Grandma, please stop being jealous of the other tenants. They got new carpet probably because it was time to change it in there. Please stop saying we don't visit enough, my dad- your son, goes over there once a week (Sometimes twice a week) and calls you every night. You complain at him, sometimes ABOUT him, to him, and it makes him feel shitty. I know you miss Grandpa, I really do, but... who the heck was absorbing all your negativity before you met him? I KNOW you're on a zillion meds, and I know there's a history of depression in our family... please stop taking it out on us and talk to your doctor. Please, PLEASE stop slapping me on the knee when my brother's family is around and tell me to be next.
I'm not ready for kids, can't you see that?!
Please stop saying you hate the new baby's nickname, NO ONE IS TELLING YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL HER "KIKI" AND WE'D ALL APPRECIATE IF YOU WOULDN'T TELL EVERYONE YOU HATE IT, we ALL know by now that you hate it. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. If you go on another tangent tomorrow, I might give you a few warnings, and then get the fuck out if you don't listen, I don't have to do that much, but I have a feeling I'm going to need to tomorrow.
And if my brother's wife makes one more fucking snide remark about how my niece likes my pet gecko, I will turn this Easter into a bloodbath. That "disgusting" creature is my goddamned pet and I treasure him a hell of a lot more than my brother's family treasures their dog. That "horrid" creature's name that you made fun of? It's named after my goddamned friend who fucking offed himself. Also, calling him ugly is just downright rude, the little bugger's adorable.
My niece probably just likes him because she might associate all lizards with Pascal from her favorite movie- Tangled. She handles him gently and every time she so much as looks at him, I clean her hands. Because I know about my pets, and I know reptiles can cause salmonella. Instead of telling her that princesses "don't play with creatures like that", how bout telling her something to do instead, so you're not constantly knocking the poor two year old for LIKING A FREAKING LIZARD. She's already head-to-toe in pink and frills, she's already doing a hell of a lot of girly shit under your rule. Let her have some freedoms, woman, jesus.
Stewart's gotten me through a lot of shit, he's my buddy. He's chill and well-behaved, doesn't jump and cuddles up to my neck. He's a good pet... just don't give me or Emery shit for it again.
I'm not trying to cause a rift, I'm not trying to do anything anymore- But it's pretty damned obvious that if something doesn't change, I'm gonna be slated for the role of "the cool aunt that lets me do stuff my parents won't let me do".
Please don't make that happen. I don't WANT that to happen. I just want to get along, I'm done with fighting, I'm through, you win, I'm a despicable girl, a pervert, a deranged woman- whatever, I don't care. Just don't set me up to be the fucking bad guy down the road.