RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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Looooooooooooong daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
 
And the severe nosebleeds begin...

Fuck you, summer.
 
Comcast's brand new "trial" for this 300 GB bandwidth cap is absolute horseshit.

"Oh shit, we can't provide service to the level we promised. I KNOW! Let's charge everyone extra money for what we said we'd do, not deliver, and fuck over anyone who tries to call us on our shit. GENIUS!"
 
I think I know now what it's like to be a yo-yo.

The past few days have been painful. Very, very painful. Not as painful as some in my past, but incredibly so none-the-less. The worst part is, the pain is all my own doing. My faults, my failures, have led me to this awful pit and hole.

However, I came back to Iwaku for two reasons: writing, and my friends. I've reconnected with the people who matter to me, others I'm still trying to. I've also done some fantastic writing, I think. I'll continue to write more, and maybe one day be good enough to get that book out I want to make.

Point is, I won't let the past few days and the circumstances around them run me out of Iwaku, my second home. The people here are a family to me. The people here have actually been here for me, and that's something I'll appreciate more than you folks will ever know. Thank you Iwaku for existing and being my outlet, and my support. I never should have left in the first place; I never should have left any of the times I have.

I will be more supportive of anyone that needs or wants my help. In turn, I will be more open and free to share what's going on inside of me. I've never done that before, so maybe it's about time more people know what's really going on. It's not going to be easy, and a lot of it is ugly, but hey-- I'm human. I'm not perfect, but maybe I can strive to be something good, something better than I am.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading this.
 
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Tired of everyone's shit. Doesn't it matter how I feel? Or what I think? Why do people have to force things on me? It only makes me take a step back, than forward.
 
A lot of my friends are graduating today from college, those from my class and the year previous. While I'm happy for them, it fills me with more regret that I didn't pursue the major I wanted because I was too afraid of failing.
 
First off, wonderful job police services of my city. Way to do your job. /sarcasm.

Secondly, I swear to god if I hear that boy make one more peep I'll have CPS on your fucking ass so quickly you won't know what fucking happened. Then I'll go upstairs and beat the fuck out of you to see how you like it you piece of fucking scum.
 
Pretentious fuckwit.
 
Well shit, I understand that the order wasn't correct, I understand you had to take an extra ten minutes out of your so full day to come back and get your product. Though the line is crossed when you insult my co-workers and my own talent and abilities to pump out over forty-three thousand dollars of product in a ten hour time span because of your one insignificant item not in your pissy little order. Have you ever willingly handled a 275 degree meat smoker, handling product that comes out hot enough to melt fat? Have you ever stood next to three different fires for an extended period of time in a building with virtually no airflow? I think not.
So please, take your twat and twit it up your British as you old foreign hag. Do not insult our abilities because you had to inconvenience yourself and make a scene in a lobby packed shoulder to shoulder with other guests who would very much like to pick up their order.
Thank you and have a nice day ma'am.
 
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About ready to just lock myself in the bathroom and cry. However, I'm home alone with my son, so I guess I'll end up bottling it until I get the chance to release.

I just... I'm trying so hard. Maybe too hard. Finals are coming, so I'm stressed and working harder than usual. Plus with the apartment always falling apart in a giant mess because I can't trust anything to get done without nagging constantly. Yet I get yelled at for my nagging too, so I can't fucking win. Can't get this homework done either. It's like the universe WANTS me to fail.

Days like this I feel like I should give up. Maybe my paranoia's peaking, but I'm pretty sure my mind is deteriorating. My OCD's getting out of control. Just when I think I've got a handle on it, more bullshit piles on me and I have to do it all over again. Each time too, I feel so much more pain, emotional and physical. I don't want to go back to cutting everyday so that I can have something to distract me from the misery. I want a normal happy life, that's all I want...
 
Again? Really? Fuck it, I fucking quit! You fucking win. I'm seriously so damn tired of trying and trying, and putting effort into things to watch it turn to shit. So fuck you, and your stupid ass! Fuck all the people who know you, and all the people you'll ever meet. I hope they step on your fucking throat when your ass gets knocked down.
 
My school year is just about done, summer break is on the horizon, my family is quiet and I can relax....

Oh how I was loving that bliss until a rash broke out. Sure a rash is easy to deal with and goes away in a few days with proper treatment. Not this rash. This one spreads faster than an Californian wildfire in the summer. It's unbelievable. Three days ago it was just a red spot with a few friends and I thought I was taking care of it. As those days pass I now look as though my entire torso is engulfed with a hybrid of hives and the chicken pox, minus the fever.

To make matters worse my family is back to arguing about who broke the family computer and now they want to put their disgusting hands on mine. I don't have time to babysit and be the family guidance counselor. So much for the peace, it was good while it lasted T-T
 
I am just frustrated with the amount of people that aren't forthcoming. I've dealt with this all my life and only expect two little things: respect my feelings, and no beating around the bush.

Best friend ends up being the woman my sister's fiance cheated with, when I was the one to introduce them all. She's left a mess and I can't help up feel I helped in the destruction of their relationship. I lost close to eight friends I hung out with weekly over this.

And more! It's always more!

Why is that so hard? Instead, the amount of people I can turn to are dwindling quickly and I'm beginning to struggle to keep afloat. I'm having such a hard time dealing with all of this. I just get fed spoonful of shit and made to promise things to people, only for them to be hypocritical and abuse my trust.

I'm cutting out these dysfunctional relationships, even if it hurts because I can't do this anymore.
 
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I'm usually pretty good with needles. Get bloodwork done often enough that I barely feel them anymore. But good god! I don't know if the people trying to take my blood were simply incompetent, or if my veins have moved, or what have you. Poked in each arm three different times before they go "Fuck it" and stick the back of my hand.

And now it's swollen and bruised because they had to dig around and… PAIN.

Just so much pain ;n;
 
It's been a few months and I still can't get myself over this...this blockx2 combo. ;; I swear I've been over that 4-month-long depressed and stressed period, but these blocks are the only things that I can't remove from that time.

I hate not being able to express all the ideas that I have in my head in the creative manner that I used to have. The ideas are rotting, fading away, and what can I do?
 
Sigh. Graduation is a rite of passage that sweeps people up in a wave of change. Change that can sometimes be sad and overall unpleasant. As far as I can feel... Well, I feel rather empty right now, knowing that people I know are going to move on. People I never truly connected with, but could have. Knowing that things could have been different if a proper connection was established. As I move on, I feel like I ought to change... But can I truly? Or rather, will I truly?
 
You ever get that rotten place where you used to like someone but now every time they open their mouth you just want to scream?
 
Please oh please oh pleaseeeeeee

SHUT UP. I DON'T CARE. DSJKFJDFJF
 
Can't do anything right lately. On top of all my stress with school, this just had to happen, didn't it?

I'm so fucking depressed that I'm drinking wine straight from the bottle, in the dark. Woe is fucking me...
 
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