Playing with Fire

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"I-- I don't know if I can go, Natalia."

The words were a stuttered whisper to the advisor as they stood just beyond the outside kitchen door. The dawning realisation of what the results of their espionage could mean caused Carina to waver in her decision to see for herself where her husband intended to go. Natalia's words, regarding Sven's sickened panic and the fact that she had never seen him in such a state... they didn't bring her much hope. She could feel ice begin to tingle within her palms, all the way up to the tips of her fingers, like pinpricks along the nerves. And that was only with the fear of the worst possible outcome.

"I-- I'm scared of... what if I lose it? What if I lose control, Natalia? Complete control. I've-- I've only done that once and that... that was when he hurt me." Carina looked down at her hands as she held them out flat in the air, a slight tremble to them as she referenced the day Sven burnt her (albeit accidentally). "What if... what if that happens again? What if he-- I don't want to hurt you because you were... nearby."

She knew that, out of the two of them, she was the one that had a tight leash on her powers compared to Sven. His flames sneaked out at the slightest hint of his anger, while for her... it took for her to be at breaking point. As was the time she had been locked away in her room after the attempt on Sven's life. She didn't count that as a loss of complete control. It seeped out, yes, but it retracted when she wished for it too. The day that Sven physically burnt her, the ice that had expelled from her barely had any of her control. It engulfed everything, except Sven, and only because she had an ounce of her mind left to think of him through the pain that had been inflicted.

"...I don't want to hurt him in the moment." She breathed after a moment, hands clenching tightly into fists, her nails biting into the skin of her palm. "And I... I wouldn't be able to trust myself around her. Not if it's... not if it's what we suspect."

Carina knew she had to be honest with Natalia. She had no qualms murdering five unknown men who had attacked her and threatened to take away her unborn child. This woman was knowingly ruining a family, breaking apart a marriage, taking away her husband and threatening her kingdom. This woman had caused not just the potential death of her marriage, but the countless, unnecessary civilian deaths of those in the village where a battalion was stationed.

"The last thing I want is to leave you to do this alone. I want to go with you, see it for myself. See it so he can't worm his way out with more lies if it is all what we think," she swallowed thickly, "But I... I'm not sure if I can-- if I can trust myself, Natalia."
 
Though she knew she needed to seek consolidation of their plans before fully setting out to accomplish them, Natalia hadn't actually anticipated Carina's sudden hesitation. She wasn't naive to the fact that this was a huge emotional ordeal with the potential for devastating, perhaps even irreparable, consequences, particularly in the result of Sven's guilt, but she also thought that Carina's desire for answers overrode the fear of all that; that she understood that this was something she had to do.

That actively heading out to get those answers put her in the position of reclaiming her own power that Sven, through his adulterous actions, had helped to chip away at. He might not have consciously set out to weaken her, nor to make a fool of her, but his actions were inevitably having that effect - and he was only continuing to cruelly benefit from it, however inadvertently. As far as Natalia was concerned, taking that power back by seeking out answers wasn't only wise; it was an important emotional and mental step that might not garner benefits immediately (not when pain and anger would naturally dominate for awhile) but would reveal itself to have been of great importance in the future.

The reclamation of independence, of power, of dignity and strength, could only be a good thing.

So to see Carina suddenly wary only made Natalia frown. However understandable it was, the idea of Carina backing out now, at the pivotal moment, was mildly infuriating. She wasn't heartless to the pain and the agony it was causing her friend, but to potentially skip out now of all times? Natalia had to remind herself not to let her annoyance seep into her tone, taking a long breath in -and exhaling it slowly- to calm any disgruntlements that might have been regrettably aired.

"...I understand, Carina. I truly, honestly understand your reservations; your discomfort at what might happen if the worst reveals itself to us. But you aren't going to hurt anyone. Eris and Sven were flaunting their affair for weeks on end and you didn't harm a single hair on that woman's head, however justified I might think you would have been in doing so. The betrayal might sting more this time, but you won't hurt either of them; at least not to the extent that their life is in threat. You're in control; you've got control. You've got this, Carina. I'm right by your side too. We can do this."

She let her words settle for a few seconds, regretting the fact she couldn't spend a good few minutes reassuring her friend but, frankly, they didn't have the luxury of time on their side. Already, even with just a handful of seconds dedicated to the conversation, they were risking missing Sven completely; letting him head off to wherever he needed to be without being able to follow at a safe distance behind him.

"If you don't want to come, if you truly can't, then of course that's understandable. I think this is a moment you need to complete, I think it's for the best that you confront this head on so Sven can get it into his head that he should never have taken you for a fool-- but I'm not forcing you, Carina. Stay if you want to. But we can't stand here debating this. It's now or never; a decision has to be made of Sven will leave and we -or I- won't be able to follow him for the answers you deserve."
 
Her hands trembled in the fists that they had made as Natalia spoke to convince her to go, to convince her that all would be fine and that she was in control, even if she didn't think so herself. Carina looked down at her fists, making an effort to focus on her breathing in an attempt fight back the rising sensation of her ice seeping through her veins. She knew that Natalia made totally valid points; she had had the opportunity to hurt Eris time and again when the woman was in the castle. But she didn't. However, that wasn't because she had control. That was because, even though it was hurting her, she knew it would hurt Sven more. He was happy and had made it clear Carina didn't make him happy any longer.

Now... now she had been told she made him happy, but even that wasn't good enough now.

"...O-okay. Okay. Let's... let's just go before I change my mind again." Carina exhaled, shaking out her hands. She avoided Natalia's gaze, however, not wanting the show the advisor any more if the turmoil she was facing in that moment. She had opened up, but she knew she couldn't wallow in her fears any longer. Although she hated how rushed it all felt; feeling as though she now felt forced to confront her husband.

Even though he knew Natalia was right, and she was just being a coward.

Carina took the edges of the cloak to pull it tighter around herself, taking the first steps forward and away from the kitchen doors. At this point, she knew she had to keep moving forward. She couldn't stop now she had reaffirmed her decision after her moment of weakness. She knew if she paused to think, stopped to consider, she would have another moment of weakness and another moment where she didn't want to face the truth.

"Come on, let's go. Before I..." She trailed off, shaking her head before freeing a hand to throw up the hood of the cloak, "And before we potentially lose him, like you say. We can't afford to lose any more time than I have already wasted for us."

The young Queen hurried along, taking Natalia's direction, to reach the horses where they were stationed. She released the reins from the branch they were attached to, hands fumbling both in her haste and as they continued to shake with her nerves. The horse's head reared up, ears flickering as it felt her anxiety and Carina quietly stroked the beast's neck, apologising softly before putting the reins over it's head and mounted.
 
It didn't make Natalia feel brilliant, having to present her point in such stern tones with the tense undercurrent forcing her to do so hurriedly and swiftly, but time was against them and she had no option but to push forth in such a manner. Ideally, she would have been softer with her friend, to reassure her that she understood how difficult it all was, but that took time that they simply didn't have - and so, though the swirling of guilt began to make its presence known more than ever before, Natalia nodded her agreement and made no hesitation in leading the Queen towards the lining of trees that their horses had been gathered in wait for them.

There was the immediate feeling of nausea that came with the silence, the fear that Sven had already boarded his horse and set off without them in pursuit hitting her. The sensation of anxiety wasn't something the usually in-control and prepared Natalia had to contend with and so, when that feeling of panic and subsequent failure hit her as hard as it did, she was at a loss of what to do, a hand remaining on the horse's saddle in the uncertainty of what to do next.

Until the sound of horse's hooves and following whinnying broke the silence, causing Natalia's moment of regrettable indecisiveness to disappear in favour of action. Without waiting to consult Carina or alerting her to what the noise meant (she wasn't going to insult her by explaining it), she pushed herself onto the saddle with ease and, with the reins in hand, encouraged the horse to head in the direction of the noise. The fear that Sven had already made it too far ahead of them was still present, still all-consuming, until the blue cloaked-figure, upon their own horse, came into view, heading with unsubtle haste into the main village beneath the royal castle of Ignis that loomed ever-presently above it.

Maintaining a distance but keeping Sven in their sights wasn't an easy feat, especially when the silence that had settled amongst the village made riding the horses along the cobbled streets that touch more worrying, but Natalia had to hope that the sound of their horses' hooves against the surface would go unnoticed by Sven; that the sound of his own horse would deafen his ability to discern the others' behind him - and as the ride continued, with not indication that Sven was aware of them, Natalia began to grow more convinced and grateful of that fact.

The ride through the streets brought them to the outskirts, to an area of the village that Natalia wasn't afraid to admit was disconcerting. She had grown up in the village and, thus, knew of the area well - and had always done her best to avoid it. Yet, if Sven was continuing an affair, it made some sense that he would opt to visit an area of the village that nobody would anticipate him venturing to. It took great risk for him to enter the area given the activities that commenced within it, but evidently, he thought it was a risk worth taking, and it had helped him continue his affair for all these weeks without being uncovered.

She brought her horse to a stop at a distance from the small cottage that Sven had arrived at, Natalia's brow furrowing in deepened confusion -and unease- as she watched the young King tie his horse to the metal fence surrounding it and, with a mere glance to his left and right (though fortunately not over his shoulder), striding forward with determined purpose into the run-down house. Only when he was safely out of sight did the advisor slide down from the saddle, adjusting her dress with a calmness that belied the growing fears inwardly overwhelming her.

But nothing was going to stop her proceeding with what needed to be done. Not now they were this close.

"...This is it then," she murmured out against the warm wind that had picked up, bringing her hands together to prevent fiddling with the fabric of her dress in her unease. "I... can go in alone if you want, I don't want to subject you to-- to whatever awaits us inside. Not unless you're certain and... and strong enough, Carina. I don't want you to think I'm forcing you if you're uncomfortable, but I... I have to go in. I have to get answers for myself and, mostly, for you. But if I have to go on ahead, alone, I will. Just-- Just tell me now, there's no judgement on my part if you'd rather wait outside."
 
The longer Sven rode for, the stronger Carina's dread became. Watching her husband ride his horse as urgently as he did, with little, to no, care for who could have been round him or following him only made her feel worse about the whole situation. Both with the guilt of lying to him in the first place, but secondly because of what it could mean. It hadn't concerned her as much when they passed through the middle of the village. She knew there was a possibility that he could have met with any one of his generals in a desolate pub or tavern. It was when they went further than that, ending up at the run-down cottage that looked as though it could have been used for the sort of illicit business she was concerned her husband was engaging with.

As Natalia slid down from her saddle, Carina remained in hers, starting at the building Sven had just disappeared inside of. Her hands tightened around the reins, causing her horse to throw it's head back in complaint, the rattle of the bit sounding as the animal nibbled at it. Immediately she slackened her hold, not wishing to cause the animal to make any sort of noise that would alert Sven and whoever was in the house with him to their presence.

Carina barely heard the advisor's words as she simply stared at the cottage, resting a hand atop her saddle, reins held loosely in one hand as she tried to push back all the worse case scenarios that her mind was offering in cruel amusement to her plight, her imagination clearly enjoying itself far too much.

"...I can't not go now." She whispered, eyes fixated on the house with some morbid inability to look away. "I've come all this way now, I tried to turn away from it... I can't stop now. Not when they're... not when they're right in there."

Puffing out a heavy breath, she reluctantly pulled herself out of the saddle. Her hands did fiddle with the material of her cloak, unlike Natalia who managed to keep herself still. Her eyes immediately returned to the cottage, as if desperately trying to see inside, through the walls, the one boarded window and the curtains that covered the rest.

"We aren't going in though, are we? We... we can't confront them here, not now. I don't want to see the look on her face when she realises I know. I... I can see it already. That smug, pleased smirk." Carina closed her eyes as she took a moment to calm herself, feeling the painful pinch of her ice seeping back into her palms. "And Sven... if it is what I'm fearing... I don't want to do this in front of her. Or in front of you."

The young Queen glanced to the advisor as she tied her reins to a nearby branch, pausing afterwards so Natalia gave her her full attention, "We find out and we leave. No confrontation. That's it. Understood?"
 
"For what it's worth, we don't know she's in there with him. Granted, I... would be a fool not to think she is when the location lends credence to that argument, but... we don't know yet, Carina," responded Natalia as she set her eyes firmly on the cottage. She knew just making the reminder, that pointing out that there was still a chance that Sven was innocent of the crime they felt he was guilty of, made her sound naive at best and idiotic at worst, but she felt she had to utter it, if only for herself.

The obvious truth was that Sven was inside the home to meet Eris; that this was where he had headed off time and time again over the course of several weeks to conduct his affair away from the prying eyes of the village and the castle alike. Every sign pointed to that being entirely accurate, but condemning the man, her own best friend, before they knew for certain, before they had concrete proof to justify it, didn't sit right with her. She had the sobering realisation that he was probably having this horrid affair, but to say so aloud, to actually pin that guilt on him before any real proof had arisen, wasn't something she could do.

She knew her bias as Sven's closest friend was probably kicking in, that she was incredibly desperate to relieve him of guilt until she hit the point of being incapable of coming to his aid, but she couldn't help it. Whenever Sven was at his lowest in the past, when he had nobody in his corner, Natalia was always there. Even if she took offence to his actions, even when she was personally horrified by them, she was always at his side, ready to do her duty and help him through whatever personal scandal had befallen him.

And that wasn't going to change even in the event of his guilt and the fallout that consequently erupted because of it. She would hate him, despise him for the idiocy and cruelty that he had been guilty of, but she would remain at work as his confidant and advisor, no matter what.

But her job would be so much easier if, by some miracle, they entered the house and discovered him confronting a General-- or quite literally anyone else beside some woman he was having an affair with. If they unearthed his innocence, rather than his guilt, there would still be consequences but ones that were so much easier -and relieving- to deal with. Naively, she continued to cling to that hope as she headed towards the cottage once Carina's reassurance arrived, taking in one deep breath before nudging the front door open and stepping into the building to collect the answers they both needed.

How Sven could exist within the house was entirely beyond Natalia as she took in its run-down state: wallpaper peeling from walls and spotted with damp, carpets ripped and exposing the floorboards beneath, furniture either broken or tossed carelessly aside. It horrified the advisor to have to take it all in and, if this was where Sven had had his meet-ups, he was even more desperate than Natalia had first thought. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and held a hand out to alert Carina to pause too, falling as silent as she could as the booming sound of Sven's voice, tense with anger and disbelief, broke the quiet that had existed in the house.

For a faint moment, Natalia was convinced that their worst fears were about to be dismissed; that the deep voice of one of the army's Generals was about to sound in reply to Sven. She longed for that to be the case, let her eyes shut in that desperation, only for a pained expression to immediately settle on her face at the lighter, higher-pitched sound of a woman replying.

A woman she immediately knew to be Eris.

Even if she was in any doubt, Sven inadvertently confirmed that horrifying realisation with his continued yells referencing the woman by name.

"Let's-- Let's go, Carina. Now. We've found out he's with her, we've got the answers we came for. We don't need to go upstairs; we don't need to confront them. Like you said, right? So let's-- let's go, right now. Come on," she whispered urgently as she reached for the Queen's hand in the desperation to lead her back out the front door, taking the first step down the hall. "Come on, Carina."
 
Carina was frozen in place. As if her ice had finally had an effect on her and caused her to become statuesque, body as tense and firm, unyielding to the attempts from Natalia to get her moving from the cottage. Everything felt like it had slowed down and everything muffled, as if she had been submerged in water. Cold, frigid water that left her entire being feeling numb.

The hand that Natalia took would becoming biting with the ice that seeped through her palms, not that Carina had any thought to free her hand from the advisor's, too in shock to think of anything but the betrayal she had just unveiled. It seemed as though Carina had stopped doing everything. Not just with moving, but even breathing. She hadn't blinked, eyes fixated on the top of the staircase and chest having not fallen or risen in a few seconds. She barely wavered even with Natalia's yank on her hand.

At her first breath since the revelation, a white cloud was expelled as she exhaled, a testament to the ice she was subconsciously keeping within herself. Years upon years of practice, forceful control imposed on her by her father.

"...Leave the front door open," she commanded quietly, finally pulling her hand out of Natalia's as she came around from her stupor, "Leave it fucking open. I want the paranoia to start in his mind. Let him wonder if he left it open... or if he was followed."

Her eyes remained on the staircase for a second longer, the young Queen forcing herself to listen to the angered tones, the yells and screams and shouts, for a second longer. Hear the woman's name one more time, before she turned on the ball of her foot and walked down the corridor.

Now she was breathing again, Carina felt it become harsher and more rapid. She didn't dare touch anything, for the fear of expelling any of her ice. She felt as though she qas gliding, barely taking any steps, barely acknowledging anything she passed by. Too preoccupied by her thoughts, her emotions, her desire to remain in control. As much as she wanted to, with the tears a lump in her throat, she couldn't cry.

These were the moments her father prepared her for.

"...Don't--... don't talk. I can't talk about this right now." She paused by her horse, hands flexing by her sides as she tried to fight the pins and needles sensation in them. She didn't even realise they were shaking until she reached into the pockets for the gloves she had stashed in there for that particular reason. She shoved them on, taking no care for putting them on. She just wished to be gone.

The idea that her husband had been coming and going from such a derelict building, one so run down that it was barely fit for use, sickened her. That desperate, he was, for the attention of a woman who he had promised to remove from their lives, that he would meet her in a building that was disgusting and unsanitary and completely below the standards that she knew Sven set for himself usually.

Climbing onto the horse, Carina didn't even pause to see if Natalia was ready to follow, simply yanking on the reins to spin the horse around and settling off in a gallop, as if trying to run away from everything that had just been revealed to the and the advisor.
 
Even if Carina hadn't made the request for silence, there was nothing Natalia felt she could say under the circumstances anyway; nothing that would have made any of it easier. Her reassurances and promises of support would have only fallen on deaf ears given the pain, numbing anger and disbelief were all as incredibly raw as they were - so Natalia felt obligated to simply stay silent; to allow that quiet to dominate during the return t the castle, riding as quickly as they dared to escape the grubby corner of Ignis that Sven had seemingly been content to frequent for weeks on end.

It was amazing how his high standards could fall so dramatically just so he could get his end away, and Natalia would have found it laughable - if it wasn't as shocking and abhorrent as it was. The only humour she could potentially find in the situation regarding how desperate the King of the Ignisian kingdom must be to keep his affair under wraps was naturally overshadowed by her disgust, her anger and her bitter, far-reaching disappointment at his recklessness.

Because there was absolutely no doubt in Natalia's mind that everything Sven had built for himself, the family he had fought so hard to repair, was about to crumble in horrifying fashion. Even if, by some miracle, Carina opted to remain in the castle, in Ignis, nothing would ever be the same again - and the relationship that Sven determinedly declared his love for, the woman he claimed to cherish, would never be his again, especially if, as the advisor feared, Carina did the wise thing and made her escape as soon as the right, timely opportunity presented itself.

She clutched the reins tightly in her hand as she rode close behind the Queen, her knuckles white against her skin as a result of the grip. The leather rubbed uncomfortably against her palm but the pain helped to momentarily ground her. It didn't stop her thoughts from banging about raucously in her head, but it at least helped her centre herself; to keep them grounded, rather than have them all spiral until her emotions poured from her like a flood breaking its floodgates.

Because she knew, from the very moment she heard Sven utter Eris' name (and thereby confirming what she and Carina feared), that there would difficult choices she would have to make, however reluctantly. Whether Carina stayed or went was irrelevant - no matter her choice, the marriage was inevitably about to break down and reach its bitter conclusion, which meant Sven needed Natalia. She found him disgusting, knew she wouldn't ever be able to look at him in the same way, but her duty was to Ignis - and, therefore, to Sven. She would remain at his side through the darkest of times if that was what he needed; she would be on hand to support his work, to lend an ear be it for professional or emotional reasons - because her duty, her responsibility, was to the King and her country, however difficult the personal circumstances were.

That job already dominated her life, but it would be even more intense if Sven was to undergo the breakdown of his marriage and the subsequent loss of the family life he had seemingly always desired for himself. Now more than ever before, he would need Natalia, especially if she was to be the only person left at his side - which meant allowing the job to take over her life entirely, to dominate every aspect of it without complaint. Every minute, every second, would have to be dedicated to her role of supporting the King. She was under no illusion when she first accepted the job that she would have to sacrifice personal relationships and a social life, but that had never concerned her in her younger days because, simply put, she hadn't had any desire to make such connections - and nobody liked her enough to seek to form them anyway.

But now she had Andrew. With his influence, she was finally allowing herself to live a life beyond the castle's walls, where she could venture into the village and actually find enjoyment; where she could make memories and socialise and live a life that had, for so long, evaded her.

Which made the realisation that she had to give it all up for her duty to Sven all that more devastating. Nobody was forcing her to give it up, to break things off with the man she loved, but what other option did she have? To continue to see Andrew but have him grow upset or even angered by the lack of time he would have with her? It wasn't fair to drag him through any of that, to have to continually put him on the backburner in favour of her job.

So it would have to come to an end. The love she shared with him, the adventures they made together, the memories they would have gone on to make at one another's sides, the family she had always longed for with every fibre of her being... all of it had to be sacrificed in favour of her responsibilities to Sven, who needed her dedication and her prioritisation the most, more than ever before.

It hurt more than she could accurately describe, the sinking feeling in her chest, around her heart, causing tears to rise in the corners of her eyes. She was furious with Sven for his immaturity and betrayal, for not caring about the consequences of his cruel actions, but that anger didn't disguise her creeping heartbreak. She was at least glad to be riding behind Carina, able to fiercely wipe her tears with one hand, safe in the knowledge that her emotional response would go unseen. She wasn't an emotional person usually (which wasn't typical for an Ignisian) and even if she had every justification to feel the way she did, she wasn't comfortable with the storm of anger and upset raging within her. It was easier to keep it all to herself, and even if she had to allow the tears to fall, it was best to do so in her own company - or without those around her being aware of.

The tears ceased by the time the horses approached the stable, the advisor taking a moment before slipping from the steed and, only when her feet were safely on the ground, glancing across to the Queen to her right. She didn't know what to say, or whether she should still remain silent or not, but she was concerned for the woman, especially after feeling just how icy her hands had become when back at the dilapidated cottage on the Ignisian outskirts. She had to trust that Carina could control herself - but was she going to be able to when Sven made his return? When he arrived back under the impression that his affair was still knowledge only he and Eris were aware of? Could she keep her powers to herself when witnessing her husband act as though he wasn't committing adultery and regarded her with a smile and a teasing quip from a place of love?

Natalia, honestly, wasn't sure - and that terrified her.

"...I know you'd rather be alone right now, Carina, but... are you going to be okay? That's a stupid question, I'm fully aware of that, but I... I care about you, deeply and truly. I want to make sure you're okay. That you won't do something... regrettable."
 
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There was no grace or softness to Carina's movements as there had been when they had first set off that evening. Her actions were punctuated by jerky or harsh movements, abrupt in her execution of them and expression coldly passive as she swung her leg around and found herself back on her feet. She kept her back to Natalia and where the advisor had pulled up alongside her, back straight and chin tilted upright in defiance of the tears that formed as a lump in her throat. They did not burn in her eyes though. She refused to let that happen.

"Have the servants, those that are still awake, remove my things from our joint room." She answered in response, finally turning and leaving the horse as it was. She didn't trust herself to do what need to be done for the poor animal. "I want everything, everything that I had in that room, down to even that armchair that I like, removed. I don't care where they put it for now. Put it in a store room until I decide if I want to be cathartic and burn it."

Her hands rolled her fingers in and out of fists, fidgeting and moving, fingers rubbing against each other through the gloves as she walked. "You know what, lock the fucking door too. Have them leave the key to the room he shared with Eris hanging on the door handle too. Even better if you can find a fucking purple ribbon to tie it to." She snorted in bitter amusement, thinking of the symbol that colour once held.

Together. They were supposed to rule together. Fire and ice. Red and blue. Coming together to be a powerhouse of leadership and control, of negotiation and better times for all. Under a banner of purple. With their son as their future.

"Regrettable? You fear I will do something regrettable?" Carina sharply turned, hands snapping up into fists at her side, face becoming almost as pale as her hair with the ice that was threatening to explode from within her, "I am not the one that has just thrown away my marriage because I wanted to fuck another woman. Another woman, who, has cost us a whole battalion and the lives of a fucking civilian village. All because I was not ready to give him what he clearly fucking wanted." Carina had never experienced a rage as the one she felt in that moment. Eyes dry but pained and cold, jaw set with a muscle jumping with each moment she grit her teeth, and her body beginning to shiver with her anger.

The leather of her gloves squeaked as her fists tightened, the material squeezing tight around certain places and causing the edges to bite into her wrists.

"I have tried--" She gasped in a deep breath, rearing her head back to flick hair from her face, "--so hard to do good by him. To work on us as we promised each other we would. I have-- I have battles every day with myself to feel better. About everything. As a wife, as a mother, as a queen, as a friend. I've tried to be perfect, since our second chance started. Yet, even still, I'm not fucking good enough for him." Her head turned to look in the direction they had just come from, both to try and calm herself but also to give Natalia some respite from her glare. Eventually, though, she turned back to face the advisor and dared to take a step closer, lowering her voice as she did, "And he knows-- he knows how low I came last time, Natalia. He knows and he still went off with her after promising be he would stop. After promising me he loved me."

Carina wasn't certain if Sven had ever told Natalia what she had done during those darker days, what the maid had spoken to him about which is what led to the divorce being mentioned in the first place. However, she knew if the advisor wasn't made aware before, she probably would find out soon enough.

Her head turned to look up at the castle, observing the place that had been her home for the last couple of years. Her expression hardened once again, a shred of vulnerability having shown at the brief relapse into the memories of those darker times, and she cleared her throat. "I'm sure you have those divorce papers filed away somewhere safe, Natalia. Leave them on his bed, would you?" She ripped the hat from her head and held it out to the other woman, eyes remaining on the castle, "I'm going for a walk. If I'm not to do anything regrettable, I can't be here when he comes back."
 
Any further desire Natalia might have had to say something to fill what would have otherwise been a tense silence disappeared the very moment Carina turned to fiercely respond, the intensifying glare accompanying words that were all hissed in their harsh delivery causing Natalia to break her attempt at composure and visibly flinch. She knew not to grow upset or feel personally attacked by the outpouring of expletive-laced admissions - she might have made a mistake in triggering the response, but she was content in bearing the brunt of Carina's emotions if it meant they were released; if it meant they weren't all held up within her.

Granted, Natalia knew that the display she was currently witnessing was merely the tip of the iceberg regarding the true ferocity and outrage the other no doubt felt, but she held her nerve and faced it head-on regardless. She wasn't naive to the fact that a little outburst would do little to quell the rage within the young Queen, that she would struggle endlessly with the betrayal and broken promises, but Natalia would much rather witness Carina vocalising some of those emotions than watch her silently return to the castle without offering any insight to the thoughts racing within her head.

And as uncomfortable and genuinely concerning as it was to watch someone she cared deeply about be put through such anguish, Natalia stood in place and refused to utter a word; refused to move beside the involuntarily flinch that had first arrived at the strength and forcefulness of Carina's tone. There wasn't much the advisor could do to help -and she wasn't even sure if Carina would accept that help when everything was as raw as it was- but just listening, just remaining quiet and allowing the other her chance to speak without interrupting to offer reassurances she simply wouldn't be reassured by right now, felt like the only real, valid thing she could do.

Other than acting on each of the commands given to her, at least. Her stomach churned at the mention of the divorce papers she still had neatly filed away in her room, but what did she really expect? For Carina to decide to sleep on everything and see how she felt about the stability and future of her marriage when she awoke? It was nothing short of idiocy to assume that would be the case, and yet Natalia had still clung to the faint hope that divorce wouldn't materialise - because it symbolised the end of everything with unrelenting permanency.

But she cared too much about Carina to see her exist so miserably in a place that had only brought her trouble and despair. If she had a chance to escape it all, to wipe the slate clean and leave a man that had only provided her broken promise after broken promise, Natalia would hardly stand in her way. Hell, as hard as it was to contemplate returning to those divorce papers, she would do so with haste if it allowed Carina to break free from a marriage that had, on the whole, been a disaster. If anyone deserved a shot of happiness, it was her.

"I can do that; it'll all be sorted by the time you return from your walk," she eventually managed to answer, retrieving the other's hat as expected though didn't offer the agreeing, professional smile that usually accompanied her words with Carina. Not only because a smile didn't feel appropriate given the circumstances, but she physically wasn't able to force the expression onto her face when she just felt... numb. The hurt, the anger, the disgust... it would all arise again, most likely when she was alone in her room come the end of the night, but for now, with the realisation sinking in that everything she had held dear was about to crash and fall, a numbness had settled in instead.

Though that would at least help her to perform her duties with her usual degree of perfection without troublesome emotions distracting her form her work.

"...Ignis can be dangerous at night; be careful," was all she allowed herself to continue with. There was a great deal of caution present when communicating with Carina now, afraid that any word might trigger another outburst from her, but she would gladly risk that if it meant reminding the other of the dangers the kingdom held - be it from the people who might have had too much to drink at local taverns, or the natural hazards of the flowing lava and craggy rocks that made their way from the volcanoes that dominated the Ignisian landscape. She didn't want to insult her intelligence by setting in place that warning, but when Carina was understandably preoccupied with comprehending the depth of the betrayal against her, it was better to be safe than sorry. "...I'll be in my room when you return, should you need me for anything."
 
"...I'm a queen-- a wife... who has been wronged and has ice flowing through my veins, Natalia. I think I'll be fine."

Once she had calmed, Carina would of course feel guilt for the way she released just a hint of the emotion she was feeling onto Natalia. She would stop to consider how the advisor would also be feeling, the heartbreak of a friend who had done the unthinkable and the disgust of it all. However, she was not at that stage in the revelation, too busy drow in in her own fury and pain to consider anything else, or anyone. Too overpowered by it and having finally grown tired of holding back the tide of all that she felt.

Even when they had been at each other's throats, she had never unleashed on him the sort of rage that she knew she had boiling under the surface of an icy temperament. She was clinical, cutting and sharp as opposed to his explosive, destructive and fieriness. It never took more than a particular strike to hit a certain never before Sven was ever set off about something. Carina... bottled it up. Kept it in. Uttered cold, cool and drawled remarks as comebacks to whatever was thrown her way. She next to never allowed her true emotions to show and always refused to allow anyone to see their words, the ones with intent to hurt, strike her where she knew they were meant.

In their better days, he had helped her slowly unlock all those guards. Carina had, foolishly she now believed, allowed herself to see that vulnerability was not a weakness. Emotion was strength, not something to hide. She had become better, started sharing more. Even when they first shattered, Natalia helped her continue with that progression. The advisor became her confidant, the least likely person Carina could have suspected. If she hadn't, there was no chance she would have gone to Sven the night she told him she didn't want a divorce. She wouldn't have gone to him and risked telling him that she still loved him and still wanted to give their marriage another chance.

Until he made her look like a fool. An blissful little fool.

She felt stupid. Idiotic. Moronic. She could imagine Eris laughing, smirking as the woman laid in bed with Sven. And Sven not feeling an ounce of guilt. Sven acting like the cat that got the cream. A smug bastard who had thought he could have his cake and eat it.

Before her ice could expel from her person around the advisor, the young Queen took a step back and sharply looked, once more, in the direction in which they came. Despite her anger and disgust and hurt, underneath all that, her heart pounded with the anxiety of seeing Sven so soon after. Both with the worry of if she would be able to control herself and keep herself from inflicting physical pain on him to the same level of emotional pain she was experiencing, but also from knowing she would ultimately end up crying at seeing his face. She could imagine his expression contorting into guilty realisation when he found out she knew. And she didn't want to see that.

"If he asks where I am... tell him the truth. Tell him you don't know." She mumbled simply in response, deciding after a moment to take the hat back from her and pull it back onto her head, tucking loose strands of her hair underneath the material.

She didn't waited know in it's entirety what she wanted, but Carina was certain that, for now, she to disappear for a while. Maybe do what he did when he felt betrayed by Natalia and go get roaring drunk in some local tavern. She also knew she didn't want to be sad. Not yet. She wanted to stay heated by the anger that had sustained her so far.

Taking in a deep breath, Carina rolled her shoulders back and set her expression, "Try and get some sleep if you can. Or at least get yourself a drink. A bottle, maybe. I know I can't be alone in the urge to find a stiff drink." Carina's parting words hinted at the underlying heartbreak the revelation inevitably brought, but her expression remained hard despite the soft pat to Natalia's arm as she walked past the advisor to take the dirt track down to the village.
 
Unable to utter a word in response (and genuinely not wanting to in case her fear of saying the wrong thing again materialised into reality), Natalia managed a meagre nod and remained in place until Carina began to head back down to the village. What she would do and where specifically she would go were concerns that came to mind, with the advisor uncomfortable with the idea of the Queen of the kingdom wandering off at such a late hour after receiving the worst possible news about her husband's behaviour, but what could she do? She couldn't follow after Carina and nor could she question her in the hope of getting details (that may well be falsified anyway) in case she pressed too many buttons and caused another emotional outburst to occur.

No, all Natalia could do was stand in watch and in observation until Carina disappeared from view and hope, beyond anything else, that the woman wouldn't come to any trouble; that she would return safely at the end of the walk with her thoughts and emotions under some control. The latter was a hope she knew would be decimated when the woman came face-to-face with Sven, but it didn't stop Natalia from possessing it, hoping desperately that the worst case scenario didn't unfold itself.

Only when she quietly and carefully shut the door to the stables did she head to the castle to begin honouring each and every one of Carina's requests: all her items were removed from the joint room she shared with Sven which was promptly locked and the key left hanging on the handle by a purple ribbon and, despite the difficulty it caused Natalia, the divorce papers were purposely placed upon the bed, unable to be overlooked when the King eventually made his return.

Until then, Natalia headed to her bedroom. There was little chance of sleep when her thoughts, rampant and raucous, kept her from relaxing, but, even despite Carina's suggestion, there was no way she would allow herself a drink to take the edge off. Her mind had been made up the moment she learned of Sven's affair - any of the enjoyments she had gradually introduced into her life were now impossibilities for her. How could she allow herself a drink when she might be needed at Sven's disposal, at his beck and call, at any given moment? Her life was no longer hers: everything she did, everything she lived for, was for the kingdom and its processions; for Sven and his people.

Even a mere drink had the potential of jeopardising her from acting at her best - and she couldn't afford that to happen.

So, settling on a cup of tea, the advisor sat for a good forty or so minutes in the dark and the quiet of her small, clinically organised bedroom, silently eyeing the room and its contents and knowing without a doubt that this was her future; this was all she would ever truly be able to claim. She knew it was probably going to be the room she died alone in one day, no doubt after decades in service to Ignis, but that was the choice she had made. Pitifully wallowing in her own sadness when she was making the choice to dedicate herself to the lifestyle made her shake her head to herself in annoyance. There was no time to dedicate to her silly feelings when she had to be in control; serious and reliable.

The noise of Sven's eventual return made her breath hitch, her ears strained as she heard the King moodily make his way to his shared bedroom. The locked door and the purple ribbon didn't immediately make him concerned, the significance of it all lost on him - but nothing became that clear even when he burst into the room to see it emptied of everything Carina possessed. Even when, in the dim light, his eyes fell upon the divorce papers he had once had written up, no numbing realisation that he had been found out came to mind. All that hit him was confusion, a smile even on his face at the thought that this was some strange joke being played on him; something he and Carina could laugh over as they permanently burned the divorce papers, perhaps.

Though the sinking feeling eventually set in when none of that made any sense. Sometimes the most obvious explanation was the correct one - and currently, his extramarital activities coming to light was just that. His stomach churned with nausea as he found himself sinking onto the bed, colour draining dramatically from his face. He could feel the fire burning within his veins as though sensing his waning control and desiring a release from their prison beneath his skin, and as tempting as it was to let out a scream in anguish and allow his flames to do as they saw fit, Sven managed to control himself. He held his head in his hands and forced back every temptation to just surround himself by his flames, instead delving into self-pity, fear and the sickening acknowledgement that he had majorly fucked up - beyond all repair.

In the faint hope that he was overthinking it all, he eventually made his way to Natalia's bedroom - as she knew he would. He nudged the door open without care, though any hope that had developed fell the moment he saw his friend sat upright at a chair by a small table, stricken with a range of emotions. No words needed to be uttered, no explanations had to be offered, for Sven to realise precisely what those emotions signified, his hands coming to clutch his face as that scream he had wanted to release minutes prior finally sounded, slightly muffled by his hands but obvious in its despair and horror nonetheless.

"How... How much does she... does she know--"

"She knows everything." Natalia numbly replied as her eyes kept focused on Sven, unable to feel even a slither of sympathy for him when he had brought it all on himself. Her hands remained clutching her teacup as she deftly took a sip, thankful that she managed to push away the shaking within them just seconds before Sven had entered the room. "...I don't know where she is, so don't bother to ask me. Just go to your room and feel sorry for yourself, Sven. Because you are the only one who will. I-- I can't even look at you."

Sven bit his lip hard at the sight of Natalia's disgust, unable to say or do anything other than to nod in concession and turn on his heel to return feebly to his room. Every step was torturous, every thought paining him, but he found himself back in his room within a few minutes, staring pathetically at its emptied state and knowing, without a doubt, that it was emblematic of how empty his life was going to become when Carina -and probably Lorcan too- left it.

And he had to accept it - because he had nobody to blame but himself.
 
By the time morning had come, Carina's bed was still very much untouched. It was clear to see that the young Queen had not returned that night, or in the early hours of the morning. Or at least not to her bedroom.

A tentative knock sounded at Natalia's door just gone dawn, when the staff would be beginning to stir to go about their usual daily chores. Much before any of the maids went to Carina's room to wake her and begin helping her with her day (which usually started with a warm bath and a cup of tea). So no alarm had yet gone up for the missing monarch, nor had any whispers started.

Andrew quietly opened the door to the advisor's room, poking his head around to see where she was and a audible sigh of relief matched the expression on his face as he stepped in and closed the door behind him. He even went as far as locking it, to ensure they wouldn't be disturbed.

"I-- I thought ya were the best person to come to," he started, his flat cap being tightly strangled between his hands, "No one else's up yet, down in the stables so I thought-- I hope I'm the first to come to ya with this." He shook his cap out in an attempt to stop his fidgeting, but instead it immediately went back to being wringed out, "Carina she's-- uh, well she's passed out. In the stall that we keep all the straw in for the beddin'. I-- I didn't know what to do. So I've just covered her, with a blanket. She's in a maid's outfit? It's all dirty. Her-- her hair's all, uh, filthy too. Like-- like she's covered it in somethin'? It smelt like charcoal but I could be wrong."

Pausing, the red-headed male took a moment to observe his girlfriend. He tucked his cap away into the pocket of his jacket and approached her, gently reaching out to take hold of her hands before reaching up to cup her cheeks, cradling her face on either side. His frown deepened as he studied her, one of his hands moving past her ear to sweep back hair from her face and then circle back around to her cheek.

"Nat-- what's wrong? What've I missed?" He asked, his stomach turning with the fear that something terrible was happening, "What's going on? It's-- it's somethin' to do with why Carina's in the stables, ain't it? Why she's... as filthy as she is an'... an' why she's dressed in normal garb an'-- an' why she stinks like a bloody tavern." His thumbs lightly stroked her cheeks as his attention remained undivided. "Tell me what's happenin' an' we can go straight to her-- or tell me on the way. Either way, sweetheart, just explain to me what's happenin'? An' tell me what I can do to help."
 
For much of the night, bar one meagre half an hour where she had allowed herself some much needed shut-eye, Natalia had been wide awake and sat at the small table in the corner of her room, nursing the same cup of tea that she had left to go cold - but hadn't the energy to get up and collect herself another one. From the silence in the castle, it was obvious that Sven had either managed to get some sleep (which she found absolutely astounding under the circumstances) or, as she assumed would be the case, he was sat in bed or at an armchair in his bedroom, unable to waive aside the all-consuming guilt for long enough to relax.

It was also obvious from that silence that dawned over the building that Carina hadn't returned. Natalia strained desperately to hear the woman's return and when nothing came to her ear, she was left to sit worriedly at her table, contemplating whether she ought to alert someone to head out and search for the young Queen. She continually restrained herself from that urge in the knowledge that Carina, if she wasn't harmed or in any trouble, would hardly appreciate the unwanted and unneeded attention regarding her volatile state, even if that meant Natalia stewing alone in her anxiety and concern.

As dawn broke, she was close to simply heading out by herself in search of the Queen. Even if Carina gave her an earful for not trusting her to be careful, or for not giving her the space she desired, Natalia reasoned that it was worth it if she found the royal and could alleviate herself of the horrid images that continually taunted her throughout the night; unwanted pictures springing to mind of Carina lying in a ditch somewhere, waiting to be found. She understood the other's need for space, but she couldn't abide the images that her mind cruelly concocted to torment her - she would gladly risk Carina's wrath if it meant knowing, for certain, that her friend was safe and unhurt.

Fortunately, her lingering uncertainty allowed Andrew the time to slip into her bedroom and bring the news that Carina wasn't hurt out in the village. Hearing the state she was in wasn't easy to digest, but Natalia chose to focus on the positives: that she was seemingly unharmed, her location known and nobody but Andrew aware of her current state. At that news, the advisor allowed a shaky breath to exhale, her head momentarily in her hands to cope with that flood of relief, though she allowed it to tilt back to face her boyfriend as he approached and held either side of her face tenderly.

The fondness of the act, the concern on his expression, was, however, too much to take when she had already reached a decision regarding their relationship, the advisor eventually making the decision to break the closeness and rise to her feet, rather than linger in Andrew's hold a second longer.

"Carina and I followed Sven last night, under the suspicion that he has been having an affair. I didn't want to drag you in on it in case Sven was innocent and grew angry at our behaviour - it was best to keep you in the dark so you could honestly claim obliviousness, Andrew. I was looking out for you," she began, the delivery of her words gentle despite the emotionless expression she felt it appropriate to possess. It wouldn't remove her from the emotion raging within her, it wouldn't distract from the breaking of her heart, but she didn't -couldn't- allow for tears to build and fall. Not now.

"We discovered him at a dilapidated house on the outskirts. With Eris. He's been seeing her for weeks, it seems. Behind Carina's back. The fallout has yet to occur but-- it will do when they see one another, I imagine. They'll divorce, of course. Carina and Lorcan will leave, perhaps to Eira. And I will have to work hard to keep Sven together; to ensure matters of the kingdom don't fall to the wayside. I have to prioritise my work, Andrew. Sven needs me to dedicate my life entirely to it," she paused to allow the enormity of her words to settle; for the implications of everything she had to say to fall into place, but she owed it to him to be clear; to say what needed to be said, rather than rely on him working it out for himself.

"I love you, I truly do. With all my heart. I always will. You are the only man I would have ever wanted to build a life with. But my work, it-- it has to come first now. This is my life, Andrew. I don't-- I don't think love or friendships or a family or a life beyond these castle walls was ever in my future, I-I-- I just know that Sven needs me and my duty is to him, as the King. That-- That's the choice I'm making. I-I, I... I'm sorry. This is how it has to be--"

She broke off before her voice could waiver with the emotion she was fighting to hold back, her hands, having balled into fists in the attempt to keep herself together, slowly unfurling as she took the time to collect herself.

"I have to see Carina, to get her inside," she murmured, slipping off her slippers and stepping into her work shoes. She respected Andrew enough to want to give him her full attention, to allow him to vocalise how he felt and work through the shock at the abruptness of the end of their time together - but that wasn't feasible when her work, her dedication to the kingdom and its rulers, had to take priority above all else. That was the choice she had made, regardless of the personal cost.

"She can't be in that stable in such a state, I need to get her inside, to her room, before the servants begin to stir. Before anyone sees her, Andrew. I-- I know this is cruel of me, to hurt you and not give you my attention to work through it all, but Carina, I... I need to help her. I'm sorry."
 
A number of different emotions greeted Andrew as Natalia began to explain the situation to him. His lips parted as if to argue that she was wrong, that his half-brother wouldn't, and surely couldn't, have done such a thing. He had seen how they had been during their reconciliation and refused to believe that it was all just an act, or at least that Sven could have behaved in such a loving manner while having an affair. But as she continued, his mouth shut again, unable to argue against what was said when it seemed the two women had actually gained evidence and seen Sven with their eyes.

He lowered himself into the seat she had just vacated, a hand rising to rub at his chin with the sheer disbelief of what he had just been told. Only to go still as the advisor continued with her spiel, his hand lowering into his lap as it began to dawn on him what she was hinting to. The meaning that was there between the words that she spoke.

Immediately he was on his feet, a small step taken towards her but not enough to encroach on her space, not wanting to make her feel intimidated in anyway. He reached out a hand towards her, but soon retracted it, not daring to touch her when the unusual warmth made itself apparent within his palms. He hesitated, brow furrowing as he tried to come to terms with all that was happening.

"You... you can't tell me that you love me, not for the first time, on the same day you end things, Natalia. That... that just ain't fair." He murmured, voice strained as he wiped his hands down against the sides of his jacket.

He took another step towards her, watching as she began to ready herself to step out of her room, to step into the role as advisor. "Why do you have to dedicate your time to him now? He's just gone an'-- he's just gone an' hurt you an' your other closest friend in ways that are... they're unthinkable. An' you still want to spend your life servin' him? Lookin' after him?"

Andrew lifted a hand to his head, running it through his auburn locks in exasperation as she continued to focus on her work, rather than allowing him the opportunity to speak to her like he wanted to. Like he needed to. He fidgeted, body turning one way and then the other as he tried to figure out how to deal with his own rising emotions but also how to get more time with her. How to make her see that he didn't care about her work. He had spoken about it so often before, reassured her so many times that he understood. Yet it still wasn't enough to make her listen.

Shaking out a hand, he reached out to gently grasp her wrist before she could leave. His lips parted, and he thought the words would belong to that of a man wishing to convince her to stay with him. Instead, they were something entirely different.

"...You ain't gonna be able to get her in, she's dead to the world right now," he moved to stand facing her, keeping his hold loose on her wrist as he looked down at her, "I'll go back down, come through the kitchen door-- you go to her room, get everythin' ready for her, yeah? A bath, her bed, some water... whatever you think's gunna help her."

Unable to help himself, Andrew cradled her face with unusually (but not entirely unpleasantly) warm hands to steal a kiss. It was only supposed to be a short one, but he dragged it out, a hand moving to the back of her neck as he put everything he had into the action. If it really was going to be the end of them, he wanted one last kiss.

"Now go," he breathed, pressing his forehead against hers once he reluctantly ended the kiss, taking the chance to study her up close, "I'll carry her up. Get everythin' ready." With one final peck to her cheek, the stablehand tore himself away to leave the bedroom, heading back down to the stable where he last saw Carina.
 
Though not visible, Natalia flinched at the other's words; at his confusion and disbelief that she would willingly give up a shot at a life in favour of serving a man who had hurt those he ought to protect and care for the most. She didn't disagree with Andrew, however: she perfectly understood why he would exhibit that level of perplexity at her decision because his reaction was only to be expected; the reaction that she imagined most would have upon hearing what she was ready to sacrifice - and for who.

But there was little point in trying to continually justify her decision because what help was that going to be? She couldn't imagine he would be comforted by hearing her dedication to the half-brother who had only proven over the last few weeks just how capable of he was of cruelty and deception, so why even attempt to explain it all to him? She wanted to, of course. She wanted to emphasise that this wasn't a case of her seeing Sven as the most important person in her life, and it certainly wasn't because the love she once held for him had reared its head (frankly, she couldn't believe how she had ever had those feelings for him in the first place) - it was merely the fact that, without her, Sven would fall apart. He was always at risk of wallowing in the depths of debauchery; of selfishly prioritising his desire for power and pleasure above all else, but with Natalia in the picture, at least work would find completion; at least there would be progress.

At least there was someone working diligently behind the scenes to ensure Ignis was run as smoothly as it could be regardless of the personal circumstances occurring for its royals behind the scenes. If there was any chance that Sven would turn to those tendencies after the breakdown of his marriage, or simply find himself unable to rule as effectively when he was overcome by the emotional consequences of his unruly behaviour, then she had to be at his side, helping to keep him -and Ignis- in one piece.

But saying so would only drag the matter on and prolong their hurt and she didn't want any of that for either of the, though especially not for Andrew who, regardless of her choice to end things, she would never lose love for.

Having feared him persisting with questions, pleading with her to reconsider, she was taken aback by the lack of such events - though quietly grateful nonetheless. It allowed her to prioritise Carina's wellbeing... and also allowed her to hold back the tears that would have inevitably brimmed and spilt over the edge, onto her cheeks, if she had to hear the man she loved emotionally appeal for her not to make such a monumental decision on the state of their relationship. She didn't want to be convinced, to be told that she was making a mistake in giving her life up for a King who might never fully appreciate the lengths she was going to to protect and support him - she just wanted her decision to be accepted so she could get on with the work she was dedicating herself to.

And to have that was something she was grateful for, even if there was that slight worry that Andrew wasn't going to cope well with the choice she had made when alone, behind closed doors. All she could do was hope that he came to understand her decision and move on with his life; perhaps find someone else who could show him the love, the attention, he so richly deserved.

Assuming that all that was said had been said, and all that had to be done had been done, she turned to take her leave with thoughts on how to get Carina into the castle unseen now dominating her mind-- until Andrew pulled her back, at least. She knew immediately that she oughtn't allow him to press a kiss to her, that it would just make their parting all that more difficult, but she was also hopeless to resist it, allowing her own lips to reciprocate the motion in her own desperation to lose herself to what would be their last kiss.

"...Thank you, that... would be wonderful, Andrew. Make sure she isn't seen," she replied once the kiss broke, a finger rising to rest on her bottom lip as she selfishly spent a few precious seconds simply reflecting on it; on soaking in the feeling to ensure she wouldn't forget it. A shaky breath of pure emotion escaped her before she could force it back, the gravity of what she had done hitting her the moment Andrew left - but it was a choice she knew she couldn't regret, not when Sven, Carina and the kingdom needed her more than they had ever before.

Only when that realisation sunk in did she abandon her cloak and leave for Carina's bedroom to complete the necessary preparations, hoping throughout that the Queen would have the chance to recuperate a little before her husband inevitably came crawling to make his pathetic apologies.
 
It was a very undignified entrance for Carina, who Andrew had no choice but to wrap in a blanket and sling over his shoulder. He ensured to take as many of the unused corridors as possible and ducked into a space to hide if he feared the sound of footsteps. However, he eventually managed to make his way to the Queen's room, not bothering to waste time with knocking when he knew that only Natalia would be inside. He moved to settle the sleeping young woman into the armchair of the room, hesitant to lay her down when her prolonged and deep sleep was probably helped by a copious amount of alcohol the night before.

"...I'll... go down to the kitchens, see if I can't get you an' 'er some tea an' toast." He murmured after he took a step back, eyes remaining on Carina for the time being to ensure she stayed in place. However, when comfortable nothing bad was going to happen, he partially turned to look at the advisor.

Unable to help himself, he quietly reached out to rest a hand on her forearm, gazing at her imploringly, "I-- I ain't goin'ta give ya a grand speech 'cause I know you got a real shit storm to sort," he started before she could protest, stepping closer to her and shifting his hand to her waist, "But I am goin'ta say that I ain't lettin' this, us, finish like this. I refuse for his selfishness to cause us any grief, any misery. Why should either of us be miserable just 'cause he is? Why should you be there to help clean up his messes when he could've had his wife by his side to help?" He shook his head, catching himself with a wry smile as he realised he was doing exactly what he promised not to do - give the big speech. "All I'm sayin' Nat... is that I am not leavin' our relationship like this. I ain't ready to throw the towel in because of my brother's fuckin' idiotic mistakes. I love you, an' you love me. I am... I am refusin' to lose you to him."

He had thought about it during his entire walk down, and then the sneak back in with the young queen on his shoulder. Much like Sven, Andrew was stubborn. Knowing how Natalia now felt about him made it all the more difficult to walk away. He felt angry at Sven, for being the idiot he called him out to be to Natalia, for ruining not just his life, but potentially Natalia's too. He was frustrated and even hurt that Natalia would still, time and again, seemingly choose Sven over everything else (as he didn't recognise it to be Ignis too). And he was crushed at losing the woman he had fallen deeply for.

To the point where a specific type of ring box sat in a clothes draw in his room above the stables.

At a small groan and a soft mumble, followed by a stirring within the blanket, Andrew gave Natalia's side a squeeze before stepping back, "You tend to her. I'll get you both some food. I, uh, I can imagine you'll need to eat where you can today." He glanced to Carina's blanket covered form before providing Natalia with his attention once more. "You be safe-- don't get in the middle of the two of 'em if they start goin' at each other, yeah? Promise me."

He was hesitant to leave without the promise, but once he got his answer, he left to do as promised with a final, tender squeeze to her shoulder.

Carina, meanwhile, broke her eyes open with a flinch. Her vision was blurry, and it seemed as though she was wrapped rather firmly within something, a blanket. She also noticed the smell, which was threefold: the first came from the blanket, which stank of horse and straw (not an overall unpleasant smell), the second came from her breath, which was of the alcohol she drink the night before and even early into the same morning. The last was the smell of charcoal and as that scent hit her, Carina groaned quietly as she remembered using some along the way to the village in order to try and dye her hair, avoiding recognition by her pale locks.

But then the reason why she was in such a state hit her and, now the period of anger was over, she quietly drew her knees and legs up to tuck underneath herself on the armchair. She reluctantly peeked out from over the top of the blanket, undecided as to if she wished to see if she was alone, or if she had company. At the sight of Natalia, all present and correct, if somewhat pale, she looked at the advisor's feet and reached up from under the blanket to pull it down and under her chin.

"...It all really happened, didn't it? I... couldn't help but hope that it was just... some awful, gut-wrenching dream. But..." She trailed off, swallowing thickly both against the tears that threatened to form but also against the bile (whether it was hangover related or just from the acknowledgement of her husbands affair.)

Even more emotional vulnerable now with the hangover, Carina felt her will wobble as she fought off her tears. Her lower lip trembled until she caught it, biting on it briefly before releasing it and keeping her gaze averted. "Is he... did he come back last night or... or..."

The questioned died on her tongue, but she was certain Natalia understood what she was trying to ask, even if part of her didn't want to know the answer. She couldn't bring herself to ask if he remained out that night.
 
When she wanted and needed to dedicate her focus entirely on Carina and alleviating her out of the state she had gotten herself into, the last thing she really needed was for Andrew to decide that this was the moment to attempt to change her mind; to convince her that dismantling her life for the sake of supporting Sven's was an act of selflessness he didn't deserve - which she completely understood but fundamentally disagreed with. She thought she had at least made that clear enough for Andrew to accept, so to have to hear him almost pleadingly attempt to appeal to her, to have her recognise that they had something she ought to protect rather than -reluctantly- destroy, only made her anxiety spiral.

She wanted to focus on the Queen that had been brought into the room, who she eyed in a mixture of dismay and concern once absorbing the extent of the mess that had befallen her, but Andrew's words were inevitably a distraction to the duties she wished to get on with - which was her entire point in a nutshell; the very reason she had decided to put an end to their relationship in the first place: because Andrew would, in one way or another, be a distraction to the responsibilities that Natalia had to fulfil.

There were people reliant on her for help, for her aid, whether they appreciated it or not. Carina, in such a physical -and emotional- mess, needed Natalia's dutiful dedication, which the advisor wouldn't hesitate to provide because that was the work she knew she had to prioritise above all else, and yet she couldn't delve into those duties with the immediacy she desired because Andrew had seized the chance to imploringly defend their relationship; to plead his case and hope she would turn an ear to it. She couldn't blame him, even if, selfishly, she just didn't want to hear any of it: it was easier on her emotionally not to have to come face-to-face with the consequences of her actions.

But, fearing she would end up snapping at him in an attempt to spare herself further heartache (and because she wasn't entirely thrilled that her word hadn't been met with the finality she needed it to), the advisor remained silent as the other proceeded, forcing herself not to react to the gentle touches to her arm that, just a day prior, she would have been powerless against, possibly even responding with an appreciative kiss or two. Now, she forced her expression to remain as neutral as it could be. She wasn't comfortable with having to present such emotionlessness, but maybe it would help him to get the message that what they had together was over; that she had come to the conclusion that her work to the kingdom, to the royals at its helm, took priority.

Even over the man she had grown to love; the person she had quietly been imagining a future beside.

The only words she eventually uttered was the promise that she wouldn't get involved in the inevitable interaction between the married couple, even if she caveated it with the exception that she wouldn't physically interfere. Ideally, she wouldn't step in whatsoever, but she wasn't prepared to stand by and allow Sven to manipulate or gaslight his way to lessening the anger and disgust aimed at him; not when Carina deserved nothing but the entire truth.

Only when he made his exit did she allow a breath to escape her, the bravado she had placed over herself cracking once Andrew wasn't present. Her mask slipped, the emotion coming to flood her expression once it was safe to do so-- though she wasn't allowed much of a respite from placing it over her when Carina spoke, Natalia hurrying to push all her emotions, all her vulnerabilities, back behind that mask of protection in order to tend to the Queen with the dedication she deserved.

Granted, that also meant having to push back the slight anger she felt towards the woman for disappearing for the entirety of the night and early morning. She wasn't unsympathetic to what Carina was going through, far from it, but she wasn't prepared to believe that her drunkenly deciding to stay out all night, despite the countless dangers that could have befallen her, was anything but a horrific decision - especially when Natalia had been sick with worry for those hours on end. However, it was that sympathy for Carina that forced her not to indicate her dismay; to overlook it and focus on tending to her with the care and kindness she ultimately deserved.

"...He came home and has been in his room ever since. He came to see me about the divorce papers I placed on his bed at your request, so he's aware that you know about Eris. I didn't tell him how you knew, or what we had done. That isn't my place." Natalia answered quietly as she turned to face the woman, taking in the charcoal-stained hair with the faintest of frowns.

"I've run the bath for you, Carina. Come and take it before Andrew brings you up some toast and tea. Even if you don't feel like doing anything, even if you'd rather stay cuddled up in the blanket, just get yourself clean and have some food to settle your stomach after the alcohol. Then return to the blanket and the armchair if you wish, but at least do so clean and fed. That's all I ask of you right now."
 
"...Bath. Yes. I-- Lorcan. I need to see Lorcan too. I always give him his breakfast." Carina's brow furrowed at the thought of skipping a part of her morning routine, even while hungover. She rarely got raring drunk, only touching alcohol when it came to having a glass or two for dinner. She also had never seen it as a way of escape. Even last night, that wasn't her looking for an escape at the bottom of a bottle, but rather just her snapping and refusing to play to the perfect image she had been trying so hard to maintain both for the kingdom and for her relationship.

With a soft groan at the thudding in her head, she reluctantly sat up properly and stretched out her legs so her dirtied shoes landed on the carpet. She winced at the sight, quickly bringing her feet back up and freeing a hand so she could remove them. Reluctantly, she peeled herself from the chair and allowed the blanket to slowly unfurl from her and drop the floor, where it was soon joined by the shoes that she ensured landed on top of the piece of material.

She was quite the sight, after her adventures the night before. Her maid's outfit was all crinkled and creased, the hem muddied from where it had gotten caught along the floor as she walked through the path down and back up from the village, a few dirt stains marked the bodice and there seemed to be another stain just over her chest from where she had spilt some wine or ale before. Her hair, as now seen by Natalia, was stained by charcoal, since she didn't want to be recognised during her time away from the castle, the soot turning her hair a dark grey and almost black in some places. Dirt and dust caked under her nails and her face felt gritty with sweat, soot from the nearby volcanoes and even some dried tears as some where spilt - if she remembered correctly - on her way back to the castle.

"Bath." She murmured again, as if confirmation of her agreement. Carina quietly shuffled through the bathroom, uncaring as to if the advisor followed her or if she stayed put, leaving the door open a crack so she could still hear anything that was said if Natalia did stay - which Carina knew, really, she would.

Before getting in the bath, the young queen brushed her teeth to rid herself of the stale alcohol taste that lingered on her tongue. She caught herself in the mirror and paused to simply stare at the gaunt, defeated, streaky-haired young woman that looked back. Her hands came to rest on either side of the sink, leaning against it as she continued to study her reflection. Before she realised it, tears were dripping down her cheeks and she was quick to mop them up with the backs of her hands, sniffing and huffing as she finished brushing her teeth and hastily moving on to her bath. Stripping out of her clothes, she climbed into the bath, releasing a long and slow breath as she sank down into the tub. She didn't linger, immediately going straight under to rid herself of her poorly dyed hair.

Sitting back up, she gasped for air, having kept herself under for longer than necessary simply due to her numbed state. It still didn't feel real. She had meant what she said, about hoping it had just been some horrid dream. She couldn't understand how the wool had been pulled over her eyes for so long. It made her wonder if anything he had ever said to her pertaining to their second chance was true. He had promised he loved her... but he had also promised to rid himself of Eris.

What other things had he lied about?

What if it was all a part of one big, elaborate plan to hurt her, as she had hurt him the night Lauren and Thorin had tried to kill him?

When she was eventually done in the bath, Carina returned with a towel wrapped around her hair and a bathrobe on, the skin visible rather red as though she had scrubbed a bit too furiously at it - more than what was necessary. An attempt to not only remove the soot, but also the lingering disgust that crawled on her skin from the house that she found her husband in with his mistress.

"...I shan't be joining him for breakfast today. Nor will I be joining him in his study to help as I had done before. I will... take my own work to the library, like before. He can see Lorcan when I am not there, I don't care what he says, I don't need the sight of him spoiling time with my son." The quiver in her voice betrayed the harshness in which her words were spoken, the young queen occupying herself with applying her body creams and lotions so she didn't have to look at Natalia.

She feared she would break down into an emotional mess if she did.

"If he wants to talk to me about it, he can talk to me when it's good for me, not when it's good for him. If he comes now, I don't want to hear from him. If he comes to me when I'm with Lorcan, I will turn him away. I will not pander to him when he clearly has no care for me and seems to have a complete disregard for anything I may feel."
 
As Carina slipped from the room to take the bath (fortunately without showing any resistance to being told what to do, much to Natalia's relief), the advisor set about collecting a dress from the walk-in closet. She had had her doubts whether the other would remain in the room for the entirety of the day and, thus, see no reason to have to get dressed - though as entitled as Carina was to do what she needed to cope with the sting of the betrayal, Natalia silently clung to the hope that she would presume some duties and responsibilities, whether they were the professional for the betterment of the kingdom or simply the obligations that came with being a doting mother.

Frankly, as long as she didn't lock herself away in the bedroom for hours and hours on end, Natalia would be spared being overwhelmed with concern. Granted, the concern for Carina would exist regardless, but if she was up and about, resuming her duties, Natalia could allow herself to get on with the business that needed her attention.

As much as she wanted to be near Carina for most of the day, be it for visible emotional support or to silently keep an eye on the woman's wellbeing, such an option wasn't feasible when there were countless other matters that also needed her attention. From the menial task of ensuring that the serving staff in the castle were continuing their duties with the usual degree of excellence she expected from them, to the serious one of sitting with Sven and going over preparations for the war. Even if he opted not to take part in those discussions (which she could only presume he would under the circumstances), she wouldn't -and couldn't- skip them: she needed to take notes, to update files, to gather an understanding of the latest events and how that impacted the Ignisian strategy.

It was even more vital that her presence was felt in the meetings if Sven decided that he wasn't capable of giving it his attention - someone had to be there to update him and keep him in the loop and, like always, Natalia knew that that responsibility would fall on her shoulders. It was, however, what she had accepted the moment she took the role at Sven's side. Technically, the role of advisor didn't encompass the countless duties Natalia had to execute on a daily basis, but there was so much reliance on her to continue giving those other tasks her attention that she could hardly back out of it now. Her life, as a result, was more stressful, more exhaustive, than it had to be - but it was the life she had chosen, had dedicated herself to. There was little point in spending even a second moaning about it when she had willingly placed herself into the situation.

It was the thought of every other role she had to inhabit that made Carina's compliance all the more relieving. She had been silently prepared to deal with stubbornness from the Queen, perhaps even cutting cruelty, borne from embarrassment at the state she had gotten herself into, but instead she was faced with quiet agreement and, when Carina returned clean and refreshed, words that were more fierce in their determination; more stern in her resolve. Natalia was no fool, she knew the other would continually face contending with her emotions, but there was some further relief to be had in seeing Carina present her thoughts with such clarity, rather than stumble over her words with a quivering lip. Even if she was barely holding herself together, each step to regaining control, gathering her composure, was a step in the right direction.

"...That is entirely your choice, Carina. Of which I believe to be the right one, by the way. You stick to those terms; leave the ball in your court or he'll... twist the narrative. Try and provoke some sympathy. You give him an inch and he will take a mile," she eventually replied as she turned away from the dress she had carefully hung over the mirror, gratefully taking in the sight of a clean Carina. It was a minor task to complete, but it would have been easy for the Queen to resist it; to instead remain wrapped in the blanket. Right now, with everything she was having to deal with, even those simple tasks were, as far as Natalia was concerned, major wins.

"Have your tea and toast when Andrew returns, and then get on and see Lorcan. They're only small goals, little tasks, but each one you tick off is a win, Carina. Don't overwhelm yourself, obviously, but I think you're doing the right thing in keeping yourself moving forward, in not allowing Sven to hol--"

She heard him approach before he stepped into the room; recognised the pace and weight of the footsteps against the stone beyond Carina's bedroom. She sensed his hesitation outside the door before the familiarity of the knock of his knuckles against the wood registered. She paused, breath hitching as her composure momentarily evaded her, eyes widening in the rush of anxiety that hit her when the door gradually creaked open despite no invitation of entrance being offered - because why would Sven wait for permission? Even when he was in the wrong, even when he had fucked up in the most monumental of ways, he was still keen on getting what he wanted. It was a trait bathed in toxicity and it seemed no amount of self-reflection, of introspection, could alleviate it.

The moment he set eyes on his wife, the speech he had spent most of the night practising, just so he knew what to say without emotion interferingly distracting him, immediately disappeared from his brain. The emotions he had been keen on holding back so he could have that conversation, and say what he needed to say, rushed ruthlessly to the surface, causing his hand to tremble as he released it from the doorknob and his lips to part and close again in uncertainty.

"...Can we talk?" was all he eventually managed to utter, his eyes flicking back to her face as his own expression flooded with the guilt he genuinely felt; the guilt he had been forced to agonisingly accept now the consequences of his actions were coming back to bite him. "I-- I think we-- we should-- I-I--" He paused again, his brows furrowing in mild anger -and dismay- at the return of his stutter, his hands moving to clench into fists at his sides as he fought to keep the impediment under control.

"I think we-- we sh-should-- I'd like to talk, Carina. I know you hate me right now, that you can't stand the sight of me, but-- but I-- I'm-- I'msofuckingsorryCarina," he blurted, the words hurried out with such pace that they more or less blended together, melded into one breathless confession that only emphasised the guilt and pain staining his expression. "...Say something. Scream at me. Yell. Just say something, p-please."
 
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