Corrupt a Wish

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IntrusivePenDesperateSword

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You are a genie. The user above asks you for a wish. You are to turn that wish to the user's disadvantage.

I wish I could run faster.
 
Granted, you are now a puma. Of course, seeing as most people don't like pumas walking around in the open, you are quickly captured and transported to the local safari park.

I wish for a self-refilling mug of coffee.
 
Granted, you know have a kind-of sentient coffee cup that fills itself. But it's not like it can conjure coffee out of nowhere, no, when empty, it wanders off and gets it elsewhere.

I wish for a perfect loudspeaker.
 
Granted, you now have a loudspeaker. Except this loudspeaker won't shut up because this speaker will continue to shout right at your ear because it is loud.

I wish for a sandwich
 
Granted, you have a sandwich. With nothing but watermelon inside. And the "bread" made out of compressed raisins.

I wish to be teleported to the other side of the country.
 
Granted. Assuming you are above ground, logically the other side of the country would be underground, right? Therefore, to fulfill your wish, I'll transport you to one inch beyont the center of the earth ^_^.

I wish to gain the ability to bake the perfect batch of cookies.
 
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Granted, you have the ability to make the single best batch of cookies. The single one. Make sure to fit a few on the plate.

I wish for a plate of pitas and tzatziki.
 
Granted. You have a plate of pitas and tzatziki, however they are inedible model replicas.

I wish for greater intelligence.
 
Granted. Your mind is filled with all possibly attainable knowledge. However, the human mind is not made to tolerate that amount of information, so two things may happen. 1. Your brains explodes. 2. The brain is filled to capacity with stock charts for an Indonesion paper clip company, and everything else is forgotten.

I wish for more time.
 
Granted. Now you will live until the world ends and everyone else around you dies. Also, doctors will hate you for finding the secret to staying healthy and young!!!

I wish for hot animu baes
 
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Granted. The most beautiful animu baes in the entire history of animu baes appear right next to you... and then promptly catch on fire. You are then arrested for murder, arson and witchcraft.

I wish for a universe-wide peace.
 
Granted. The universe is at peace.... but only because all high functioning life (including humanity) has been wiped out.

I wish for the ability to fly.
 
Granted. ...you meant the ability to transform into a fly, right? No, wait. Granted. Your fly will now never be unzipped.

I wish for my memes to be frontpaged
 
Granted. They've been frontpaged... on an ebook no one reads.

I wish for everyone in the world to have an endless supply of fresh, clean water.
 
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мι∂иιgнтєя said:
Granted. They've been frontpaged... on an ebook no one reads.

I wish for everyone in the world to have endless supply of fresh, clean water.
Click to expand...
Granted. Remember the story about Noah's Ark? Yep, that happens. But hey, at least nobody got thirsty :D

I wish for my cats to stop trying to kill each other -- without either or both of them succeeding at it, mind you.
 
Congrats! A giant hound just gobbled up your cats!

I wish I was cool.
 
Granted, you're now not only cool, you're 0K.

I wish for the ability to replicate the powers of supernatural occurences.
 
Granted. Now there is a ragtag group of weirdos called the 'Avengers' chasing after you to the ends of the Earth.

I wish for apple pie.
 
Granted. You now have a pie. Oh, watch it, there it goes. What? Of course it needed consciousness and functional legs.

I wish for the power to always think of a witty or clever response to anything.
 
IntrusivePenDesperateSword said:
Granted. You now have a pie. Oh, watch it, there it goes. What? Of course it needed consciousness and functional legs.

I wish for the power to always think of a witty or clever response to anything.
Click to expand...

Granted, everyone around you now thinks you are a asshole because of offensive comments.

I wish to become the Universe. I can tell already this is going to become hell for me so give me your all.
 
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