RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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It's been a long time since I've ever taken the time to write out the stuff that's been going on in my life, perhaps too long. I work two jobs Sunday through Friday totaling 70+ hours a week and I don't make enough money to get my own place and support two kids without moving to the ghetto. I'm going back to school in August and fear that with working two jobs it'll only further tear me apart until there's nothing left for my kids but the disappoiment that their mother makes me out to be.

I had acquaintances when I was younger and two guys I called friends. These were the guys that respected me and we did pretty much everything together, but when my kids were born, they disappeared. My friends are nowhere to be seen and though I'm surrounded by family because I'm forced to live at my parents house, I feel so alone.

I've always said that my worst fear was heights or something else rediculous like that, but I've come to figure out that my worst fear, my nightmare is disappointing the people that mean the most to me. I've not heard the words 'I'm proud of you' for sometime now from someone I hold dear. I only hear about the things I'm not doing right.

I'm sorry I can't buy you a house where we can raise our family. I'm sorry I come home tired and don't always get done the things you ask me. I'm sorry that you feel like you do everything alone. I'm sorry that the this I touch just fall apart.
 
I'm sick with cough and colds and uuuuuuuuugh I want to review soooooo bad. The exit examination required for Analytic Chemistry is in two weeks' tine and I've yet to go halfway through the lectures and discussions and problem solvings to consider myself really prepared. I really don't want to start tomorrow, but I can't do anything but rest and hope I feel better come morming. ;;
 
I've had the biggest issue with understanding myself. (Yeah yeah I'm still a teenager, so I have time to figure things out.)

My issue is trying to find a place, to find what I am really called to do. It tears me apart. I'm stuck, and it's weird being in a position where you don't know what you exactly want or where you want to go. Sometimes I have set expectations for myself that are really unattainable, and that bothers me. I'm in a constant loop of trying to figure out what I am and who I am going to be. There are plenty of times when I know exactly what I want and why I want it. Then that feeling fades. Just now I'm trying to expand my skills on writing, but I really don't have the motivation to, so then I just move on. Somehow this reflects onto the people I tend to hang out with. For some reason I feel like I am being kept out, just like how I am feeling with my emotions. I slip into these weird moods where I just want to sit, but I don't. Am I a paradox? I want to be able to understand what I really want, but I seem to lack motivation or just stop because I am lazy.

Sometimes it's hard to obtain simplicity....
 
So the people who suck butt at their jobs are the ones getting more hours and promotions. Wow. Can not get out of this place fast enough!
 
The water is vile even filtered twice. I am going to dehydrate at this rate. I also happen to be grumpy.

The ivy is dying. This displeases me greatly.
 
Which God did I piss off today?!

I spilled food all over myself in some way that should be physically impossible, fell down the stairs in new heels, AND STEPPED ON LEGOS.
I'm going to be need to be rescued with identical irons if this is how my day is gonna be! O_O;
 
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Stupid student who mixes up two stupid experiments and repeats them all. Man, she is such a slow-ass who can't even finish one major part of the experiment in 30 minutes, and then gets her group mates confused on the experiment that she did finish. Stupid girl gets nothing for herself but trouble, because she is such a klutz and won't talk to anyone because she alienated herself from them.
(Hint: she's me)

Times like these, I want to drop out of my program and shift to drawing.
 
More doctor visits... Yay…

Fuck, I'm so tired of being sick :/
 
All I ever eventually do is unintentionally annoy/upset/hurt those I care about and trust most so what is the point?
 
I'm broke, my hard drive is failing, and I probably have lyme disease. So that's great.

As a side rant, our chiropractor managed to really re-injure my girlfriend's healing shoulder. This was after she spent ten minutes trying to convince me that my doctor, with her two medical degrees, is totally wrong. Gosh I guess I'll just go to my doctor and tell her that I have one of the first diseases you could think of that your little hand-wiggling sense-test completely justifies. Christ.

Seriously considering looking for another chiropractor. She's good, but not worth this bullshit.
 
IT BURNS OH MY GODS IT BURNS IT BUUUUUUUURNSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Godsdammit this stuff is terrible. I hate Tiger Balm. If it didn't work and wasn't so easy to find, I wouldn't deal with this intense ungodly pain!

T^T I miss my Badger Balm but no one carries what I neeeeed Fuuuuuck.
 
Everything is getting on my last nerve today. I seriously feel like punching everyone I've come in contact with in the face, and then spitting on them when I'm done. Seriously, I don't remember being this angry since I was nine months pregnant and a week overdue. Definitely not fun, but I guess that's what happens when you know you're not going to see your husband for another month and there's no break from your kids fighting until he comes home.

And I really fucking hate people. That is all.
 
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…No… Nooooo no no why?! Gah, WHY?! Just take your vengeance, kill the man, and be satisfied! Don't… And now you're dead.

Why is it that all the characters I root for end up dying?
 
I feel like a hernia is pushing through my insides trying to break free... why do I work as hard as a I do for a medical bill I wont be able to pay?
 
miiiigraaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnee *throws herself down a well*
 
Diana said:
miiiigraaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnee *throws herself down a well*
Click to expand...
*tuns the lights down and massages Diana's temples in a totally silent manner*
 
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My ARMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This..this is why I should have used sunscreen.
 
Could somebody please send me a muhfuckin invite to an RP that'll give me an excuse to use my lesbian grey hat hacker couple? They need some RP lovin' and they ain't gettin' none
 
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