RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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... I've been officially re-diagnosed as having High-Functioning Autism.

All these years we thought it was just ADHD.

... dunno how to feel about that...
 
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Pretty sure the courthouse here is pulling illegal shenanigans. The lady at the front desk even had the gall to laugh at us. They've suspended a driver's license on no grounds. There are no traffic violations and all the bills are paid so there is no reason to suspend the license. I can't be the only person that sees a problem with this. "We didn't know who was paying the bills." But you've literally given us receipts, you know we were paying the bills. Don't fucking lie. Now we have to run this person back and forth to their job in another town at three in the morning because you decided to hold their license. I'd laugh too, bitch.

And people wonder why I don't bother with getting driver's license. There's too much tape to get one or apparently keep one. Legs do me just fine.
 
me: replies to what is easiest to reply to, not necessarily according to who has been waiting the longest, sometimes leaving certain RPs or messages for a week or more

also me: internally freaks out and worries I have done something wrong/have upset someone/my writing(characters/ideas/etc.) sucks and my partner doesn't like the RP when anyone does the exact same to me

me:

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When you get on a voice call and hear your "friends" talking about you :) :) :) And we're supposed to hang out? I bought a plane ticket for what? Lol. I should have gotten the insurance and cancelled, but now I'm just SOL.
Sell the ticket for profit and don't tell your friends you're not coming just so they get to sit at the airport and waist their day Cus they deserve it
 
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I give up I'm just gonna live with fruit flies until next May when I move

You won you nasty little fuckers I hope you're happy
 
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I get one worry off my mind and a dozen more pop up. Finally get my daughter on the right medicine, now I have to worry about her hearing. How in the hell did that happen? She was just screened a few months ago at school and everything came back fine. How could she be losing hearing in a few months!?! She's never even had an ear infection let alone any other problems with her ears.....
 
I lost my ojuzu, how could I be so dumb. I am the worst.

Edit: I am having my friend in Hawaii send me one from the hongwanji, but wtf... Where could it have gone...?
 
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the stress right now even though it's nothing compared to what others go through (it's just my new job probably but i can't think of anything else that's making me stressed out rn since i'm far away from my family's negativity) makes me feel like i need to drop every single rp i'm in; i'm not going to, it just feels like i can't handle both and i feel needy and restless and impatient because i don't have someone on iwaku to talk to constantly (like talk to when i'm on iwaku, basically).
 
Why the fuck can't I seem to do anything anymore >____< who even am I what have I become will I ever even be me again is this person who can't do shit and stays in her room all day with no energy going to be me forever

I'm so fucking sorry all my rp people >______> I can't do the thing even though I want to do the thing and I'm sorry I'm so sorry

And right now on my first period day I can say it's just the hormones and pain talking but I haven't been truly productive in weeks and dammit why
 
mmm yes I sure do love having a near constant headache thanks to a severe lack of quality sleep, thanks to the Worst Cat In the Universe
 
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I wish people were less predictable. It's dull to deal with what feels like the same person over and over again, when it's supposed to be someone new.
 
there's a small, nagging fear that gets to me.

it's unreasonable, i know it is, but it eats away at me when i'm not looking. even after all the treatment i've gone through, after all the work i've done, the money ive spent, the pills ive taken; it's still there. it's a wound that i've been picking, a small cut that festers but i can put a bandaid over it. disinfect it, make it better, i can choose to avoid touching and pulling at the scabs. but the thing is, i don't.

i'll lie awake some nights, wondering when the ball will drop. when will people get sick of me? is that question that drones in my mind, it repeats like some shitty electronica dance track that you found scoping out the radio stations in the middle of arizona coming out las vegas. its loud, annoying, but it's the only thing that's there and it's either that or silence, and sometimes silence it damn dangerous.

o<-< sigh, depression is a bitch man. im going to binge eat strawberry ice cream to fill the void now lmao
 
So update on the license, now we get the notice from the DoT that it is suspended two weeks after the fact, and I can't fucking find the fine anywhere on the website. This is all bull shit. And they don't listen when you call to tell them it's not there. If this keeps up a person is going to go to jail for an invisible parking violation that didn't happen. I just can't anymore.
 
We used to talk all the time.

Now we don't at all.

It's probably my fault, isn't it?
 
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*sigh*
If you don't trust your kids to see people in bathing suits then why are you letting your kid play Overwatch to begin with? It is rated T and the entire gameplay is formed around shooting people in the head. Except for like Lucioball, but that's besides the point. Even if you manage to get one of the rare skins, you won't be noticing the skin 95% of the time, because chances are if you see someone and they see you, you are both mashing buttons to kill each other regardless of how sexy-fine the models are. All that matters is that slow af payload.

Honestly, I think the person complaining in the particular case is merely a troll, but this is something that comes up a lot in the arting circles and it has developed into a pet peeve of mine. Oversexualization. Or rather, the complaints of oversexualization when there is none or where it's redundant i.e. complaining about sexy fictional characters.

Even I have been confronted about this on a picture I drew eons ago. It was a picture of a tired bunny boy hugging a large stuffed teddy. Everything about the picture was drawn in innocence. But it didn't stop someone from angrily noting me and making a huge stink about it. They were blocked immediately. Similarly, Blizzard did not respond to the "parent" above.

This is why we can't have good things.
 
what the fuck is a 'healthy' diet

certainly not mine, in its current state, I realize that, but so much of my time is spent obsessing over food. yet depending on who you speak to, 'healthy food' or a 'healthy diet' will be different.

you have what I shall call 'regular' vegans who think simply eating a plant-based diet is healthy.

then you have raw vegans who think it is only healthy if you don't cook your shit.

then you have the people who think you can't eat any grains or wheat or anything because they're all the devil for XYZ reason, because of these few studies that because I am not trained or educated I can never really tell if they're legit or not and I should believe them

and then you have the keto dieters who think carbs are the devil but you can eat as much fat and protein as you want, that's the healthy diet, you shouldn't eat carbs, carbs are bad. I mean I don't believe this one, I really don't, but I still think about it.

I love fish, but right now I shouldn't eat fish because of toxins in the water? all right well I don't want to ingest toxic things, but how do I really know that the things I buy don't have toxins? should I just grow all my own food?

I like eggs, but eggs have certain acids that are proven to cause cancer or something, and cholesterol is bad. all dietary cholesterol is bad, you should not have any.

it's obsessive. destructive. it's a new facet of a very old eating disorder that just completely takes me over. but I'm overwhelmed and frightened. I want to eat 'healthy' but how the hell do I know what 'healthy' is when it changes every goddamn week, and varies from person to person. fat is bad! no, wait, now it's sugar. salt is bad! well no, now salt isn't as bad as we thought. wheat is bad, it makes you fat! don't eat bread!

and I get so overwhelmed and depressed and scared that I just go to the store and buy cookies and eat them all in a sitting and I'm back at square one.

either that or I spend over an hour in the grocery store, staring at everything, scrutinizing it, agonizing, end up overloading myself with anxiety to the point I have a panic attack and walk out with either nothing or a single bag of carrots because what else can I eat?

I wish I didn't have to eat. I hate food. I hate my body. I hate my brain. I hate myself.
 
Tonight's Mood: Random anxiety spikes centering around all the things that I thought I had gotten over by now.

Bleeeeh.
 
I fucking hate everything right now. I just wanna go home and cry myself to sleep.
 
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