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Magical Vending Machine

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You get the iPhone back, but it's somehow turned into a digivice. Numemon are constantly sending you spam mail and selfies.

I insert a sword of promised victory, probably.
 
You get a lance of assured defeat, most likely.

I insert a pen with ink of four colors.
 
The machine spits out begging high school students.

I insert a coin.
 
You get a tiny metal replica of the Titanic

I insert the irony of the last transaction
 
You get an iron ingot. But the machine asks why.

I insert terrible puns, written on paper notes.
 
You get the corpse of Ridley Scott.

I insert my laptop.
 
You get all its files and photos printed out, a pocket calculator, and an office desk.

I insert a clip of "THE MOST INTESNE REKTSCOPE EVUR!!!!1!1! ULTIM8 KILL OF TEH CENTURE!!!!"
 
A bag of Doritos come out.

Followed by a stream of Mountain Dew.

I insert my pencil case.
 
You get a scrapbook. Some pencils to write in it with would be nice.

I insert 10 000 won.
 
The machine sucks you in, and you wake up on the first floor of Tower of God.

I insert an psychotic 30 year old magician man.
 
You get spoilers and a pair of polka dotted leggings.

I insert an invitation card.
 
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Beauty Kim bursts from the machine calling you ugly.

I insert a top hat.
 
You get a tea set, all of which breaks in the dispenser.

I insert a ca wreck.
 
The machine spits out the letter 'r'.

I insert my Japanese essay.
 
You get my Brit-Lit essay on Kin-Killing in Beowulf and Hamlet.

I insert a blank, flag sized sheet.
 
You get a giant Macdonalds logo.

I insert my Friday and Saturday.
 
You get an overtime payment from some random worker somewhere in the world.

I insert my Geology textbook.
 
You get a book containing the course for Unit 1 and 2 VCE Biology.

I insert the sun.
 
The machine melts. Good job

I insert a penny.
 
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