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I'm not going to leave a huge thing here because what I have to say is limited on this subject. My mother committed Suicide on February 25th 2014. she had been suicidal her entire life on top of MANY other mental issues including the same type of depression Fauna has described. Fast cycling bi-polar, Dissociative Identity disorder (Also know as multiple personality disorder), Schizophrenia, and severe social anxiety. My mother was literally handed the shit pot of mental disorders. She was only 58 when she passed away.
Now was I very, very angry when it happened? You're damn right I was because this was my mother a woman I still find myself wanting to talk to every god forsaken day but I can't. Did I think it was wrong and selfish? At first yes because she took my mother away from me. Even as crazy as she was she was still my mom and I love her dearly. However after some time had passed I thought about it more and realized that the only reason why my mom would finally make the plunge and leave this world including me was because of the amount of pain she was suffering. It was devastating to watch her go through what she went through just on a day to day basis. Literally one moment she could be laughing and telling jokes and the next crying and breaking dishes but not able to tell me what was wrong. Most bi-polar isn't the severe hers was.
She loved life so much and really loved everything about it, but yet she still chose to not be in this world, because of the pain both physical and mental. Yeah you could say she let her disease win, but truly after being put through so much pain can you blame her? I can't. I really can't find a single inch of my mind, heart, or soul that can blame her for wanting to leave and taking that option. I love her dearly and I always well, but I can't see her suicide as selfish. I can only see me as selfish for wanting her to remain here while in so much unbearable pain.
This got longer then I intended and since the year anniversary is coming up soon actually helped me vent out some of my feelings, but my opinion remains.
You cannot judge how much someone hurts. You just can't and if they feel like they can't handle it anymore and that's the only way to stop it then it's their choice and they have the right to choose that. Yes it hurts us here and we grieve for a very long time because of it, but truly you have to remember that they have been pushed to the brink every single day after day after day after day. Just because you can deal with it doesn't mean everyone else can.
Now was I very, very angry when it happened? You're damn right I was because this was my mother a woman I still find myself wanting to talk to every god forsaken day but I can't. Did I think it was wrong and selfish? At first yes because she took my mother away from me. Even as crazy as she was she was still my mom and I love her dearly. However after some time had passed I thought about it more and realized that the only reason why my mom would finally make the plunge and leave this world including me was because of the amount of pain she was suffering. It was devastating to watch her go through what she went through just on a day to day basis. Literally one moment she could be laughing and telling jokes and the next crying and breaking dishes but not able to tell me what was wrong. Most bi-polar isn't the severe hers was.
She loved life so much and really loved everything about it, but yet she still chose to not be in this world, because of the pain both physical and mental. Yeah you could say she let her disease win, but truly after being put through so much pain can you blame her? I can't. I really can't find a single inch of my mind, heart, or soul that can blame her for wanting to leave and taking that option. I love her dearly and I always well, but I can't see her suicide as selfish. I can only see me as selfish for wanting her to remain here while in so much unbearable pain.
This got longer then I intended and since the year anniversary is coming up soon actually helped me vent out some of my feelings, but my opinion remains.
You cannot judge how much someone hurts. You just can't and if they feel like they can't handle it anymore and that's the only way to stop it then it's their choice and they have the right to choose that. Yes it hurts us here and we grieve for a very long time because of it, but truly you have to remember that they have been pushed to the brink every single day after day after day after day. Just because you can deal with it doesn't mean everyone else can.