Rant Your Brains Out #62039479

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DAMN IT POEM WRITE YOURSELF. DO IT NOW!
 
HELP. HELP. WHERE DID THESE FEEEEEEEELS COME FROM. I'm so tired of life and love and what happened to being a robot, self.
 
Why do you keep making stuff due on monday when it should be due on wednesday? I don't need to be there on monday because I understand the content and I currently have a 98%. But no, I have to walk two miles just to turn shit in and leave immediately. But no, we have to have stuff due on monday and an exam on wednesday. Just let me turn my stuff in before the exam. You know I will be the first one done anyways.
 
To whoever invented the bathroom scale...

Screw you.
 
You're dumb. Please, go away.

And stttttooooopppppp yelling! Why do you have to be so loud... -grumbles-
 
*slams his head against the wall*

WHY

*slam*

IS IT

*slam*

SO HARD

*slam*

TO ORGANIZE

*slam*

D&D SESSIONS!
 
Yes, the ideal way I wish to spend my Thursday night is by trying to write a paper. What's a good way to improve my night you ask?

Well, having some drunk chick that took a bunch of adderall come into my room and talk to me about random shit that makes no sense. But why stop there? Let's start trying to strip while rolling around on my bed. How can it get any better you ask? Well she could start throwing up in my room, that's always fun. Because you know when I plan to write a paper I like to hold some chicks hair back while she throws up. It's been scientifically proven to be the best way to write a paper. So here I am writing this up with some girl, whose name I don't even know, hunched over a trashcan throwing up in my room.

FUN!
 
*Joins Asmo in slamming her head against the wall*

Religion can be really awesome- it can be! There's so many types and kinds, but to judge for that? To judge someone solely on that? Jesus....

I mean, I'm an Atheist/Pastafarian/Agnostic/questioning/dammit, one of my friends is Wiccian/Pagan (Unsure of which, or are they related- still learning about it, pretty interesting), one of them is Christian, another is some combination of Buddhist/eastern religion, so on and so forth- and I LIKE having that melting pot, I like talking to people, and asking them questions and learning about their beliefs.

Annnnd then there's the judgey people. I live around it. I've been judged because I'm not this or that, or I dislike churches because of bad experiences or I just don't fit in to what people think I might be. I've been told to turn my soul to Christianity, and also beckoned by my grandma to immerse myself in my Jewish roots. I've been pushed to the point of stripping people out of my life who try to force me into a religion- and here it is happening again...

It's my lack of a solid religion that my brother's wife is so iffy about me around her kids. It's my lack of religion that she thinks I'm dangerous.

Then again, she judges me on a lot of different things, seems this week- it's all about my lack of deities. I made a joke about Odin and she didn't take to it well.

WHY DO I WANT HER APPROVAL? Because her liking me links DIRECTLY into how much I see my nieces and is enforced by my brother- because he wants to do what his wife thinks is best.

I swear, if this ends in some goddamned church, I am not going to be pleased. Look, Texas has a booming amount of religious people, can't I just pull the "There's more than enough already, can't I just be me?" type shit?

Also, being afraid of reptiles because of the snake in the bible is... gah... Look, so what if my niece wants to play with my gecko- I make sure she washes her hands after and doesn't do anything stupid. She wants to be like Repunsal(SP), who has that lil chameleon in Tangled. That's all. She wants to be a princess. IT's not hurting her.

Besides, Stewart's the least-threatening reptile you can find. He fucking cuddles with me for fuck's sake. Jesus.
 
I try to be a good girlfriend. Smoking pot before you go to work is fine with me because I know it helps you cope with the idiot co-workers you have. I in fact encourage you to do that.

Why all these other times, though? I've told you that I'd like it if we could be smoke-free for a while longer. I've been staying sober for weeks upon weeks for very good reasons. *gestures to pregnant belly* :| Yet, you're taking advantage of my kindness and smoking around me anyway. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to deal with that? Cannabis is my crutch for anxiety, depression, and many other things... I'm also experiencing severe pain that could be easily be eliminated by pot. Can you not imagine how it makes me feel when I'm exposed to it and can't have any? If the answer is no, that's bullshit. I've told you quite a few times how it makes me feel.

Besides, it was your idea that we temporarily quit. I'm hurt that you'd break your word again. Is it going to be this way with alcohol too? I can't drink still after the baby is born because I intend to nurse. Your support is very much invited and needed, but I suspect we'll end up fighting about it eventually. You just don't understand what I'm going through. How left out I feel. I have no pregnant friends or mommy friends; you're what I've got for a support system. While I'm at home making our son my priority, I hope you'll come to your senses. You're twenty-fucking-eight years old. You've had plenty of fun in your life, so I don't give a fuck if you're "missing out" on anything. I'm only twenty-two... I've had like, no fun because of always being shut in and disciplined. Absolutely nothing is going to distract me from what's truly important.

Next to our baby, you mean the world to me. I just want to make you happy. I feel like what I ask from you is not much... It's

Ugh, the things I do for love...

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm asking too much.

I'm just so stressed.

And I might be getting ill. A bad cold has been getting passed around the house, I very well may have gotten it finally. This is terrible. All the coughing is making my pregnancy aches way worse. =__=
 
Found out a regular customer passed away. It's not a surprise since he had been sick for some time. RIP Dave.
 
These things are always on my mind as of this year:

1. I'm tired of this shit
2. Bullshit
3. Liars
4. I hate love
5. TRUST NO ONE

The last one is capitalized for a good reason. Just don't trust anyone. The ones we really should be careful are the ones we are most closest to friendship/relationship-wise. But it's inevitable... and people are naive. That's just human nature... I want to lean on someone and receive support. I want to give support to friends in need and make them happy. Yet, all these bullshit that has happened over the years makes me afraid to trust anyone ever again. I'm so scared of commitment now, the trust kept being broken over and over again really destroys you. Going through rejection, ignorance, and cussing at each other with hatred every fucking day and literally every day without skipping a day for years, really, really, REALLY tears someone down.

My friends tell me to get away from it, this dysfunctional relationship and all, but I tell myself to stay... because of love. Stupid feelings. Fuck feelings. It's been more than three years, and nothing is changing.

I loved you and I still do, but why won't you look my way and open up? What the fuck am I doing wrong?
 
So not even I can convince myself not to go ahead with this, even if it's a horrendously bad idea.
Not only will it make one of my best friends throughout the past two years turn away from me, it'll also make my other friends look at me funny for the rest of their lives - I love them to bits, but they're just fucking idiots sometimes.
I've been trying to convince myself that I shouldn't go through with this, but the more I try, the more I need to do it. Because I need closure.
I NEED them to tell me. It's not just enough for me to hit myself with the obvious stick. Oh no - my stupid fucking ego makes me want to force this upon them, when I know full well what the answer is. Because I just HAVE to have everything my way. Everything HAS to go according to plan until it comes to the crucial moment, where it's al been leading up to, leaving me to royally fuck it up - just like everything else in my life.

You go, Steve. Really. Way to go. You've not only proven yourself a privileged little twat, but also inconsiderate and self-destructive. Really. Well done. A round of applause for the sad little sod who's unable to get his mind and priorities straight, despite everything he wanted being handed to him on a silver fucking platter.
 
Note to self. Don't vacuum in a dark room when your earbuds are on the floor. Not only does it destroy the earbuds, it ruins the vacuum. Damn it.
 
No, no, no. Stop it, stop it! STOP DOING THAT! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PILE UP.


FUCK YOU HOMEWORK! JUST DIE!
 
I get it! My body seriously does not like to be woken up before at least four-five hours of decent sleep, but... seriously, do I always have to go through the hour-long ritual of running to and from the bathroom because of nausea? We've been through this for years, come on. I don't do this as often anymore, sheesh, just stop making me want to just hole up in the bathroom for another couple of hours!
 
>:[ *kicks Iwaku for loading so slow*

You know, I'm not sure if it's because you're a teenager or generally an ungrateful brat. Looks like both to me. I love you because you're family and you're thoughtful, sometimes. But lately you've been on my nerves. At first I thought it was just me since I'm 39 weeks pregnant, therefore grouchy as hell. But no, it's you too. You've been selfish and inconsiderate more often than usual as of late.

Last night, your shouting match with your grandmother was just...wow. You need to give that woman more respect. Knock off the "woe is me~" bullshit. I understand how it feels to not feel loved by your parents. How can you say something as hurtful as "You all have to love me because you're family.", though!? Your grandma loves you. Your uncle Pete loves you. Even I love you. So shut the fuck up. You're surrounded by family and friends who would go to great lengths for you. For goodness sake, Peter's the one who gave you a Valentine. Did you thank him? Pfft, no. And who DIDN'T give you a Valentine? Your stupid ass boyfriend, that's who. Girl, you've got it good. Not all kids can be so lucky as to live with their grandparents when their parents don't want them. You could be in foster care instead, which I've heard sucks most of the time. You don't see what you really have, I don't think. You take us all for granted and you drain your poor grandma dry of her hard earned money all. the. time.

And what the FUCK is up with your special bathroom time? Why do you need to spend an hour taking a shit and proceed to take a shower RIGHT after? Do you not have the decency to exit the bathroom for a moment to ask the pregnant lady down the hall if she needs to piss? >:[ It's all on you girl if I get a UTI or, you know, piss myself. I can't hold it that long 'cause there's a BABY IN ME. I only need like 2 minutes to go to the bathroom. Good grief.

Also, please be responsible with other peoples' things. I didn't mind you using my coffee cups until I noticed how you never wash them. Then again, you never wash anything. You leave all the work for me and your grandma. There's something wrong with you, I think. I was raised with the rule that if I dirty dishes, especially if they aren't rightfully mine, I wash them myself. Not to mention, I'm highly allergic to the dish soap. I shouldn't be washing dishes anyway, therefore. Those cups are sentimental to me; they were gifts from wonderful people. Should you break them or lose them, I will be a very unhappy lady. From now on, I'll just keep my dishes in my room. .__.; Don't make me do the same for my Keurig. If I ever see something broken or out of place on that thing, ohoho...

...

Seems like everyone just wants to induce labor through stress and anger. Generally, all things negative. The environment has become too unstable for me. My baby is due, um, next week. Do you people realize that? I don't want that for my baby. Fuck no. Come to your fucking senses and fix your problems in a civil way PLEASE. If I have to deal with more shouting, breaking of things, or any other things of that madness... I just might hurt someone. With words or with my teeth, who knows? This isn't exactly a walk in the park for me. I'm TERRIFIED of giving birth. So y'all's bad attitudes don't make this any better. If you don't want to shape up for me, then shape up for your son/grandson/nephew. Me being unhappy and such means the same for him. Neither of us appreciated me puking my guts out from overload of emotion in addition to the awful contractions I began to feel.

Hopefully this is only temporary. If this all persists even after Patrick is born, I'll have to consider moving my family elsewhere. I hope it's not too long before I can have a home of my own again. Otherwise, the only option left is moving in with MY family...which isn't much better, really. I feel screwed.
 
My eyes are still burning. Oh my god, why of all times was this the time that I forgot to see if the advice I got from a friend on clearng my sinuses was bunk or not.

Oh god why?

AND WHY DOES THAT VEIN IN MY EYE ALWAYS LOOK LIKE 3/4 OF A SWASTIKA EVERY TIME SOMETHING BOTHERS THAT EYE?! WHY. Gahhhh
 
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