Rant Your Brains Out #62039479

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I really don't think it's fair of you to criticize me about playing a game all day yesterday Grandma. After all my brother - the 'golden child' - was out all day with his friends, at a movie, and his friends even brought over their own crap to play games with. I at least got some studying done yesterday. And this argument you have about me being the oldest and having to clean the house does not fly with me.

"Oh but your brother will love you because he sees that you do all of this - "

Fuck no. He takes advantage of it. He takes advantage of you, of my parents, of me. He loves not having to do shit around the house, while everyone else picks up after him. God I hate our culture. I hate it so much.
 
I... I think... I think my toothbrush and my shower pouf have been used by two other people. :| That's just disgusting. Can I not keep things around the house without others USING THEM? The toothbnrush is excusable, maybe you didn't know it was mine... Plus I have a plethora of toothbrushes stashed away that can replace each other. But... I use that pouf to clean every crevasse of myself, why the fuck does it seem okay to borrow it when yours falls apart? Buy a new one! They're only a dollar! >:[ I don't want your nasty body germs mingled with mine... Not to mention, you handled it real roughly. It's already falling apart; I bought it only a week ago. Fuck!

While I'm at it: be considerate when using MY coffee and MY coffee maker and MY coffee cups. I've had to hoarde the dishes that are sentimental to me in my own room, along with a few K-Cups so I can be guaranteed to have the flavors I want when I want them. Do I have to move my Keurig in here too? Is it just too difficult for a teenage girl to think for a moment: "Oh, maybe I should clean up after myself." and "Maybe it's a good idea to ask Andi first." ... Yes, actually, I guess it is. Thinking about it, my own teenage sisters aren't very considerate either.

While I'm still at it: WHO WAS THE GENIUS THAT OPENED MY PACKET OF CHEESE THE WRONG WAY? It's obviously a ziploc-typed package. .__.; Which was already open, by the way. Instead of rashly ripping the package open at the top, why not look closely for a moment to see that my sliced cheese is already opened?! It's a good thing I saw this when I did, or else my cheese would be dried out and in the trash by now. I can't believe I not only got to discover this idiocy with the packaging; I had to FIX IT too! Seriously? You eat my food and leave it out to rot instead of transferring it to a new bag to stay fresh in? Golly fuck.

Ugh. Teenagers and Mexicans, I cannot stand them. I really hope it's not too much longer before I can be out of here with my own privacy. I want to be able to have food without people getting into it. I want to be able to smoke weed with the door open. I want to be able to have things left out without worrying someone might tamper with it. I think my own famn damily had more respect for my things than this household, which to me is sad... There are 6 other people there opposed to the 3 [not counting me and Peter] here. *facepalm* I know my 8 year old sister to have more common sense, gawd.
 
Four hours.
I spent FOUR. FUCKING HOURS. DOING ALL THAT WORK.
And what do you come up with? A fucking DOODLE.
Let's check this, right now. Does your plan have annotations? Colour? Detailed explanations? Legible handwriting and diagrams? No? Well, why in the blue FUCKING Hell are we using YOUR shitty piece, when we could have just used mine and be done with? But NO, YOU had to go and ruin EVERYTHING because you're too much of an obstinate shithead to understand that you're a shitty partner who contributes fuck all to our project. I was wrong to believe in you - you're a fucking disgrace. We're going to fail this, and it's going to be your fault, because you can't put two and two together, and realise that I'm the only one who's bothered to put any sort of effort into this.

Oh, but you're not the only one. Oh no. i blame you, SIR. Whose bright fucking idea was it to make this a group assignment? Yours? Well, FUCK YOU. Fuck you, because you can't seem to understand that when two people don't mix, the project fails miserably. I'm being dragged around by him, because he won't listen to a damn word I say, other than when I'm insulting him, because it's the only god damned language that ginger cunt understands.
Yes, I called him a cunt/ That's how much I despise him. I don't see why it's such a bad word, but it's apparently despicable, so I'll call him it over and over again.
CUNTCUNTCUNT.
There. Fuck you to high hell, carrot top.
 
Oh, look at you! You can turn on the hallway light! :D
Can you turn it off? -.-
 
I tried today, I really did. But if you don't want to work with me or talk to me or be in my mere presence there's nothing more I can do and I'm not going to be sorry about it for once. I tried today and I'm tired of people not caring and only looking out for themselves. And it will never stop.
 
I just want to never leave my room ever again now. A favorite band of mine, My Chemical Romance, that I've been listening to them since I was in 6th grade, I'm almost done with my first year of college now, has announced that they are splitting up. I'm an emotional wreck, I've been crying for like 2 hours and I just can't. MCR helped me through my shaky early-teenage years. Since 2006 I've been a fan, and now it's 2013 and all I will have are memories and a few albums of music of a band who helped to keep me alive. I'm just glad I saw them in concert. I'm so sad because I remember making MCR music videos for youtube with my friend in 2008. My friend dressed me in a hospital gown and made me a cancer patient for Cancer. And we did I'm Not Okay in little kids playhouse where I was a depressed emo child making food and I also jumped on a trampoline and spazzed out for the chorus. I'm happy I have these memories and others, and I quite wish I had many more. It's not fair, but I knew it was coming. I'm pissed because they informed us that they were breaking up in 6 measly sentences. SIX. I need like a 5 page, MLA format essay in extreme detail with sources and a works cited from each member, not 6 sentences. I'm so sad. /:
 
So, it's not my son who's responsible for keeping me awake today. It's my fricking boyfriend. He snores SO LOUD. On top of that, he sleeps like a goddamn rock. :| I got Patrick to sleep, ya'd think this would be my shining moment when I can fit in another hour or two of rest! Nope. Snoring snoring snoring MORE SNORING.

What's worse is like... I can't wake him to get help caring for the baby, or help to get out of bed 'cause you know...my body is kind of wrecked right now from pushing out a 9 pound human. I shake him, I yell out his name, I nudge him, I even BEG HIM while I'm crying in all this pain asking if he could at least reach my pain killers for me. *sigh* Good thing I found the strength to get it all done myself... I just hope I can keep going. This post-partum crud is, well, cruddy.

I hope this gets fixed sooner rather than later. We can't live like this anymore. There's a helpless life form who needs us to be at attention, always. Am I the only one who's prepared for that?

Sleeping through EVERYTHING will mean that mama does EVERYTHING.
By herself.
Without sleeping.
...ever.

~__~; *proceeds to throw random objects at Peter's seemingly lifeless body*
 
Gotta do this.. just ten or so more hours, then sleep- body will reset, just in time for passover and my birthday a doctor's appointment and easter. I have to get my sleep schedule back to normal...

But... after yesterday... I'm scared to sleep- what normal person goes to sleep and wakes up practically asphyxiating on their own fucking vomit? Of course, me. Why? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE.

On the downside, making yourself stay up for twenty four hours is really shitty...
 
Alright, so basically I was on a website that I had recently found enjoyable, and so I was in the chatter just minding my own business.
They gag people for certain things, like spamming and excessive caps, right? Well, I -ACCIDENTALLY- hit the caps button, and not even realizing I had hit it, I sent my message, and not even a millasecond later, I get gagged. No precaution, not nothing! I was so pissed. I don't even know when the gag will be removed, if it ever will! FOR A STUPID FUCKING MISTAKE! I can't post on the chatter, forums, or mail.
 
I swear to god, that first paycheck I get is gonna go straight to upgrading our fucking internet. I am so tired of it lagging to shit whenever I'm simply browsing. And I am so tired of leaving my computer on overnight to download a patch or a game. This is getting extremely ridiculous.
 
COUGHING! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM! Actually, I don't care. Just GO AWAY NOW. I sooooo have enough issues without my lungs acting up, too.
 
Goddamned. It's only 9:30. This is going to be one of those freaking pissy long long long days.
 
Thunder and lightning can't hurt me. It's outside, it's a sound, it can't hurt me. @___@ So long as I'm inside, I'm okay...

I need to be an adult and stop bull rushing my boyfriend every time I see a flash or the thunder gets really loud.

*curls into a ball and rolls back and forth*

I'm gonna be okay... I'm gonna be okay.
 
Grandma, please stop being jealous of the other tenants. They got new carpet probably because it was time to change it in there. Please stop saying we don't visit enough, my dad- your son, goes over there once a week (Sometimes twice a week) and calls you every night. You complain at him, sometimes ABOUT him, to him, and it makes him feel shitty. I know you miss Grandpa, I really do, but... who the heck was absorbing all your negativity before you met him? I KNOW you're on a zillion meds, and I know there's a history of depression in our family... please stop taking it out on us and talk to your doctor. Please, PLEASE stop slapping me on the knee when my brother's family is around and tell me to be next.

I'm not ready for kids, can't you see that?!

Please stop saying you hate the new baby's nickname, NO ONE IS TELLING YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL HER "KIKI" AND WE'D ALL APPRECIATE IF YOU WOULDN'T TELL EVERYONE YOU HATE IT, we ALL know by now that you hate it. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. If you go on another tangent tomorrow, I might give you a few warnings, and then get the fuck out if you don't listen, I don't have to do that much, but I have a feeling I'm going to need to tomorrow.

And if my brother's wife makes one more fucking snide remark about how my niece likes my pet gecko, I will turn this Easter into a bloodbath. That "disgusting" creature is my goddamned pet and I treasure him a hell of a lot more than my brother's family treasures their dog. That "horrid" creature's name that you made fun of? It's named after my goddamned friend who fucking offed himself. Also, calling him ugly is just downright rude, the little bugger's adorable.

My niece probably just likes him because she might associate all lizards with Pascal from her favorite movie- Tangled. She handles him gently and every time she so much as looks at him, I clean her hands. Because I know about my pets, and I know reptiles can cause salmonella. Instead of telling her that princesses "don't play with creatures like that", how bout telling her something to do instead, so you're not constantly knocking the poor two year old for LIKING A FREAKING LIZARD. She's already head-to-toe in pink and frills, she's already doing a hell of a lot of girly shit under your rule. Let her have some freedoms, woman, jesus.

Stewart's gotten me through a lot of shit, he's my buddy. He's chill and well-behaved, doesn't jump and cuddles up to my neck. He's a good pet... just don't give me or Emery shit for it again.

I'm not trying to cause a rift, I'm not trying to do anything anymore- But it's pretty damned obvious that if something doesn't change, I'm gonna be slated for the role of "the cool aunt that lets me do stuff my parents won't let me do".

Please don't make that happen. I don't WANT that to happen. I just want to get along, I'm done with fighting, I'm through, you win, I'm a despicable girl, a pervert, a deranged woman- whatever, I don't care. Just don't set me up to be the fucking bad guy down the road.
 
Mom brain will take a while to get used to. I registered for an online computer class that requires MS Office, which I do not have. lol Any normal person might think "Oh, I shouldn't get this class because I don't have the proper tools" e___e.
Ain't no way I'm going to the campus to do my work. =___= There's no time in my full time job of being a mom. Luckily, I can use a free 30 day trial until I can get the money to buy the fucking thing myself...

And oh my fucking gawd, if those dogs wake up the baby I'm going to cut their feet off. I hear them out there barking and running all over the damn place. I'm sick of it. I'm also sick of my boyfriend's mom barging in here whenever she wants to. I don't appreciate being walked in on while I'm breastfeeding, lady. Figures that the one time I don't lock the door, you decide to casually walk in and take some laundry. I know your hidden motives; you want to check on the kid. Believe it or not, I'm doing a fine job of taking care of him. .__. If I need your help, I'll ask. I'm not totally clueless about how to care for MY son.

Geebus, I hope we can move out of here sooner rather than later.
 
feast of famine...i'm feeling the effects of mental fatigue creeping up again. Thank god I have a mini vacation soon but still...everything on top of everything is just...draining. I worry too much about small things and everything in general :/
 
Please.... I want to go to sleep... just stop making me sick... why can't my body be normal? Why is it so fucked up?
 
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