Absolute Mayhem

[Meraki]

Valerie tried her best to be excited.

She was, honestly, but she was trying to get that excitement to reach her eyes. She was exhausted, the baby giving her more trouble that morning than the last week combined, but she powered through it. The Flynns were nice enough to invite them to this party and she was not about to give up a chance to be able to meet some of Tavarius' new co-workers and their spouses. Cynthia had sounded so excited on the phone the other day when Valerie called to double check that blueberry was a fine flavor to bring. Cynthia even said that she was excited for Valerie to meet Lily, the Flynn's few month old daughter, and to finally get a chance at experiencing motherhood.

Valerie was a little too far into this to be experiencing motherhood for the first time, but she was always excited to meet a baby. Valerie had a kind heart and melted at the sight of all things precious.

She followed Tavarius out to the car and the tension in the car could have been cut with a knife. They were a bundle of nerves and while the tension was not with one another, they were both grappling with different things walking up to that front door. Valerie slipped her hand in Tavarius' as she carried the pie and handed off the mac and cheese to him. "We've walked headfirst into scarier situations," Valerie reminded them both with a soft smile, "It'll be fine, I'm sure of it."

The moment she rang the doorbell, she let out a deep exhale and squeezed Tavarius' hand. There was no better way to face your fear than to do it head on. Like a band-aid, the worst would soon be over. "Coming!" she heard a sweet warm voice call out and when the door opened, it revealed a smiling Cynthia wiping her hands on a kitchen towel, "Valerie! Tavarius! Welcome, come on in – it's too cold to be waiting out there. Mike, sweetheart? The Petroves are here!"

"Oh, god," Cynthia beamed, catching a whiff of the mac and cheese, "Valerie you are a lifesaver with all this food. Lily was up all weekend and I just couldn't – anyway, you're a lifesaver. Come on in, you two, and we can get that settled in the kitchen. There are a few people here already, but they all work with Flynn, so I'm sure he'll want to introduce you both!"

 

[Nav]

There were no introductions needed. Tavarius had met some of Flynn's coworkers though none of the faces looked familiar. That didn't seem to stop the partygoers from turning to the Petroves and lighting up with recognition—for everyone knew who the Petroves were. Tavarius immediately wondered what these people thought of them when they probably all knew so much. They knew about what they had done, where they had gone… they knew about the deaths of Vancouver, Vince, and Viktor… they knew middle names, birthdays, street addresses, and major life events. Hullett had made it no mysterious just how much he knew about Tavarius and, by extension, Valerie.

All that information had surely ended up in the hands of Flynn and at least some of it in the hands of the men and women mingling around, all looking at the pair of Petroves with questioning, hungry looks in their eyes. It didn't take someone with any shred of skill to realize there were hundreds of questions on the tips of those peoples' tongue, and Tavarius immediately grew tense. Everyone at the party was too polite to actually ask what thoughts were bubbling on their minds, but they didn't need to ask because Tavarius could sense it.

He hated the party and they had just barely walked into the door.

Slipping his fingers free from Valerie's for just a moment so he could slide his coat off his shoulders, he smiled graciously (as graciously as he could muster, anyways), and thank Cynthia before turning to Valerie and reaching to help her with her coat. "We'll put this in the kitchen," Tavarius said with a smile, just needing a quick moment to get his wits back about him out of view of all the partygoers, but Flynn had already stepped over. He was welcoming as always, despite his rather stocky, large frame.

"Tavarius and Valerie, nice to see you could join us," he said, looking unusual in nothing but a casual polo and some nice slacks. Tavarius had never seen him in anything except a nice pressed suit. He extended a hand to be shaken, first towards Tavarius, and out of instinct, he took Flynn's hand by the fingertips and flipped it over so he could see his palm. It was a bad habit he hadn't done in years, but the party made him so uneasy that hesitantly forgotten habits quickly returned.

"Sorry," he apologized mutely, shaking Flynn's hand when the man looked a bit surprised by the action. "Old habit. We should probably go drop the food off in the kitchen."

"Right, yes, of course… help yourself."

 

[Meraki]

Valerie should have been surprised, but she wasn't.

She remembered the very same feeling that filled her gut when she had reached out her hand the very first time to introduce herself to Tavarius and he had flipped her hand. At the time, she had been too naïve to know just why he would do such a silly thing, but as they were together more and more, he explained, and he had taught her a lot of their time together. How to be guarded, how to keep an eye on the entire room while simultaneously not taking your attention off the important little things – Tavarius was really miraculous, but her heart broke when she saw him flip Flynn's hand. She knew he was uncomfortable, they both were, but the last thing she wanted for him was for him to revert to soldier-like instincts. They were in a little ranch-style house in the middle of Minnesota, there was a few month old baby a room or two over, and the kitchen was filled with the kind of food you'd share with friends, not a Ventresca dinner party.

Not everyone here had their finger on the trigger.

Hell, no one here was even armed by what she could tell. It was just a Sunday barbecue in the neighborhood.

Valerie greeted Flynn, but her focus was on Tavarius who was already heading to drop the food off in the kitchen. The moment the food was on the counter and they got a moment alone, Valerie grab his hands and held them warmly in her own. "Hey," she said softly, "It's okay to be uncomfortable. Anyone who knows Flynn from work knows who we are, right? We don't have to pretend to be anybody."

"I'm right here with you, the whole time," Valerie smiled, "Maybe I can't get us out of a gunfight in Brazil like you can, but people are sort of my thing. So we do this like we do everything else, together. Okay?"

She brought her hand up to brush some of the hair out of his face, "It's going to be hard, but we've survived worse, right?"

 

[Nav]

There were a lot of things Tavarius was prepared for, but a dinner party simply wasn't one. He felt immediately better in the kitchen when he was out of everyone's eye and earshot, but he was trying to rationalize just how he was going to go back into the living room and mingle. Tavarius Jay Petrove simply didn't mingle. He had never learned how. Sure, he had gone to the house parties for the syndicate, but the conversations were always business oriented and he was rarely expected to speak. This was an entirely different ballgame—he could hear the white noise of people talking and laughing about all sorts of topics and he was quickly realizing that he had nothing to share.

He had no real world experience that could equate to casual conversation. Everything Tavarius had ever experienced in life had been immensely dark and twisted and that wasn't exactly casual dinnerparty conversation ready.

Sliding the mac and cheese onto the counter, he was about to make an attempt to return to the fray but just as he turned… there was Valerie. "Hey," he answered when she greeted him and stepped further into the kitchen, reaching out for his hands and holding them tight. It was a sweet gesture that he knew would make her such a great mother. "Mm, yea, you're right, but honestly I think I'd rather pretend to be someone else than not. I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to answer questions about who we were—what we went through." He could practically taste the questions burning on the partygoer's tongues.

Tavarius hadn't even entirely coped or come to terms with it himself, let alone come to a place where he was at enough ease to discuss it and indulge curious partygoers. "We've survived worse, yea, but at least in a firefight, I know what to do," he pointed out with a mumble in his tone, tipping forward and pressing his forehead right against hers.

"Alright, we should go before they think I'm holding you hostage in here or something… or eating all the pie without them," he pulled back, still not entirely convinced he was ready for what was outside the kitchen, but no matter how much he wanted to, he knew he couldn't hide from everyone for the rest of the evening.

 

[Meraki]

"Okay," Valerie nodded, knowing that comfort was something they both would have to come to in their own time. She was so proud of Tavarius for even walking through that front door, considering his lifestyle prior to their meeting – hell, prior to a few months ago, really. She was not so naïve to believe that thirty years of being a soldier of the syndicate was swept under the rug with a few well-placed kisses, a trip to Venice and child. It was not the kind of life that could be ignored and hoped it would go away – there would always be some small part of him that was hyper alert, quick to draw and distrusting. Valerie knew that. At the same time, there was still a part of Valerie that was just the opposite. She clung onto the good in their life, clung to it so tightly that when it fell out from beneath her, it had the power to hurt her over and over and over again.

She was convinced, some mornings, that she was going to wake up back in her father's house. All of this would just a dream in the unconscious mind of a girl who had been thrown into another wall, coffee table, or counter. But she still held onto it – the same way she had held onto home after home, school after school, chance after chance, because it had to happen. Happiness had to happen for them someday, real genuine happiness.

"I'm sure they'd believe it," she smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips, "I make a damn good pie."

Slipping her hand through his, Valerie walked alongside him back out into the living room where there were plenty of people around, just mingling and laughing. There was music playing out of the stereo system, beers being passed around and Valerie smiled warmly, feeling a bit protective of Tavarius – mostly because this was where she could actually help. People were just kind of her thing. "Welcome back," Cynthia smiled, getting up with more than understanding eyes glancing back at them, "Alright, let's see – Valerie, Tavarius – this is…well, everyone."

As they were introduced, Valerie could see the questions burning in their eyes as well. "So," one of the men spoke up, Ben, a co-worker of both Flynn and by extension, Tavarius, "How's the transition been?"

"You'd think it would have calmed down," Valerie laughed warmly, "but life just has a way of just adjusting the level of crazy." Smile, answer, divert to the next without even making mention to the syndicate.

"Wait until the baby comes," Cynthia added with a smile, sipping her wine, "I swear I didn't really sleep for the first month. Mike on the other hand always seemed to manage to sleep through those 2 am diaper changes."

"I worked all day!" Mike exclaimed with a laugh, clearly unoffended by her jab.

"Yeah, well," Cynthia looked up at Tavarius, "It's impossible to be a new mom and get any kind of good sleep, so you take care of this one, alright?"

"Stop scolding him before he even gets a chance to be a dad," Mike chuckled before looking up at Tavarius, "You want a beer?"

 

[Nav]

There were a lot of conversations going on all at once and it was painfully obvious that Tavarius could hear everyone. He could hear Mike talking about his Christmas bonus at work, he could hear Addison discuss how frustrated she had been with her husband (who wasn't present) in the past few weeks. He could hear Deb talking about her grandkids and Lucas about just how busy work was getting. He didn't mean to be eavesdropping, but in the syndicate hearing everything was vital to survival. It was a hard thing to turn off, and he knew that the only one who could possibly understand was Valerie.

She understood what it had been like to rely solely on one's senses and gut instincts to survive in a room with unfamiliar people. There was no way he could turn it off, even if he wanted to, but he put on a small, self-effacing smile and looked pleasant enough with his fingers tangled up in Valerie's. She was good at these types of situations and he was relying on that, especially when Ben questioned the transition. With the save, Valerie answered it gracefully without even a beat of pause, so Tavarius just smiled pleasantly and nodded in agreement with her statement.

The baby was a topic that put him a little more at ease. It was something even he could participate in without trying to defend his entire life before. He knew there had to be at least one person in that room who looked down upon him as a murderer or criminal, and the idea of that being brought up in conversation made him physically ill to his stomach, but the baby? The baby was a topic that he could be involved in.

"Yea, well, I'm usually the early riser between us," Tavarius commented idly on the topic of sleeping. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how their roles were going to play out once a baby was introduced into their existence, but they'd find a rhythm. After several moves, several new houses, and lots of unexpected turns in their time together, Tavarius didn't doubt whether or not they could handle a new change. It would take some time to adjust, but they would.

They always did.

"Thanks, but I'll pass," Tavarius replied to Mike… not drinking in front of people—an old, die hard habit, but he wasn't feeling nearly comfortable or secure enough to be drinking. "Maybe when we eat," he clarified. He found it most frustrating that he could so easily discern whether or not a man with a gun in his hands was lying, but when it came to casual, everyday people? He hadn't a damn clue how to read any of them. He was almost certain that his palm was hot with discomfort.

 

[Meraki]

"No problem," Flynn waved it off, "If you change your mind, it's all in the cooler."

"That's good," Cynthia picked right back up on conversation as if Mike had never interrupted, "Babies are just an adjustment – but it becomes the most natural thing in the world. I'm sure you two will find your rhythm. How's the morning sickness been?"

"Not the most fun I've ever had," Valerie laughed, rubbing her thumb lovingly over the skin of Tavarius' hand, "But it comes and goes. Somedays are better than others."

"How far along are you now?"

"We're just coming up on the end of the first trimester."

Cynthia smiled, "Well, lucky for you the morning sickness curbs after the first trimester. So you haven't found out the gender yet?"

"I—"

Just as Valerie opened her mouth, the baby monitor on the coffee table lit up and the sound of cries could be heard through the little speaker. Immediately Valerie felt her heart pang and she attributed that to her overworked hormones. "Oh, Lily's awake," Cynthia put her glass down and smiled, "You haven't met her yet, have you? Well, we'll have to change that. I'll be right back."

And soon enough, Cynthia returned with the most beautiful little cherub of a baby, her hair in a dark brown alfalfa sprout atop her head. Cynthia bounced her on her hip as she walked back into the conversation and smiled. "Tavarius, Valerie – this little angel is Lily. Can you wave hello Lily?" Mimicking her mother's hand, Lily let a bright smile cross her lips and her little pudgy hand waved. "Would you like to hold her?" she asked Valerie and immediately Valerie's expression lit up and she nodded, reaching out to take Lily in her arms and settle her on her hip.

"Hi there," Valerie cooed, completely enamored, "Hi sweetie." She grabbed Valerie's finger with her hand and started laughing softly. If there was any time Valerie felt like she was glowing, it was right then.

"Anyway, what was I saying?" Cynthia picked up her glass and turned to Tavarius, "Have you two found out the gender yet? Or a name?"

 

[Nav]

Tavarius remained mostly quiet. There was a small smile on his face, trying to look as friendly and relaxed as possible, but he didn't talk much. Valerie seemed fine answering all of Cynthia's questions and he didn't really have anything further to add to their conversation. He was overwhelmed with how proud he was of their future child and how deeply in love he was with Valerie, but those were comments he kept happily tucked away to himself, letting the women casually discuss morning sickness and genders…

The sound of the crackling monitor caught his attention, his eyes turning towards it as Cynthia hurried away to quiet it down before vanishing down the hall. A few moments later and she returned with a pudgy little ball of fluff in her arms. Immediately, it caused Tavarius to wonder what he had looked like as a baby. There were no baby pictures of either him or Vancouver. The youngest he had ever found a picture of them had been around seven years old, but all ages of childhood photos had been scarce. When the twins were growing up, there just had never been room for them to have their photos taken.

They were always too busy… too busy learning how to be strong, syndicate men, soldiers, and emotionless drones.

He wondered if he used to smile like that as a baby, but he decided he probably never did. Even as a baby, he had never really had anything to be happy about until much later in his life. Valerie scooped up the little girl and held her in her arms, Tavarius standing by and watching with a soft, tender smile at the way she practically exuded joy. "Hm?" he snapped his head back, eyes hastily falling on Cynthia once more.

"What? Oh, no, we don't know the gender yet. We'll be finding out soon. We have a few names picked out, but nothing concrete, yet. I'm sure once we know the gender, we'll pick something for certain. Honestly, I think we're both too busy panicking about everything else right now." Tavarius hadn't even ever really been around kids before, let alone know a damn thing about how to take care of one. There had been no reason for him to ever be in contact with a baby before, so the entire thing was a whole new world to him, but that didn't mean he wasn't excited… and that certainly didn't mean he wasn't reading all of Valerie's pregnancy books (usually before she woke up in the morning).

 

[Meraki]

Valerie had held countless babies, but the syndicate was strange.

Little girls were not raised by their mothers – they were scolded by their mothers and cared for by the nannies, the maids, the cooks, anyone who could manage to keep an eye out and ensure that they never managed to get out into a party or gathering or even a conversation they were not supposed to be part of. Valerie had lived that as a young girl, only an object of her mother's affection when she could manage a free moment, but more than anything she was as much a decoration in the Ventresca household as the sconces on the wall or the flowers in the foyer. Daughters were pretty little things that could fetch drinks or entertain company, but very rarely did one see a mother with her baby.

Only during a baptism did Valerie ever see mothers beaming with pride holding their child and singing their praises. Even then, little girls were always different. Boys were the expectations, girls were a failure, and while many men in the syndicate sung the praises of their old ladies and how it took a hell of a woman to live that life – the respect was a very thin veil. Every man wanted their girl to be prettier, more charming than the next, but they wanted it without the baggage that came from a fully formed person.

Valerie had lived that existence for a very, very long time – and it nearly killed her on more than one occasion.

There were plenty of pictures of Valerie as a child. So many that it made her head spin. They were plastered all over her parents' house, but they were dreadful things – posed portraits that she would be expected to take every year and they were nearly perfect. Valerie was always photogenic, but with the right makeup and clothing, her curls falling just right, she was the kind of beautiful that could grace magazines and that was what her father loved. He loved how he could use her. Her mother loved that she was the source of that beauty.

Looking down at Lily, she knew that no matter what they had – son or daughter or anything in between – Valerie would make sure they knew they were beautiful not because of their appearance, but because of everything they were. She would never let them feel as small and insignificant as she had felt for her entire life up until meeting Tavarius. Lost in her thoughts and playing with the baby, Valerie's eyes flickered back up to the conversation at hand and nodded in agreement to Tavarius.

"Do you want to hold her?" Cynthia asked Tavarius, "It'll be good practice!"

Valerie turned to him, with a warm smile on her brightened features. No matter what anyone else thought about him, Valerie knew that Tavarius could be the gentlest human being she had ever met. She also knew that he was going to be the most incredible father to their unborn child. Maybe this would help him and Lily seemed enthralled by the idea, making grabby hands at him as Valerie shifted her weight to hand her over. "Just rest her on your hip," Valerie said lovingly, "One arm underneath her and the other hand on her back."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius always held Saint like she was a baby. It came from when she was a puppy—scampering at his heels and desperate for his attention. She would do anything to get up next to him, so he started cradling her in one hand while he worked with the other. After a while, she had gotten so big he couldn't hold her in just one arm anymore and it progressed to a point where she'd flop in his arms and he'd carry her around with her belly-up and her head and tail dangling over his forearms as she lazed about happily.

It was an interesting thought to know he had learned how to carry a baby from a dog, but he supposed the lesson was all the same. He did still pause a moment when the child was offered out to him, and he looked at the little thing like he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Other people's kids always made him wary—but watching the way her little fingers scrunched at him, he relaxed again and reached over, scooping Lily up and resting her comfortably against himself. She, however, had other plans in mind. Using every little muscle she had, she wormed her way up so she was resting against his shoulder and chest, her little hand promptly finding a clump of his hair and gripping on to it.

The grip wasn't aggressive so much as one of wonder as her fingers worked through the silky blonde, clearly enthralled with the colour of it.

He couldn't help but honestly chuckle as her one hand remained tangled up in his hair and the other worked to explore his face. Her fingers moved slow, as if she was still figuring out how they worked, but she made sense of his face by touch. A finger went into his ear before she brushed across his eyelashes before landing on his cheek. Meanwhile, Tavarius looked as easy as he ever did—his arm around her loose, but supportive, and a little smile still on his face.

"Not sure what to make of blonde hair, are you?" he asked, opening his eyes and looking down at her, quickly realizing the most comfortable conversation he was probably going to have the entire evening was with a little girl not even capable of speech yet. She giggled happily in his embrace, shaking the fistful of his hair she still had in her hand as if trying to exclaim how unusual the shade was. It made sense, seeing as neither of her parents were blonde, and Tavarius could only laugh and bend his head a little to give the strands more slack in her hand.

"I don't think I'll be leaving with a full head of hair tonight," he ultimately concluded.

 

[Meraki]

There were a lot of unbelievably attractive aspects of Tavarius. He was safe, protective, and strong but he also had a soft side that he saved for certain occasions. He was so impossibly gentle with Valerie, even from the moment they met, and he had the most prominent, strong jawline she had ever seen. His arms were strong and when he held her, never in her life did she feel safer than she did there. But to see him holding a baby, talking to a baby, smiling at a baby – it set her hormones off like fireworks. She didn't know whether to laugh, smile, cry, or politely hand Lily back to her mother so Valerie could take him home and rip all of his clothes off. It was a strange feeling, but pregnancy was funny that way.

She always believed he wanted their baby, she always believed that, but she also knew how new and terrifying this all was for him. It was for her, too, but watching him with the baby showed her that they were going to be okay. They really were. They would love and care for this little baby inside of her with everything they had in their bones to give.

"You're a natural, Tavarius," Cynthia smiled, "Lily loves hair."

Valerie beamed with pride and just watched the two as Lily gripped his hair curiously and tugged playfully. All the tension in the room had dissipated and she noted how a few of the guests had seemed to soften to the sight of Tavarius with the baby but Valerie did not care. Their lives had always been for other people in the syndicate, but now this life? It was their own and whether or not anyone else believed it to be worthwhile was of no consequence. They were free to think what they liked, but Valerie knew that she had never been and would never be as happy as she was with Tavarius. Babies or not, beautiful home or not, she would live in a box on the side of the road with him if it meant staying together.

"You like that, huh?" Valerie cooed when Lily reached her other hand out towards her. Valerie came close enough to let her grip her tiny hand around her finger. There was a silly smile on her face, her eyes inquisitive as she raked over Tavarius hair and bounced Valerie's finger like there was so much love to go around and there was.

"Just think, six more months," Cynthia laughed, "And Lily will finally have someone to schedule playdates with!"

They spent quite a bit of time with the baby before Cynthia eventually heard her phone alarm go off and stood, placing her empty wine glass down to come over to Lily. "Looks like it's lunchtime," she slipped her hands around Lily and gently took her from Valerie and Tavarius, "I've got to get her set up in her high chair before we eat. Mike, will you grab her bib?"

"On it," Flynn stood with his beer in hand and followed his wife out into the kitchen.

Valerie did not even notice that her had was resting on her incredibly small baby bump. Every once in a while she would feel little flutters and she hoped that they were movement but she didn't know. "I love you," she mentioned between them, "you were a natural."

 

[Nav]

Tenderness had never been something Tavarius had been taught. In fact, all of his life, the exact opposite of tenderness had been expected and demanded from him. Wherever it had remained during all of his years in the syndicate, it was hard to say, though he knew the only reason for its emergence had been because of Valerie. He had been so wrapped up with Lily in that moment he hadn't even seen the change in Valerie's facial expression, though he probably wouldn't have even been sure what to make of it had he seen it. In fact, almost the entire rest of the room melted away and any tension that had wound him up in coils over the strangeness of the people around him had relaxed.

"I'm not sure I'm a natural or she just likes my hair," he pointed out in response to Cynthia with a small chuckle.

Her tugs on his hair were gentle and didn't cause any pain, but did remind him that she was there (and that somedays, she would certainly have one hell of a grip). Truthfully, he didn't know the first thing when it came to handling babies—what he should or shouldn't do, but he decided that since Cynthia was screaming at him, that he was doing fine. They just kind of relaxed into that moment for a while, until he heard the word 'playdates.' "Playdates?" his mercuric grey eyes shifting to Cynthia with some amusement, "It sounds like my life is going to be taken over by children," but there was no resentment in his tone, merely amusement.

He had never pictured himself as this. He never thought he could ever be the type of man to hold a baby and let her grip his hair at a casual dinnerparty down the road. It wasn't in his blood, it wasn't in his genetics… he didn't believe it was in anything he had ever been or was, but there he was all the same… and he still didn't know how, but he decided he was done asking such unimportant questions.

The sound of an alarm ended the moment, though he was happy to give Lily's back—whose innocent tugs on his hair were actually beginning to hurt. "Hm?" he glanced back to Valerie as Cynthia and Mike vanished towards the kitchen, "Maybe I'm a natural… maybe I just got lucky, who knows," he said as he wound an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in closer so he could drop a kiss against the top of her head. "Either way, I love you, too."

 

[Meraki]

"I know," Valerie beamed, "because I'm your wife and the mother of your child. That basically makes me right about most things."

He dropped a kiss to the top of her head and it seemed like between the baby and the affection, the tension in the room had dissipated and people found something much more interesting to talk about. No one was pushing the syndicate anymore, but a few people did step in to ask about their hopes for the baby, whether or not they had started on a nursery. It seemed babies had a way of bringing people together and Deb was certainly interested to hear about their new addition and even pulled out pictures of her own grandchildren. It was not the perfect outing, but it seemed that they had found their groove. While Valerie and Tavarius had to learn how not to be so on edge with every stranger they met, it seemed Flynn's friends and co-workers needed to learn how to look past who the Petroves had been and who they were now.

That being said, by the time Cynthia came out and called everyone in to eat, Valerie was both starving and so sick of standing on her feet and talking. Her nausea had managed to curb for the afternoon, but the aches in her lower back were painful. She was half scared that the moment she actually sat down that she would fall asleep immediately.

There was an incredible spread of food from Valerie's mac and cheese to the barbecue all the way down to the pies and apple crisp. It was silly, but with everyone watching the food as people served themselves buffet style, she put just a little bit of everything on her plate even though she was starving. A silly old habit, but one that sort of just kicked into overdrive at parties. After all, she was expected to look a certain way and she remembered the way syndicate women always seemed to eat like birds. With her plate in hand, every headed back to the living room to sit around casually. No formal dining room, no expectations, and Valerie settled down on one of the couches near the coffee table and next to Tavarius.

"I feel like I haven't eaten all day," she admitted, "but I just ate breakfast a few hours ago. I already didn't fit into my jeans this morning. It's only going downhill from here."

"You're going to have to roll me home at this point."

 

[Nav]

The party had gotten better, but Tavarius was glad for the break when food was announced. Though he had managed to relax to some degree, there was still a mild level of tension in shoulders that was both exhausting and headache-inducing. It was all fine and dandy discussing baby names and nurseries, but his brain was still on hyper drive—watching, listening, doing everything he was trying so desperately to turn off but seeming unable to do so. Nothing shut people up quite in the same way as downing food did, so he was glad to see everyone shuffeling for their little plastic plate that they piled with food.

Tavarius went closed to last, picking up just a few things before going to sit. He still wasn't particularly hungry, but he didn't want to be rude (and he was genuinely in love with Valerie's mac and cheese), so he picked quietly and quaintly at the meal in front of him as everyone sat around. It got much quieter during mealtime—people too busy with their lunches than trying to chat over their 'mmms' and 'aaahs.'

He looked to Valerie from the corners of his eyes and snorted in amusement, giving his head a small shake. "I can't figure you out," he admitted in-between bites of salad with vinegrette dressing, "Some days I think you love being pregnant, other days… I think you hate it." Being pregnant and having children were two very different things, and he had read that some women (despite how they felt about having children) simply didn't like the sensation of being pregnant. He couldn't blame them, seeing as it didn't look or sound very comfortable at all. That, alongside how sick Valerie had been over the passing few weeks, and he wouldn't have blamed her if she admitted she hated it.

"You sure that's going to be enough for you?" he asked, shifting his eyes to her little, barren plate with only bites worth of each dish to try. "I can get you more of something, if you want. And don't worry about being rolled—I think I'm still strong enough to carry you home in my old age," he chuckled softly, enjoying the soft whispers being shared between them, out of earshot of all the other partygoers.

 

[Meraki]

"It's not that I hate it," Valerie hummed, trying to articulate her thoughts, "It's just a love hate relationship, I think. I definitely don't like the morning sickness or how much my back hurts constantly, but – I don't know. It's strange."

More than anything, it was a self-esteem thing. Valerie had spent her life being this breathtaking poster child and so much time was spent on her appearance for so long that this was different. Sure, Valerie wore her sweatpants and went without makeup for days, but there was something just a little grinding on her self-esteem about watching the number on the scale go up and the frustration of not fitting into her jeans. It was a completely subconscious thing, but it was just something she had to deal with at the end of the day. Carrying a child meant making room for said child and that couldn't happen at a little over one hundred pounds. No, just like her mother, Valerie would have to get over the change in appearance.

And it was entirely in her own head. She was glowing, really.

"Don't worry, you'll figure it out when I figure it out. I just have to get over this whole getting bigger thing," she laughed, leaning her head on his shoulder and pressing a kiss there before going for another forkful of food. He was right, there wasn't really anything on her plate, but she was absolutely starving. "I just wanna make sure it all stays down," she admitted after thinking about it, "Though I definitely wouldn't argue to some more mac and cheese once all of this is gone."

"How are you feeling? You wanna head out soon or stick around?" she asked, tilting her head up towards him and enjoying their little conversation away from everyone else. It kind of felt like their days in the syndicate – not the terror, but instead the little stolen moments reserved just for them no matter who was around. They always managed to stay together, to comfort and love one another no matter who was around. "I'm fine with either. I know we showered this morning, but I wouldn't be opposed to a nice, long bath."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius took a forkful of food from his own plate and sighed with contentment. It was good—the mac and cheese, the pie, and all the dishes were splendid. It was also nice that it was startlingly quiet in the room, though people were having their own small conversations between themselves. It wasn't nearly as loud or overwhelming as it had been when they first walked in, and Tavarius was glad for that; it gave his senses a little bit of a rest.

"Well," he shrugged, taking a small bite of pie for himself and nibbling on it thoughtfully, "I guess maybe your jeans don't fit anymore, but don't worry, your ass still looks as amazing as the first day I met you," he said, his voice dropping even further into a whisper as he gave her his little trademark smirk. Valerie was gorgeous to him regardless of whether or not those jeans fit and even if she had merely gained weight not being pregnant, he would have thought her just as beautiful as on their wedding day.

That's because he didn't fall in love with her because of her physical beauty. Her physical beauty had attracted him to her initially, but after that, it grew into something more beautiful. He fell in love with her laugh and smile, her quick wit and her gentleness. He fell in love with the cute little wrinkle between her brows whenever she pouted and the kisses she pressed into his shoulder, her silly antics and her goofy jokes. Those were all things that would never go away. Overtime, both of their good looks would fade away and they would age, but Tavarius had fallen in love with the things time could never take away from her.

Still, that didn't mean he wouldn't appreciate her shapely ass when he had the chance… he was still a hot-blooded male, after all.

"I'm—okay," he admitted hesitantly. He wasn't particularly enjoying the party, but he didn't loathe it with every inch of his soul like he thought he was going to. "We can do whatever you want to do. I'm really okay either way," he finally managed out, "But do you want more mac and cheese? I can get you some more."

 

[Meraki]

"So long as my ass isn't lost," Valerie laughed brightly, though she kept it quiet and between them, "You always know exactly how to make me feel better. I love you." She pressed a kiss to his bicep, her hand moving to pick at more of her food though there wasn't much left. She didn't get much in the first place and she was regretting it entirely considering how starving she was.

She was glad to hear that he was okay, though. She never really stopped worrying about him and she knew she never would, but some days were harder than others. Being around people today was a huge leap for him and she knew how stressed out he had been over the whole party. She knew that everyone would be fine, but she loved him and she wanted people to know the incredible man he had become. He had fought through hell and back to be the man he was today and that deserved to be celebrated and not cut down. "I'm glad you're okay," she smiled gently at him before mulling over his words. Did she want more mac and cheese? Of course she did, but should she?

Hell, she was carrying a child – she deserved a little extra.

"I wouldn't mind leaving soon, the aches are pretty okay sitting down but I know when I have to stand up again they're going to be terrible," she admitted, "so maybe we can head out after one more plate of mac and cheese." She let a sheepish smile cross her lips as she nudged her plate over to him. "I would love it if you got me some. My own personal mac and cheese hero."

 

[Nav]

"Right after one more plate of mac and cheese," he agreed, taking her plate when she extended it out to him, "Sure, of course." He was actually glad to be fetching her food. It gave him a moment in the kitchen by himself and that was exactly what he needed in that moment. The party was fine, he kept telling himself, and he wasn't entirely drowning in the unfamiliarity of the people around him, but it was a constant struggle. Like he was fighting the current in the ocean, it felt as though he was bobbing along, just enough to keep his head mostly above water. Sometimes, it'd push him down and he'd inhale a lung-full of water, only to surface a moment later and cough for air.

It was a terribly uncomfortable process, but Tavarius was giving it his all.

Throwing his disposable plate in the rubbish, Tavarius returned to the kitchen and began to spoon more mac and cheese on to her plate when a pair of shoes followed behind him. Cautiously, his eyes glanced back over his shoulder, though he scolded himself mentally—no one was here to hurt him, his wife, or unborn child, but that was the first thing that crept into his mind at the sound. It was just someone else coming for seconds… that was all.

"You're Tavarius, right?" the man was young. He was in a well-pressed suit with his dark hair slicked back. His brow was deep and forehead wide, looking as though he had physically took a few steps back in evolution, but there was an intelligence in his eyes that was hard to miss. "I've heard a lot about you. You're really popular in the office." He looked bored as he fiddled with a few serving spoons, not seriously putting anything new on his plate.

"Yea?" Tavarius said, trying to fake a smile but he knew it probably looked more like a growl, "That's great."

"Yea—someone said you had twenty-seven confirmed kills. That true?"

Tavarius dropped the serving spoon back in the glass baking pan, having served up another serving for Valerie, "Does it make a difference?" Tavarius replied, using every last ounce of willpower he possessed to hold himself neatly together, "One kill or twenty-seven… it doesn't matter, it's too many. Excuse me." He quietly bowed out of the kitchen, returning back to his seat and extending Valerie's plate back out to her, which was piled a bit higher than she was probably anticipating, but Tavarius didn't want her to hold back for the sake of being in public's eye.

"Mac and cheese hero has delivered."

 

[Meraki]

Tavarius was quick to get up and excuse himself. Valerie stayed where she was, looking about the room at the groups of people around and she felt a bit uncomfortable. It would have never showed in her face, but she felt it in her veins. It wasn't until a hand was extended towards her did her eyes glance up to see one of the other women there, someone from the office given by the way she had interacted with Flynn more than Cynthia. "Valerie? Bethany," she shook Valerie's hand, "You can call me Beth, I'll be working with your husband."

"It's a pleasure," Valerie went to stand but Beth shook her head, "No, no, please – don't stand for my sake. The pleasure is all mine. We've heard a lot about you – both of you." She took a seat in the armchair to her left and sipped on her wine. It made Valerie uncomfortable but she powered through it as she always did. "Oh, I'm sure," she laughed softly, "There's a lot to know, I suppose."

"I guess I'm just surprised," Beth shrugged, "I just thought that maybe you would prefer to have a bit more time after everything."

"And what exactly would I need more time for?"

Beth looked at her like the answer was obvious, "Being a mother. A baby in all of this? You both managed to topple the Ventresca empire and you want to be a housewife? I just think it's an interesting choice, that's all. I mean no offense by it."

"Do you have a family, Beth?"

"I don't."

Valerie never lost her pleasant nature, but she wanted to snap more than anything. She wanted to argue that she wasn't a housewife, that the comment didn't hit her right in the soft spot in her heart that ached from everything they had done. "I suppose we all just want different things."

"But is it that different?"

Mac and cheese hero has delivered.

"Thank you, baby," Valerie said warmly and took the plate back from him, appreciating the pile of food he had gotten her, "Have you met Beth?"

"Tavarius," she nodded, clearly uncomfortable in the fact she wanted to speak to only Valerie. "I'll see you around the office."

Once she was gone, Valerie looked over at Tavarius – noting the strain in his eyes like he was holding something back. She placed a hand on his thigh and moved to eat her food. "After I eat, we can go," Valerie said, "I'm not sure I want to be here anymore."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius settled back into his seat, his eyes turning to Beth and shaking his head. "I can't say we've met," he concurred, trying to remain as pleasant as possible, "Nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll interact more at the office when I return to work." He had yet to return to work, after all. With everything that had gone on with the Ventresca Syndicate and Valerie's father, he hadn't returned, but he was looking forward to getting back into the routine. Despite everything, despite how people around the party viewed him, he needed something for his hands to do. He liked work too much to not work, or to let bad feelings deter him.

He needed a job to feel useful and good about himself, and there weren't many jobs that could lend itself to his very acute set of unusual skills and criminal history.

The hand sliding across his thigh caught his attention as it was what Natalya used to do whenever she wanted him to engage in whatever event they were attending. He bristled for a second before relaxing into the touch and looking to Valerie. "Don't worry," he assured her in a hushed voice, "Just worry about eating, alright? You should enjoy that mac and cheese, else I'm going to try and make something for you at home and we all know how I am in the kitchen…" It was hard for Tavarius, seeing as he was usually the first person to leap for the door in uncomfortable situations like the one they were in, but he knew they would always carry the baggage of their past lives with them.

People would always be curious about how they had lived because it was so unlike anything they were familiar with themselves. When they had first started dating, they had watched the movie Rear Window and while Tavarius hadn't understood the point, Valerie explained that it was likely such a success because murder and death was unusual to most people, even though it was normal to them. They were the stars of all those horror and suspense movies the general population ate up—it was only natural people were curious. Tavarius couldn't blame them for that, but it seemed a lot of people forgot that they were people—real, live people—not just actors on a silver screen.

"Just take your time, okay? Don't rush your food, you might get nauseous," he said, his lips tipping into a small smile as he leaned over and pressed a kiss against her cheek.