Absolute Mayhem

[Meraki]

Valerie reached eagerly for the pizza he had settled on a plate for her and she dug in unapologetically. She was starving and while she figured it was probably because of the babies, she also did not put it past her mind to accept that extra calorie intake. She was glad, then, that she had asked Tavarius to get her more mac and cheese at that party because she had been eating enough for two, but not nearly enough for three. She needed to be more deliberate about caring for herself, and while she had not been neglecting herself she definitely needed to stick to the guidelines a little firmer. More sleep, more food, more everything. She finished off her piece and hummed in contentment. Everything just tasted better.

"I am! I'll find the time, even if I have to keep an extra pair of knitting needles in the car," Valerie laughed, "My grandmother on my mother's side made one for my mother when she was born and it was one of the only things she brought over her when she left to be with my father. It was the most gorgeous thing. I remember wanting one so badly when I was younger. It had her name on it and everything. I guess it was a family tradition but died out with my mother. I'd like to give it a try, and I'm not half bad at it if I have a pattern."

He was right. There was so much going on, but Valerie was determined to not get lost in it. They had fought so long and hard for this life and the last thing she wanted to do was watch is pass by without properly appreciating it and living it. She wanted to go out on dates with Tavarius and make love in blanket forts. She wanted to travel and see so much more of the world she was only just beginning to really know. She wanted to raise two beautiful children and support them through their dreams, but she never wanted to lose her own. It was a terribly difficult balance that most people never found in a hundred lifetimes, but after cheating death so many times, Valerie was going to give it her best shot.

They deserved that much.

"Oh god, terrible twos," Valerie groaned playfully, "Two terrible twos. At least they'll be through it at the same time. It's not like we have to struggle through that and then do it all over again."

"But we'll have Nadia," she smiled, "so at least we'll know that one of us knows what they're doing. I'm sure an old Russian woman knows how to combat the terrible twos."

 

[Nav]

"Well, you're on your own with the knitting," Tavarius concluded, deciding he had no interest in knitting or even beginning to learn how to knit. "Sounds nice though. Still not sure when you're going to have the time to make a blanket, let alone two." They had a busy agenda ahead of them in the next few months. They needed to find a place to live, they needed to move, they needed to organize. That didn't even include the happenings at the villa that needed to be finished. Perhaps once Nadia moved in and Valerie got further along in her pregnancy, she'd have more time as she wouldn't be able to do much besides rest and relax. Tavarius, however, knew he needed to get back to work.

He ran every day, and felt like he was always moving and doing something, but he needed work back in his life. He needed tasks and goals he could accomplish to feel satisfied in life, and that was missing without a job to do. Everything about his life felt like it was falling slowly in to place: Valerie, kids, Nadia, dogs… but he knew he'd work until the day he died. Sometimes, it felt like the only thing he really truly knew how to do and do well, everything else he just felt like he was winging all the time.

"Terrible twos?" Tavarius looked up to her and raised a brow, "I was a perfectly obedient and quiet two-year-old. Vancouver and I were perfect little children. I'm sure they'll take after me that way." And by 'perfect little children' he really meant 'we did stuff but never got caught.' There was no denying the craftiness in the Tavarius' nature. He could charm and smile his way out of anything with that handsome, pearly, perfectly straight smile and those polished silver eyes. Even as a child, his natural charm served him well.

"You probably shouldn't call Nadia old, though. She hears you call her old and she won't come out of her room for a week because she'll be trying to perfume and cream the wrinkles from her face. She's not old, she's…." he paused to look for exactly the right word, "She's senescent. Doesn't that sound nicer? I think so. Also, if you call her old, she'll cuss at me in Russian for the better part of an hour saying my bad manners are wearing off on you. Unfortunately, she might have a point."

Picking up the kitchen a little and dumping their dishes into the dishwasher, Tavarius did just enough that the kitchen would be passable for the evening. "Now, you all done or you want some more pizza?"

 

[Meraki]

"Careful," Valerie teased with a laugh, "I think my mother might haunt me if she catches wind of you calling out my bad manners. We don't have time for two babies, three dogs, Nadia, and a vengeful Italian ghost." He did have a point, though. There had been a time early on in their relationship and even up until pretty recently where Valerie was always overly cautious about what she said. It stemmed, at first, from fear, and then from a need to survive, and now that she was in the real world she had slowly started to chip away at that façade. She could joke and laugh, poke fun at others in good spirit, and while she would never take it too far because it wasn't in her nature, it felt good to realize that – after all this time – she had changed. Even if she didn't notice it every single day, it was nice to know in her heart that she made the right choice.

That somehow in the mess of it all, she had made the best decision of her life taking a chance with Tavarius after Zane's death. It changed her path and it was, perhaps, the sole reason she was alive and well.

And pregnant. God, was she pregnant.

"I'm sure you were the epitome of the perfect child," she shot him a knowing glance, "I, for one, got caught doing everything. I wasn't necessarily a bad two-year-old, I think that got scared out of me pretty quickly. Who knows, I could have been a menace and no one knew."

He picked up the food and tidied up the kitchen, all the while Valerie just watched and appreciated. It was nice, the routine, the familiarity of it all, and she loved just observing the life they had build together. It was pretty thrown together and they were constantly in a state of winging it, but they had really built something special. Most importantly, they built something that was theirs and only theirs. No syndicate or family to dictate their lives, no fear to hinder them, no constant self-destructive behavior because they knew nothing else. This was the life that they had joked about once, lying in the villa under the blanket fort.

It was a dangerous thought then, but now – now it was the most beautiful life she could imagine.

"I'm good, she said a couple extra calories, and if I eat another slice I'll eat the whole pizza," she smiled, reaching her arms out almost childishly, "But I am pregnant, so I think instead of jumping off this counter you should carry me. You know, just to be safe."

 

[Nav]

The kitchen was what Tavarius would have called 'good enough.' He was fairly confident that it wouldn't have been to Valerie's usual cleanliness standards, but even she didn't seem to mind the mess too much. In fact, she seemed more worried about getting herself to bed, and Tavarius was more than alright with that concept. It was too early for him to try and fall asleep yet, but sometimes just lounging around was exactly the ticket he needed. "I was," he clarified, tossing the last few dishes into the dishwasher, including his orange juice glass, "But I also could do very little wrong in the eyes of my father."

Vancouver, however, hadn't been so lucky. Where Tavarius had always been athletic, boyish, and Russian in every way his father thought he ought to be, Vancouver had been delicate, artistic, and shy. He got in trouble plenty, sure, but never like Vancouver did. "You are turning into a menace," he teased gently, "With that sassy mouth of yours that keeps getting sassier every day." It was finally the real Valerie. During the beginnings of their relationship, he was confident that neither of them really had any idea who the other person was. Truthfully, he wasn't even sure why they had started dating in the first place.

He supposed it was mostly because they had both gone through traumatic breakups and found eachother at least moderately attractive, but it hadn't been until much later that they came to fully understand exactly who the person they were with was. In that way, it had worked out for them.

"Alright, alright, no more pizza." Between the two of them, there wasn't much pizza left, anyhow. Seeing as what few scraps remained weren't worth saving, Tavarius dumped in the rest in the garbage. "Carry you? What is this?" he asked with an amused smirk, "You are pregnant but… come on, Valerie, geeeeez." His tone was in jest though because he didn't pause a moment before he stepped over and scooped an arm under her knees and shoulders.

"Come on, your majesty," he said as he brought her up the stairs and dumped her on to their marital bed. "How was your ride, huh? You're seriously abusing your old husband. Valerie, I'm thirty now… I'm no longer twenty-nine. I can't just keep carrying you around all the place, you know. I'm old now."

 

[Meraki]

"You might be thirty, but I'm carrying two babies. I think I've earned being carried like a princess, just this once," Valerie laughed as he plopped her down on the bed, her curls spreading like wildfire against the pillows. "But it was wonderful, as it always is." It was a rough morning, a lot of adjusting and coping, though not in a negative sense. It was just a hard concept to wrap her mind around: twins. She couldn't even begin to imagine the root of Tavarius' apprehension, but she knew that no matter what she would be there – for their return to LA, for the birth of their children, and every single day before, after and in between.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered what her father would think. Twins. Maybe that would have been what it took to win his affection, but she was glad she lived without it. She was glad that he was gone and she was still here, because had Tavarius married her under the pretense of the syndicate, those babies would have grown up in the same way that Tavarius and Vancouver did. She never wanted that, not in a million years. They both deserved a change to love these babies in a way they had never been loved.

Not until they found each other, at least.

"Oh," she hummed as her memory seemed to click back on, "Also, I meant to tell you. Some of my online classes start on Monday. I just got the email this morning. Looks like you're going to have to ready your flashcard game, too."

It was soon, but between the two of them they needed something. Something to take their minds of the constant baby worry and the readjustment period. They just needed a chance to feel useful and a part of society. They'd managed it before and Valerie was in love with the life they'd managed to lead right before her shooting, and while things were different now she knew that whatever life they managed to make for themselves would be more than enough. She wanted to go out and do things and to look forward all day to seeing Tavarius again. She wanted to pack him lunch and she wanted to write papers (which was strange), she wanted to start planning out their new house (if they got it) and read more.

"It'll be good, though," she smiled, "I'm just ready to start feeling normal again and stop sleeping all the time. I haven't gone grocery shopping for real in so long and we desperately beginning to need it. Plus, baby things have to happen and I'm going to need clothes that I don't burst out of."

 

[Nav]

"See, but you always have a reason for being carried like a princess… Tavarius, we just got married… Tavarius, I'm pregnant… Tavarius, you carry me over the threshold, it's tradition!" his tone was playful as he lightheartedly poked fun at her seemingly endless desire to be carried. Of course, the playful banter was a defense mechanism to take his mind off a more concerning matter at hand which was, of course, the idea of twins. There was never a doubt in his mind where he'd be come their due date, but it also sort of felt like he was wrapping his hand around a curling iron after seeing it was plugged in and hot. Tavarius was a master at possessing feelings that were not always visible and doing things to prevent them from being noticed.

The word twin, in any context, immediately sent his mind reeling to Vancouver and Vancouver's memory immediately brought him back to the moment where he was kneeling on the floor, his hands pressed into the cheeks of a man who looked so much lie him, yet so different at the same time, as he watched the light go out in his eyes. With the memory, he could still feel the blood dripping off his hands and with it comes the guilt again to haunt him and take his breath. After all that time, it still cut deep and hadn't begun to visit with less frequency or in softer durations.

Since his death, Tavarius had tried to throw Vancouver out of his head, but he kept coming every night. He didn't know if he could call him a nightmare because he always woke up before he got to the part where he killed him. Maybe he'd never be rid of it, or maybe he didn't want to be rid of it as it was one of the only parts of his brother he could still hold on to. Every time he dreamt, he tried to revise through all the other options he had: create a diversion, admit the truth sooner, let Viktor kill him instead, but he had done none of them and what was done was done.

"Hm?" realizing he was getting lost in his own thoughts, Tavarius stirred lazily and returned his gaze to Valerie, "Oh, that's great." He was glad for the topic change, "Looks like I am going to have to work on my flashcards, indeed. Good for you, that'll be good." It got him thinking that he really needed to arrange going back to work himself. He was ready to find a way to keep his hands busy. As much as he loved carrying Valerie up the stairs, he needed to feel like he was doing something, anything, to make subtle amends for the past he had lived.

"And you can go shopping anytime. You have a car, you know."

 

[Meraki]

"Oh no," Valerie lamented playfully, "I'm getting boring! Predictable!"

It was a funny thought. A while back, being useless or boring was her biggest fear. The moment she lost her use, she lost her life, her protection and that was such a huge weight on her shoulders. It was what they expected of syndicate girls – seen and not heard, but interesting if spoken to. Men were never to be bored with you. Zane used to make a point of it when she would talk to him to point out everything she said that just utterly bored him. Val, I've heard this a hundred times, he would say. Which would turn into damn it Val, I fucking told you once already! And she learned. She learned to entice someone, but never bore them. She was never allowed to ask for anything, to want anything.

How things had changed.

"I know, it's just been…" she shrugged, "I don't know. It's just a big step. I haven't really been out of the house much by myself since Santa Monica. I wouldn't say I'm scared, because I'm not, it's just a mental hurdle. Once I do it, though, I'm sure everything will be fine."

It was hard not to remember the shooting. The scar had lightened considerably, and Valerie had been good with caring for it and ensuring that the skin healed as well as it could. There was still a mark, though, smoother than her skin because it was so new, and sometimes she found herself absentmindedly tracing it. It was more traumatic than she thought it would be. Sure in the moment it was painful, but it was like walking after a cast was taken off. A little too cautious not because she was scared of hurting it again, but because she had just spent so much time waiting for it to heal. It became natural.

"I've gotta go out and get my books for class too, so I just have to force myself to go."

Valerie pressed up on her elbows to catch his lips with hers. "You go back to work soon, don't you? That'll be good. I think we're both a little stir crazy. Though I am telling you right now, if I get a phone call telling me you are pulling five bullets out of your vest, I am going to be on crazy pregnant lady."

 

[Nav]

It was a tough situation for her to be in, he understood it. He understood her hesitancy even if he couldn't relate to it. Maybe he would have been able to at one time, but Tavarius' fears in life were unusual objects. He didn't mind going out, but the idea of twins caused his head to twirl. "Once you get out, you'll be fine," he assured her, "You should go out tomorrow. Go get your books, do some grocery shopping. The weather is supposed to be nicer tomorrow." And by 'nicer' he meant 'slightly above freezing and not snowing,' but that was the way of their new lives in Michigan. It was winter, it was cold, and Tavarius loved it.

"Yea," he remarked, though his response was paused by a loving peck, "Soon. I still need to figure out when. And who knows, maybe I'll be stuck doing desk work all the time. I don't know what the office is like here or what they do. I mean, it's Michigan… how much excitement can there be?" California was the state of sin, at least that's how Tavarius always saw it: warm weather, beaches, money, women, ocean… it was a high-rollers dream, but Michigan? What kind of high profile criminals would be checking out of Michigan?

None that Tavarius had ever heard of, and he had heard of a lot.

"But I'll be careful, alright?" he flopped back and stretched his arms up and over his head, yawning until his shoulders popped and his body relaxed. The knotted scar tissue over his back gave the familiar pulling sensation with the stretch, but it felt good, it felt healthy. He enjoyed his time off. He enjoyed the time he had spent lounging around, but Valerie was right: they were both stir crazy, especially Tavarius. He didn't know how to just sit home day after day and he didn't think he ever would. He was anxious to get out again. If Valerie left for a few hours the next day, perhaps that would give him some time to go out and meet with Flynn, too.

His phone lit up and began to buzz on the side table and Tavarius' arm unrolled and grabbed it, looking down at the screen before answering the device. "Hello?" he answered, "Oh, hi… oh yea? That's great. Next Monday? Sure, next Monday at two." The conversation trailed on into niceties for a moment, before he said goodbyes to whoever he was talking to and hung up the phone.

"That was the real estate agent," he explained, "The house owners accepted our offer."

 

[Meraki]

"Good. I doubt it'll be all desk work. There are bad people everywhere," Valerie shrugged, "but just think – soon I can pack you lunches and you can put a picture of me on your desk so that all your coworkers get jealous. Now that's living the dream."

She settled next to him with her head propped up on her hand. He was right. She just needed to get out and do everything she needed. There was no reason for her to stay at home anymore, not when they had fought so hard to have a world to live in together. Maybe it would never be completely safe, but was anyone in the world ever completely safe? "You're right, I'll go out tomorrow. Might as well rip it off like a Band-Aid, right? I'm sure it'll be fine."

She was interrupted by this phone buzzing on the side table and out of habit she just thought it was Flynn, but when he picked up she didn't recognize the timbre of voice on the other end of the line. She couldn't make out words, just sounds…not that she was trying to eavesdrop. She sat up a bit more as she waited for him to finish. He and the person on the other end of the line made plans for Monday and she wondered who on earth Tavarius liked enough in the world to hang out with in the afternoon on a Monday? When he hung up, she heard his words but they took a minute to sink in.

"What?" Valerie said immediately before clarifying, "They accepted our offer?"

"We got the house?!"

Valerie immediately launched herself into Tavarius' arms with a bright smile and a warm, jovial laugh. She couldn't believe it. She didn't get her hopes up after their initial conversation, especially when he explained to her just how hard it was to buy a house, and she had just accepted that they'd need to keep looking. But to know they got the house, it eased every anxiety in her heart. Maybe they really could do this and it certainly gave her plenty to do. There was so much space in that house for her to fill and figure out. As much as she loved the Villa, her room had stuck out quite a bit against Natalya's décor and it was such a wonderful feeling to know that she would get a chance to make their house a reality.

A house they could grow into – grow old in. What a concept.

 

[Nav]

What a concept… growing old.

Growing up had been such a baptism of fire. He had spent all of his childhood asking 'why this life?' and never shying away from possible answers. A long time ago, he had accepted there was no growing old for him, no life after the syndicate, no happy ending, and yet he had been given it all the same. He would have liked to think it was because he had fought so hard for it, and he had, but he knew there had been a lot of other people who had fought and hadn't been so lucky, like Vancouver, like Natlya. He had gotten lucky. He had gotten luckier than most and every day, he was thankful for it.

He still wasn't sure he deserved it, but he was thankful.

"Well, kind of," he chuckled as Valerie barreled into his arms and squirmed around like a puppy after a long day in a crate, "There is still a lot of paperwork, time, and 'stuff' between we and 'get the house.'" They wouldn't be able to just move in tomorrow. Hell, they probably wouldn't even be able to move in next month. It was a process—a long, tedious process—especially if they were going to do it the right way, and Tavarius had spent too much of his life doing things the wrong way. "The house still needs to get inspected and the inspector will come back with things that need to be fixed before it can be legally sold. I mean, they accepted our offer for now, but they could still back out or… you know, something could be wrong."

Tavarius had gotten a little obsessed with things going wrong. After it felt like everything in their lives had gone wrong, he had just come to expect that something would go wrong with the house, too. Nothing had ever gone smoothly for the Petroves and with a new problem encountered at every turn, he had gotten to a point where they stopped causing him surprise. It was making him cynical, the concept that something could go right for once on the first try. "So just, get excited, but not too excited, alright? Can I also say that I never really thought about turning thirty, getting married, and having children… but if I had, Michigan would have never even crossed my mind. I don't even think I coulda pointed Michigan out on a map until, like, a few weeks ago."

Okay, he probably could have but the point stood; this wasn't the life he had been expecting, but he just accepted it, pressed a kiss on to the top of Valerie's head, and laid back against the pillows again.

"You're going to get too excited, aren't you?"

 

[Meraki]

"I know. I never really thought anywhere but California could be home."

It was such a strange concept to be living in the cold. It was growing on Valerie, sure, but she wasn't sure she would ever be a winter person. She loved their little Christmas and watching the dogs frolic in the constantly falling snow, but she was good inside by the fire where it was warm, where she could close her eyes and dream about the beach. Water just calmed her and there wasn't much out this way, but she was excited at the prospect of living in the new house right on a lake. At least she could go out on the porch, wrapped in a sweater and watch the water refract the sun or moonlight. That was the selling point for her, really. "But to be honest, I never thought I would see twenty-five, so everything that happens from here on out I'm not sure I'll ever really be able to understand."

With a kiss to the top of her head, the two fell back against the pillow, Valerie still clinging to him. A sheepish smile found its way to her lip and she glanced up at him. "You know me too well," she laughed and laid her head down on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. There was a time she listened to it out of desperation, clung to him after nightmares in order to ease her worry, but now it just sounded more like a promise. This was really happening.

School. Work. Babies. House.

Maybe it wasn't perfect yet and maybe they had a lot left to face, but it was the closest they'd ever come to achieving the life they spoke about that one night in Santa Monica. Back when they anticipated their deaths, back when they heart the ticking of a clock at every turn, back when her father was alive, when his father was alive, and they were readying for their fate. How they had lived through it, she had no idea, but they did and here they were.

Maybe it wasn't the future they would have guessed, but futures had a funny way of figuring themselves out.

"I'll try not to get too too excited," she smiled, "but I'm not making any promises."

 

[Nav]

The funny thing about the house was that his heart didn't jump in excitement with the news, at least not like it did for Valerie. As he had already expressed, the house was just a house to him. He had worshipped his time in the villa because it had been his sanctuary for a long time; it had been a refuge, a place of being entirely closed off yet allowing himself to feel a little vulnerable in front of those ceiling-reaching windows. He knew he'd probably never love being in a house the same way he had the villa, but he supposed his love for the villa had blossomed out of desperation and a genuine need to feel safe somewhere, anywhere, even if that sense of safety was in his own mind. It had been a paradise when everything else felt like a warzone… when everything else was a warzone.

Now, his paradise was Valerie. It had been her since they had first met. She made him breathe when he didn't want to, she unlocked the doors inside of him he tried to keep shut. She hadn't left his mind once since she came into his life. All he knew was that heaven was real; heaven was her. No house would change that. A house was just an object of walls, floors, counters, furniture. A hovel, a shack, a castle, a mansion… at their core were all the same to him. He cared not for the house, but if it made Valerie happy, then that was a good enough reason for him.

"Alright, alright, make the effort then," he concluded, "Don't get too carried away yet, though something tells me you're going to be dreaming about Feng Shui tonight."

Ripping back the sheets, Tavarius slipped his shirt over his head and dumped it into a heap on the floor before getting comfortable again below Valerie. He wasn't particularly tired, but there wasn't much else to do besides sleep. It felt like he was finally making up for a lifetime of not getting nearly enough sleep, but it was overwhelming his system to a point where sleep felt frivolous and selfish, like he should be out doing more with the life he had been so graciously given. "I will uhhh, try and get some more stuff figured out tomorrow, alright? You just worry about getting out for a few hours and doing whatever is you need to do."

"For now though, you should come here and stay in this best with me until morning when we must force ourselves to leave."

 

[Meraki]

"That sounds like a perfect way to end a night."

Valerie curled up alongside him and nuzzled into him. It was her favorite thing in the world, but she was sure that it would be even more precious when the two of them started up with their lives again. It was her favorite feeling when she was going to school – coming home to Tavarius. It always got her through the rough patches. Valerie fell asleep rather quickly, it was easy when she was curled up next to him, and when she woke up the next morning it took quite a bit of time to bring herself to being fully awake. She wasn't used to waking up like a normal person – not recently, at least.

She managed a shower and to tug on a pair of jeans and a sweater. She left her hair down, curled and mane-like as always. Slipping on her boots and kissing Tavarius goodbye, she grabbed a quick bite to eat before heading out towards the car. Absentmindedly, she scanned her eyes over the street and then reminded herself of what Tavarius said. What kind of real evil could even exist in a place like this? It wasn't California. It never would be.

She had to relax.

She had made a mental list the night before of everything she needed to do. Textbooks on campus, clothes, grocery shopping, and she was just a little tempted to stop off and get herself a treat. Textbooks were easy enough, and the campus was beautiful. It was close to the house, even closer to their new house, and she knew that when she started up in-person classes, she would really enjoy it. Everyone was kind enough and soon enough Valerie was making her way towards the car with an armful of books. At least she was getting to her literature classes, so they were all books she'd always to read and finally had a chance to.

Shopping took a bit longer, mostly because she hadn't been shopping since long before her and Tavarius even met. It was strange walking through the maternity section and getting a sea of questions. How far along are you? Is the father here? Twins? What a blessing! Congratulations! Valerie managed to grab a few pairs of jeans, leggings and sweaters. All of her dresses (the non-form fitting ones) hit her still, but she still grabbed one or two for the sake of her sanity. Only a trip to the grocery store left, but she had already been gone for hours now.

All gone by in the blink of an eye.

She didn't expect to run into Cynthia at the grocery store, but her and the baby were bumbling around filling their cart. She was excited to hear about twins, but she nodded with a knowing smile and laughed, "I guess I'll have to get you a second basket of baby things!"

By the time Valerie was pulling into the driveway, every single muscle in her body was exhausted. Her back ached, her headache throbbed and she wanted nothing more than to slip into something comfortable and curl up with Tavarius and the dogs. She only brought the books in at first, not willing to even attempt the groceries yet, but mommy and babies were tired. "Tavarius?" Valerie called out as she hip checked the door closed and placed the bag of books down by the stair landing.

"You home?" she yawned.

 

[Nav]

Tavarius, a man who had more recently become a creature of extreme habit, awoke bright and early the next morning. Per his usual routine, he got up and took the dogs out for their morning run, only to return back before the dawn and tiredly crawl back into bed for his second rest of the day. Valerie woke up only a half hour after he had returned to bed and, without any further obligation, Tavarius sighed contentedly, rolled over, and fell back asleep for another few hours. It wasn't until after Valerie had left the house did he finally oblige himself to get up, take a shower, and dress in more outside-world appropriate attire.

With Valerie gone, Tavarius loaded up the Jeep with all three dogs and stopped first at the dog park. Like everything in the quaint little down, the dog park was a wide area that could fit about three small houses and was charming and well-kept. It was hilly with a tall tree or two near one hill. There were benches for people to sit in every corner, hosting a surprising number of people. Gentle and lush mounds of snow were trampled down by hundreds of paws, leaving only a thin sheet of compressed snow that acted more like ice than fluff, but all three dogs seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was a popular place, he noted, with dogs all shapes and sizes; he could only imagine how busy the place must have been in summer.

By early afternoon, Tavarius had loaded the dogs back up into the back and drove through town so he could stop briefly off at the office. It wasn't a glamorous building like back in California. Instead, the office was painted grey and had only one floor-to-ceiling window, which faced the main road.

"You really are ready to come back to work, then?" Flynn asked in a serious tone, though his face emoted an expression that seemed to already know the answer to his question. "I mean, I can afford you more time off if you need, it's really no big deal."

Tavarius shrugged a little, glancing out the window and down to the street were the Jeep was idling on, just checking in on the dogs, though they seemed perfectly content passing out in the back. "If I wait any longer, I'll be waiting until I retire," Tavarius replied with a stiffness in the line of his shoulders, "Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn't change any of it for the entire universe. Good, bad, and everything else, but this life? There is definitely a part of me that knows I can't live without it."

Next Thursday, it had been decided. Tavarius would go back to work and he was looking forward to it, but what he was looking forward to even more was getting back in his truck, heading home, and hearing all about Valerie's first day out on her own. He arrived and unloaded the dogs, finding he had arrived only a few minutes before Valerie did.

"Yea, I'm home?" he called back, getting up off the couch and following her voice towards the landing, "How was it?" he asked, trotting up the stairs to meet her.

 

[Meraki]

The familiar sound of Tavarius' voice eased all the tension in her back. Valerie wasn't unhappy, but she had worn herself out in all the hype and excitement. There were still groceries in the car, she wanted to cook dinner, and she wanted to take the dogs outside to play, but all she could think about was how much her back ached after everything she did that day. Maybe she was getting old, too. She used to be able to do everything and more – or maybe her body just needed time to relax now since she wasn't in a constant state of worry or panic. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter.

She was just so glad to be home.

"It was exhausting," Valerie chuckled, "I went to campus, to the bookstore, the grocery store, the mall, like forty different stores because I had a hard time watching my size go up and women's clothes are a mystery."

She had tried on so many clothes and hustled through the process that she was surprised to find out that more than an hour had passed. Valerie let out a small yawn and moved to press a quick, gentle kiss to Tavarius' lips. She wanted to hear all about his day, to hear what he did and where he went. She was interested to find out when he would be going back to work and anything else he'd managed to do – but first she needed to get those groceries inside.

"It was good, though," she said finally, "I'm just glad to be home."

A tired laugh escaped her, "But what are the odds that you'll lend a poor pregnant woman a hand with the groceries? I think every muscle in my back has formed into a mutiny against the rest of my body."

 

[Nav]

"My, my," Tavarius replied when she rattled off a big long list of everything she had accomplished that day, "Seems like you really have been busy. Good, I'm glad to hear it." For once, he was glad to hear she was exhausted because she had been out and about—not just exhausted because she had been around the house all day. He had contemplated for a short while earlier than afternoon if her chronic tiredness had been a result of mild depression, perhaps, or shock… after all, the wounds of everything they had endured was still painfully fresh. While he knew those feelings would never truly subside, it was good to hear her laugh and smile as she spoke about her day.

"Good, I'm glad you're home to."

He was already heading up the stairs towards the front door when she had mentioned going to the grocery store, as he hadn't seen any grocery bags. A moment later, his hunch had been confirmed as she asked for his help. "Don't worry," he called back to her, "Go sit down, I'll get em." Tavarius, in true Tavarius spirit, willed himself to get every single bag on his first, and only, trip. It was a bit clunky as he made his way down the stairs, but he hastily piled the bags on the kitchen counter and began to riffle through all of them, just to see what his wife had brought home.

"So, my poor pregnant woman, what are we thinking for dinner?" he asked once he had gone through and assessed every bag. It was only when he was sure of all the contented did he finally begin to put things away where they belonged… in the pantry, in the fridge. "I'm kinda hungry. I can throw a pizza in if you don't want to cook?" He would have offered to cook a home-made meal himself, if he knew anything about cooking, but when it was his turn in the kitchen it was either pizza or mac n' cheese. He had many unusual skills, Tavarius Petrove, but none of them were in a kitchen.

"So, tell me about the campus…"

 

[Meraki]

"You're a lifesaver," Valerie sighed as Tavarius made his way out to the car and left her to peel off her shoes and make her way to the couch where she promptly collapsed among a pile of happy, loving dogs. Max, who was getting far too big to be a lap dog, immediately curled up on her lap and licked her hand like he was trying to ease the aches and pains she felt after such a long day. Wolf curled p at her feet and Saint sat as she always did, expectantly awaiting the arrival of her father.

"Pizza is fine," Valerie folded pretty easily, "I genuinely don't think I can get back off this couch." Her laughter was warm, a bit brighter than it had been for the last few weeks. She was excited to be a mother, to have children with Tavarius and go about their lives as real, normal people – but today had brought a lot of that independence out in her that she wasn't sure even existed anymore.

"Campus was good," she admitted, "Not nearly as big as in California, but it was pretty welcoming. I only really went to the bookstore and mapped out where my classes are going to be. I've got two online and three in person, so I'll really only be on campus Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It'll be nice to have those days off in between, I think. I just didn't want to rush back into it too fast. I don't have to take a history class this semester though! So I think it'll be better than last year, definitely."

"It was just strange being back on a campus after everything," she shrugged, "I'm sure it'll get easier, everything has, but I had to kind of pinch myself every once in a while to remind myself that this is a new place, a new school and a new world for us, really."

She glanced up at him, "What about you? Did you meet with Flynn today? Did you guys get your work schedule figured out?"

 

[Nav]

With everything put away, Tavarius leaned against the kitchen counter. "Yea, I can do a few things right sometimes," he replied even though he couldn't see her as she had tucked herself into the living room. He imagined she had probably adopted herself on to the couch and he wouldn't likely be able to get her up again until bedtime and she could go straight to bed. She confirmed his hunch shortly thereafter. Rolling off his hip so his back was to the counter, he stared into the kitchen for a moment, willing himself to get up and turn on the oven. It took surprisingly more energy to do so than he had first anticipated, even if he wasn't particularly tired himself.

With the oven pre-heating and the frozen pizza out and waiting to be cooked, Tavarius helped himself to a glass of orange juice and listened in on Valerie talked about her day. All in all, it seemed like it had productive and good for her. Though as she spoke, he couldn't help but let a small portion of his brain wander into wondering if this was what normal was like… making dinner, relaxing on the couch, loudly talking to one another from two different rooms. At what point, he wondered, would they be as normal as the daily paper… routine, unexpected. His fingers swirled around the rim of his orange juice glass.

Normalcy wasn't a bad thing, just different.

"We talked, yes, Flynn and I," he answered a beat after she had asked. "I'm starting in a few weeks and I'm looking forward to it. Honestly, I really am looking forward to going back to do something… anything." He had liked his job in California, if only because it made him feel productive. It kept the restlessness out of his hands. The idea of doing a job and doing it well appealed to him down to a fundamental level.

The oven beeped and Tavarius put their meal in, setting a timer so he wasn't liable to forget about it. He stepped into the doorway of the living room and leaned against the frame, looking down to Valerie. "It'll be just a normal Monday through Friday, and occasional weekend, sort of thing. I'll be back on the drug enforcement unit but…" Tavarius shrugged, "I don't know how much drug enforcement is needed up here in Boondocks, USA."

 

[Meraki]

"I'm glad you're starting back soon," Valerie smiled as he walked in and leaned against the frame, "At least I spent most of my life in the same house, but I can't imagine how stir crazy you must feel being here day in and day out."

Tavarius had given up quite a lot for her. Well, for them really. It was strange to think about how neither of them came together out of a desire to free themselves from the world of the syndicate, but somehow in the mess of it all they'd found strength in one another. Silly fantasies by the windows overlooking the ocean turned into whispered dreams in blanket forts, which turned into desperate cries in foreign countries. Soon enough, they were fighting for their lives to be out and she had never expected it. But here they were, in their little slice of the perfect small town American life and she wondered when it would start to feel a bit less terrifying. Boring wasn't the right word, but she felt like she had hit a rut lately in her own mind – wondering if she had just become the very thing her father intended her to be.

A mother. A wife.

But she knew it was different. She was all of those things but they did not control her the same way they had controlled her mother. Valerie was stronger now, so much so that she managed to find time for school and friends and her family. She was going to be a mother. These babies were going to be here sooner than any of them anticipated and she knew the moment that they came, their life would never be the same. She hoped life was like that – just a string of monumental moments that carried along a single story. She never wanted to stop changing, to stop learning, to stop trying. There was so much time.

She'd never had so much time before.

"Who knows?" Valerie rested her head against the back of the couch and smiled up at him, "I've been watching the news lately. The opioid crisis is pretty real in small towns. Maybe you won't be running through Brazil with a bullet in your shoulder, but I'm sure it'll be more interesting than just paper pushing. At the very least, you're still helping people and I'm really proud of you for going back after everything that's happened."

With a bit of a soft grunt, Valerie pushed herself from the couch and managed to make her way over to Tavarius. She swung her arms around his waist and pressed a kiss against his chest before finding his lips. "I'm just – I'm glad we're here."

"It's not what I expected, but then again," she looked up at him, "nothing in our lives ever has been."

 

[Nav]

"So am I," Tavarius admitted after a hesitant pause. A part of him had always wondered if Valerie was ever truly comfortable with releasing him back to work in a job that was so close to the life that had very nearly ended their lives, both together and apart. Though his reasons for pursuing a continued career in the field were earnest, there was no denying the closeness of his past and present existence. The job, too, wasn't without hazards—as his client had proven when he had gotten himself shot several times; an act that would have killed him had it not been for his bullet-proof vest.

Valerie had never gotten in the way of anything he had ever wanted and he knew she never would, but he couldn't help but wonder if it made her wary or uncomfortable. Everything about her new life seemed to be making her nervous though, so it was hard for him to decide if the worry was genuinely deep-seated or just the newness of everything they were going through.

"Yea," he stirred suddenly, realizing he had gotten himself lost in his own thoughts until she spoke again. "Who knows, I guess," his shoulders pulled up into a lame shrug before falling back into place. His eyes followed her as she got up from the couch, his arms already opening for her to nestle into her place against his chest. Nothing would ever be like his job in the syndicate. Sure, it had been exciting and dangerous in its own glamorous, action-flick kind of way, but Tavarius realized he was getting older. He didn't want the fast cars, expensive houses, and nightclubs anymore. In the last few months, he had done a lot of genuine growing and maturating.

Growing up had been such a baptism of fire for them both and Tavarius had always asked 'why?' and never shied from possible answers. He knew the truth would be out there somewhere and he never expected it to be cozy, but he had demanded it all the same. Part of his growing up had been forgiving and moving on, realizing the bitterness and anger had only hindered him. All the trouble that led them to their new home had been growing pains—lessons, painful, but necessary. He was calmer now. He napped more often and sometimes he painted. He enjoyed his meals instead of rushing through them and he allowed himself to poke around in the morning and read the newspaper while he drank his coffee.

Wrapping his arms around Valerie, he looked down to her. "Are you?" he asked, "Good, because so am I. Though I really could do with a little bit more wine in my life. Can you hurry this pregnancy thing up, already?"