RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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I want to leave. Now.
I want to go someplace far away where I can be free.

I don't want to live like this any more.
My problems are small compared to many other peoples', but they're the biggest thing in my life right now.
I have no resources, no options, and no hope.
I can't hardly feel anything any longer.
I'm becoming concerned that my nihilistic comments aren't completely ironic.

I don't know what to do.
 
To everyone who boyed trump. Who claimed he would not go after lgbt. Who argue about pc culture being censorship. How do you even begin to justify his presidency. How do you sleep at night when he tries to silence the press. When he dimantles protection for trans people. When he takes a metaphorical piss on your countrys values. Your blind obedience is disgusting. Your willingness to allow your candidate to defile civil rights reflect upon you and your selfish blind cynisism.
 
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I can't unlock my front door. Like, I have my keys, but the lock is tricky and I can't get it open. I'm so frustrated I could cry.

EDIT: My brother managed to get a hold of Roommate A (who was home but asleep) to let me in. I love my brother so much.

But also:
"You know if it sticks again, pull the door as you turn the key."
"Tried it. Trust me, dude, I tried everything, save for knocking on your bedroom window."
 
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Rip, rip, rip, tearing myself to pieces again and again. I know I should just go away because it would be for the best... and yet I remain because I think I might just be enjoying my own misery a bit too much. It hurts so much and yet some twisted part of me must revel in it.
 
Some jerk managed to get my reddit account frozen because I dared to say he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a trans and cis person (and also sourced it).

I normally change my account every year or so anyway and this account's a little overdue, but it still bothers the fuck out of me.
So I created another account, and I know karma doesn't mean anything but I had a lot and now I have to start at zero all because some dipshit was totally 100% sure you could always tell who was a tranny. Fuckwit. At least the mods agreed with me after his little tirade, so there's some silver lining I guess.

Also changing all my passwords for a bunch of other services thanks to the cloudflare leak was kind of annoying too.
 
I'm so tired of being tired all the time. I know part of it is health reasons (both physical and mental) but the current wave of 'only 3 hours a night for you' isn't helping.

I could take my Calming Effect/Sleepytime Tea, but, on the opposite end of the spectrum, that knocks me out for anywhere between 16-24 hours and, like, no? I can't be doing that every other day; I have things that need to be done. I have to be awake.

Dilemmas, dilemmas.

I dunno, maybe I'll take this weekend and make a few cups and just sleep through it. That might be a good idea, I've got a shit ton of errands to run Monday and Tuesday and it would be nice not to be totally exhausted afterwards.
 
Also, if one of my roommates could sweep and mop the floors like they both said they were going too weeks ago, and soon, that'd be fantastic.

The floor's getting so gross you guys and I can't clean it, but damn if you don't do something about it soon, the next time you're both out for most of the day, I will bloody well try - even if I have to sit in my wheelchair so I can do it without hurting myself.
 
My stress levels are high enough that it's making me feel physically ill. Halp.
 
I have too many friends that are looking for a savior instead of a supportive friend when it comes to their mental health and it's beginning to irritate me. As someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and inattentive ADHD, I understand just how frustrating and difficult it is to cope with mental health. This is why I strive to be the most supportive friend that I can be. I, however, cannot substitute for a licensed professional and I'm tired of certain friends acting like I can.

I know my friends aren't reading this, but please: please go see a therapist or psychiatrist. It's unfair to your friends as well as yourselves.
 
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I accidentally ordered Green Olives on my pizza instead of Green Peppers T_T
 
This guy that I don't really know has been messaging me on Skype all week and it's quite clear to me that he's been looking for attention. I've been somewhat ignoring him as I've mostly been confined to bed this week with a cold, but he's beginning to get on my nerves. I'm tempted to block him, but part of me feels a little sorry for him. After all, most of his previous friends have apparently blocked him as well.
 
Sometimes, i want to quite the whole RPing stuff, i met too much pretentious players than the comprehensive ones, and that, it's just sad and upsetting,
i force myself to appreciate this activity, but i would like to appreciate it naturally.

also, the smut obssession.. i tried to propose non-smut ideas on some communities, but of course, none was interested..

I'm done with it.

also, i'm not a machine, i can't match someone lenght by magic, and it's not my fault if i live in a other country than someone else, i was very patient, but now, i'm done.
 
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I've officially been sick for eight days.

It appears to be a regular cold, but I can't stop coughing and spitting up phlegm (gross, I know) which has been causing my throat to feel raw. This wouldn't be so intolerable if the house that I was staying in wasn't so stuffy, but it's beginning to become intolerable. I'm also beginning to get worried, because I'm still coughing, my throat is still sore, and my nose is still running. This worry is likely nothing and is probably caused by the fact that I'm a total hypochondriac, but at least I have a doctor's appointment on Friday.

I wish I would just feel better though.
 
Some kids really lack of education, and their parents don't make it easier,
so now, it's normal to letting a kid to insult, to destroy volontary something you buy with your own money?
and when you point this out, the parents complain about how much it's hard and treat me like trash because i doesn't have kids?


seriously? it's stupid, also, letting their kids to staying outside very late without their parents to check on them?

what the heck?!



i have a lot in heart, but this one needed to be said first.
 
I have a friend who has been kind of ignoring me lately and it's making me feel really terrible. I've reached out to her a few times, only to get a few short, but not necessarily unfriendly, answers. I just wish she'd be willing to open up to me and let me know if I had done something wrong, so I can correct it, or tell me what's going on so I don't have to worry and sit here feeling bad and over-analyzing everything I've said to her in the last few weeks.

;__; Ugh. This is a terrible feeling, but I needed to tell someone.... even if it's a rant board.
 
I have a friend who has been kind of ignoring me lately and it's making me feel really terrible. I've reached out to her a few times, only to get a few short, but not necessarily unfriendly, answers. I just wish she'd be willing to open up to me and let me know if I had done something wrong, so I can correct it, or tell me what's going on so I don't have to worry and sit here feeling bad and over-analyzing everything I've said to her in the last few weeks.

;__; Ugh. This is a terrible feeling, but I needed to tell someone.... even if it's a rant board.
I know whatyou feel, tought i don't believe in friendship anymore, many pretended to be "the real friend", but in the end, i saw their true colors..

alas, it's more easy to yell than explain.
 
I'm so incredibly grumpy and cranky right now holy shit; it's like every little thing is pissing me off. My hair against my face? Feels wrong, so I'm angry. Lights on? Upset. My roommates walking around the apartment and making noise? Super angry. Roommates trying to talk to me? Pissed. Trying to talk to me when I'm clearly doing something and pulling me out of the Writing Zone? Pissed and about to cry.

I know why I'm pissy too - I got my period yesterday (right after dealing with some of the Worst People™) and I'm super heavy today and I just, urgh! My hips hurt more then usual, so does my back and don't get me started on my knees and what kind of bullshit they're putting me through.

And yeah, this is nothing new, and normally I can deal with the various aches and pains, but, like, I hate my period even on not-as-bad pain days. Hell, even on the rare days I identify as female, I don't like it, but I'm not female today (not male either, somewhere in between, but definitely more masculine then neutral) and I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate that my body does this, I hate that it does this every fucking month, because it's another fucking reminder that my body is wrong and will always be wrong and nothing will change that.
 
I'm so incredibly grumpy and cranky right now holy shit; it's like every little thing is pissing me off. My hair against my face? Feels wrong, so I'm angry. Lights on? Upset. My roommates walking around the apartment and making noise? Super angry. Roommates trying to talk to me? Pissed. Trying to talk to me when I'm clearly doing something and pulling me out of the Writing Zone? Pissed and about to cry.

I know why I'm pissy too - I got my period yesterday (right after dealing with some of the Worst People™) and I'm super heavy today and I just, urgh! My hips hurt more then usual, so does my back and don't get me started on my knees and what kind of bullshit they're putting me through.

And yeah, this is nothing new, and normally I can deal with the various aches and pains, but, like, I hate my period even on not-as-bad pain days. Hell, even on the rare days I identify as female, I don't like it, but I'm not female today (not male either, somewhere in between, but definitely more masculine then neutral) and I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate that my body does this, I hate that it does this every fucking month, because it's another fucking reminder that my body is wrong and will always be wrong and nothing will change that.
yeah :(
*Feels(tm) hug*
 
It's been a while since I posted on a rant thread.

Anyway, life has been pretty stressful for me lately, I guess. Shit happened and now I have no idea where I'm going to stay for thirteen days in a completely different country because my host is an unreliable piece of shit who didn't tell me sooner that I had to pay extra since it's the peak season. Which sets me back by a ton because my budget is already tight as it is. I thought I already had everything scheduled and everything paid for, but I'm not even getting what I'm paying for, and what sucks even more is I can't do anything about it. I can't write because I'm too stressed to write. There's that feeling in my chest that's weighing me down, and I'm tired as all hell.
 
Today my dad's machinery caught on fire with him in it. He was able to escape without any major injuries, but only because he's a fast thinker. The cab was completely engulfed. His company never outfitted him with a fire extinguisher no matter how many times he asked over the years. I hate this town.
 
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