Absolute Mayhem

[Meraki]

Valerie's face lit up as it always did. What she did to deserve a husband who made her feel the way Tavarius did, she'd never know, but she was certainly not going to argue with whatever act of God or universal plan had pegged for her. Maybe it was just a single pie, but it was those little moments that reminded her of how far she had come. From the perfect little syndicate barbie, to the frightened almost-widow, to the grieving girlfriend on the floor of a warehouse — all the way to here, a strong, capable soon-to-be mother and wife of the most loving man she had ever met. The joy was never lost on her and she experienced it every day.

She held it close, because she knew what it was like to live without it.

"Well then, it's a good thing I made enough filling and have enough crust for two pies," Valerie smirked, pulling out the two pie dishes she had intended to use, "One for us, and the other can go to the Flynn's party."

"Looks like little barnacle takes after you because he or she was thinking the same exact thing the moment I pulled those blueberries out," Valerie laughed, "if our baby is doing it, it must be okay to be greedy over pie."

Valerie whipped up the two pies in no time, quickly latticing the dough over the top and she felt very domestic. Not in an oppressive kind of way, but she just enjoyed it. She liked having something to do with her hands and it made her even happier to know that the moment one of those pies came out, they could have a piece and not worry about not having enough for tomorrow. She set the timer and cleaned up a bit, placing a bunch of things in the dishwasher because she was just too tired to stay up on her feet and made her way over to Tavarius.

Playfully, she dotted his nose with just a small bit of flour she had left on her hands. Saint looked up at her and Valerie just smiled. "I know you missed him, don't worry, you don't have to move," she laughed, doing without a kiss for a moment because there was a very territorial Saint between them.

"It's nice to have everyone home," Valerie smiled, reveling in the warmth and delicious homey smell of the kitchen, "It's been too quiet around here."

 

[Nav]

"Hm, no paternity test needed, I already know he or she is mine," he pointed out listlessly, "And not just because I know you're faithful to me, but also because the kid loves blueberries and gives you sass."

While Valerie baked, then cleaned, Tavarius considered offering to get up to help, but couldn't will it in himself to actually move. It felt like gravity was tugging painfully at his limbs, making even keeping his eyes open a chore. That, and anytime he even considered moving, Saint would nudge her head closer to him, or rest her chin on his foot as if to remind him that she wasn't ready for him to leave just yet. Not having the heart to push her away when he had just gotten her back, Tavarius stayed where he was and watched Valerie whirl around the house with a sort of sleepy, grey-eyed expression.

She made quick work of it and before he even had time to register what was happening, Valerie had the pies in the oven and was cleaning up. Her little flour stunt caused him to raise his eyebrows at her, going to swipe the flour away from his nose. "Hey now!" he scolded in a playful tune, "There is absolutely no need for those shenanigans here and now, young lady." He shook his head at her before finally going to push off his stool. Saint was on her feet in a flash, clamoring to his side and licking eagerly at his hand as it hung at the side of his hip.

"It is good to have everyone home but hey, tell you what. I'm going to go make a fire in the fire place and once the pie is done, we can sit around and enjoy a slice. Sound good?" He didn't really wait for her answer before plodding off (still slow as ever) towards the living room, Saint in eager tow. He got a fire going and the hearth crackled with warmth and delight. The flames purred softly, like a tiny sun for the evening, casting long shadows over the rug. The flames curled and swayed, flicking this way and that, crackling as they burn the dry wood It was good to feel the warmth at last, even if it was only from one direction.

Settling on to the sofa, Saint found her place lying across his chest with both of his arms circling around her shoulders as she occasionally licked at his chin or her paw. Tavarius watched the fire in hypnotized joy, his eyes open, but his brain obviously somewhere else.

 

[Meraki]

"Sounds perfect."

Ever since they had gone to Chicago, something was different about Tavarius. She knew it was just an adjustment period, that his mind needed to catch up with everything that was happening and find his own footing again. It didn't help that they were just kind of thrown back into it — babies, houses, parties — and she knew it was hard for him. It was hard on her too, but Valerie knew that she could not let herself dwell. It sucked and she felt just as lost in the whole scheme of everything, but there was a child growing inside of her and Valerie was more terrified of what her stress would do to the baby than worrying about fitting into their life.

But she did understand, and her heart ached for him. More than anything, she just wanted Tavarius to feel a sense of purpose. Soon enough he would be a father and the last thing she wanted was him feeling like he didn't have a place here, or something to call his own. She hoped that work would help, but she also worried that all of this house business, the barbecue and the doctor's appointment the day after tomorrow wouldn't help him. More than anything, Valerie wished there was something she could do.

Valerie prepped the food for tomorrow morning. She had promised to make some baked mac and cheese as well, which would only take about twenty minutes in the morning when she woke up. She just sort of shut her mind off for a short while and let herself move through the motions of it. It was relaxing enough that when the oven beeped, she was gently pulled from her mind and slipped the pies from the oven to the cooling rack. Once they were cool enough, Valerie served two slices of it and made her way over to the couch where Tavarius and Saint were lounging.

Of course, at the smell of food the two boys came trotting over and found their place on the floor by the fire as well. "Pie for your thoughts?" Valerie said, a soft smile touching her lips as she held it out to him, "Careful, it's hot."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius didn't really think about anything. At least not anything he could remember. Thoughts just came and went without really ever registering at all. Instead, everything felt delightfully blank. His fingers moved idly through the thick rolls of Saint's fur, humming softly as he blinked, long and slow, and listened to the fire and smelled the baking of the pies. He wasn't particularly hungry, but the pie did smell good all the same and a piece to end the day would be perfect, ultimately.

When Valerie finally made her presence known, stepping in to the living room, Tavarius sat up a little and showed Saint to the floor. She leapt down with a grumble, curling up by the two boys but turning her nose expectantly towards the food, even if she knew she'd probably never be given a piece. "Ah, thanks," he reached out for the little dessert plate and took it from her. He split of the tip of his piece, taking a bite without concern for her warning. If it was hot and burning his mouth, he certainly didn't express it in his face. Instead, he just hummed with contentment.

"It's delicious, thank you," he leaned forward, over his plate, and pressing a kiss to her cheek, "I'm sure it'll be a huge success at the party tomorrow… without a doubt." Ah, the barbeque. Tavarius never did well in crowds; he never liked them. He was at a constant state of unease and distress in groups and he was sure, drinks or not, tomorrow would be no different. That wasn't to say he wasn't looking forward to it, he was, but it sounded exhausting. Everything felt exhausting.

"I wonder who all is going to be there tomorrow," he thought aloud, spooning another chunk of pie from his piece and chewing it thoughtfully. "Flynn mentioned a few people from work, but I guess most of the people will be neighborhood friends of the Flynns and such." Most of the crowd was bound to be strangers to the Petroves, which meant a lot of introductions and small talk. Things Tavarius had never been very good at—their whole life on the other side of the syndicate still felt entirely foreign to him.

He felt as though Valerie was at least somewhat prepared for such an event—having to host parties for her father frequently, but Tavarius? He was about as in the dark as one could come.

 

[Meraki]

"You're welcome, I'm glad you like it," Valerie smiled as his lips pressed a blueberry kiss to her cheek. It was the smell that was the most comforting, the way the house heated up with a warm, sweet scent. The dogs could smell it too, the three of them flickering their eyes up periodically to make sure that there wasn't a piece being offered to them and then slowly, but surely, let their eyes flutter back closed. It was a nice quiet moment, but not the forced silent they had experienced the last few days. Instead, it was a warm silence, one that was soothing and almost a lullaby to Valerie's tired bones.

"I have no idea, I didn't really talk to Cynthia about it in depth," Valerie shrugged as she took a bite, "She did mention mostly people from the bureau and their spouses. She did mention their neighbors too, but I've got no idea what they're going to be like. It should be nice though, there will be plenty of food."

And wine, but poor Valerie would have to hit the night entirely sober.

"The ultrasound is bright and early on Monday, so we can always use that for an excuse if we get burnt out on people before it's over," Valerie offered with a smile, "My back is so sick of standing, I can't even imagine how it will be tomorrow."

Valerie's bump was very small, but she certainly had the aches and pains of pregnancy. That coupled with her morning sickness was a menace most days, but she did what she could to make herself comfortable. Joyce said a lot of it was stress, so Valerie tried to ease herself into everything but it did not seem as though tomorrow would be one of those days. Valerie had not been to a real party since they were in the syndicate and she worried that everything would just snap back to instinct.

Valerie was trained to be a good hostess, but she wanted to be a good friend and actually genuinely meet people. She did not want to be on edge, watching what people were drinking and excusing herself from conversation because it was not her place. She wanted to be a real woman, a real wife, a real mother. "Don't worry about tomorrow, ok?" she smiled and playfully pressed her cold toes against his warm ones with a laugh, "If you get overwhelmed, I'm right there with you. Or you can call me over with a secret bird call or something."

"I might be biased, but I think we're a pretty interesting couple," she smirked.

 

[Nav]

"Mhm, it's nice." It was more than nice—it was divine, but he felt guilty using the same words to describe his wife as he did food. The pie was nice, but Valerie was divine. That was better. Scraping the last of the flaky pastry and blueberry filling from his plate and fork, Tavarius put his plate on the side table and sat back with a smile. His expression seemed moderately easier than it had been before, but the line of stress remained all the same.

She also told him not to worry, but he knew that would be impossible. Social situations would always be moderately uncomfortable for him—probably for the rest of his life. That didn't mean he couldn't, or wouldn't, enjoy them, but it did mean he'd probably worry about them up until the day he died. He was never sure what to say or how to say it and he had no interest in ongoing conversations about the weather or sports. He didn't care about the weather and he knew nothing about sports, and from what little h had gathered, that was some of Flynn's favorite topics when it came to the other guys in the office.

Already, Tavarius was dreading it.

Still, he figured he could stick next to Valerie if worst came to worst. "Well, I'm definitely going to worry about it," he admitted with a lame chuckle, "And I definitely won't do any kind of bird call, but I'll be fine, I promise. I'm just a little tired, is all." While he hadn't thought about going to work yet, he knew he'd need at least a day or two after Monday to recover and rest… without a single damn thing to do but lounge around and sleep to hopefully get himself caught up. Perhaps the following Monday then would be a good day to start, he mentally noted to himself before letting that thought drift clear of his mind once more.

"We are definitely interesting, that's for sure," he agreed, "In fact, I'd argue to say that's probably the understatement of the year." 'Interesting' was a word used to describe art in a museum, but what Valerie and Tavarius were? They were far and above 'interesting.' "Either way, it'll be fine, I'm sure. Maybe we can skip out a little early though if we have to be at the office early Monday. I'm just not sure how much I can handle at once, honestly. It'll take a little bit for me to adjust, I'm sure."

He would though, in time. Perhaps he always would worry, but it'd get better… easier. They'd find a new rhythm, but they were in the awkward phase between them—where the music felt rough and discombobulated—entirely without purpose.

 

[Meraki]

"Okay," Valerie breathed out and leaned her head against him. She just wished there was something she could do, but she knew that Tavarius often had to figure these things out himself in his own time. She remembered how much of a fight and struggle it was to allow her a place in his life, against all his instinct, and she could only imagine that this was another battle for him. Another mountain to climb. She never expected this to be easy, but some part of her had childishly hoped that life after the syndicate would be easy, simple.

But they weren't there yet, and that was okay. Rome was not built in a day and they both had a lot of hurdles to overcome. Valerie would be strong and steady for him in every way that he had always been there for her when life seemed a struggle and so uncertain. "No bird call, then," she teased but it was a quiet tease as her body sort of just slumped with exhaustion. She used to have the energy, but it seemed that the baby was taking a bit more of her gusto than she thought. It wasn't a bad thing, but just different, and she felt useless sometimes — like all she was good for was eating and sleeping.

But they had a long day and a long weekend ahead of them. Rest was probably a good thing, especially when pushing herself seemed to make her aches and morning sickness worse.

"Sounds good to me," she admitted when he agreed to leaving a bit early, "It seems like all I can do lately is sleep."

As if on cue, Valerie yawned and rubbed her face, trying to pull the exhaustion from her features but it was impossible. She just felt so damn tired and she wanted to not. She wanted to buy a house and decorate, bake and clean and make baby books. Valerie finally had nothing to fear when she walked out of that door and she didn't have an ounce of the energy to go do it and that was frustrating. More frustrating than anything. She hopes that their meeting with Joyce Monday would help her find ways to keep herself up without coffee.

"I'll be ready for Monday after the appointment when life kinda breathes for a second," she shrugged gently, "I need sleep before school starts and you look like you need it too."

 

[Nav]

"Yea, I think I do, too."

Rest, that's what he needed. Not sleep, necessarily, though sleep wouldn't hurt. He needed to rest his tired bones and even more tired mind. He needed to finally find a way to realize that it was okay to just… exhale. To breathe out and sit back, to close his eyes and let his entire mind shut off instead of constantly jostling at every noise. His instincts felt like they never turned off sometimes. Even then, he was sitting knee-deep in silence and he couldn't entirely relax all the muscles in his body. The faucet was dripping into the sink, each one reverberating around the room like a cymbal from the kitchen, yet he didn't blink or move to stop it. Outside, there was no traffic or birds singing, it must have been close to ten.

Valerie was breathing and yawning, nuzzling in deeper and trying to stay awake at the same time. Meanwhile, he could just feel the tension continue to sit in his chest. Perhaps it only wanted to protect him and his loved ones, but there really wasn't any danger anymore. It sat there like an angry ball propelling him towards anxiety he just didn't need. It was a hard thing to let go of: the past. He knew that and he was confident in time, it'd slip through his fingers, but all those wounds and scars were still so fresh and prominent. His nervousness was just something he couldn't so easily turn off.

"I'm sure it'll get a little easier once you get a little farther along," he replied, "And I'm sure you've been under a lot of stress, so hopefully once some of your stress begins to wear off, that'll help, too." He knew she had been going through a lot lately, they both had, but he figured once she began to settle into a routine, it'd get easier. Their lives had just been non-stop movements as of late and even know that they were home, it seemed not to be slowing down. They had appointments, they had house showings, they had parties… though it finally seemed to be the light at the end of the tunnel. After their appointment with Joyce, there wasn't anything left on the books, and Tavarius planned to keep it that way for a day or two at least.

"Come on, let's go upstairs and go to bed then." He gave her a small pat on the hip, "Might as well get as much rest as possible before tomorrow."

He stretched his legs out and gave a small yawn himself, "Plus, I could use as much sleep as we can possibly get, honestly."

 

[Meraki]

"Come on, baby," Valerie cooed softy as she stood barefoot in the kitchen, the only real light the glow of the clock on the stovetop and the open fridge. Valerie had one hand on her stomach, the other on the door, as yawn after yawn rippled through her. It was entirely too early to be awake, considering all they had to do, but she had woken up with nausea and Joyce had suggested eating something less fatty and healthier when she was suffering. Valerie pulled out a banana and peeled it. No part of her wanted to eat, but no part of her wanted to throw up either especially when they had to be around people today. "You want a banana? Can you let mommy sleep then?"

Little barnacle was going to be the death of her.

Valerie poured herself a glass of water and sat down on the couch, tucking her feet up under her as she tried to get comfortable. She was achy, exhausted, and more than anything she just wanted sleep. Whether she had woken Tavarius or not when she slipped out of the room, she wasn't sure, but she hoped if she did he was at least able to get back to bed. The last thing the poor man needed was to deal with her insomnia when he had his own to deal with. Saint was curled up on the chair, but Wolf flopped his head down in her lap as she picked apart her banana. Max, on the other hand, was across the room lying on his side, legs going a million miles an hour in his dream, running.

Valerie leaned her head back, resting it on the couch, as she breathed through the worst of the nausea. Part of her contemplated just starting her morning and getting ready for the party, but Joyce had told her that rest was important and even when she was feeling stir crazy, sometimes she just needed to slow down. The first bite of banana his her stomach like a brick and Valerie visibly pinched her features together. It would have to get better, right?

Wolf's nose brushed against her tummy and Valerie laughed. Her hand came down to scratch between his ears, "A little while longer before you get to play, Wolf," she smiled. Her eyes closed as she tried to calm her brain. She had never remembered retaining this much stress before — even living with her father, she had always used sleep as a coping mechanism. That was probably it — her lack of sleep was certainly not helping matters and she wondered if it made some of the symptoms worse.

But it's not like she could control it. If barnacle didn't want to be asleep, she didn't have much of a choice.

 

[Nav]

Tavarius slept for a while, having passed out almost the minute they had hit the bed, but it hadn't been long lived. He felt Valerie getting out of bed and while he didn't move to follow her immediately, he found himself completely unable to close his eyes and go back to sleep. A tired sigh escaped him as he stared up at the ceiling, his limbs weighed down on the bed by what felt like cement. He could never remember a time in the syndicate where he felt so tired—he wondered why, but didn't have the answer.

Finally, after some mulling about he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. A hand pulled through his hair, tugging it away from his face only to have it fall right back across his forehead where it had been before. As he rose to his feet, his tiredness made his arms hang limp like wet laundry on a cold still day. Every muscle felt like it was giving into gravity, but he forced himself to slip on a pair of slacks, his converse, and a sweatshirt before he made his way groggily down the stairs—looking more asleep than awake, but subconsciously coherent.

"Hey—couldn't sleep?" He asked as he stepped into the dark living room, finding Valerie on the couch with a banana and a tense look. Her sleeplessness—well, their collective sleeplessness—had really been one of the first defining strains on their relationship. They were just a normal couple now, more or less. There wasn't any risk of life and limb at every turn and they were becoming just as prone to normal couple problems as everyone else on their suburban block: but when he saw her scrunched look, he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm probably going to go for a run," he said as he came up in front of her and squatted down, resting his hands on her knees, his thumbs gently massaging the point of her joints, "Is there anything I can pick up for you at that twenty-four hour Walgreens down the street? Juice? Or something? I don't know, I don't know what can help," he mumbled as his spine curled and his forehead rested against one of his hands on her knees. More than anything, he wanted to make her more comfortable (and by default, himself, too), but it felt like there wasn't a damn thing in the world he could do. For Tavarius, nothing was more frustrating.

He hated feeling useless and he was beginning to feel so in every facet of his life. It was a temporary roadblock he knew, one he had been facing for the last few weeks, but everything was changing so quickly and there wasn't a part of it he had any control over. That wasn't to say he wasn't overjoyed with the direction his life, their lives, were taking, everything was new, unfamiliar, and would take some adjusting to.

"I love you, I'm sorry there isn't more I can do."

 

[Meraki]

"No," Valerie said, more of a whimper than a declarative response, "I love this child, Tavarius, but I would love them more if they let me sleep." When his head thumped against her knee, Valerie bent at the waist to rest hr head against the top of his. Funny, this was never what she thought their first real-world problem would be — collective exhaustion. Not that she had any reference point for what normal couples went through, but she assumed it would be something more like a real conflict, like arguing over whose turn it was to take the trash out or bickering over bills. Truthfully, Valerie had looked at living a normal life like a sort of heaven after the syndicate, but it was just exhausting. They were both trying so hard to adapt and the world never stopped.

This baby was coming sooner rather than later, they needed to move, to go back to the Villa, to start work and school, and to make room for Nadia. There were just so many things to do, so much to face, and between them they had the energy of a sloth. It would change, she knew it would, but in that moment it just felt so impossibly unfair. How could they endure all they had and then have to suffer through this transition?

Valerie pressed a kiss into his hair and gently lifted his head up to press another to his forehead. If anything, though, like most conflicts they faced she knew this would only make them stronger. If there was anyone in the world who understood the exhaustion he was feeling, it was Valerie, and vice versa. "You know what?" Valerie smiled gently, "Orange juice would be wonderful. I think we finished the last of it with breakfast this morning."

After she said the words, it was like she was immediately craving it, but she also knew that if she didn't vocalize things she needed from him, he would feel useless and that was the last thing she ever wanted to make him feel.

"I love you so much," she replied, her hand brushing some of his hair back so that she could see his face. He was exhausted down to his very marrow and she knew that the party today would not help, but they would get through it like they got through everything. Together. When they tried to do things alone — well, that was when the world around them started to crumble.

 

[Nav]

Life was difficult, Tavarius was beginning to realize.

His life had always been difficult—between Vancouver, Nadia, Natalya, the syndicate—but he had never thought a normal, nine-to-five kind of life would be just as difficult. It seemed there would always be something in the way, something it would be easy to believe that if they could just overcome, they'd be happier but that wasn't true. There was always something between them and that greener pasture, and he was beginning to finally understand that there always would be… that the greener pasture didn't exist at all. That he had been given what he was given and he was overwhelming happy with it, but he couldn't be greedy and expect more than what he had already been graced with.

He had a beautiful wife, good health, a child that was for as well as they knew healthy, enough money to survive, a nice house, a summer home, well-behaved dogs. Sure, maybe a little more sleep would have been nice, but sometimes it just took him a moment to step back and recall all that he did have—and that was way more important than what he didn't.

Unfortunately, his self-awareness didn't really satisfy the tired aching in his joints, but he hoped a quick run would help with that, at very least.

"Sure, I'll grab some orange juice on my way home," he agreed, "I won't be gone long—I don't think I could go for a run long if I wanted to," he admitted with a soft chuckle, rising back to his feet just shortly after she had swept his hair away and had given him that 'concerned mom' face. He was tired and the party was going to fray his nerves, he already knew it, but he had agreed to go and he would, though he wasn't particularly looking forward to it.

"I love you, too. Try and get some sleep," he stepped from the living room and into the front landing, picking up the dogs' leashes and collars. Saint was quick up, bounding to his side and wagging her tail almost violently. Wolf groaned, flopping his head over the side of the sofa as if deciding if he truly wanted to go before yapping lazily and melting off the couch to trot into the landing.

With the collars slipped over the heads over both dogs' heads, Tavarius stepped out into brisk, early morning air.

 

[Meraki]

Valerie watched as he left and the moment the house was mostly empty, Max hopped up next to her and burrowed his head in her lap. She lowered her hand to scratch between his ears, laughing softly at the way his tongue lapped against her other hand. While Valerie was sure it was because of the banana she ate, she liked to think it was because Max had a sixth sense about her and knew when she just needed him there. He was pretty good at it, too. How she had managed to find herself in a life where she was appreciated and loved this much she would never know.

But she was a lucky, lucky girl.

She certainly couldn't sleep, but Valerie pulled out the baby book she had bought when they went to the store all those weeks ago and started to pen in words in a lovely, curled script. She wrote about how much she loved barnacle, about the troubles he or she gave her, just so that one day they could know just how much she loved them. She spoke of Tavarius, about how he was going to be the best father imaginable and she wrote about the future.

She wrote about how she hoped that barnacle was happy and healthy, that she hoped they were excited to see the light of day and finally meet them. Soon, without even knowing it, Valerie fell asleep on the couch with the baby book in hand, curled up against the arm of the couch. It was a light sleep, more of a nap, but it seemed that her words soothed the unrest in her mind and in her muscles. She had to wake up to start her baked mac and cheese, though it would only take twenty minutes, and shower for the party.

God, a party. People. Valerie had a way about her that was just made for parties and entertaining, but in that moment she was just so pregnant and tired that she couldn't bring herself to care. They had plenty of time, anyway.

And Tavarius was coming back with orange juice, so that was sure to soothe the beast.

 

[Nav]

His run was not nearly as quick as he had first anticipated because once he got over the initial shiver that gripped him, he found delight in the way his body and muscles seemed to open up and relax at the exercise and his mind fell into a steady rhytm of one, two, one, two, one, two. The dogs loped on either side of him, their ears flopping as they cantered and their tongues hanging out the sides of their mouths. They were panting, but their tails still managed to bob back and forth happily as they went. The trio went all around the neighborhood several times, until it was very nearly sunrise.

Finally, when the relaxation of his muscles became a pulsing of discomfort, he stopped at the Walgreens just down the street. Orange juice was picked up and after paying, he and the dogs made the last leg of the journey home at a comfortable walk, all three trying to catch their breath. By the time they had made it through the front door, their heartrates had dropped but they were all still breathing heavy. Saint and Wolf bee-lined it immediately for the loveseat, curling up on opposite ends but being so large they sort of oozed together. Meanwhile, Tavarius made his way down the steps and stopped in the kitchen to toss the juice in the fridge.

Sweat collected on his neck and forehead and a wave of heat rushed through him as he transitioned from the cold, wintery morning to the heated air inside. "Valerie?" he asked, peeking his head back into the living room, "I brought your juice, do you want some now?" But he didn't get a response, mostly because she seemed to have fallen asleep. A snort of laughter caught him as he stepped into the living room, slipping the baby book from her arms and set it closed on the tea table. With a blanket slid across her, Tavarius took a seat at the opposite end and reclined back, sighing.

The run seemed to have helped shake off excess stress and with Valerie already asleep, he thought nothing of closing his eyes and dozing off… finally.

He dozed off for a better part of the morning and only rolled his eyes open a little after nine. The sweat had dried, but knowing he probably smelled, he kicked his legs off the couch and ambled up to the master bathroom to shower and begin the hellish process of getting ready for a party.

 

[Meraki]

Valerie dreamed of Santa Monica.

It was so long ago now that it should have been a distant memory but she remembered it fondly. The first time they had called one another soulmates, the pure joy they had felt even in the midst of all the darkness that was looming, and most of all she remembered Tavarius looking at her and her thinking that marrying him (even against her will) would not have been a terrible fate at all. They ate and danced, dressed up and dress down until they were in nothing at all, and they stayed there together — just two lost kids trying to find some meaning in the world.

And when she woke up, she almost expected to find herself at her father's house, but instead she was in hers. The fireplace crackling, dogs dead asleep in the early morning, and the faint sound of the shower upstairs. She was wrapped lovingly in a blanket she had not fallen asleep under and a smile touched her tired lips. Tavarius was home. Home. Even if this all felt crazy, she had to remind herself that this was what they fought for and fighting never really stopped. Nothing in life was guaranteed and though she felt lost and confused in all the changes, she was married to the most miraculous man she ever met.

And he was a hell of a dance partner.

Slowly, Valerie eased herself up and rubbed at her tired eyes as she always did. Sleep never really fell off Valerie, instead wrapped around her like a second layer of skin that she slowly had to peel off as the minutes rolled by. She padded up the stairs until she made her way to the bedroom and into the bathroom where the shower was running and the air was filled with a humid warmth. "Tavarius?" Valerie yawned as she stepped in, sure by now that he knew her footsteps. With slow movements, Valerie peeled off her pajamas and slipped in behind him, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Got room for one more?"

 

[Nav]

Water rushed down across him in soothing patterns. His eyes closed and he leaned against the stream of water, just sort of standing there and relaxing. He had already washed his hair and body, rinsed clean, and was then just relaxing lazily. No part of him wanted to get out and face the day, so he didn't, opting to stay under the spray instead. He didn't regret his decision either when he heard the bathroom door creak open and a rush of cold air snap across his shoulders.

Valerie humbly called out his name as she padded in closer, stripping down. In moment, she had stepped through the shower door and nestling into the curve of his back. Her lips found the tender spot between his shoulder blades, right where the scared lettering rested, and he smiled and reached back with both hands to find her hips. "Of course," he answered, giving her hips a quick squeeze before turning around to face her, digging his hands through her dampening hair. "Glad to see you got some rest, too. Did you sleep well?"

She needed it—the sleep. He had known for a long time that she relied on sleep to function, not only in a normal human sense, but to process. Sleep was her refuge, her way of relaxing after a long day in the same way his was running.

"I got your orange juice," he said, "You were already passed out by the time I got home, but it's in the fridge when you're ready for it. You have to make mac and cheese, right? And don't forget the pie…" he listed idly, glancing down to her and pressing a kiss against her forehead before stepping aside so she could step under the water stream. "Also, I'm going to be putting in an offer on that house today, probably when you're making the mac and cheese for the party. Hopefully we'll get some good news later in the day or tomorrow."

But if they didn't, they didn't. Tavarius had put in offers at two other houses before he had found, and had been accepted, for the villa. Such was the way of the housing market—things practically flew off the listings.

 

[Meraki]

"My hero," Valerie breathed out with a laugh, reveling in the way is hands instinctively found her hips until he was turned around. They slipped up to her hair, burrowing in the wet curls and she could only smile as his lips found her forehead. It was such a long few days for the both of them, but sleep was the first step even if it was only a little bit. Nothing would get better until they could focus on what was in front of them and especially for Valerie, sleep was a huge part of that. It had always been her coping mechanism, her escape, and while she was no longer in the syndicate and did not wish to escape her life, it gave her a reprieve from the million thoughts a day swirling in her head.

Was the baby okay? Was she okay? Was Tavarius okay? Would they ever find a house? Would they manage to get back to the villa before the baby came? What about a nursery? When was Nadia coming? Should she buy her textbooks for school now or later? Silly questions that she really had to take one at a time but when she was exhausted they all just melted together and gathered like little balls of stress in her shoulders. Joyce told her that stress management was the most important part of pregnancy and after living a life where stress-overload was the norm, it took some getting used to just breathing.

But Tavarius made it easy, he always did.

"I do, everything's prepped but I just have to throw it together," she hummed, slipping under the water when he shifted and immediately the knots in her back faded into obscurity. "I hope we get it. I mean, if we don't, we don't, but I really hope we do." There was a little part of Valerie that did not like failing, mostly because her life had been so high stakes before, but it was still something that took some getting used to. Just like when she failed that first history test and cried for an hour on the couch — it was all just learning how to function in the real world.

It wasn't easy, but it was certainly worth it.

"It would just be nice to get this all taken care of before our family starts growing a bit — Nadia, the baby — I just know we're going to be frantic like all first time parents. I think that checking things off my to-do list gives me the false sense of security that I'll be more prepared for all of this."

"Do you want anything for breakfast when I go down to the kitchen? I think I'm just going to stick with some fruit and orange juice," she sighed, "Barnacle's been restless, I don't want to eat too much and have the nausea set it before the barbecue. Though, it would give us an excuse to leave." She laughed, knowing how stressful this all was.

 

[Nav]

Tavarius slipped out of the shower as Valerie began her washing routine, drying off and wrapping a towel around his waist just prior to ensuring he had left another on the rack for Valerie when she was finished. Over the sound of the jetspray and the warm steam spilling over the curtain bar, Valerie continued their conversation. While he didn't particularly care one way or the other about the house, he agreed it would be nice to settle down into a place that felt permanent. It would be nice to stop worrying about unpacking the last of their boxes just in case they had to move again.

"We'll see," he answered finally, slicking back his hair and leaning against the sink as he went to brush his teeth. Every fiber in him dreaded the idea of going to the barbeque. Once, he had told Valerie it would be enjoyable to get out and explore the neighborhood some and make some friends. Now, he was regretting ever having said that in the first place. At the time he had genuinely believed it, but Tavarius was not, and would never be, one of the neighborhood boys. He had no interest in standing around in some dark basement, drinking beers and cheering on a football game. He still wasn't entirely convinced he even liked being around people all that much.

But he had committed and he wasn't going to dip out on Valerie now, though he was going to mentally cuss the party in his head up to and through the point they arrived on the Flynn's doorstep.

"We don't have to stay long, I don't think," he concluded, finishing up in the bathroom but pausing before he went to go through clothes on, "We can just blame your nausea and leave and sit back in our quiet," he said with a small chuckle, "Unless you genuinely enjoy the party… then we can stay. I can survive it," he said, "I'm fine with fruit and juice, I'm actually not feeling super great right now anyways."

And with that, he excused himself from the bathroom to go change. Clothed and with dogs fed, Tavarius flopped down on the couch and reclined back. He considered for a moment trying to get up and help Valerie get the meal sorted, but before he even had the opportunity to do so, he found his eyes falling closed. With his hands laced across his stomach and Saint crawling up and curling on his feet, Tavarius managed to doze off.

 

[Meraki]

By the time Valerie managed to peel herself from the shower, she had all but convinced herself that being out today was the worst possible idea. While the shower was supposed to ease her aches, it really just brought attention to the tense and coiled up muscles in her back and shoulders. She was still a bit nauseous, her head pounding and she was absolutely miserable by all accounts. The sleep had helped quite a bit, but she was still just tired. It was just a long few weeks and they certainly deserved a break. This party was supposed to be a break, but it made her a bit antsy – though that was entirely uncharacteristic of her, usually. Valerie was raised to be the perfect hostess, but she didn't want to walk into a party as the Valerie Ventresca. She wanted them to know her as Valerie Petrove, a wife, mother-to-be, and someone they wanted to get to know. She wanted friends, neighbors, real people living real lives.

She managed to get herself ready, but found that her jeans fit almost uncomfortably tight on her hips. With a sigh, she pulled them off and tossed them to the side with a huff. As if it wasn't stressful enough, it seemed the world just wanted to push Valerie. She slipped on a dress instead, light pink and paired with a white sweater, before heading down to the kitchen.

She had half a mind to start talking, but when she saw Tavarius asleep, she just smiled and kept quiet. He deserved as much sleep as he could get.

Valerie worked quickly to get the mac and cheese ready and gathered up everything they needed to bring. She did not manage to eat much, just a few bites of fruit and some orange juice, but it seemed like enough to curb her nausea. At around noon, Valerie slipped over to Tavarius and pressed a kiss to his cheek, gentle and just enough to stir him. "Morning, sleepyhead," Valerie brushed from of his hair from his face, but it always just fell right back, "We've got a party to get through."

"You feeling ok?"

 

[Nav]

Tavarius was out through most of the morning. Normally a man who stirred at even the smallest sound, but Valerie could have dropped a grenade in the kitchen and he wouldn't have awoken. There was a subtle peacefulness resting on his expression as he dozed, his chest gently rising and falling with his hands laced together over his stomach. At some point while Valerie had been cooking, Saint had crawled up closer and pressed herself between Tavarius and the sofa. She was much too big for the small sliver of space, but she squished herself in anyways, looking all the happier for it.

The pair slept peacefully until the time when Valerie came over and pressed a gentle kiss against his cheek. Saint flopped a paw in her direction, as if trying to push her away to remind her that this was daddy-daughter naptime, but Tavarius sighed softly and his eyes slowly opened. "Hm?" he breathed out, quickly scrambling to get his bearings again. "Oh, the party—yea," he went to sit up, his hand went across his face as if to swipe the exhaustion from him.

"I'm feeling fine—just tired," he explained, immediately smelling the baked mac and cheese hanging in the air and feeling a punch of hunger in his gut. He wasn't particularly looking forward to the party, but at least there would be good food to share.

"Alright, alright," he hummed, as if trying to convince himself to get up again, "Alright, let's go." He got to his feet (despite Saint's incessant yowling for him to not move), and smiled sleepily. He pressed a kiss against her cheek in passing before going into the kitchen to help pack up their sharing dishes. "The food smells good though. I'm looking forward to helping me to some of that." He was even considering the possibility of sipping down a beer while they were there.

"Do we have everything? Food? Keys? Wallet? Phone? Wife? Baby? I think we have everything," he said at the tail-end of a yawn, "Let's go."

There was exhaustion in his eyes he couldn't get rid of, no matter how desperately he tried to look awake and pleasant. He slipped his coat on and looked over to Valerie pleasantly, but it was clear that he wasn't particularly thrilled with what they were doing or where they were going. He liked the Flynns, in fact, he liked them quite a lot, but most of the other people he wouldn't know and that was stressful for him. He didn't like strangers—and with good reason, too.