Rant your Brains Again!(Once More)

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Goddamn it... I'm frustrated and angry! ONE THE ONLY PEOPLE I THOUGHT I'D NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH AGAIN IS NOW CONSTANTLY TEXTING ME AND GETTING ME ON FACEBOOK! WHY THE HELL DID I THINK SHE'D CHANGE! HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID!

I was a good child, I was! I was fucking perfect and innocent and WHITE AND SPARKLY! Make no mistake, I was the most sheltered, innocent, naive child you could ever meet, and I still am some what....

But the second I met her, she just started me on this horrendous downward spiral. I was little. LITTLE LITTLE LITTLE FUCKING LITTLE. She was so assure, and so confident, when her brother and mine became friends, I was swept up in her gospel! But before long, I learned a HUGE difference between her and I. She LOATHED/LOATHS her brother, I just care about mine so much that it hurts me.

She would have us torment our brothers when we were together. We'd pull horrid pranks, and at first, it was fun, until the day that I hurt my brother when we were throwing things....

I love my brother, I do. I don't think we can survive without each other. I'm anti social, and he's a social butterfly, I draw, he doesn't care to, I eat everything, He eats barely nothing, He's the self-proclaimed bad-egg, and I'm the golden child.

Seeing the look in his eye that day made me stop. We were fighting all the time and I had enough.

She wanted to keep going.

She got into smoking and drinking/ I went to private school

We were young, but my brother sat me down that night and explained that "Mean" and "Cruel" and "hurt" were words that I obviously didn't really understand, I can't comprehend them. (Still can't) He tried to explain that she was a sad girl who had a bad relationship with her family. She hated her brother. And her brother resented her for it. He tried to explain human instinct to me... he tried to explain this to me, at eight years old, he at thirteen. He was trying to explain how I wasn't going to be able to find the best of friends if I didn't grow a backbone and stop trying to please everyone.

From then on. I ignored her. I stayed away from her, or stuck by my brother's side.

Fairytales are more fun when they have a happy ending and I wish it stopped there.

I recently decided to give her a second chance. What's the harm, right? Everyone needs one.

She just wanted to hurt people again. she wanted to pull pranks.

Don't get me wrong. I do that. but I do it on my own. It doesn't sit well with me to involve others.

She wants to meet up and she keeps trying to get to me, and I swear, I will kill her when my patience runs out!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 
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If you know this is for you, do not read.... please.. I need to say this, bur not to you

This is the quietest corner i can find, perhaps my venting man be unheard here. I need to speak the truth somewhere but if anyone sees it will seven the fragile cold that hold me here. Here there is pain, here in Iwaku, there is heartache. A love affair, gone bad, I feel helpless, I love you and I wish I hadn't let you go so that the other could claim you.

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That shits over, that person is gone. Fuck him hes weak, I will nit be him anymore. Vay is back... He aint leaving, he aint budging, the man you loved is buried under me and he aint coming out for you. You'll have to break me to get to him, and you can never break me bitch. The harder you push the stronger I become. I am his pain, I am his will, and while he loves, i loath, the hared you push the stronger the hate becomes, the more of him dies. He is weak, and the one side he showed himself you burned his soul. he is gone, and its too late to say goodbye.

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Damn you Hemophilia for being such a rare freaking disease that we have to drive all the way to Little Rock for doc appointments. D:< And thank you mother nature for being a WHORE and icing the roads so bad on the DAY of the appointment, so instead of bringing home life-sustaining medicine for Isaboo, we come home early after almost DYING on icy mountain roads!

I swear to god, if we have to go through another month of "prep" to restart that study all over again, because we got iced in I am going to be so freaking pissed off.
 
Alright, time for TC to finally rant.

I get sick of Roleplaying honestly. I never see that many RPs I'm interested in, and any I try to start are usually too large scale to get off the ground. Why is it that whenever I design anything, I want it to be on such a scale that it almost seems to scare people away?

I don't know if this is actually true, but it almost seems to be the case. Either that or everyone just seems to think my ideas are shit. Either way I'm getting tired of role playing, which sucks because I used to enjoy it so much.
 
Fuck. So we're moving away to Vegas, right? I wanted to have a going away party, to say goodbye to all my friends here in California. Didn't happen, it just never worked out, my friends were out of town during the holidays. So now I can't really say goodbye to them in person since we have to be outta here by THIS Friday or Saturday.

So yeah, that bothers me. They wanted to see me too but it just didn't work out. I don't know what to do about it. Guess I could like try and call up some to say goodbye to me in person or something but...They mostly work or are still outta town until their break is over....urgh..

That's what's bothering me and this whole move thing is really stressing out me, my dad and my brother. It's really a lot to deal with. I really hate the mortgage company who cheated us out of our house by not letting us change our payment plans after my dad lost his job AND my mother passed away. Heartless shit headed bastards!

What's wrong with America nowadays? GREED, too much of it. People putting MONEY before the lives of other human beings, that's what's happening here. The president is also too ball-less or bribed too much to do ANYTHING about this foreclosure crisis.

That is all for now, hopefully it'll work out, maybe, even though things are chaotic and a mess.
 
I really hate our f**king internet iot sucks balls. I can't get a solid connection and I really want to stay in a chat with my friens in Skype. It is always ten minutes in and it F**king cuts then I have to join again, and again, and agian. If our internet is a physical person I would just punch it so bad that it would rahter run again and keep our connection solid. I have no Idea what has been going on but it is really starting to piss me off. If I can't have a break for one day I will seriously expload!!!
 
THANK YOU ISABOO FOR MAKING ME BAIL YOU OUT OF JAIL AT 2AM WHEN WE NEED TO BE AWAKE AT 6AM FOR A LONGASS ROAD TRIP FOR -YOUR- DOC APPOINTMENT! YOU GOD DAMNED TWAT.
 
I'm terrified as hell.

By going back to school today, I tell my teacher that I am committed, and come hell or high water, I have promised just about everyone to at least make all B's this quarter. After which my teacher gave me a lecture that pretty much scared the hell out of me. I hope I can do this.

Wish me luck..
 
First something that should be familiar to you.....

Guarding yourself from the love of another
Left you with nothing tonight!
Why does it sound like the devil is laughing
Leaving me haunted tonight!
You did decide


That song is about me in so many ways. I am so fucking guarded I never though anyone could break through. But you did, you're inside my shell and theres no easy way out. The devils laughing at both of us and you know what I do to those that laugh at me.
 
I wasn't kidding when I said bringing up Moonwings makes me emo. ;__; It's been a couple years and I still get that URG feeling if I think too long about it. I know the did the right thing when I shut it down, but I still think about the good 200+ people I don't see anymore. For eight years everyday I got online and my top priority was Moonwings. The people that were with me and supported me through the worst years of my life. But not everyone felt as strongly about it as did, or else things in the community wouldn't have gotten as nasty and toxic as they did. >< So bad that even if I banned the problem starters it wouldn't have bounced back from it.

And now I have people, old moonwingers, going to AFTA and always saying "It's dead. It's sad." What were you expecting? Moonwings Part II? It's not Moonwings. I can't care about it the way I cared about Moonwings. I TRIED. I spent that first year busting my ass to make it active and fun. But you know, I am only one person. I'm tired of showing up only to have people talk about how much they miss Moonwings, how dead AFTA is and not even make some sort of effort to DO anything about it.

And then people get all wigged out when I get mad about it. c__c Come on. Every time AFTA is compared to Moonwings or people say how much they miss it, I'm dying a little inside. I miss it too. Sometimes I wish it WAS still open. I want all of my friends and minions back. But the Moonwings I closed was NOT the Moonwings I cherished. It was MEAN and uncomfortable.

AND THEN I KNOW people are calling me a TRAITOR for spending all of my time on Iwaku instead of AFTA. e.e But really, can you blame me? I want to have fun. I want to be around people. I don't want to feel like all the time and effort I put in to the community is wasted and ignored. I LIKE being an Iwaku admin. I don't have to worry about being solely responsible for every little thing. There are staffies and members that contribute to the community. If I ever get pissed off and can't do it anymore, I can QUIT and not have to worry about watching the community crash and burn in my absence. I'm not the pillar of Iwaku, nor is Iwaku a representation of my entire existence.

It would have been 10 years old this May. >:[ At one point I thought it would be around forever. It's prolly going to take 10 years for me to stop feeling so bitter about it. ><
 
I generally don't complain about the religious views of others but it has made me decide to drop a college course on the first day.

The Professor was acting like she was the greatest thing ever just because she went to Berkley and spoke in a clearly fake British accent. It was supposed to be a class on early Christianity, which is a subject I love reading about.

However, then looking at the syllabus she wanted us to attend a Maronite mass. Apparently, we'd fail the class if we didn't go to it.

Uhh... One tiny problem here lady...Maronites are generally Lebanese, I'm Jewish. Both parties don't get along very well so it'd make me feel very uneasy being there.

She was then being all derpy about it, so figured not worth putting up with it.
 
COUNTRY'S FALLING DOWN.

PROTESTS EVERYWHERE.

COLLEGE STUDENTS THINK THEY CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. DUMBASSES.

CARACAS BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MAGALLANES IN ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING MATCHES OF THE PAST, I DON'T KNOW, FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS.

OH GOD HOW DOES I GET INTO COLLEGE DERP HERP

I KNOW THERE'S GONNA BE SOME RIOTS SOON ENOUGH AND I'M DECIDING BETWEEN RISKING GETTING SHOT (BUT GETTING A NEW COMPUTER) OR STAYING HOME AND (50/50 CHANCE) NOT DEAD.

MAN I LOVE BEING A VENEZUELAN AND NOT BEING FUCKING WEALTHY.

AND HOLY FUCK I LOVE PLANESCAPE TORMENT.

AND HOLY FUCK I'M WRITING GOOD YO.
 
....

My scheduled breakdown...

After three or more years of being stuck in this fucking house…heh....It never fails that I do this at least once every few months…or more…these days its been more often.

My breath feels caught....I'm tripping over my own selfish wants....

And then the panic attack….. I'm nowhere, I'm no one. I've accomplished nothing.
Your worthless….your worthless…
​
The words are chanting/ mocking me. Why the hell can't I feel confident for once. Is it really that abnormal of a feeling for me? As abnormal as being happy for me? Damnit I'm so used to being depressed, its odd when I'm TRULY happy.

WHY THE HELL CAN'T I STOP SECOND GUESSING MYSELF.

Not worthy.
​
Your farther away than you should be, yet your clawing inside my chest and mind…closer than I've let someone before.
 
well ladies and gentlement, this is it, the crunch time, sink or swim.

and i had to jump into the water wearing lead shoes of my own devising.

i mean, how stupid can i really be, one year isnt enough to change 20 years of being a retard with regard to food and exersize habits, especially when im so fucking slovenly.

fuck its pathetic, and its excruciating to know i coulda done something aboutit, that i CAN STILL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

but that in all likelyhood, im not gonna, because im a fat fuck, about 162cms tall and 105kgs in weight.

sure, some of it is muscle, sure, i do have broad shoulders and am considered strong.

but most of my weight ladies and gentlemen, is fat. fucking blubber put on by my loathing of excersize and my gluttony.

but not only do i have to overcome my obesity, i ahve to try and work past the damage ive done to my lungs through smoking cigars.


sweet mother of fuck. it didnt have to be this hard, but i couldnt let it be easy could i........ah well, karma's a bitch.
 
Has anyone here watched someone get robbed at knife point? When they're your co-worker and you're standing right outside while the fucker is running out the door? It's pretty messed up.

There is no respectable reason why I didn't react, excepting the fact that I have a family to support and to react could have gotten me killed, and absolutely would have gotten me fired. Why the fuck do I feel so bad?
 
I'm not sure this is really a rant. More of a confessional.

I'm so scared. I've been wanting to go to college and now that I'm here, I'm scared shitless. I got my first English assignment on Monday and I don't understand it. Yeah, I'm good at reading and writing, but not analyzing or stuff like that. I don't look at what I write and think, "Oh I used this form, with this message..." I don't care. I write how I want to and how it comes out. How am I supposed to explain a convergence in my life and then say what it's message was?

But. That's not the only thing I'm scared about. This is my second day, and I'm going to be eating alone at lunch again. I'm don't really like going up and talking to people, but I'm totally willing to talk if they come up and talk to me. I mean...right now, I'm in the library and there are 2 guys sitting at my little table and I'm scared to talk to them. One of them is kinda cute too. The other likes linex, so I'm staying away from him. I want to make friends. I really do...GRR. Fuck my relatively isolated childhood! Maybe it will be better when I get into the clubs...
 
So my car nearly got stolen. The security system stopped them from getting away but...They DAMAGED said security system and it cost 500 to replace it, we didn't have the money so now my car is without a security system! Greaaaat.

Worse of all, the cops just let em get away, no investigation, nothing. I don't know what kind of policy that is. They only care if it's a fancy car or if someone got hurt. <_< They don't realize these crooks might move onto bigger things at some point and they need to be stopped before they move onto bigger more serious crimes. It just sends the wrong message.

And who the fuck wanted my car? it's not even worth stealing! Can't these dumb-ass criminals steal something of VALUE for a change from someone who can afford it at least instead of me? Maybe they were just punk kids who knew some things about hot-wiring but there's no reason they should have tried to take my car. I don't care what their intentions were, they'll get no sympathy from me. Really hope they get caught someday.

Really hope my car is safe, it's the last one we've got since my bro's got wrecked. Without it, we'll be totally dependent on my aunt's family or friends to drive us places, which would suck ass.

Oh and insurance rates are UNREASONABLEY high. If you don't have parents who are working and if you don't have a job you're screwed. I have no idea how to come up with the money for the insurance.
 
YOU DO NOT SHIT ON ME FOR DOING MY JOB! YOU'RE THE CUSTOMER, I GET PAID TO DO THINGS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T. YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT THE QUICK FIX SO DON'T COMPLAIN WHEN I TAKE LONGER THAN YOU'D LIKE YOU STUPID LITTLE BITCH. FEEL LUCKY I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU WITH A BLANK HARD DRIVE!
 
Well said Vay! Customers can be really mean! :(

I've just replied to my University offers (accepting my firm choice) and the whole idea's become real now... and quite scary. I think I'm able to achieve the grades needed, it's just the whole idea of moving away from home, making new friends and going to a foreign country in my third year there that's quite terrifying ^^"
 
The snow and Ice is starting to piss me the hell off. >:[ It keeps forcing us to cancel doc appointments and we CAN'T DO THAT cause they're for the study and HAVE to be done by certain dates or you get thrown off the study, then you have to start the process ALL OVER AGAIN. Why the fuck does Little Rock have to be THREE HOURS AWAY. Can't they have this shit somewhere closer?!
 
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