Corrupt a Wish

  • Thread starter IntrusivePenDesperateSword
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You are the antagonist of a novel and that novel sells poorly.

I wish for time travel powers.
 
Granted. However, said power requires a loading time of one week and a sacrificial ritual that would have gotten you executed if done publicly, and the actual travelling makes sure to always land you in a battlefield. At least you get a nice, first-hand experience of the wars, eh?

I wish for everyone to find the motivation to fulfill their new years resolutions.
 
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Granted. Twenty people made a New Years Resolution to kill you. Have fun with that.

I wish I to fall asleep.
 
Given the grammatical incorrectness of yours, I'll assume you meant "I wish I, too, fall asleep." Granted. You fall asleep, and you are asleep too, as long as someone else is.

I wish for everyone on the planet to perfectly master English.
 
Everyone perfectly masters English, however we soon cause more wars due to everyone believing their English is perfect English.

I wish for happiness.
 
Granted. You have happiness and only happiness. However, the happiness never increases or decreases, and soon your sense of emotions begins to dull. As well, your happiness comes at the price of everyone else's despair.

I wish to meet Princess Zelda.
 
Granted. Before you lies a 3DS with a modified copy of Ocarina of Time, which allows for voice commands to be entered, to which Zelda will respond. As soon as the perpetual intro cutscenes is over, that is. To make the wait less boring, every time someone blinks, a jolly song about villainy is played.

I wish for the immediate resolvation of any and all current armed conflict, as well as the forgiveness and ceasement of any previous qualms.
 
Granted. As a result, all weapons manufacturers go out of business. This further cascades into an eventual collapse of the world economy.

I wish for We Are Number One, but every One is replaced by a Murder Moments video by @Bomb
 
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You bet'cha I'm on it. Granted, but it'll probably suck.

I wish for a good Waluigi game.
 
Mason Moretti said:
Granted. As a result, all weapons manufacturers go out of business. This further cascades into an eventual collapse of the world economy.

I wish for We Are Number One, but every One is replaced by a Murder Moments video by @Bomb
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oh jesus, do i even have enough murder moments videos to do that
IntrusivePenDesperateSword said:
You bet'cha I'm on it. Granted, but it'll probably suck.

I wish for a good Waluigi game.
Click to expand...
Granted! Waluigi game now rated 18+ for... specific reasons.

I wish for immense luck.
 
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Congratulations! Enjoy your lifetime supply of immense extremely bad luck.

I wish for a serving of delicious spaghetti inside a clean bowl with a fork beside it.
 
Mason Moretti said:
Congratulations! Enjoy your lifetime supply of immense extremely bad luck.

I wish for a serving of delicious spaghetti inside a clean bowl with a fork beside it.
Click to expand...
Granted! There is harmful bacteria in the spaghetti, but hey, least it tastes good!

I wish for a cup of water on a table
 
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You get a cup of water on a table that is poisoned on the top and must be drank.

I wish for the power to grant wishes.
 
You are given the power to grant wishes, but you can only grant them with some sort of monkey's paw or evil twist, and can never grant a simple wish. You must also have your wishes submitted to the internet in order to grant them.

I wish that fire can not burn me.
 
You are given the power to have fire not burn you but anything not on fire burns you instead

I wish I could be a good artist
 
Your wish is granted. You are now a master of the fine "art" of shitposting.

I wish that I can set checkpoints and come back to life like in a video game.
 
You may come back to life at checkpoints, however each checkpoint is either in the middle of the ocean or inside the inner workings of a sewer

I wish I could not be depressed
 
You gain the possibility of not being depressed. You now could not be depressed, but nothing has done to change the state of depression.

I wish to be friends with all the admins on Iwaku.
 
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You can be friends with the admins, but you constantly profess your love for all of the banned members every time you talk to them.

I wish to be best vocaloid.
 
Sure, but you're now Snoop Dogg Vocaloid.

I wish everything could be solved by headbanging to metal.
 
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