Corrupt-A-Wish Thread

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Granted, but I feel sleepy and lazy, so your wish just had a misplaced s... so your swish is now corrupted. Or something.

I wish that I had a wonderful blanket that kept me warm but not too warm.
 
Granted, it however is intelligent and thinks it's your boyfriend. Did i mention it was super clingly?


I wish I had a lightsaber.
 
granted but someone steals it from you after two minutes

I wish I wasn't hungry xb
 
Granted. You are never hungry ever, ever again. You therefore never eat ever again. Soon you die.


I wish tomorrow I completed all the goals on my to do list, that is, for tomorrow.
 
granted but you forget about all that you need to do for next week and end up not completing those tasks

I wish I owned the moon
 
You get the moon, but I just happen to know some anime martial arts, and I Kamehameha that shit.

I wish I was IRON MAAAN!
 
You are now a man made of iron. It's very hard for you to walk and when it rains, you get all rusty, rendering you immobile. People think you a new statue and children climb all over, screeching and getting you filthy with mud and other things. Birds poop on you as they perch on your shoulders and head, while dogs pee on you to mark you as theirs.

I wish that I had a personal chef who will cook whatever I wanted to eat and only wants a "thank you" in return.
 
Granted. Did I mention, the chef also gets to eat it?

I wish I could always recall what I dream, always.
 
Granted. Now you remember every deeply-buried nightmare that your subconscious hid from you for your own sanity. You soon become a paranoid freak and people have to tranquilize you at least twice a day.

I wish I could make my hair change lengths whenever I felt like it.
 
granted but when you sleep you can't controll it and end up strangeling yourself in your sleep.

I wish I were a child again :D
 
Granted, but it's such a ripoff of that song that everyone thinks that you must be Yor when the song is played and when it turns out to be you, they're all totally disappointed and pissed off.

I wish that I could learn all the languages in the world. :]
 
You learn all the languages, but your tongue falls out!

I wish I had the Midas touch.
 
Granted, but when you scratch your nose you turn into a solid gold statue.

I wish I was an amazing artist.
 
Granted, but you can only make art out of dead bodies, and are only good at crafting penises out of them. Very lovely and artistic penises.

I wish my eyes were a pretty color.
 
Granted, but now scientists are so fascinated by the unique color of your eyes, they keep trying to convince you to let them poke, prod, and study them in general.

I wish that I had a delicious mug of tea...
 
Granted, but it's addictively delicious but makes you see angry naked lepracauns dancing everywhere.

I wish that people trying to do really bad and evil things would suddenly forget what they were doing and instead eat cupcakes.
 
Granted. Obese population increases alarmingly, cupcake prices rise and they become hard to find. Social problems arise from such high demand of cupcakes. Everybody becomes angry at you. You are forced to cook cupcakes for free during the rest of your life.

I wish I was a great painter!
 
Granted, but your muse for painting runs completely, dismally dry.

I wish that my brain could just absorb information from books.
 
granted but you get so much information so everything gets mixed up in your head so you remember everything wrong.

I wish I had potato chips at home.
 
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