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Enter, if you dare.
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Plot:
It's too good to be true, isn't it? Never in your wildest dreams did you think that you would ever win a free pass to an amusement park. The invitation came to you on your doorstep, patiently waiting to be opened and read. Though it seems like nobody in town had ever heard of it before. Not even your friends or family knew anything about some odd place called Horrorland. What follows is the tale of you and the other VIP guests, taking the ride of their lives in the most surreal, most terrifying theme park in history. It is time to unravel the mystery of what is really going on inside Horrorland.
Is it all part of some elaborate joke, or is there something more sinister lurking behind every corner?
What happens to you once you overstay your welcome?
Why are visitors disappearing all around you?
Are the monsters throughout the park real?
Why do they want you to stay... forever?
Even still, you mustn't give up hope. There is one way to escape this dreaded park. You must find the scattered pieces of your ticket in order to leave, whether it be on rides, in shops, or in more forbidden locations that only the strong delve into.
Is it all part of some elaborate joke, or is there something more sinister lurking behind every corner?
What happens to you once you overstay your welcome?
Why are visitors disappearing all around you?
Are the monsters throughout the park real?
Why do they want you to stay... forever?
Even still, you mustn't give up hope. There is one way to escape this dreaded park. You must find the scattered pieces of your ticket in order to leave, whether it be on rides, in shops, or in more forbidden locations that only the strong delve into.
They are watching your every move.
You are never escaping.
There's nowhere to hide.
You are never escaping.
There's nowhere to hide.
Carnival of Screams
Zombie Plaza
Vampire Village
Black Lagoon
Werewolf Borough
Mad Labs
Terror Tombs
(Directions)
Horrorland Unsafety Regulations
Horrifico
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•Deadly Doom Slide: One of the park's most popular attractions, featuring a mountain of ten individual slides that lead to your doom! Each slide is differentiated from the next so that the scares always feel fresh. Let us warn you about the ninth slide, which goes on forever, if you're not into that sort of thing.
•Ferris Squeal: Will this modified Ferris wheel break down as you ride it? Yes it will!
•House of Mirrors: Take a look around. Not only do these mirrors reveal your inner demons, they also make a valiant attempt at crushing you once you reach the other side. Our advice is to remain wary of walls.
•Terror Teacups: Rated E for Evisceration.
•Ghost Train: You might imagine that a haunted house ride in Horrorland would be slightly redundant. The twist here is that once you strap yourself in, you have a 50% chance of becoming one of the countless ghosts which haunt the ride. Sometimes the train engineer forgets to stop, so that probability is only going to go up.
•Calamity Canyon: The only roller coaster in the entire park to have never been repaired once. Collapsing boulders, decrepit support beams, and projectile cactuses allow this ride to be one of the most unsafe in Horrorland.
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•Gift Chop: The largest boutique for all your undead souvenir needs.
•Madame Doom: Nobody is entirely sure how this robotic fortune teller ended up in the park. All we know for certain is that her predictions are never wrong, and usually indicate imminent death (if not worse).
•Stagger Inn: Simply put, no one can beat the monstrous amounts of luxury we set aside for our guests in Horrorland. 24/7 house-creeping, slime pool, and unrestricted access to our gym-mausoleum will make you want to stay inside forever. For those who keep asking, yes, every room is haunted. Get over it.
•Ghoul Spa: Unwind after a stressful day of running for your life in the Ghoul Spa! We have sasquatch hair stylists, a zombified masseuse, and wasp acupuncture therapy on standby.
•Haunted Theater: Monsters from all over the world make the trip to Horrorland annually to star in timeless productions such as "Zombies on Ice", "Cyclops Comedy", and the musical rendition of "Please Get That Giant Scorpion Off The Stage". But that's not all! The beautiful and talented Countess Cabaret brings some of Vampire Village's best entertainers for a mesmerizing performance that will leave you stunned.
•Psycho Circus: Mutated elephants, reanimated acrobats, tightrope snakes, oh my!
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•The Vampire State Building: A large workplace/living complex dedicated entirely for vampires. Its primary function for tourists, however, is shopping and entertainment. The services are more niched than in Zombie Plaza.
•Vulture Beach: It's like any regular beach, just without the water. And lots of angry vultures. Consider it a desert with the occasional blood pool here and there from previous visitors.
•The Roller Ghoster: A thrilling off-the-rails experience through a genuine vampire-infested castle. Seatbelts not included. Needless to say, the cart doubles as a coffin. Pay no attention to the blood moat around the castle.
•Bat Barn: Literally just a barn where bats swoop down and attack you. Not much else to it.
•Fang Caverns: Try your luck through a dark tunnel underneath the park with only a flashlight and some garlic against thirsty vampires.
•Tombstone Tilters: Spin around and around on this frightful (and nauseating) fan-favorite, at least until we decide to let you off. The more you spin, the more you win!
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•Loch Ness Lake: An artificial lake shaped like the iconic Scottish water beast. There's even a live monster inside for extra authenticity. If you're up for the challenge, try taking a dive in one of our custom steel underwater cages for the real thrills. The main selling point of the lake are the bottomless canoes that visitors can rent as they explore the area. In the event of a sea monster attack, nobly sacrifice yourself so we don't have to feed it ourselves.
•Alligator Swimming Pond: The second worst idea ever. The slides would be more practical if they didn't lead directly into an alligator's mouth. The diving boards tend to break as well.
•Coffin Cruise: A relaxing trip in one of our hand-crafted caskets is bound to rattle your nerves. Sure, the coffins might close on you and spiders may envelop your entire body, but that's hardly a downside. Not for the faint of heart due to lack of oxygen.
•Quicksand Beach: Step in, and you never step out. At least you'll have a nice view of Loch Ness Lake as you sink. Screaming is also not the preferred method for contacting Horrorland's dedicated Afterlife Guards. They won't help you and your screaming is distracting to the other guests.
•It's Goo for You: Get placed inside a barrel, thrown over a waterfall, and land in a pool of slime! Hopefully...
•Horror Rapids: A log ride that spends more time underwater with piranhas than it probably should.
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•Werewolf Petting Zoo: The worst idea ever with equally terrible results.
•Wolfsbane Forest: Unlike the petting zoo, the wolves here aren't inside cages. Do not leave food out in the open while camping, under any circumstance. There's also rumors of the Headless Horseman stalking anyone who gets lost out there at night. Nobody is really sure because few return to tell about it.
•Lil' Growlers: A classic lycanthrope-owned restaurant where the guests are served (to the wolves, mind you).
•Leap of Bad Faith: Bungee jumping over a pit of werewolves is less fun than it sounds when the rope snaps.
•Silver Bullet Souvenirs: Trust us, you'll need them. Firearms not included.
•Full Moon Drop: What goes up must come back down. In glorious fashion.
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•Happy Tooth Game: Hate the dentist? You'll hate this one a lot more once we drill through your teeth.
•Toxic Dunk: Throw the ball and watch your unfortunate victim melt in a tube of chemicals with names so long that our park technicians have mostly forgotten about them. If you see any leaks, just ignore them.
•Shock Holler: A roller coaster that electrocutes you at every turn!
•Brain Games of Pain: This ride is among the most unique in Horrorland. It's a coliseum-like arena with an immovable cart in the center for the brave (yet foolish) guest who decides to hop in. The cart is fitted with a water cannon that deactivates approaching brain monsters that live in jars. Most of the time. But hey, think of all the prizes you could win!
•Thunder Bumpers: Much like Shock Holler, this infamous bumper-car ride shocks you on impact. In the center of the track lies a gigantic vat of acid that few are keen on falling into.
•Build-An-Abomination: Take a detour into the park's finest genetics laboratory where you can create your own little monster to take home with you! Horrorland is not responsible for any incidents of maiming caused by your personal abomination. Have a nice day.
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•Scarab Racers: Have you ever wanted to enter a go-kart race with giant insects chasing you? No? Too bad.
•Pharaoh's Fairway: A completely non-rigged minigolf course, except that it's inside a pyramid filled with mummies emerging from the shadows. Score a hole-in-one or you're done.
•Sphinx-Go-Round: You won't believe how difficult it was to attach live sphinxes to a merry-go-round machine. You also won't believe how often they escape and start eating people at random.
•The Cursed Coaster: Keeping in the theme of pyramid attractions, the Cursed Coaster offers a specialized curse for whichever numbered cart you end up in. The techniques for getting rid of these curses are written in hieroglyphics, so don't ask us how to end your unexpected 13 years of bad luck or that constant rain cloud over your head.
•Obelisk Swings: It's less of a swing and more of a horizontal catapult if you think about it too much.
•Anubis' Annihilation: A journey to the underworld is precisely what you'll need after you take our sarcophagus cruise down a demonic hippopotamus-infested river. -
Carnival of Screams: South (entrance area)
Zombie Plaza: Center
Vampire Village: East
Black Lagoon: Southeast
Mad Labs: Southwest
Werewolf Borough: West
Terror Tombs: North
Exit: ??? -
1. No snooping.
2. No monster blood on the premises.
3. The Monster Police (MP's) reserve the right to harass, make you uncomfortable, stalk, or arrest you at any given time without forewarning or reason.
4. Know your rights: you have none.
5. Do not go into Wolfsbane Forest after dark.
6. In actuality, going out after dark is a bad idea altogether. Don't do it.
7. No cell phones.
8. No pinching.
9. No mirrors. -
The founder of this accursed park. What does he want with all of us?
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