You are taboo [A student/teacher pairing|Closed]

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Autumn looked away. She couldn't stand to see him cry. She looked back up and held his gaze. "It doesn't sound fair at all...Justin... I think you need to seek professional help. My parents have very good contacts. I can get some numbers for you. I have met them all and they are very good at what they do, and they are great people." She didn't think she was going to have to refer him to a doctor, but this was way beyond anything she could do for him.
 
Justin laid down and held his face, "so what, so you'll send me off to an aslymn until my wife fucks up the guy she is with and gets me out? What do you want me to do? Go to the looney house?" He held his head nad cried, "I don't know...I don't think I need help, alright?" although he said it with no real conviction, "I think I can...be okay..."
 
Autumn leaned over Justin and cupped his face in her hands. She lifted held his head so that he would look at her. "Look at me." She spoke softer, and sweeter, "you're not mentally ill, they won't lock you away. Seeking help does not mean that you are crazy. It simply means that you are strong enough to accept your weaknesses and overcome your struggles."
 
"What am I getting help for?" He asked, looking at her, "I don't feel different or upset. I just feel like I've failed and I need to go and find something else to discover." He sobbed again, "because I'm such a goddamn failure that I can't even make my wife love me!"
 
"That is exactly your problem, Justin! You think you are a failure, and you have become very pessimistic and depressed. I'm sorry, but I am not going to lie to you and tell you that you don't have a problem." She realized that she had raised her voice from the frustration, and she sunk down onto the bed. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be cross, but I have been the only person who has been completely honest with you."
 
Justin looked at her, "okay...Okay so what did you have in mind? What kinds of therapy and help?" He said it slowly and only half-heartedly. He didn't feel it was necessary, and only saw it as an issue for him. If his wife found out...
 
She thought about it for a moment and straightened up. The bed was very comfortable and she wondered how late it was. The pillows looked very inviting. She shook her head, "when you're ready, come to me. I'll let you know then." Autumn knew he was not going to admit it, and people only could be helped if they wanted to be. She learned that lesson the hard way. "Would you like something to drink? Water? Do you have tea? I can make you tea or something..."
 
Justin sighed, "oh just some water, and we do have tea. I'll just be alone, the failure inside." He buried his face in the pillow, letting his mind succumb to the feeling of being a failure. He cried a bit more into the feeling that he was the cause of all of this, and he was breaking them up.
 
Autumn made her way into the kitchen and found a glass to pour him some water. She took it to him and went back to the kitchen to find the tea. She put some water to boil as she searched the cabinets. She finally found some and was happy to see that there was chamomile among the selection. It would help calm her nerves, and the ball in the pit of her stomach. "What am I going to do with you..." she muttered about Justin.
 
Justin now lay on his stomach, and his tears were less frequent. His body felt drained, as if his joy had been sucked out by the revelation the one person he loved denied him, and the person he married was rejecting him. His life felt like he had screwed up early on, and he wracked his brain to figure out what it was he had done wring down the line in order to ruin his relationships.
 
Autumn was not paying attention when she was pouring the water into a glass. "Argh!!" She bellowed and drop the tea kettle on the stove as she splashed water onto her hand and onto her torso. "Shit...shit...shit..." She ran to the sink and ran cool water over it, not noticing the pain on her stomach as well. Tonight was not going as well as she would have liked.
 
Justin sat up, but another thought came into his head: he'd only cause her more pain. So he went back to crying, hugging his worthless body and suddenly the knife he had in his dwrare looked appealing.
 
Her hand was throbbing with pain. "Justin do you have a first aid--" she looked up and saw Justin with a knife in his hand. "Justin.. Justin what are you doing? Where did you get that?" He had suicidal tendencies as well? Oh boy. Panic began to set in and she immediately forgot about the pain she was feeling as she tried to take control over the situation. "Can I see that?"
 
Justin had it raised over his heart when she came in, "what? No, I was just Um," he dropped it and so it his arm, "blood-letting a bit, like I do often now..." He handed her the bloody blade, then a first aide kit, "are you alright?" He was unfazed by his bleeding arm.
 
Autumn took the blade and stared at him with wide eyes. She thought of calling her father to pick them up and take them to the rehab center, but she knew that would be betraying Justin's trust. She wanted to get him help but she didn't want to admit him. "I'm fine, let me see your arm." She set the blade down far from his reach and began working on his arm. She drug him into the bathroom and cleaned his wound and bandaged it. "You do this often?"
 
Justin shrugged, "yeah, you didn't notice my scars?" He showed all over his left arm there were scars, most old but a few fresh, "I just don't see what is wring. If I keep them clean, then there really is nothing to fear, so why are you acting all surprised?"
 
No, Autumn had not noticed his scars. Her eyes swept over his arms and she felt an overwhelming urge to cry. Her father mentioned to her that some of his patients had resulted to self-harm as they found it helped them to focus more on the physical pain than the mental/emotional. "I don't like it. That's not...it's not healthy." She leaned against the bathroom wall and watched him. How long had he been doing that?
 
"It helps me think straight," he shrugged and reached fir a new one, "and when I can't figure out what is going on the blood shows me that he loves me. He, the little black serpent who loves me inside." He smiled and hugged himself, "he loves me, and I know he wants me." When he would become depressed, he wasn't the same man as before, not at all the same man.
 
Autumn's heart rate went up and it felt like it was going to jump right out of her throat. She swallowed hard and reached out for Justin. "Justin?" But he wasn't himself. He was in some sort of trance and she knew she had to do something before it got even worse. She had to call her father. But her phone was all the way in the living room. How was she going to get it without leaving him unattended? "Justin..do you want to come with me? Help me make some more tea."
 
Justin was looking around, "what did you say?" He asked, his mind far away, "sure, I'll come. They'll be knives there, and he'll get more satisfaction...Oh yes he'll get much more satisfaction..."
 
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