@DuskNDawn
Character: Sarah Yamamoto;
Euphoria Thermosa
Smart Asian; CHECK
Had an opportunity to make a pun name for the Kuakilla University, or its mascot or sport team. Missed it. -10 points
Betty and Sarah; Lesbians? +10 points
Betty also makes a good plot hook for later!
Destroyer / Infiltrator : Stealthy Debuffs? Nifty.
Love the Destroyer Manifestation!
Not as much love but still like the Infiltrator Manifestation
Not addictive? Fair enough. Don't want an accidental drug dealer.
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
ROUND TWO ON POWERS APPARENTLY
Blaster / Regulator : Still a good combination
Both are still good. Not in love but still like them! Hopefully you do too so
I don't have to come back and review them again, ERIMEAN nothing.
@WanderingSpirit
Character: Serenity Dervis; Silver
No Blemishes? That'll change
fast.
Boyfriend mentioned, don't see a name! Give him one so I can use him in plots easier!
"but they kept it PG" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA +10 points
Decent excuse for basic self defense training.
A slight conflict with established lore. Remember, by and large people began to assume the Blast Event warning was a lie! The effects of that rumour wouldn't be as great as described. Tone it down just a smidge.
Infiltrator / Hunter : A classic combination
Hoho, not a snack cake; super speed. Training her whole life for them? Tone that down a bit, and should be fine. Not sure how this is Infiltrator, however. Instead appears to be Warrior!
Whoa, blindness? Didn't expect someone to give themselves a flaw like that. Fair power excuse, blindsight is good, and definitely Hunter!
The more I read of Hoho, the more it's definitely Warrior instead of Infiltrator. Not sure if that was the intention. Hoho also seems to be strange in how it's done. Would suggest replacing it with Enhanced Speed and then use Empowerments to increase speed and applications instead. Makes it simpler and more of a power than a skill set.
STATUS: Some edits needed.
@Jorick
Character: Byron Ignatius Kettering; Druid
An asshole who's a 'hero' to spite his parents? A bit iffy, but so long as he's good with saving people regardless of whether it's directly nature related he should be good!
The phrase "tree-hugging liberal hippies" is used. +10 points
Through a bit of corporate espionage (he read some things sitting on his father's desk) +10 points
Tanker / Blaster : Because fuck GLASS cannons
Tanker Manifestation is good!
I feel the Blaster Manifestation is creative and cool.
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
@Iben
Character: Oto Novák;
N/A Summoner
Prague Spring. +10 points
"assailed by strange images and whispered voices that spoke of the arcane..." easy to work as either legitimate or delusions!
Leader / Regulator : Another classic combination.
Manifestation stacks itself up on itself, golems are cool, obvious weakness in requiring material present to do it, guessing wreckage will be the best use for this.
The trepidation of testing the empowerment on others is an interesting touch. Gives me room to decide the results of that as well!
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
@Valhalla
Character: Annalicia Renee Rodriguez;
Parasyte
"While her mother was more forgiving, her fathers reaction had nearly put himself back into cardiac arrest." Whoooooooa, harsh. I like it, but damn.
"Finally have a good relationship with my family! Would be a shame if they all-- oh dammit."
Infiltrator / Hunter : More solid as this concept than the prior one.
The Infiltrator Manifestation is... hrm...
I've written on it twice now, deleting it both after I realized I was looking at it wrong. First it was okay, but then I was like 'wait, this feels more like a first level Tanker than Infiltrator' because it feels more 'avoid damage' than 'avoid detection'. BUT then I reread it and it is definitely 'move through things' and that's... acceptable. I'd say you can't use it yet to avoid attacks, however. Not yet, with an Empowerment, maybe!
That said, while you don't have to change this, a comment. I'd prefer that instead of having the ability to go longer but the danger of doing it at start, that you'd be unable to do the longer durations. Specially as you already have the 'hold your breath' thing! I feel that just having that be a limitation for now would be better. As is, it's still... fine.
Whoa I went on a lot longer on that power than I thought. MOVING ON.
Psychometry is just good, no problems from me on that one.
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
@LVL1337N00B
Character: Andrew Morgan Tolliver; Many Aliases
Biography is good, but unfortunately lacking in specific things for me to make jokes or comments about really. Oh well!
Tanker / Warrior : I was surprised we didn't get this sooner!
I'm a fan of the Manifestation! Obvious utility, a good drawback that makes sense, and stuff.
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
@Asuras
Character: Katsumi
Kaminaribi; Discharge
Yay! You used information you got from asking me things to make your Bio better. +10 points
1993, WWE should be WWF, I think. Also, woo, rasslin!
Don't suppose I could get a name for the terminally-ill girl? No reason. Don't ask. Just gimme the name :3
Warrior / Blaster : Damage ALL the things!
Hrm, the part about absorbing electrical damage should probably wait. Immunity to her own electrical damage is fine, however. Otherwise, I like that Warrior Manifestation.
The Blaster Manifestation shocked me (pun) though. I was expecting you to do it as a longer range zap. The ability to fling small metal things is good as a substitute, however!
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
@Holmishire
Character: Ariett Deveca; Resistance or Drag
"impaled upon a metal rod." Hardcore. Or kinky. Or
both.
Regulator / Tanker : Buff ALL the things!
Actually, this manifestation is pretty interesting. Works well with both Archetypes you took. Good good.
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
@Jerelin
Character: Katherine Eve Chase; Gemini
Cool, I'm an Aquarius er I mean
"thought school was for the birds." Hahaha.
White Castle? I feel this was a typo, and it was meant to be White Fence, unless he lived in a White Castle burger joint >_>
Infiltrator / Hunter : I was not expecting this one to be so popular!
Infiltrator Manifestation, clearly useful, but the only thing I need to have you add is some limitation that makes it so people can tell you've changed your shape, or something? Not sure, but it needs to be a bit weaker. Either a tell, or more limitations. You can certainly eventually get Empowerments that increase the power's strength to where it is now, and more, of course!
Hunter Manifestation is good as is!
STATUS: Very minor edits needed.
@Foxxie
Character: Charlotte Gabriels; Kairos
Like the forefathers thing. I can definitely work with it!
"town"; Kuakilla would be more accurately called a city. A small one, but still! :c -10 points
Incorporating nifty things from it otherwise +10 points
Destroyer / Regulator : Going purely into support, eh?
Manifestation: TIME! Haha, guess I talked you back into that, eh? Love it.
STATUS: Good! Welcome aboard.
@Zombehs
Character: Matthew Yung; Voidreaper
"He worked for Moonlit Steel Incorporated" +10 points
"The company had even helped him find cheap housing in Rook Island. Now that he thinks about it, the Bishop District probably would have been better. Closer, less populated, and overall more relaxed." +even more points
Infiltrator / Warrior : Stealthy brawler, alright!
Infiltrator Manifestation is good. You already handled balance well.
Warrior Manifestation, good, but I'd prefer that instead of boosted strength the scythe claws had something else to them that made cutting through things easier than increased strength.
Combining them to self buff is cool, but I'd ask you to not get that at start just yet... unless you did this and dropped the enhanced strength. So either drop the strength or drop this for now, and pick the other up with Empowerments later.
STATUS: Very minor edits needed.[/hr][/hr][/hr][/hr][/hr][/hr][/hr][/hr][/hr][/hr]