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Land of Wings
- Thread starter Olissa
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Oh well hehe.
Anyway, for those that are kind of standing in the sidelines of things at the moment, don't worry, I sense a shift in action coming up soon...
Anyway, for those that are kind of standing in the sidelines of things at the moment, don't worry, I sense a shift in action coming up soon...
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@XxDreamingxX I would have preferred it if you checked with me first about a personal guard, especially since that would relate directly to the queen.
To be frank, there is no personal guard to the queen. Only the Royal Guard. Some, such as Azra, serve quite close to the queen, but even then it's still the royal guard.
Right now the character feels too perfect. Top of everything, great at just about everything. Smart, strong, predicts others' moves easily while staying unpredictable herself, and nothing to balance it out. The only down side she has is a bit of sarcasm, is straight forward and that she is an introvert (I'm an introvert, and I do not count that as a negative point.) All of her negative points can actually be seen as good points as well.
@Bryanna Robbins that sounds perfect. I'll introduce her to the IC soon.
To be frank, there is no personal guard to the queen. Only the Royal Guard. Some, such as Azra, serve quite close to the queen, but even then it's still the royal guard.
Right now the character feels too perfect. Top of everything, great at just about everything. Smart, strong, predicts others' moves easily while staying unpredictable herself, and nothing to balance it out. The only down side she has is a bit of sarcasm, is straight forward and that she is an introvert (I'm an introvert, and I do not count that as a negative point.) All of her negative points can actually be seen as good points as well.
@Bryanna Robbins that sounds perfect. I'll introduce her to the IC soon.
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There you go, that should do it. It's a bit chaotic at the moment. Particularly in one spot.
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@XxDreamingxX
Please, treat our GM with a little more respect. Making demands as such aren't any sort of way to gain anything, and in fact likely makes the others around you LESS inclined to help. Please bear this in mind, as the way I read it, it came across as rather....Standoffish...
Please, treat our GM with a little more respect. Making demands as such aren't any sort of way to gain anything, and in fact likely makes the others around you LESS inclined to help. Please bear this in mind, as the way I read it, it came across as rather....Standoffish...
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Don't get me wrong, I'm willing to change things but you must keep in mind that I have looked at list that have Negative traits. The ones I listed were on that very list, as for Introvert, I'm allowed to put that in either section I want. The character was someone I came up with which means I have plans for her. I'm allowed to make my character Unpredictable, or anything else I see fit. As for the part where I said she would be able to predict her opponent's move, I was thinking something more along the lines of how Toph and Aang do things. So she'd focus on the vibrations, which allowed her to take a pretty good guess. This doesn't make her OP though, if that's what you were thinking. I apologize for my earlier outburst. I was having an argument of sorts with a family member so when you said that, I got even angrier and told you off.
@Olissa @FireDrake150
@Olissa @FireDrake150
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The apology, at least as far as I am concerned, is accepted. I just piped in to warn you how it was coming across. ^^ That being said, Olissa's word is law. I had to correct some stuff on my sheet too at first, but now that he is accepted, I have nothing to do with character acceptance. We're a friendly bunch, but, in the future, please proofread so that agression doesn't get misplaced. ^^
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That doesn't take away that she is too unbalanced. she still is too perfect. Leaning heavily in the Mary Sue direction, and I do not want those in my roleplay. If you post a character sheet in my roleplay I will comment on any part of the character that I do not find to be right. That includes personality and history.
Thanks FireDrake for wanting to chime in and disperse the flames a little.
And Darkagn, it happens at times. Though a word of advice, if you want to kind of follow a side story, it helps to spread it out a little and not play it out there. But that it attracted attention just happens sometimes. Just like how a bunch just walked into the blacksmith's shop, and at some point people might gather at a different place. There's no true controlling a crowd when they see something happening ;)
Thanks FireDrake for wanting to chime in and disperse the flames a little.
And Darkagn, it happens at times. Though a word of advice, if you want to kind of follow a side story, it helps to spread it out a little and not play it out there. But that it attracted attention just happens sometimes. Just like how a bunch just walked into the blacksmith's shop, and at some point people might gather at a different place. There's no true controlling a crowd when they see something happening ;)
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So your telling me I can't allow her to be introverted or unpredictable? Cause I have friends who'd agree with me that it's okay to have a character like that.
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Allow me to attempt to shed some light onto this. I read over your character sheet and I can see where the issues lay which seem primarily in the way you've chosen to word certain things. I'll break down your sheet in order to give a clear perspective on why people might not seem willing to accept this character.
I think that's about it that I can see off the bat. To hopefully give some more credibility to my criticisms, I've been RP'ing and writing for around eleven years, not that it makes me any more knowledgeable than the next person, I'm just putting it out there in case anyone want's to contest experience or something. Anyway I hope this helped.
Not really an issue; if your character is supposedly attractive than that's usually completely fine. However in collaborative writing with characters that belong to a multitude of individuals, you'll find concepts such as beauty can be listed as controversial and arguable as everyone has a different idea of the concept of beauty. After all "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". So you might find not every character will look upon your character as attractive. I don't believe this to be a major point in your character being a bit... 'much' but I feel it's a good point to remember for future Character Sheets.
If you look at the way you wrote this, it implies that "other people" don't have a clear mind and do not think quickly when in combat, which is bound to make people fold their arms and furrow their brows. I for one have a character who is very military driven, holding a high rank withing the Queen's forces, so reading that immediately made me feel as if my character was some what undermined. You could fix that just by changing the wording, or elaborating that she was quicker and more focused than the others 'in her class'. I think it'd make it easier for others to swallow.
This is the same issue as above, the wording implies no one else could be as loyal. And again as loyalty is a concept depending on unspoken character it's arguable to say who is more loyal than someone else. No doubt people have varying levels of loyalty, but to define it isn't really possible, unless stated so in other character sheets to which you might than compare to that person. Though I don't advise doing that, just stating she's loyal would have been enough.
It's fine to have an educated character, I in fact haven't written any academic history for my character and reading this has inspired me to a degree to look into it in the future. However to be the best in every subject and getting the highest grade in each of those subjects is... a little much. Everyone has a subject they don't do well with, for example do not... under any circumstances... ask Azra (my character) a math question. She'll get herself all frustrated trying to work it out on her fingers, however she has a very tight grasp on literacy and literature. But I'm getting off point, maybe toning this down a bit would be a good idea.
This would have been absolutely fine, had you not already put this:
Being unpredictable and being able to predict the movements of others is way past the line in what is fair by the fighting prowess of characters. Having both those traits makes her basically unbeatable in concept, or at the very least incredibly hard to beat to the point most characters wont stand a chance. I suggest you pick 'one' of these traits and eliminate the other.
Based on what I'm reading of this character, for her to have so much experience and be this level of strength, she needs a higher age. Otherwise with the realistic years involved she'd have been very very young while learning how to fight and the various subjects she apparently did very well in. I think a few years added would be a good idea, or maybe an explanation of how the 'Spirit' race differs in how they age. Example: perhaps spirits age far slower than most other races etc.
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I think that's about it that I can see off the bat. To hopefully give some more credibility to my criticisms, I've been RP'ing and writing for around eleven years, not that it makes me any more knowledgeable than the next person, I'm just putting it out there in case anyone want's to contest experience or something. Anyway I hope this helped.
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Did I say introversion is bad? Because dearie I just said that I am an introvert. I'm saying she is unbalanced. She is too perfect. Introversion is not bad. It is a way a person is that is both good and bad. Just like being an extrovert is good and bad. And the way you speak of it makes me think you might not truly understand what introversion really means.
Introversion is not the same as being shy, or hiding your emotions. Extroverts hide their true emotions as well.
The true difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts start off with a limited amount of energy, and when in contact with others it drains them of energy. To recharge they need time alone.
An extrovert starts out with zero energy, and the more people they interact with, the more their energy resource gets charged. When they are alone for a longer period of time they grow frustrated and lose energy.
This isn't the only difference, but it is the major difference.
So no, what I am pointing at is the fact that she is too perfect. She has no actual flaws. There is nothing that actually prohibits her or stands in her way. She is the smartest of her class in every subject, she is wonderful at fighting, courageous, loyal, not afraid to die, is straight forward and to the point (which is a good thing for a soldier by the way), attentive, and supposedly better than just about every other fighter in the ranks because 'unlike others' she can clear her mind. Nothing so far indicates that she has a problem anywhere. There is nothing that she can't beat it seems (able to predict moves and being unpredictable herself). Yes you've said 'nobody's perfect' but you've basically covered every aspect so she will be able to succeed in just about everything.
And that is boring.
I've been roleplaying since 2007, and while I may not be exactly good at explaining what it is that doesn't work with a character, I have some experience in this field. In my years of roleplaying I've learned that perfection is boring. I've had perfect characters, but looking back I realize they were boring and no fun for the others to play opposite.
Just about every character has shown to have bad sides and habits that they fall into. Some aren't as pronounced as others, but their good traits aren't overly amplified either so it balances it out enough.
- Layana's personality description isn't long, she likes being around others (extroversion) but chatters too much (which can annoy people. Haven't done so yet in the RP, but it will come). She also is easily confused (by new things, or finding directions, and a lot of other things)
- Aust can be friendly and kind, but he's driven by money. So much so that he wouldn't mind turning on his friends.
- Warlock focusses on getting his memory back so much, nothing can really divert him off that path. And he's not all that great with people, mostly resorting to manipulation.
- Ilona is extremely polite and sarcastic. Those two combined can be used to sneak in her sarcasm, and dry wit without too many noticing it. (possibly able to sugarcoat an insult so much that they'd believe it was flattery) and keeps non fae at a distance since she views them as lesser beings.
The list continues on, but all these first four characters have a bad side to them that can be exploited and/or could put them in a compromising or bad position. It makes who they are come to life and be an individual.
You're young, you want your characters to be the greatest they can be, and I understand that. But there is such a thing as overdoing it.
Winter, thank you for taking the time to break down the sheet a bit and pinpoint a few of the things that I've been running into.
Introversion is not the same as being shy, or hiding your emotions. Extroverts hide their true emotions as well.
The true difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts start off with a limited amount of energy, and when in contact with others it drains them of energy. To recharge they need time alone.
An extrovert starts out with zero energy, and the more people they interact with, the more their energy resource gets charged. When they are alone for a longer period of time they grow frustrated and lose energy.
This isn't the only difference, but it is the major difference.
So no, what I am pointing at is the fact that she is too perfect. She has no actual flaws. There is nothing that actually prohibits her or stands in her way. She is the smartest of her class in every subject, she is wonderful at fighting, courageous, loyal, not afraid to die, is straight forward and to the point (which is a good thing for a soldier by the way), attentive, and supposedly better than just about every other fighter in the ranks because 'unlike others' she can clear her mind. Nothing so far indicates that she has a problem anywhere. There is nothing that she can't beat it seems (able to predict moves and being unpredictable herself). Yes you've said 'nobody's perfect' but you've basically covered every aspect so she will be able to succeed in just about everything.
And that is boring.
I've been roleplaying since 2007, and while I may not be exactly good at explaining what it is that doesn't work with a character, I have some experience in this field. In my years of roleplaying I've learned that perfection is boring. I've had perfect characters, but looking back I realize they were boring and no fun for the others to play opposite.
Just about every character has shown to have bad sides and habits that they fall into. Some aren't as pronounced as others, but their good traits aren't overly amplified either so it balances it out enough.
- Layana's personality description isn't long, she likes being around others (extroversion) but chatters too much (which can annoy people. Haven't done so yet in the RP, but it will come). She also is easily confused (by new things, or finding directions, and a lot of other things)
- Aust can be friendly and kind, but he's driven by money. So much so that he wouldn't mind turning on his friends.
- Warlock focusses on getting his memory back so much, nothing can really divert him off that path. And he's not all that great with people, mostly resorting to manipulation.
- Ilona is extremely polite and sarcastic. Those two combined can be used to sneak in her sarcasm, and dry wit without too many noticing it. (possibly able to sugarcoat an insult so much that they'd believe it was flattery) and keeps non fae at a distance since she views them as lesser beings.
The list continues on, but all these first four characters have a bad side to them that can be exploited and/or could put them in a compromising or bad position. It makes who they are come to life and be an individual.
You're young, you want your characters to be the greatest they can be, and I understand that. But there is such a thing as overdoing it.
Winter, thank you for taking the time to break down the sheet a bit and pinpoint a few of the things that I've been running into.
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Ah darn, reading back my last two posts for Lena I realized I forgot to add in something that I had intended to do XD. Drats. Could have thrown Azra for a loop with that one haha.
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Ah had intended to give Aust some form of token that could only have come from the queen. With the message that if either one of the guards would make a fuss, that he should then show that.
Lena understands that if the plate is presented back to the original owners, they would likely want it back, but since it was stolen, they wouldn't want to pay to get it back. So it would be returned to them, and the shop owner would get the short end of the stick since he didn't know the plate was stolen, and lost money on it.
If the rightful owners would agree to pay for the plate, the rest of the group will have lost nothing, but the rightful owners would be the ones paying the price even though they were the ones that were robbed.
So Lena's reasoning is that this way no one loses anything and it returns to its rightful owner. She doesn't want anyone of these people to pay the price for the crimes of some mysterious figure.
And hi Vio.
Lena understands that if the plate is presented back to the original owners, they would likely want it back, but since it was stolen, they wouldn't want to pay to get it back. So it would be returned to them, and the shop owner would get the short end of the stick since he didn't know the plate was stolen, and lost money on it.
If the rightful owners would agree to pay for the plate, the rest of the group will have lost nothing, but the rightful owners would be the ones paying the price even though they were the ones that were robbed.
So Lena's reasoning is that this way no one loses anything and it returns to its rightful owner. She doesn't want anyone of these people to pay the price for the crimes of some mysterious figure.
And hi Vio.
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