Corrupt-A-Wish Thread

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Granted, you now have an entire barrel of waste collected from a elephant that ingested enough yellowcake to power a small city for at least a week.

I wish to have a word with the muffin man.
 
Granted, but you'll be talking to him partially.

I wish I had the largest pizza in the world.
 
Granted but it is also the world's oldest pizza.

I wish I had a private jet.
 
Engine cathces fire the first time you fly it.

I wish I had an awesome avatar.
 
Granted but the next person who posts has the same avatar as you. So now you're left as a copycat who still doesn't have one of his very own.

I wish my dogs didn't howl with the American Anthem everyday.
 
Granted, but you get cats that oddly cluck like chickens.

I wish I had salt for my eggs.
 
Granted, you have salt for your eggs. The salt is not normal though, it's magic salt. As soon as the salt hits the eggs the eggs will turn on you and eat you.

I wish to be able to grow a full beard.
 
Granted, but bird's decide to imprint themselves on you by nesting in it.

I wish I had more Dexterity.
 
Granted but your constitution goes down to negligible numbers and you cut yourself on the edge of a banister and bleed out.

I wish for a limited edition copy of LOTR
 
Granted, but the disk is scratched badly, so it won't play.

I wish that I could ride a spaceship to the moon.
 
Granted but it runs out of gas on the return trip and you drift off into the abyss.

I wish I could own every Spider-man comic produced by Marvel
 
Granted, but they catch on fire the second you touch them.

I wish I always had the perfect plot bunnies.
 
Granted, but they become so perfect that you cry every time you think about them, preventing you from ever getting around to writing them.

I wish I could end world hunger.
 
Granted, but now there is World Thirst.

I wish my foot wouldn't fall asleep.
 
Granted, but now it's on the move even when your trying to sleep.

I wish that people would stop mistaking me on the internet as a girl.
 
Granted but people start to ignore you looking for another girl

I wish my dog would stop grunting like a pig.
 
Granted, but he starts whining like a baby.

I wish it would stop raining.
 
Granted, now it doesn't stop hailing.

I wish I had the fastest computer in the world.
 
Granted but it was fastest in the world in 1979.

I wish I could watch The Amazing Spiderman again
 
Granted but the screen is black and you can only hear the sound of the movie.

I wish I could hire a cleaning lady.
 
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