RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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If I don't actively remind myself to eat, lately, I won't. Part of me is fine with it, the other part of me knows it's bad and has to actively work to remember meals. I look at myself in the mirror and talk about needing the gym again, but how am I supposed to do well there if I'm not even eating two meals a day? I plan on seeing a doctor sometime, hopefully they can help me or something.
 
A job is not defined by how much hard labor is involved. A job is merely paid employment. There is no such thing as a "fake" job unless you are being scammed. So why are people so bent on others getting "real" jobs? So what if someone gets a job behind a desk? What's it got to do with you? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. So stop being a prick and mind your own business.
 
I would kill for physical legit friends right about now.....because I can't make any myself.
 
I am experiencing emotions. Perhaps I should talk those emotions out with someone, because that seems like it would be healthier than bottling it all up.

Ah, yes, I know several people that I can turn to for emotional support in my life. I shall contact one of them.

>goes through the list and realizes that none of these people would be good candidates to talk about this with, each one for different reasons
>realizes that list was pretty fucking short, anyway.

...Shit.
 
If I could go like 10 fucking hours without having a panic attack related to death, I would be so happy. Shit, even five hours. Just five! Is that so much to ask? None of the coping mechanisms I've learned help with this. I don't know what to do. I can't sleep, I can't focus on my work or my hobbies, I don't know what to do. And in between full blown panic attacks I have mini little panic episodes at least once an hour. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
 
Yes, A, I know my fear about death and what happens to our consciousness' afterwards seems ridiculous to you, but poking fun and calling me silly for it doesn't help. In fact, it only makes the anxiety attacks that much worse. Please stop.
 
fucking taxes. I hate them so much.
 
Another lighter whine from me:

*pterodactyl screech* They made Archie into Edward Cullen! WHHHHHHHHY?!
AHHHHHHHHH!
 
I hate the people below me so much. They smoke pot and cigarettes indoors and make my bathroom unusable. Not only that but it causes asthma attacks. They're selfish picks and I'm going to the main office tomorrow to complain. I can't keep living here. I wish I could get my own place.
 
Everything hurts, oh god.

I was expecting pain, but not quite like this. Even lying down hurts. I did too much yesterday
 
I had a long post, but ugh, let's just say this town is run poorly. I love the countryside and the friendlies, but I hate the gossipy newspaper and neglectful hospital. More of the same.
 
That moment when you know you shouldn't give up because it would be for the stupidest of reasons but you do so anyways because you're an idiot that just can't get a grip.
 
Why am I so broken
 
D, honey, if you want me to go back to sleep, then you need to shut up. I appreciate the fact that you don't hold it against/make fun of me for sleeping random hours (and why would you when you have your own sleep disorder?) but you need to start keeping your voice down. I've told you, I'm not like you or A who can sleep through anything - I can sleep through almost anything, except people talking. When people start talking around me, if I'm asleep, I'll instantly wake up. And you're loud, in fact you wake me up more often then not and I can never get back to sleep.

We've talked about this. I do my best to be quite when you're asleep so you promised to do the same. You were really good at being quiet in the mornings for a while, but then, I dunno, you forgot I guess? But please, either lower your voice or shut up.

EDIT: 'Sorry, I know. I know better than to do that'

I should hope so! We've been friends for ten years, A. You were there when everything with my dad went to hell and things came to light. You should know that throwing a punch at me - even if its a joke and doesn't even connect - will get that reaction.

Like, I'm sorry if that was a downer, I didn't mean for it to be and I know you were just kidding and not actually going to hit me (I mean, you went slo-mo for crying out loud and I know you would actually never), but it's also an automatic response so... *shrug* You're just lucky all I did was flinch a little and say (admittedly shaky) 'don't' instead of full out sobbing and asking what I did wrong.
 
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Blah! Throw this one out so maybe I can think again!

Been jobless for 6 months with added stress of trying to move, husband is owning all bills with trying to keep it together with a bear it grin so my kidlet isn't worried about grownup things. The good news was suppose to be today where I had an interview for a job and was happy to know I might be able to start helping more again with the hubbers!

Naturally that's not allowed. I should forget this and not worry but it's hard when this type of behaviour is regular occurrence.

I pick up my nephew for my sister every weds since I've had no job which wasn't a problem. She has never paid me once for it, not to mention I am expected to drop everything in a moment if she wants to go play hockey. Something that is scheduled way in advance but she seems to forget about it and asks me to watch the kids, gets upset with me if I have plans to a point I outright lie to her saying I am not around or something. Pretty bad actually that I have to get to that point. Either way, this is common.

I tell my sister that I might have a job instead of being fucking broke all the time. She loses her shit saying how this inconveniences her life. I offer to pick up my nephews on monday that would be my day off and she tells me that is not good enough. That I need to demand my new employers to give me a half day at work so I can pick up her son from school while reminding me about my own son. Except I have before and after school care for my son (who is older than hers by three years) so I already have my shit covered, but she wont do that cause it costs too much money. She works part time on mon, weds and fri but wont switch up her shifts because that is not fair to her.

So I'm expected to stay jobless while she works hers and I'm suppose to pick up her son and do whatever she asks. Not to mention how lazy she is. She has tues and thurs off which she comes over to my place in which I cook a full meal for her and her two kids, myself, my son and husband, clean all the dishes and still make dessert while she sits on the couch playing on her phone, but never offers to pay anything.

UGH, I'm just at a loss.
 
[spoili]TFW when your period feels like a bloody murder.

TFW when it's continuous and goes on for months x.x

TFW you're sad and lonely and depressed but don't want to talk about it because you're sure people are sick of hearing about your problems.

TFW you know it will all be better, eventually.[/spoili]
 
[spoili]TFW when your period feels like a bloody murder.

TFW when it's continuous and goes on for months x.x

TFW you're sad and lonely and depressed but don't want to talk about it because you're sure people are sick of hearing about your problems.

TFW you know it will all be better, eventually.[/spoili]
o_o"" You should see a doctor about those first two...
 
I looked at my bare butt in the mirror today.

Years of energy-drink fuelled studying and working was not kind to a thing I once admired as qtpatootie.

Surely this was the accumulation of a year of body-abuse, that just today happened to make itself abundantly apparent to me.
 
I don't normally use all caps, but.....

STOP SENDING YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL SICK!

My daughter has been sick 2/4 weeks so far. My oldest is sick. My middle daughter is now sick. I'm sick, and I can't really afford it. I seriously feel like I'm dying right now. My throat is itching like crazy and nothing is helping. Every time I cough, I feel like my head is going to explode. I do not like this at all!
 
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