing the end of second week training) and this happens... makes me feel like i'm going to get fired at some point because someone didn't bother telling me what's up (because that is what happened at my last job up in ohio). they were like "oh no she hates me i don't want to tell her i think that so i'm going to my manager instead".

i swear i should just walk in tomorrow and be like "if i cry it's not your fault".

why can't people just learn to trust? why is this happening to me of all people? christ.

 

[junebug]

not looking forward to the time when i have to talk. i don't even know when it's going to be so...

 

[Shiri]

I did it again. I backed someone into a logistic hole and here I was just trying to be friendly. I ask too many questions and expect too many answers. I think it may have been a troll as well which also is a reocurring mistake of mine. I never catch it until I realize they don't know what their talking about. This time it took all the way until they started talking about unrelated things before I figured it out. It's embarrassing. Why can't I identify the trolls as fast as anyone else? ._.

 

[GrunkleLogic]

Rest In Peace you Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. You were my very favourite singer growing up, and 'll miss you.

 

[Sidhe]

I'm angry

I'm angry and want to talk to someone about My Feelings, but I can't even articulate them to myself. I'm just angry. My dysphoria has been very bad and I am tired of waiting. I want to pull on my tongue and just keep pulling until I can unzip out of this miserable flesh prison. I'm angry because I'm feeling so alone, but it's my fault I feel that way. I'm angry that I have to start all over with a new therapist at this critical time in my life. I'm angry that, after all the work I've done, all I can do is keep thinking how useless I am; I'm supposed to have grown out of thinking that way. No, not grown out of it, worked towards changing it. But that's where my thoughts are now and it's hard to steer them out of that pit. The valley of 'Useless, Ugly, Angry, Bad.'

I'm angry and all I can do is listen to Nirvana and pretend to be 14 again or something. I can't even channel this anger into productivity; it's the crippling kind of anger.

And I thought I was doing better... but my emotional state is volatile. I've got a volcano toiling under here. Just wish I could breathe fire.

 

[Cosmic Fey]

I'm a crybaby. I've accepted this part of myself

I don't like it

Roommate A came in and watched Stardust with me, for no other reason than "I'm gonna miss you, nerd" and I almost started sobbing. I mean, obviously, we're still gonna be friends and hang out and stuff (and I'm still invited to his parents for thanksgiving); we've been friends for 12 years, that won't change. But it won't be the same, and while change is a good thing most of the time, it'll be weird not seeing him every day after two years, not being able to just go to the bedroom next to mine or have him come in and flop down on my bed and sit and talk or whatever

I can handle it, I think - I dealt with it fine when M left although there were a lot of tears then too (but he was leaving the country, so y'know, it's expected). I just. It's an adjustment and I'm a such a fucking crybaby. I'm gonna be downright bawling on Saturday

 

[junebug]

Kat needs to be educated again on credit cards and billing cycles.

EDIT: I'm also seriously feeling a loss of control over my life ever since this job training took place.

 

[neptune]

I hate that when someone gets shitty with me, I just internalize it and have these snarky reactions instead of standing up for myself. And then it ruins my day and I keep thinking about what I should have said and how I would have said it and it's like, hello, I am a baby. I hate that about myself.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

My aunt just called me crying her eyes out because she had to have her cat put to sleep. My in-laws' dog has terminal cancer. They say it happens in threes, and my poor old guy is deaf, struggling to get up the stairs and has been doing nothing but sleeping for the past week. I don't think I can handle a pet death right now...