Magical Vending Machine

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You get screaming 12vs.

I insert an old painting.
 
You get a pile of ashes and a million dollars.

I insert a dragon egg.
 
You get all the books of The Inheritance Cycle.

I insert a pack of gum.
 
A large, pink bubble forms on the slot in which one inserts the things, and it pops, spreading the pink, sticky goo it was made of all over.

I insert a set of all possible sets.
 
You get silver service for four

I insert Reading Week
 
You get a primary school trying to raise money.

I insert a pop up book
 
You get dozens of shredded paper.

I insert a printed picture of John Cena.
 
The machine starts playing music and spits the paper back out, except John Cena has disappeared.

I insert a dirty shoe
 
A pair of someone's dad's sneakers came out. Perfectly clean even after 10 years of use o-o

I insert Steve Jobs
 
You get a shit ton of Apple Watches and a picture of his crying face.

I insert my soul
 
You get a puff of air

I insert the rain
 
You get stormy clouds.

I insert a rubber duck
 
You get a phone with shit ton of filters

I insert my phone
 
You get assorted cubes of various metals, as well as a chargable battery.

I insert a burning book.
 
The day gets turned into a great day to burn!

I insert a Police Detective.
 
The Vending machine keeps the original and spits out a copy.
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Enjoy your brand new* synth detective.
*product may just be a shoddy prototype.

I insert a job application.
 
You get rejected because a relative of the CEO also applied for the same job, even though you were more qualified.

I insert a heretic.
 
You get Season One of Community on DVD

I insert a cockney accent
 
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