Absolute Mayhem

[Meraki]

Valerie nodded at his suggestion and ate slowly, trying not to upset herself. Usually Valerie had pretty thick skin, but all the emotions from pregnancy had made her a bit more susceptible. In her heart she knew the truth – what she was in the syndicate was nothing compared to what she was now. Maybe she had been expected to be a housewife, but Valerie was too smart now, too independent. She learned to rely on herself and to find the ambition to do things like go back to school. Maybe it seemed like she was right back where she started, but she knew she wasn't. Tavarius loved her in a way that she had never felt before and would never feel again. He supported her, worked with her and helped her at every turn if it all became too much and when she came home, she wanted to run into his arms, not away from his fists.

Valerie had come so far, their relationship had come so far and she was not about to let comments from a woman who knew nothing about them ruin her day. She took another bite of her mac and cheese and offered Tavarius a gentle smile. "It's okay, I didn't marry you for your cooking skills," she laughed gently, "don't worry, I'm fine."

"And believe me," she chuckled, "the last thing I want is to be nauseous again. I've had enough morning sickness for a lifetime."

It was particularly bad and she would have to talk to Joyce tomorrow about it, but she figured she was lucky if that was the worst of her problems. She was plenty content sitting on a couch eating her weight in mac and cheese. Soon enough, though, she managed to finish up and with her plate disposed of – Valerie stood and took Tavarius' hand and pulled him up with her. All the party had showed her was that people were fine, nosey but fine, and she loved her husband more than anyone in the world. He was the only person who could consume all of her time and she would never be bothered.

At the end of a long, long day – Valerie wanted to just be home with him. Especially when he was heading to work sooner rather than later.

"You want to head out?" she glanced up at him, "I'm tired and we have a really big day tomorrow. I think we've earned some rest."

 

[Nav]

While Valerie ate, Tavarius sat in quite resignation. He no longer really tried to invest himself in any conversation around him and that was fine because people seemed just as happy to exclude the Petroves, seeing as they were unforthcoming about their lives before being in that living room. The attempt had made him wonder if he should even bother attempting to make friends, as it was so against who he generally was at his core. During her time in school, Valerie had made friends and had gotten on with the people in her class quite well, but even Tavarius and Mike treated one another with a sort of stiff professional-like friendliness.

The idea wasn't devastating to Tavarius really, as he genuinely preferred being without lots of people in his little universal sphere, but he knew Valerie wanted some friends—so he was really trying for her, though judging by her expression, she suddenly seemed about as keen on the idea as he was. Eventually, he figured the newness and excitement of the Petroves' lives would wear off and they'd just be another couple in the neighborhood, but until then, it was uncomfortable and Tavarius couldn't wait to get home so he could promptly peel out of his sweater and nice slacks and back down to his boxers so he could sleep.

Taking his advice though, Valerie ate slowly but not without some playfully snide remark that caused him gently to chuckle in her direction, "Probably for the best, else you wouldn't have married me at all," he pointed out with a lame shrug.

Still, she ate and her finishing up didn't come a moment too soon. "Yea," he agreed, rising to his feet when she gave him a tug by the hand. They had been there for the better part of two hours, and while it looked like the main party was just getting started, Tavarius politely stepped over to Mike and explained that they were leaving. Naturally, he used Valerie and her morning doctor's appointment as an excuse. It was the truth, just not the whole truth, but even coarse Tavarius felt bad leaving on the tagline of 'people suck.'

"Well, thanks for coming, both of you," Flynn said with a smile, "And thanks for bringing that pie, it was damn good. I hope your appointment goes well. Let me know if there is anything you need from me—or my wife—anything we can do to help."

 

[Meraki]

"Thanks for having us," Valerie smiled as she exchanged goodbyes with the Flynn's and settled her hand into Tavarius'. It was certainly difficult to get through the party, but it hadn't been nearly as bad as she thought. She was glad for the reprieve, though. She wasn't feeling particularly great and tomorrow was going to be such a long and stressful day. Of course it would be wonderful to see their baby for the first time, but she was worried about so many things. What if they weren't healthy? What if she had done something wrong that put the baby in jeopardy? Or worst of all – what if there was just something wrong that she could not control? They had told her own mother quite a few times that she would never be able to carry Valerie to term and it was a fear deeply embedded in her soul.

The drive home was not a long one and by the time they stepped in through the doorway, the dogs were ready for their love and dinner, and Valerie was ready to peel the clothes from her body as fast as possible. Nothing felt comfortable and while she loved carrying a child, pregnancy wasn't any sort of glamorous. She regretted wearing shoes that had a small heel and peeled those off her feet immediately before even reaching for her jacket or the scarf she'd managed to slip on before they left.

"So," she laughed, "it could have definitely been worse, right?"

The world could have ended, but instead they broke through the surface of what was going to be their lives for the next however many years. "At least you got to meet some of your co-workers, maybe that'll make the transition to work a little easier. Did you get a chance to talk to Flynn about when you wanna go back?"

Valerie stretched her arms up and let her back and shoulders crackle before she slipped them around Tavarius to bury herself in his chest. The funniest part of pregnancy for her was the neediness. Not in any way other than just physical touch and she constantly found herself draping herself over Tavarius or holding his hand even when it wasn't expected. She felt safe by him, relaxed, and it showed quite a bit. She could feel her muscles relax from their tense state at the feeling of him there. She thumped her forehead against his chest before glancing up at his grey eyes and smiling gently.

"But we made it," Valerie said finally, "and now all I want are you, our dogs and this little barnacle of ours."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius had never experienced the innate desire to 'loosen the tie' after work, but coming home from that party was enough to make him want to loosen his tie, even if he wasn't wearing one. He physically relaxed stepping in through their front door, letting his head loll back lazily as he unbuttoned and hung up his jacket before going to give both Saint and Wolf an affectionate scratch behind the ears. As Valerie went to peel out of her layers, he made his way into the kitchen to give the dogs dinner.

"Yea, it could have been worse," he agreed, setting the three bowls on opposite edges of the kitchen and letting the dogs scatter for them. "I suppose it was nice to meet a few of my coworkers, yea. I will probably be going back to work soon. Flynn just told me to let him know when I'm ready and I can start whenever. I haven't really decided when yet, I just wanted to get through today and tomorrow, first," he explained. Everything just felt so exhausting, but he knew it came largely from their life circumstances. The sooner they could get into an everyday routine, the better. Like her, he was also carrying around the weight of uncertainty about her pregnancy, so he was very much ready to get to and go through their appointment the next day.

After that, he figured life would get a whole hell of a lot easier.

With the dogs fed and Tavarius out of his shoes and coat, Valerie approached, wiggling up next to him. His arms fell across her shoulder tenderly, tangling up his fingers into her hair. "Yea, we made it, alright," he agreed, "Barely, but we did. That party was one of the hardest things I've ever done," he decided. It wasn't really, but in the moment, it had felt like it was. "As for everything else? I think we can make that happen." It wasn't even all that late—just barely past normal dinner time, but Tavarius couldn't think of anything more appealing then bed.

For a man who barely slept at all for the first thirty years of his life, things had certainly changed since his birthday. It felt like all he wanted to do was sleep or rest, but that was again something he hoped would be cured once a more set schedule settled into their lives. "We can go watch a movie, if you want? Or, I dunno… you can read. I don't mind just relaxing for a while."

 

[Meraki]

"C'mon," Valerie tugged his hand and led him upstairs, "I just want you and the comfort of our bed for a little while. The rest of the world can wait a minute for us. It owes us that much, right?"

It was a gentle, quiet night for the two of them. Wolf, Max and Saint curled in whatever free space they could find on the bed or floor and Valerie finally managed a night of deep sleep. With everything happening lately, it seemed like she was just restless all the time and it showed in her face and movements – but that night was exactly what she needed. For a moment, there was no worrying. For just a single moment, there was just her, Tavarius, their baby and the dogs surrounding them. This was the life that she had fought for and while it wasn't easy, she could not be more thankful for it. She felt filled to the brim with content, genuine happiness.

But the next morning, the sun had to rise, and the anxieties set back in. They had their first ultrasound and she was both thrilled to finally see their child and terrified to know what the next few months would bring. Cynthia told her that the first trimester was always the most difficult mentally and then the stress switched to physical about halfway through – but for Valerie's sake, she hoped the mental stressed eased off sooner rather than later. She knew it wasn't doing any good for her or the baby. She slipped on a pair of comfy leggings that morning and a big sweater, her curls wild and natural framing her bare face. Sometimes she forgot just how comfortable she had become in their little existence.

There was a time Valerie wouldn't even leave the house without makeup on. It had become a shield and while the world was still a scary, strange place – she knew that she could be a bit vulnerable some days. Especially when she knew herself and knew the second they saw that ultrasound, she would cry. Good news or bad, she could just feel it in her bones.

"Baby?" Valerie called out as she zipped up her boots and made her way down the stairs to the sound of the dogs scampering around downstairs. "Sorry I took so long; pants are getting difficult."

She stepped into the kitchen, where he was usually feeding the dogs at this time, and she leaned against the counter with a smile, despite her fears, "You ready for this?"

 

[Nav]

The sleep Tavarius got that evening was everything and more that he could ever dream he needed. He slept restfully and peacefully, oblivious to the world entirely for several long hours all through the night. He awoke the next morning feel fresh and comfortable in his own skin again, and the idea of having a routine became quickly appealing. Slipping into his running gear, Tavarius stepped out of the house for his sub-arctic, morning jog long before even the sun considered sleepily pulling itself up from the horizon. By the time he had returned home, the sun still hadn't committed entirely to rising, though a hazy sort of half-light had made its way through the clouds.

When the sun rose, casting shadows in their virescent hues and bringing the warmth back to the home, Tavarius felt something new. It was as if invisible holes were poked in his skin during the night and all the tension from the party, all the exhaustion, had leeched out. His steps felt lighter and he moved through his morning routine with ease, knowing Valerie was still in bed. He showered and dressed, moving down to the kitchen to nibble on some left-overs and begin to feed the dogs. He was doing nothing particularly quickly that morning… more putsing around the kitchen for the sake of putsing than actually being a productive human being, but he enjoyed that.

He could have just done it all day had time allowed… a little bit of this, a little bit of that, but he paused and glanced back over his shoulder when he heard the soft thud of Valerie's boots making their way down the stairs. "Hey," he answered, glancing back as he positioned the freshly cleaned and watered water bowl back on its mat in the corner of the kitchen. "No worries, we're still plenty early," he dusted his hands off, wiping them clean on a tea towel.

"Yea, I'm ready," he smiled, kissing her cheek as he walked past her to grab his coat, keys, and wallet. Truthfully, he was really ready for it to be over. Sure, the journey was magical and endearing… but he knew Valerie's nerves were frayed and on edge, as were his, and the sooner they could get the whole ordeal over with, the better. It was a terrible way to look at life, he knew, always rushing on to the next thing, but he was very much ready to get the mystery out of the way. Tavarius never liked surprises… still didn't, especially when it came to the gender and health of his baby and by extension, the health of his wife.

"Let's go."

 

[Meraki]

Valerie slipped her hand into his and smiled, pressing a kiss to his bicep before following him out of the house into the biting Minnesota cold. It was almost endearing, if it wasn't for the way the chill settled in her toes, but she looked forward to the day they would vacation somewhere warm. Going back to Los Angeles did not seem like the most relaxing trip to make, but she was sure in the coming years that they would be able to vacation without worry. They deserved that much – a bit of normalcy, a bit of sun. But first, they had a very important appointment to make it to – thoughts of vacations and sunshine could wait for now.

It was a short drive into the city and to Joyce's office. It felt strange already considering the last time they were here, they heard the baby's heartbeat and they had been under a great deal more pressure. Valerie had just killed her own father and Tavarius was coming down from being heavily drugged by Hullett. They were healthier now, better overall, and she was excited. Terrified, too, but she hoped that would clear up as it usually did when Joyce spoke. There was just a lot of fear for first time parents, Valerie knew that, but she had never anticipated it being like this.

"Valerie Petrove," she spoke finally to the receptionist and she guided them towards the exam room to wait. The two settled in as the door shut and Valerie took a deep breath. Her hand never left Tavarius'. They did not have to wait long because Joyce, as always, swept into the room with smiles and greetings. "Welcome back!" she beamed, "Let's see if we can find your baby today, shall we?"

It was a pretty routine check-up before she pulled out the ultrasound machine. It was cold against her belly and Valerie turned her head to Tavarius with a smile. "Would you both like to know the gender of the baby?"

"We would, yes," Valerie said without hesitation, the anticipation killing her.

"Alright, let's see what we've got here. Hmm…" Joyce hummed, "Well, would you look at that."

"Is everything ok?"

"Well, I would say more than okay," Joyce smiled and turned the screen to them, the little blips moving about. Wait. Blips. Valerie's eyes widened at the sight. "That would certainly explain your intense morning sickness. Congratulations, you two. It seems like you've got a full house. This," she pointed to the first blip, "is your son."

"And this," she moved her finger, "is your daughter. Perfectly healthy twins."

 

[Nav]

Twins.

It should have been a joyous word and under any other circumstance, it would have been. In that moment though, all Tavarius could think of was Vancouver. He could recall with painful clarity watching his brother grow up, to endure the abuse, to have his artistic soul suffer to a point where his only refuge was the drugs that eventually sautéed his brain… ending with the sound of gunshot that caused him to wince. His lips were separated a little but he had been holding his breath without even realizing it. He had gone pale and felt nauseous and had he not been sitting down he certainly would have turned around to throw up.

Funny how one simple word—just a word without any actual meaning itself—stirred within him such powerful emotions. The violence with which the memories moved through him was astounding as he forgot, for a moment, where he was and what they were doing there. He had fallen into the abyss of his own mind. He closed his eyes and sunk in deeper. There were nights he would lay in his bed listening to the sound of fighting. Their nanny would shout and their father would begin laying into her and the screaming would start. They couldn't have been more than seven at the time, and he could always remember the soft jostle of their bunkbeds as Vancouver grew scared and crawled out of his top bunk and into Tavarius' bottom bunk. They'd turn on their Power Ranger push-lamp and sit in the low glow to listen.

The nanny cried, he'd seethe, and the twins would push their faces closer to the light of the Green Power Ranger. They used to say that if their nanny left, they would leave with her, flee the violence. One day, she did leave… and they remained right there were they had always been.

Twins.

Tavarius made his first shaky breath out as he blinked and snapped from whatever place in his own head he had been in, forcing a smile so Joyce wouldn't worry, though the woman's eyes were busy on the monitor and Tavarius was glad for it. Tavarius was not his father, but sometimes it was beginning to feel like the universe was trying awfully hard to conspire in a way to make him like his own old man. At every turn, he had been careful to choose every option opposite of what his father had, but the concern that those personality traits could be in him—it scared him. There was darkness in Tavarius, there always had been, and he had come to peace with it, but twins was a curve ball he hadn't been anticipating.

"That's wonderful," he murmured in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. It was—it was a miracle, but god, did it make him squirm in his seat.

 

[Meraki]

Twins.

Valerie felt her stomach flip at the weight of the word. Two babies. Her first instinct was to fly to Russia to give Nadia a piece of her mind for even bringing up the possibility, but there it was in front of her. Two little blips on a screen, wiggling about and they were real. There were actually little human beings inside of her and she had to take a deep breath at the news. Twins. She was terrified of one, but two? Two seemed like an impossible undertaking. They had only just found their way out of the darkness and there was still so much for them to deal and cope with, but now they would have a son and daughter running about underfoot, impressionable and looking to them as their greatest source of support and love.

And then there was Tavarius, whose voice was the smallest she had ever heard it in her life. It reminded her of the day she had found him at Vancouver's old house, run down and covered in blood, grieving the death of a brother he had promised he would die alongside. She could tell immediately how hard that word hit him and she worried for a second. She had all the faith in the world in him, she had seen the good in his heart and stood by him through everything. She just worried in that moment that this would be a breaking point for him. After everything the last few months, she surely would not blame him.

They hadn't even gone back to LA to clean out the villa yet. But, maybe, this was his chance. His chance to learn how to live without and move on with his life. After all, they had spoke to one another a million times in whispered promises, swearing that they would fight for their family with ever ounce of strength they had. She would never submit like her mother and he would never raise them as soldiers. She knew the goodness in his heart, knew it intimately, and no matter what she knew he would make an incredible father.

So she slipped her hand into his and squeezed a bit firmer than usual. A comforting gesture but also a promise that she was there too. That was what made them so different now. Who they were together was stronger than who they were apart. She knew that from the moment they touched down in Columbia.

"Everything alright?" Joyce asked, not invasively but Valerie realized that no one had said anything for the last five or so minutes except for Tavarius' words.

"Yeah," Valerie shook her head, "Twins."

"It's a big adjustment for families, but it looks like you've got two perfectly healthy little ones kicking around in there. Of course, we treat multiple pregnancies a bit differently. Given your family history and your symptoms so far, I would still call this a high risk pregnancy – but don't let that scare you. It just means that I'd like to see you in here a bit more frequently, just to make sure that we're maintaining perfectly healthy babies and mother. Bright side? You should be adding about a thousand calories a day to your daily intake, so don't feel bad about picking up that extra little snack."

"Here, I've got some pamphlets that will help," Joyce hit the print button on the ultrasound before reaching in the basket to pull out a few aptly named pamphlets, "And as always if you have any questions at all, you've got my number. Please don't hesitate to call. If you're worried, that means stress, and I'd rather you call and get it all sorted out. No question is a silly question, not when you're carrying a child."

"I'll give you two a moment," she smiled, handing Valerie the ultrasound pictures – his and her copies, "I'll be back with a list of a few vitamins you'll need to keep up with."

Joyce slipped herself out of the room silently and left Valerie and Tavarius together in the heaviness of the room. She sat up a bit and turned to him, "Hey," she breathed out, "You all right?"

 

[Nav]

A moment was a blessing. He took his print out from Joyce with as much of a smile as he could muster. There wasn't anything cold about his actions, but stiff, like he was swallowing down the reality of what she had said and he was. It was a very big reality to cope with, especially for Tavarius who had forsaken his own twin when he didn't go through with their pact and his brother's dying wish. The door fell closed behind Joyce and the click caused him to stir a little.

The only blessing was the idea that their twins were identical twins. There was a difference there, a difference that wouldn't have meant much to anyone else, but it meant the world to Tavarius. It allowed the news to seep through him with a little more ease, allowed him to relax when Valerie squeezed his hand a little tighter. He looked across the space separating them, pausing a moment before slowly giving a nod. Hair slipped across his forehead at the gesture, a blonde veil dragging a long shadow across his face.

"Yea," he assured her after a moment, "I'm excited, I really am." He assured her gently, knowing that was probably her biggest concern: that the news of twins would turn him off from the idea of the children entirely. It hadn't, not at all, but it had shaken him for a moment. "It's a lot to cope with, you know. I feel like I never grieved my own brother; he never got a funeral or anything. I just..." he smiled gently, "it's a lot."

Tavarius was not very good at expressing himself. He never really had been, but he had been getting better with the warm, gentle coaxing from Valerie. It was still a challenge to put his thoughts on words, even after so long. "I just need to adjust to the idea, is all. I need to remind myself that these twins, my twins, our twins aren't reincarnations of Vancouver and I. I won't let that happen."

He pulled her knuckles up to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss, smiling into the warmth and softness of her skin. "Two kids though, right off the bat? Now that is scary. We don't even get a trial run first," his joke was met with a quiet voice, clearly attempting to get back into his usual self, but looking like he was thrown for a little bit of a loop still.

"I love you, sweet girl."

 

[Meraki]

"I blame Nadia completely," Valerie replied with a gentle jest in her voice. Of course the older woman couldn't have known for sure, but the fact that she was the first one to say twins gave Valerie something to hold onto. "But who knows, maybe it's not meant to be an omen. Maybe this isn't the world's way of throwing it back in your face. Maybe this is a chance. A chance to raise these twins the way you and Vancouver deserved to be raised." Valerie offered her thoughts with a gentle shrug, her eyes falling back onto the ultrasound photo in her hand, her mind trying to wrap around the fact that these were their babies and in a few short months they would be here. Real children and not just pictures or heartbeats. It was a lot for Tavarius, she knew that, but she also knew that he was the strongest person she had ever met and if there was anyone in this world who was going to figure out how to keep moving forward, it was Tavarius.

"I know you won't let that happen," she smiled, "And if you're ever worried, you've got me. I love you so much, Tavarius."

He kissed her knuckles and she shook her head with a gentle laugh. Two kids. What a crazy life they led – it never really stopped. But this? This was a challenge she was willing to take on, no matter how terrifying, because the two babies inside of her were the most important little soon-to-be people in the world. "I'm so scared," she laughed, lulling her head back against the head rest, "but it'll be okay. Nadia will be here soon, and god, I guess we really do need a house as big as the one we put an offer on. I'll have to get a second baby book and write an apology." She laughed, her hand came up to brush some of the curls form her face as the reality set in. They were really having these babies.

"And you can't call them Igor anymore," she smiled, "That's the brightest side of them all."

She ran her fingers over the ultrasound picture and hummed contently to herself. "Little Dean and Lucy Petrove. Look how big his head is. I don't know how he thinks he's coming out of me. I blame your genetics for that one."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius tried to play off the jest in Valerie's voice, letting a small smile curl across his lips, though it didn't quite meet his eyes. It was painfully clear that he was still struggling and there were no words that could be said to make it easier. In time, he would begin to rationalize what twins meant, but it was just something he had to come to in his own time. Like she had said, he always had her—his beautiful wife.

"It's okay to be scared," he murmured tenderly, "I'm scared, too." And he was. Not much scared Tavarius—not thugs, not guns, not syndicates, not police, but there was nothing quite as terrifying as twins. The idea of being a father had always been so far outside of his realm that suddenly accepting the idea of twins was a bit overwhelming. They had been barely treading water for so long that finding sand beneath his feet was hard to accept as truth. He kept waiting for the second foot to drop, for the sand to fall out underneath his feet, for the water to slosh back over his head… but it never came.

"But that's the problem, our little boy should be Igor and our little girl could be Igorina… or maybe Olga? Igor and Olga," he smiled sheepishly, trying to maintain some level of normalcy in his tone, but he hadn't quite recovered from the news just yet. "Little Olga and Igor Petrove," he teased, looking over her shoulder down at the ultrasound photo she was inspecting, her fingers trailing around the fuzzy black and gray shapes. "Well, yea, I'm a very self-assured man, Valerie. I had to be, in my line of work," he reminded her, "I'm basically a bobble head." He leaned over, pressing a kiss into her cheek.

"After all this excitement today though, I'm ready to just go back home and go back to bed." In that way, he was learning from Valerie. He was beginning to appreciate sleep as a way to cope with his thoughts. And more than ever, he could use a little coping.

"I'm just ready to go home again."

 

[Meraki]

"We are not calling them Igor and Olga," Valerie laughed, leaning her head back against his shoulder as he teased. That was something they could agree on – she was exhausted. All the anxiety and excitement had come to pass and now she was just left with the tired muscles aching in her body. "You know I'm always down for an outrageously early bedtime," she smiled. It was certainly how she coped and there was quite a bit on her mind, including the little red flag waving warning her that high-risk was never good. She would have to be careful, be very deliberate in what she did and ate, and got plenty of rest to keep her stress levels down. If they were going to go to LA, it would have to be sooner rather than later, and she hated to think about how useless she would be moving into a new house.

This was going to be difficult.

There were two gentle knocks at the door before Joyce let herself back in. "How are we doing in here?"

"We're okay," Valerie said, knowing that someday that sentiment would be true.

"Good! Good, and like I said – any questions, you have my number. That goes for you too, Tavarius." She produced a list for Valerie and slipped in one of her pamphlets. With her pamphlets in hand, she handed them off to Valerie and smiled, "This should help. There are some great remedies for morning sickness in there, and there are vitamins I'd like you to make sure you're keeping up with. I'd like to see you back in here in a few weeks to make sure everything is progressing well."

Once everything was all set, Valerie and Tavarius could gather themselves up and head out of the office. Bundled in her winter jacket, she clung close to Tavarius' side as she always did, slowly but surely making their way out to the car. All the while the ultrasound picture was clutched in her hand and Valerie kept letting her eyes fall to it. Twins. It didn't even feel real even though she could see them right in front of her, she could feel them inside of her. Two babies. A little girl and a little boy. She was simultaneously terrified and so in love that she felt emotional.

She wondered for a moment what it was like when her mother found out she was pregnant. No matter what she envisioned, she knew it wasn't this. She knew that her mother didn't have a loving, kind-hearted, protective husband to stand by her. For that, Valerie's heart ached, but she knew this would be different. The babies inside of her were made from the purest form of love and she knew that no matter what happened, her and Tavarius would give their lives to protect them.

Valerie was beginning to understand that they were just different. The syndicate brought them together, but she was not a syndicate wife and he was not a soldier anymore. They were real, genuine human beings who had a chance at living a life they wanted to live. Twins was a terrifying concept, but she knew they would make it. Hell, they had both faced death multiple times and if they could survive their fathers, Hullett, Africa, Columbia, Brazil, being shot – then they could handle babies.

Yeah, they could certainly handle babies.

"What do you say we make a frozen pizza for dinner later," Valerie mentioned with a smile, "I think I might actually be craving it. Oh god, yep. These kids are yours."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius had never really had an example of what a good parent looked like. His father was hard and domineering, raising his sons like soldiers, and his mother had left long before his memory of her could be recalled. They had nannies growing up, but those women came and went with the seasons. Nadia was close, but she hadn't come into his life until much later, long beyond the Lego and peanut butter and jelly stage. It was a little like flying blind trying to figure out all the right things, and wrong things, to do. Books and reading were fine, but something told him no amount of literature would ever equate to the real thing.

They wrapped up in Joyce's office and stepped out, bundled up. The air was as cold and unforgiving as ever, draining the warmth out of his very bone marrow, but he oddly enjoyed it. He liked the cold and the way it bristled through him, but feeling Valerie press into him reminded him quickly that she did not. His arm snaked around her shoulders, holding her comfortably against his side. "Frozen pizza is always good for me," he answered, feeling an uncomfortable pinch in his gut at the suggestion of food. Truthfully, he had to glance down at his wristwatch to check the time. It was well into the afternoon, though it felt like he had only peeled himself from bed a few short minutes prior. "Whenever you want to eat, we can. I'm hungry, but I can wait." They still had a few hours until traditional dinner time, but Tavarius wasn't sure how late he'd be up and about that evening.

Helping her into the car before seeing to his own side, Tavarius started he engine and pulled out towards home. It was a quick drive but decidedly more relaxed than the drive to the office. They finally had an answer to the strength of Valerie's symptoms and they had news of their baby... babies' health. He drove in silence, looking neither conscience or entirely lost in his thoughts. Instead, he seemed to be focusing keenly on the road in front of him as he drove, letting the last of the panic seep out of him.

They arrived home like they always did, though this time the pause in the car wasn't dreading what was to come behind the front door. Au contrair, it was a moment of reprieve before facing all the rambuncious love they had, mostly in the form of three very large dogs. "I guess we really will need a bigger house," he commented, killing the engine and slipping out, "our family just seems to keep growing."

 

[Meraki]

"Yeah, I would definitely prefer to hear back sooner rather than later about that house," Valerie admitted with a hand on her belly, "I'd like to get the house situated before I'm entirely useless and the size of a boat." It seemed like there was still so much to do before they were ready for this baby…these babies. They had to figure out the house, the villa, Valerie going back to school, Tavarius going back to work, Nadia's arrival, a nursery – so much. There was just so much. She took a deep breath and unbuckled her seatbelt before carefully slipping out of the car and settling her feet down on the snowy ground beside the car. As much as she didn't like the cold, Valerie loved the sound of crunching snow underfoot and it brought a bit of a smile back to her face even if the wind could have cut right through her.

Valerie followed him inside and was content to feel the familiar heat of the house as they entered and shut the door behind them. When they had first arrived after she was shot, Valerie remembered feeling like it was a sanctuary, a bit small but livable for them. Now? With that ultrasound in hand, it felt entirely too small. The yard was too small, and while they had a second bedroom upstairs, Valerie knew she could never make her children live in the same room forever. She shook herself out of her thoughts and slipped her jacket off. She shook some of the snowflakes from her hair before padding into the kitchen to preheat the oven. She was starving now and she was sure that once they laid down for the night, neither of them were getting back up.

Saint, Wolf and Max scampered about underfoot, nuzzling and licking, demanding love from the two people they loved the most and Valerie laughed. "Somehow in an hour long appointment, we went from having a big family to starting a zoo," she smiled and shook her head, "Thank god Nadia is coming or else I would be an absolute basket case right now. I'm just too tired to stress out about anything right this second."

She yawned, "I figure we can eat now and then become one with that bed. You want some orange juice?"

 

[Nav]

"It'll take a while," Tavarius explained, "It can take up to a few days for them to give back a response on our offer. They might try and counter-offer, or reject our offer. Even if they accept, it'll take forty-five days to close, so we won't be able to move in right away." He knew it wasn't the news Valerie wanted to hear, but they both knew she wouldn't be doing much of the heavy lifting, anyways. A moving company could take care of all their belongings and Tavarius didn't mind being directed around by Valerie as to where she wanted everything placed. Painting was another thing she probably wouldn't be able to do, taking into consideration the fumes and the exertion, but she would be able to pick out her colours.

All in all, regardless of when they moved, there probably wouldn't be much Valerie could physically do anyways so Tavarius didn't try and let himself worry about it too deeply. Instead, his focus was on the villa back in Los Angeles. It was still packed with their belongings, seeing as they up and left without packing much of anything. Tavarius had hired a cleaning crew to go in every other week and ensure it hadn't been broken into and to pick up the mail, newspapers, and clean up around the house, but aside from that, it hadn't known much love in the past few months.

"I think we need to go to the villa, or at least I need to go. If you want to stay here, I can go down for a weekend and begin cleaning it up… and out." They had already discussed the matter of the villa and had decided to keep it as a vacation home, seeing as it was already entirely paid off anyways. It would be plenty big enough room-wise to accommodate their entire family, and would make for a nice vacation spot now and again. Most of the house was fine, though Tavarius knew he needed to clean out some of his old firearms and Vancouver's old room. The thought alone was enough to cause the hairs on the back of his neck to bristle for a moment.

"Nadia will be here in a few weeks," he assured her, "We really are starting a zoo, aren't we? Might as well indulge the fantasy and get a giraffe and donkey for the backyard, while we're at it." He pulled the pizza from the freezer and dropped it on the counter while the oven warmed up.

"Do I want orange juice? Valerie, what kind of question is that?"

 

[Meraki]

"Okay! Okay!" Valerie laughed and put her hands up in surrender, "I was just trying to be nice." She teased him but moved to grab the orange juice and pour them both a glass. Once she handed him his glass, she took a sip of her own and hopped up so that way she was sitting on the counter. She had a little bump, sure, but she wasn't completely incapable yet and she tugging his shirt so that way he was standing settled between her legs.

"And of course I'm coming with you," Valerie said gently, understanding the gravity of the trip for him. Maybe she couldn't grieve Vancouver for him, but she would be there for him through everything. "You can take care of what you need to take care of and I can sort through some of the other things. Flynn told me that they brought a bunch of my things from my parents' house over to the villa when they gutted it after my father was killed. I'm sure there will be plenty for us to take care of. And after everything? I think we could both use a little warm weather and those big windows. I miss the sound of the ocean."

"It'll be a nice little getaway, even if it won't be the easiest trip in the world."

That was the understatement of the century, but she was looking forward to the familiarity of it all. They had come so far since the last time they were at the villa. It would be difficult to face. There were memories in that house that were some of the greatest in her short life, but she would have to remember how to felt to be standing at the bottom of those stairs and watching Tavarius walk away. The feeling of fear as men broke into the house. The way she could still hear him fighting off the men trying to take him. She still remembered his voice, his powerful words as he told her to run.

But she didn't. She never would.

"And for the record, we'll have plenty of giraffes in the nursery. I already got the baby book, remember?" she smirked, "There are going to be so many cute stuff baby animals in this house but I'm nesting. It's my natural state of being."

 

[Nav]

Defining the villa as a getaway was a little farfetched for Tavarius. The villa had always been important to him—it had always been a sanctuary. It had been a place where he could safely bleed across the floors out of sight from the rest of the world, but it held a great number of bad memories for him then. He had bought it for Natalya, for one, and she had furnished it almost entirely, save for the room Valerie had redone for herself in eggshell blue. It had been the place where Vancouver had all but drawn his last breath, the house he had given to Valerie when he felt like he had no more turns left on the playing board.

She gave the hem of his shirt an encouraging tug and he stepped between her knees, his hands sliding out to the counter on either side of her. "It's probably better you don't really help me clean out Vancouver's room. God only knows what could be in there." Tavarius had a rough idea, but none of that was anything Valerie, as a tender human being or a pregnant wife, needed to be inadvertently wrapped up with. "Either way, if you want to come, I won't stop you. I'm not convinced it's going to be the charming little getaway you're hoping," he smirked and kissed her cheek, "Maybe you should stay in a hotel. That would be more 'getaway' like."

The oven beeped and Tavarius lurched back off his hands, going to put the pizza in and set a timer. "It'll be harder to close on the house if they accept our offer if we're not here though," he pointed out, strolling back over to her and resting his hip against the countertop and plucking up his orange juice, finding the familiar stiffness in his hands from the scar tissue.

Just when he was beginning to grow a bit sullen about the whole matter, the conversation shifted to giraffes and nurseries and Tavarius seemed to visibly relax again. His grey eyes moved in her direction, meeting her gaze. "You've already told me," he reminded her with a soft chuckle, "What colours though? Pink or blue is kind of off the books, I guess. We could do green? Or purple? No yellow. I hate yellow." Though if Valerie wanted yellow, Valerie got yellow. In her own words, she was 'nesting' and he wasn't about to get in the way of that for fear of his natural born life.

He loved Valerie, but he wasn't convinced he had ever seen her truly angry, and he did what he could to avoid the day he did.

Tipping back the last of his orange juice, he poured himself another glass and went to check on their dinner.

 

[Meraki]

"I know it won't, but a girl can dream. Just trying to lighten the mood," Valerie shrugged, "besides, I'd like to try and face some of my own demons before the babies get here."

It was the understatement of the century. They both had terrible memories wrapped up in that place, in that city, but if the villa was going to be a vacation home for them – someplace they would eventually bring their children – Valerie knew what she needed to do. She would never get in the way of Tavarius working through Vancouver's room, but she had some darkness she needed to face. The death of her mother, being shot, nearly losing everything. Valerie had endured quite a bit of emotional trauma in her life and she was stronger now, more capable of accepting what had happened to her as just part of her history, but she still needed to face it. She needed to see it.

She needed to know that Los Angeles was not the syndicate and that the world kept on turning even after the death of the Petroves and the Ventrescas. It was time for her to really move on, to stop wondering about what if's and accept the truth of what happened, of who they were and who they had been. In a perfect world, Valerie wouldn't just live as a mother, but as a woman who fought and worked for every happiness she had and while the old memories hurt, she wanted nothing more than to let them drive her and make her better.

"But you're right about one thing," she segued with a laugh, "I hate yellow, too. So yellow's out. Maybe green? I think a really light green would be nice. I just don't want anything too loud. Nursery colors are supposed to be soft, soothing. As much as I like neon, I would hardly call it soothing. And god, now we're going to have to get two of everything. Except baby blankets. I'm going to use my dormant housewife and make those."

 

[Nav]

Tavarius scratched a hand through his hair, pushing the blonde tendrils away from his face and offering no argument. They both had their reasons for wanting to go and if anyone could understand her absolute need to visit the villa, it was Tavarius. The timer on the oven went off and it provided the perfect way to end the conversation, causing their attentions to shift instead to food and babies. Going to retrieve the pizza from the oven, he set it on the counter to cool for just a moment before cutting it down into pieces.

"Light green might be nice," he said with a small nod, piling two slices on the plate for Valerie and handing it out towards her, so she could remain sitting on the counter. "I bet Igor and Olga would appreciate light green. It's a nice colour." He smirked a little before biting down into his own slice of pizza, humming innocently as he enjoyed their meal. "Either way, it needs to be a colour that's easy to paint over in the future. I can't imagine either of the kids will want light green until they're eighteen."

Quickly finishing his first slice, Tavarius went for another. "You're going to make those, are you? When on earth are you going to find time to make them?" he teased gently. It felt like with all they had going on, they wouldn't find a damn time to sit down until the babies were born. He was certain that after they were born, they would continue with the theme of not having time to sit down. At very least, he was painfully appreciative of the fact Nadia would be coming to stay with them as he knew he was going to be eternally grateful to have someone trustworthy stay with the kids while he took Valerie out on date nights.

He understood how easily it would be for them, or any parents to new children, to lose their relationship in the mess of it. "It shouldn't be too bad, yet. Infants will be comparatively easy… but when they're toddlers? That's when I think we'll really be challenged."