Emery's feet moved on their own, one hasty step after another as he dashed through the moonlit forest. Each step carried him over. The pace he kept was uncharacteristically quick for his unathletic body. Yet, he pushed himself to his upper limit even despite his shaking legs. He didn't know where he was going. Only that he had to run. He had to get far away from that forest, and all reminders of what he did. It was his sole comprehensible thought, the only thing keeping him from completely breaking down. His mind was a mess of jumbled thoughts, all interrupting each other and leading into the next.
When he made it back to the tunnels, he sprinted through the corridor as fast as his legs would carry him. The hallway was dark, nearly pitch black now without the lighter, and tears blurred his already poor vision. A loose rock caught the tip of his foot. His momentum sent him flying forward, his arms flailed in front of him as he gasped. He fell face-first into the floor landing with a sickly thud onto his hands and knees. As small rocks dug into his hands, the rough floor ripped through his jeans and rubbed his skin raw. The pain that radiated throughout his body made him whimper, his pathetic sobs growing louder as his body collapsed fully onto the ground.
While he laid on the floor, he could feel its coolness through his thin clothes. The darkness began to envelop him, casting a dim shadow over his mind. "Were these the last sensations that Feyre felt before she died?" He wondered, his chest tightening. The thought that someone like Feyre, who had never done anything wrong to Emery, spending their final moments in the dirt, cold and afraid, was just too much for him to bear. His stomach churned, his body starting to heave as he felt the taste of bile in the back of his throat. A sudden convulsion sent the liquid spilling out of his mouth. If anyone were to see him like this, he would be ashamed at how pitiful he looked.
As he continued to blubber on the ground, aching in pain and wallowing, fatalistic thoughts started swirling in his mind. "I hate this...I don't want to do this anymore...I wish I could just disappear." The idea was tempting. He could just leave all his troubles and the cruelties he's faced behind, and finally, feel some sort of peace. But, in the end, he knew he didn't deserve something so pleasant. Moreso, as easy as it would be to throw everything away, he just couldn't do that to Hunter.
The urge to seek out his brother emerged again. Even though he knew it was probably useless, he was in desperate need of some comfort. And Hunter was the only one who would understand. With a groan, Emery pushed himself up using the wall for balance. His knees wobbled, pangs of pain shooting up his legs. With a deep breath, he continued through the rest of the tunnel.
When he finally surfaced back inside, he was relieved that the hallways were empty. Even with the dim lights, he looked a mess. With dirt covering his clothes, his wavy hair stuck out in every which way. His face was ghostly pale, though his eyes reddened with tears. Emery remembered that Hunter had mentioned attending the party in Abernathy after their meeting. With that thought, he went to search for him.
Fortune favored him.
Hunter didn't so much as stick out as he did dominate the hall. He was the lone figure headed towards the dregs of the party, and his passing form chased away the light, the shadows crowding in hungrily in his wake.
The footsteps behind him made the quarterback turn minutely, then fully as the sniffles reached his ears.
With every step, the feeling of utter despair emerged from the darkest corners of his mind and swallowed him whole. He was drowning in his guilt and regret, sinking deeper into the murky water.
When he finally spotted Hunter, it was like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. He was Emery's only lifeboat, and he needed someone to save him. As his trembling lips parted, he tried to call out to him, but his throat was sore from his cries and his voice got caught.
Emery had always been good at finding weaknesses where Hunter had thought they'd had none. The tear-streaked face that greeted him made Hunter's eyes darken in the shadows, a cold, unyielding black.
He wasn't in the mood for this shit.
"What?" Hunter asked angrily. "What do you want?"
The darkness in his brother's eyes caused him to flinch. His dirty hands raised to his chest as if subconsciously protecting himself. With watery eyes shimmering in the dim light, he tried to speak again. "I...Hunter, I-..." He could bring himself to say the words, to admit the evil things that he did. "The forest-... Feyre, she…" was all he could get out before he broke into a violent sob.
"She what? She what?"
But he already knew. Hunter wanted to drown out the screams in his head, the desperate pleading of victims long past brought forth to the sickening trees by his own hands. He asked twice like the answer was going to change as if somehow the irreparable damage he had wrought would not occur from Emery. Who the hell was he kidding?
Emery coped with tears. Hunter didn't cope at all. Because monsters didn't cope.
All his emotions rose to the surface in one big wave, and Hunter looked away.
"You know what? Nevermind. Just go to your room before someone sees you," Hunter snapped. "Seriously. Always goddamn crying."
Although Emery wasn't expecting much form of sympathy from his brother, after all, Hunter wasn't known to be the most empathetic person. However, as the other lashed out with exasperation and an irritated look, it utterly crushed the youth. It was as if a knife had been plunged into his chest, completely shattering his last pieces of hope.
A desperate pleading expression twisted his face, "But-... Hunter, please..." Emery whimpered. "I'm scared...I keep hearing her-" He choked back a sob, unable to describe the horrific sounds of Feyre's screams. "I don't want to be alone." Every time he blinked, images from the forest flashed inside his mind. The thought of being alone with his thoughts was something he didn't know if he had the strength to overcome.
The rise of Hunter's emotions reached the summit, and his temper snapped like a bowstring.
"Shut up!" Hunter roared, whirling on Emery with his eyes ablaze. "Shut the hell up! Why can't you be strong for once in your fucking life?"
The words stung worse than any act of violence ever could. Emery's emotions bubbled up inside him, catching in his throat. With his stomach churning, he almost thought he might vomit again.
As he vainly wiped his overflowing tears, he shouted louder than he thought he could. "I'm sorry!" A sob broke through his trembling lips. "I'm sorry I'm not like you…" The words would have almost been sarcastic if they weren't filled with so much anguish. "What's so wrong about me anyways? I'm your brother, why can't you show some compassion?" Emery grumbled, his brows knitting together as he peered up with a daring expression.
"Brother?"
It came bubbling up: the self-hatred. The loathing. What was compassion, anyways? Yet another disparity between the two.
"You're not my brother. You're a mistake."
Why was he saying this?
"If you had any ounce of me, you'd be able to handle this like a man. Alone. No one ever helped me."
That wasn't true. Emery had been there at times, but Hunter had unintentionally pushed him away, wanting to keep him far, far away from...everything. The realization still did not stop the cutting words from escaping his lips.
"If you don't like it, then why don't you join Feyre?"
After everything that had happened tonight, Hunter's denial of brotherhood was the most painful. Hunter was all he had in his unnatural life, the only one who could truly understand him. The thought of being utterly alone was terrifying. It was the final blow before his composure came crumbling down around him. The resolve to remain strong despite everything, quickly vanished.
The night had worn him down and broke him.
"How could you say that?" Emery shouted back, heartbreak hiding behind his anger. The words were particularly painful, as they had been secret insecurities that he had thought too. A fire ignited inside of him, one that he had never felt before. It raged out of control in his chest, and he was unable to contain it.
"I hate you!" His hand rose, and in a flash, his palm struck Hunter across the cheek with all the strength he could muster. Emery huffed, his blood boiling while his eyes overflowed with tears. "If that's how you feel...then maybe I will join Feyre…" His voice was lower and filled with despair.
A shadow passed over Emery's distraught features. Large, dark, and terrifying, Hunter loomed over Emery, his fist hanging over the boy's delicate face. It shook; this monstrous weapon of his quaked as it froze in the air, unable for whatever reason to connect with its target. Hunter's face was another matter entirely.
Still as a statue. Rage had never marked the boy so profoundly as it did in his sculptured expression. And yet his eyes...his eyes were -
It felt like being hit by a battering ram. Hunter's hand flattened and he slammed it against Emery's smaller chest, shoving him back hard. His face had become cloaked in shadows once more, and he turned away, away from his brothers and his tears and his words.
"I hate you!"
"Touch me again and I'll kill you."
Everything was too much. The emotions swirling inside of him were intense, making it hard for him to breathe. All the hope he had come searching for in Hunter, was crushed with the hateful words spat back to him. With a pathetic whimper, Emery turned and ran back down the hallway.
Hollow eyes followed him.
After a moment of silence, Hunter stepped away, his back meshing with the walls of the hallway. Sane, coherent thoughts eluded him. He was numb. His vision was clouded; he raised a hand to his eyes to wipe them clean, blinking a bit at the back of his fingers.
They were wet.
