could use more body, be more descriptive, describe your character's surroundings and how your character thinks about them, interact with non player characters, NPC's meaning like Cafe' staff, you are getting the hang of it though, however one-two line posts are well, not very well accepted round these here parts.
No not really, but considering it would be in a cafe' one would think there would be NPC's such as a waitress or two, a cook those people would greet the customer (Working at a Waffle House I know they do this cause I had to) and realistically she would speak to NPC's as well as having your character catch her character's eye enough to introduce herself to yours, then likely she'd order food, or a drink. just trying to keep things a bit true to life in terms of behavioral stuff feel me?
Yea, VA is right, character action is important as well, what she does with her hands her facial expression movements, all of that adds more detail to your character and makes her seem more like a three dimensional character.
This is a sample from my RP Resume:
This is an entrance post for a character I made years ago I haven't used him on here yet
Drifting, drifting passed myriad stars and other worlds was a small ship, shaped much like a winged eel-like fish. Though dilapidated and with heavily weathered paint, it could be told to be from an alien world, and it was still functioning at a level where it could still travel at a faster rate than light. Inside, a single tube frozen solid in a strange suspended animation, fogged over so much that what it contained was a mystery. On the floor around the ship, remains, skeletons from long ago, lay scattered to a point where some bones were with completely different skeletons than the ones they belonged to. The walls were plastered with a glowing blue crust, blood from untold centuries ago spattered and dried against the extraterrestrial metal of the ship's control room.
However, the ship soon resounded with an alarm, computers throughout flashed alerts in a dead language as the life support tube opened up, thawing whatever was inside while the power to the lights died. Through the flashes of red and the pitch black darkness of the ship two big neon green orbs peered out and quickly, buttons were being mashed and screens smashed. "Mika'shogonade! Kumoteigashi ukeidagoka! ukeida ukeida ukeida UKEIDA UKEIDA UKEIDA!!!" (What's going on! Why won't this stupid thing respond?! Respond Respond Respond Respond Respond Respond!!!!) an excited voice screamed, as the ship plummeted into the atmosphere of a small blue world.
Coming to, the survivor of the ship found himself on the surface of the planet, looking over to the wreckage of the ship. Flaming debris still falling from the sky as he stood, a young girl and her father looked at him awestruck and frozen like deer in headlights. Of course they would, to them he probably looked quite out of place, a boy 4' 1" with jet black hair that had vivid, natural blue streaks through the bangs hanging over large eyes that were nothing but a glowing neon green. Ape like fangs that protruded when he opened his mouth to take a breath, and a long, black tail like a spider monkey jutting from the back, striped in blue with a pattern similar to a tiger's. Scars like tattooes painted over his fire lit form and in addition to human ears he sported pure white cat ears through the locks of mustled hair on his head. Like lightning, however, he disappeared into the forest headed towards the mountains and over the course of two years, the whole area had been rife with reports of people seeing the same creature from the Sanctuary of the Sea Mother to the abandoned military base, from the lake to the town and of course the forest.
Now You're new to this so something like what I typed above would be a humongous leap for you, however I put this up here as an example for you to take from, learning wise, so you can go over it see the details and everything and incorporate more body to your writing so you can get better at it.
