Please Don't Rate This.
So, this really isn't a rant. I'm not mad, I mean I am sad and I feel some bitterness but mainly my sorrow stems from a point where I am sad for the person doing this to me, not for myself. I mean, yeah, I would love it if he stopped but I would also love it if he could see what he is doing. He'd feel like such a fool, I've been there myself, in his shoes, and it's a period of my life I hated so much.
I truly hated myself, because I thought so highly of me and not enough about others that I let myself treat others like they were my inferiors in a way because I thought I was so awake in a sense. I wasn't; I was completely full of myself.
And that's where he's at right now. He is ten years older than me, but acts so much younger in his attitude. The way he acts around other people and how he handles situations is not different than what I would have at a younger age. A younger, much more ignorant age. And not every youth/young person is like that, no in fact there are few that acted the way I did. He has listened to story after story of my mistakes from the mouth of a man that hates me. This man hadn't met me before making a choice about me, sculpting an image out of nothing but my flaws and my lack of good judgement. And mind you, none of these mistakes truly harmed another person, but the story spun to him was one that put me in the very worst light.
He sees me as a bad, drug using fiend. He treats me like I am a very young person, though I have felt he's not as mature as he lets himself off to be. I look at him, and I wonder, what kind of person would listened to rumour and hateful whispers of a little man rather than actually learn who that particular person is?
And this isn't just in his situation, there've been many. Many that have heard the same from this one man that I have somehow earned the hatred of. I could live a hundred years and never understand why this man is this way. You can act as progressive as you like, but you still show so little promise of being accepting of other people. And you preach about loving others and understanding them, yet, you are never even close to being the first to show us by example.
Both of you are very sad people, and you can carry on with your hatred if you wish. I can't stop you, but I can say that your hatred is unworthy of a man that has made a simple mistake (mind you readers, the mistake that I speak of was made when I was a child that fibbed a lot and this one man that hates me for it hasn't stopped to think that they were mistakes made when I was just a kid, and none of them were one of those malicious, cruel lies that hurt others, they were lies that I had said to hide my life from people because facing the truth I lived with at home was unbearable. I came from an extremely abusive household, and I was bullied constantly for my weight, gender identity, living situations and skin condition, lying back then seemed like a great way to get people not to hate me for reasons that I could not control. These men and I are much older now, and it's been years since my last lie, because when you grow up you learn how to cope with those things and I stopped what I was doing. I don't feel like I have truly earned the hatred of this man, because all the lies I said were about me, nobody else and none of them were said to harm anyone. I wish I hadn't done it, don't get me wrong. I wish I could take it back. But I can't, I do believe however that I should be given the opportunity to show change, and not be hated before someone even gets to know me for the man I am today, not who I was when I was a kid. It truly breaks me to think that some mistakes of my youth will ruin my character for the rest of my life.)
