#13: Who would you rather in the bed to sleep with (just sleeping, pervs): your woman or your dog?
Neither. I would prefer to shrink to ferret-size and ball up with a colony of ferrets. It would be like sleeping on a cloud, surrounded by clouds... That smell of sewage. You will now read that in Morgan Freeman's voice.
In all seriousness: A female provides unto me the ability to cuddle and play fill a void of loneliness. A dog will slobber on my face. Lovingly, of course, but, no. Also, fur.
Uncomfortable and it never comes out.
#14: BBQ sauce or ketchup on your meat?
BBQ Sauce personally. Especially if it comes from a BBQ.
#15: Mayo on your burgers...and why?
Because zestiness. Though I don't think this is gender-specific, mayo is just the greatest tasting pure fat thing ever, save maybe like... Ranch dressing.
#16: Mayo on your egg sandwich... And why?
... Do you have a fetish for mayo or something? I know it's white and sticky honey, but it's not
that good.
#17: Do you play with your snot?
I'm a product of the civilized world. We use tissues. As a child I probably did, I wouldn't remember though. My brain was too busy memorizing every single line of dialogue from Babylon 5 and Lion King.
#18: How does it feel to be able to legally walk around without a shirt on?
At first you think it's great that you can walk around without a shirt on in 40+ degrees Celsius. Then you get home and realize your entire torso is
flaking because you were literally
burning yourself alive slowly. Other than that, it's friggin' great, and women should totally be allowed to swing out their
boobs MAMMARY GLANDS.
#19: Who is your dream celebrity woman?
None. Most smell of plastic and cardboard. The rest are not particularly interesting to me. I don't generally follow celebrity culture, I believe in the here and now: What Michael Jackson did in his twenties is irrelevant to what I am doing now, and to the perfectly capable women around me. A celebrity obsession would merely distract me from the beautiful people that surround me every day.
#20: Favorite form of transportation?
Anything not-public. As amusing as public bus stories are in hindsight, having ridden the bus home this morning only to watch some fat !@#$ jacking off his !@#$ to some !@#$ he was listening to on his iDerp, was sadly
not the most unsettling thing I've seen on the public transit system.
#21: Would you travel the world or just stay home in your underwear?
I'd travel to certain places, like Japan, and Germany. Mostly though I'm quite comfortable staying in one place for a long time. I hated moving around constantly as a kid so it's nice to be able to just sit down and not worry about it for a while.
#22: Favorite kind if beer?
What kind of bitch drinks beer?
Meet my two best friends. Jack...
...And Cherry V.
Together they form the greatest threat to my liver since any deadly disease ever.
#22: Beards and mustaches or not?
Sometimes a small mustache, but I don't have much in the way of good facial hair. I get the mexican mustache and a neckbeard. A
whispy neckbeard. In short, if I don't shave constantly, I look like a deranged hobo looking to steal your empty
bitch beer bottles and deposit them so I can get my fix from Tod. You know, Tod, from "accounting".
#23: Do you do weird stuff with your 'stache like...lick them?
Only if I ate something with excessive amounts of BBQ sauce.
#24: Weird habit no one knows?
When I'm working hard for several minutes/hours, I'll start humming randomly created songs to myself. I never remember them long enough to write them down, but they always have some beat to them. Occasionally when a coworker catches me I just shine this little smile and they immediately think I've snapped and turn the other way. In short, I guess I sound like a dying land whale being put in a lawnmower, narrated by Oprah.
#25: Would you ever wear woman's underwear? For the lols or frsrs?
Unlikely. Maybe for something kinky in the bedroom if a prospective lover wanted it, but I better get something good in return. Something that rhymes with handcuffs and spanking.
