Afraid of Losing You {AcornTree}

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His question caused Hope to stop. She pulled her hands back to sit in her lap as she looked down at them, furrowing her brows as she bit the inside of her cheek, already feeling her throat begin to tighten when she imagined and remembered how she had acted when she found out that he had cancer. How she instantly yelled, got angry, and then cried right in front of him all in a matter of a couple minutes. The only thing that had been able to calm her down in those moments had been William, and it had only been because he ended up having to yell at her because of the way she was acting. Would she break down like that again? If she was in the room with him during the month and the doctor came in to tell them that something was going wrong and that the cancer was getting worse and that the chemo wasn't seeming to work... What was she going to do? There was no doubt in her mind that she was going to cry. That, she knew, was inevitable, but otherwise? She didn't know.

She wanted to tell him that she wasn't going to panic again, and she wanted to tell him that she was going to be fine but the words of what she had told him before entered his mind; she had to be honest. He had to be honest, which meant she had to be honest, and they had made a promise to never lie to each other and to always tell each other when something was wrong. "I..." She stuttered, shaking her head as she looked back at William with an unsure look with her brows furrowed and her eyes widened a bit. "I don't know." Her hands curled into each other, herself hating that she was so unsure about this but she knew that it was true. She just didn't know how she was going to react. "I want to say that I'll know how I'll act with everything, but I just don't know. And I want to say that I won't panic about anything, but I just don't know. Anything... Anything could happen."

She breathed out a sigh then. "I don't want to hurt you though, and I know you're not going to want to see me like that and I don't want you to see me like that if I do feel like I'm going to lose control over myself. I promise you that I'll try not to. I promise to try and not panic because I know that'll make things worse, and I don't want that to happen."
 
William was almost hyper-sensitive to the fact that Hope had pulled her hands away. He wished she hadn't, and he kept his hand on the table awkwardly since he didn't want to pull away at all. Even if her hand wasn't there anymore. He waited with baited breath for Hope's answer. Obviously he didn't want her to react like that again but... could he really blame her if she did? He sat back a little in his chair, wishing he hadn't asked it. He just wanted to be prepared, he guessed. The way she had acted before had taken him by surprise. He hadn't been ready for it, and it'd made him feel ten times worse.

He nodded a little when Hope finally answered. "Its okay." He said, the volume of his voice just barely above a whisper. "Its okay, if you do. I mean... you're right, I'd rather you didn't, but if you do its okay...." It was, really, even if it was going to stress him out more and hurt him to see her like that. "I just... want to prepare for it I guess... I wasn't expecting it before and..." He shrugged. He felt bad for asking her about it. "Its your feelings, you shouldn't hide them." They had promised that to each other, after all.
 
No, Hope didn't believe that it would be okay for her to panic as she had that Saturday, if only because, in her mind, she had been out of line with the things she had said, especially to the doctor, especially to William even if she hadn't said anything badly to him. During the time she had just been so angry and upset and scared and... Everything, that she didn't know how to handle it other than to outright deny it and to scream and yell and someone because she wanted to blame someone for what was happening to William. But no one really was to blame. Nothing really was to blame, she figured, because sometimes things like this just happened. That still didn't make her feel any better about it all, however. But she nodded her head to what he said and reached her hands back to grab onto his, that warmth that his hands gave to her comforting her in a way.

She breathed out a sigh as she looked back at him, shaking her head then and then leaning over to rest her head against his shoulder. "I don't know if either of us can prepare for what may or may not happen during the month," she spoke quietly, the thought alone causing her eyes to begin to water again. She knew that was true; she knew that it was unlikely that they would be able to prepare themselves if something went wrong, or even if something went right. Of course, she knew that they could make it through if it went right, but it was still the fact that neither of them really could prepare for this. Or at least not in any way that she could think of. "I don't think we can prepare ourselves to stop what ever it is we're going to feel during the time because anything can happen. And it's so scary to think that." She swallowed, her voice beginning to quiver though she tried to keep the tremors down.

"But you shouldn't hide your feelings either, no matter what. Like I've told you before, I don't think keeping things bottled up is a good thing."
 
William felt better when Hope took his hand again. He glanced down at them and then back up at Hope's face as she started talking again. Hope was probably right. About all of that. About preparing and what might happen and keeping his feelings bottled up. He knew that that was going to be hard in particular for him. To just let things out. He was never really good at that, but he would try. He sighed very quietly, just sitting in silence with Hope for a few moments after that.

Wetting his lips, William spoke up only when he felt that the silence had lingered long enough. "I've never been so scared... in my entire life...." It was very hard for William to admit that. To say it out loud, to Hope or to no one. She kept talking about how scary things were, and normally William wasn't scared of anything, but now it seemed like he was scared of nearly everything. He'd always imagined death to be so far away, something he wouldn't have to think about in a long time... and suddenly it was peering at him through a window, waiting to be let in, and it was scary. It turned everything else scary too.
 
"It's okay to be scared," Hope whispered to William after he spoke, herself picking her head up to look at him. She released one of her hands from his and rested it on the other side of his cheek, rubbing her thumb gently across it as she looked right into his eyes. "I think it's natural to feel scared about this. To be honest, if you weren't, I think I would be even more worried." And she knew that that was true. It William wasn't afraid about any of this, then she would have been worried about it all the more because she would have wondered why he wasn't scared. Would he have just accepted his fate? Would he have just come to terms with the fact that he may die and that he just wasn't afraid about that because he just wasn't? Of course, Hope knew that there were people out there in the world that weren't afraid of death because death came to people no matter what and a lot of people understood that, but she could never really understand that sort of thinking. She was afraid of death, even if she didn't want to be she was.

"But I'm going to be here with you." She didn't know why she wanted to keep telling him that. Maybe it was because he had asked her before if she wanted to stay? That seemed like a reasonable reason. Hope just wanted to reassure him and let him know that she was going to be there for and with him no matter what and nothing or no one was going to stop that. "I know that won't make you any less scared about anything, but just know that I'm here for you, always. You're not going to go through this alone, and I won't let that happen. And you can tell me anything, you know that. Just... Even if you are scared you can talk to me, and I'll listen."
 
William took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly when Hope told him that it was okay. Sometimes he felt like it wasn't - no matter the situation - but he knew that was just his upbringing. He always had to be brave and not scared. Sometimes it was just so hard, but that was the way his father had raised him. His father was in the military for a long time, and when William went away to college he had taken those four years to unlearn a lot of that 'men can't be scared' stuff, but even now it was in the back of his mind. It was why he also had a hard time just telling Hope how he felt sometimes, even if they'd promised to do that with one another.

Leaning over, he placed a quick kiss on her lips when she promised that she would be with him. He knew she would be, but it felt good to hear her restate it anyway. "I'll talk to you." He promised. He didn't know that he could do that with anyone else. Maybe his sister, but then again, maybe not. "I love you." He said it for as much of Hope's benefit as his own.
 
Hope leaned into the kiss when it was presented to her, and when they pulled back from one another and she heard him say that he would talk to her she felt a little better about the situation, though not enough to get her to really smile about it. She was just happy to know that he was going to, hopefully, talk to her about the way he was feeling. "Thank you," she whispered to him, tightening her hold that she still had on his hand as she continued to look at him. Was he going to become vulnerable over the month that he was in the hospital? Was he going to completely revert into himself and not say anything to her even if he said he was going to? She didn't want to think about that. But anything could happen, and if he did end up changing she knew that she couldn't be upset about that because it was only expected.

"I love you too." They sat in silence for a little bit longer, but as time wore on and as the day was beginning to turn into evening, Hope breathed out a sigh as she leaned back in the chair. Again she found herself looking out towards the street and the sidewalk, watching the things that passed by as every once in a while people would go in and out of the cafe. It was getting close to closing time but really Hope wasn't sure of how long they had really spent there. There was just... So many things to think about, so many things that they were dealing with. "Do you want to start heading back to the apartment?"
 
William was quiet too. His thoughts were scattered as they sat there together. He finished his tart, but it was more out of habit than because he really felt like it. Afterwards, he just leaned back and watched people come and go also. He should probably be outside as much as possible, considering he wouldn't see it for the next month starting sometime Friday. Jazzy would whine every once in a while to let them know she didn't appreciate being outside and not moving, but William didn't bother to quiet her. He kind of wished he could whine too.

William thought about the cancer, and about being sick in general. He thought about the treatment the doctor had suggested, and how if this didn't work he might spend the last bit of his life in a place he never wanted to be. He let out a sigh. Maybe he'd just leave if the treatment wasn't working. He wondered what Hope would think of that, but he wouldn't dwell. It wasn't happening currently, and he was trying to just take things one step at a time. That would be better anyway, than worrying over everything.

When Hope spoke up again, both William and Jazzy looked up at her. "Yeah, okay." He responded. He got up and Jazzy nearly hit her head on the chair she was under when she popped up too. William untangled her leash from around the chair as the excitable little dog ran around him and the chair both, and once she was untangled they headed back to the apartment. "How long do you think it'll take to get back in shape?" So much for taking it one step at a time. He could hardly stop the racing thoughts he was having though, and at least this one wasn't morbid or expecting the worst.
 
With another nod of her head, Hope stood from the chair and looked down to watch Jazzy start to dance around the chair and their legs in order to get herself untangled and just so that she could run around, even if she really wasn't going to be able to do any of that. As they started walking, Jazzy pulled against the leash, her little legs tensing a bit as she tried to go a little bit faster than what they were going at that point in time, little whines coming from her mouth as she finally stopped her frantic movements and turned to look at Hope and William, giving them a look as if to ask them what they were doing and why they weren't running. Frowning a bit, Hope looked up and wrapped her arm around William's like it had been before they made it to the cafe.

His question caused her to furrow her brows, causing her to think for a bit. This, at least, seemed to be a question directed more towards hope than anything. Hope that he would get better and that he would be able to get back in shape at some point in his life. That was something to look forward to happening. That, Hope figured, was something that she would be happy to think about. To think about him getting better and going back to the life that he used to live, to go back tot he life that she used to live. "I don't know," she answered, giving a shrug of her shoulders as she looked back down at Jazzy who had turned her head to look back ahead, the little dog having settled into the walk that they were going on, probably begrudgingly so. "I guess it depends on how you end up feeling after all of this." If you make it through, she added in the back of her mind but decided to keep quiet. She didn't want to think about that. He just had to make it through all of this... "But maybe it won't take too long for you, since you're used to being in shape. Isn't muscle memory a thing?"

They crossed the street and headed over to the side where the apartment complex was, themselves heading over to the opening of the complex before they started to head into it and down the sidewalk that would lead to where their place was at. "I'm sure it won't take you long to get back into it once you do. You're probably going to be really sore, but I guess you'll just have to pace yourself until you can build back the muscle that you used to have." But again, all of that depended on if everything would go well and if he was going to be able to beat the cancer. In a way, she hated talking about this subject, now, just as she hated think about the fact that he may die. Because if they thought and talked about what they were going to do after he was able to get rid of the cancer, would they not be more disappointed and hurt if it ended with the opposite ending that they wanted? That was why she had still been unable to give her mother a definite answer on what they were going to do with the cottage and if they were going to be going there with them for the summer. She didn't want to plan that far ahead for fear that the plans would be ruined and she would be left more devastated than she already felt. "I think you're just going to have to worry about eating well enough first before you start working out again."
 
William felt badly as Jazzy pulled at the leash. It made him upset that he couldn't run with Jazzy like he and she both wanted to. He was just tired. He bit his lower lip and looked away from the dog just as Hope put her arm around him. He put an arm around her also as they walked and Jazzy pulled at the leash in his other hand. He almost laughed when Hope asked if muscle memory was a thing.

"It is, but I think thats more that it remembers how to do something in particular, like run even if you don't remember, rather than how to be strong and healthy." He responded with a small, wry smile. A they continued walking and Hope continued talking about what might happen later, he nodded a little. That made more sense. Food and then work out. Once he got rid of the cancer.... if... he got rid of the cancer... he should get his appetite back too. He thought so, anyway, because didn't the doctor say it was a part of the cancer? He nodded once to himself.

Unlike Hope, it helped him to think about the 'after', so long as that after wasn't death. It just helped him focus on what he wanted, and he thought that maybe it would help him fight this too. Thats what people did, right? Fight cancer. He didn't really see how they could though. It was an illness, wasn't it just up to medicine and fate? He promptly stopped thinking that way, however. The Doctor said to remain positive, and even though that seemed impossible he could at least try it. "Well... hopefully it wont take too long. Jazzy needs a good run... not that you won't give her those..." Hopefully he hadn't just offended Hope, because he didn't mean to.
 
Tilting her head to look at him as he continued to speak, Hope rose her brows a bit before she dropped them and let her eyes wander his face a bit of his neck. What would it be like to see him differently if the cancer ended up causing him to grow thin and weak? Again she found herself on the same thought process that she would more than likely be more than worried over him because of it all, because who wanted to see someone they loved lose so much weight, but then her thoughts began to change since they were thinking about the after effects of it all. If he was able to come home and if the cancer was going to be gone from his body yet he still looked weak and frail, how would she look at him? Not any differently that was for sure, but would she still be... Attracted to him? Again, Hope told herself that she wasn't a shallow person, but there was a difference and she knew that. In all likely hood she wouldn't want to do anything with him anyway for fear of hurting him or for fear that he would be too tired, but what if, at some point when he got better but still looked a little too thin for her liking, he tried to start something with her yet she found herself not able to enjoy it?

The thought alone caused her to pale a bit, because what type of person would even think of something like that when the situation seemed to be so dire? But she couldn't help it, and, oddly enough, she found herself to be ashamed of it. But she tried to push the thought aside as she turned her head to look away from him then, her hold on him tightening a bit as she tried to get herself a little closer to him, though the fact that they were walking resulted in her being unable to be close to him since she didn't want them stumbling and falling to the ground. "I know. I'll... Try to get her to go on runs so that she doesn't end up losing her mind. I wouldn't just not do something like that for her because I know she would probably end up stressing herself out even more because of the pent up energy." Her eyes glanced down at the little dog then. "They probably won't be anything like you take her on, but it'll be something."

And taking the dog out on a run every once in a while would probably be good for her as well, if only so that it would get her out of the apartment and it would actually get her to walk more than the length of grass that was right below them that she usually let Jazzy walk into so that she could take care of her business when ever she took the dog out. If anything, it may take her mind off things, or at least distract her for the amount of time that she would be on the little run with the dog. Either that or it would be the thing that kept the two of them sane for the time being, or at least when ever they were on the run. "I promise I'll do that for her. I don't think it would be fair or even right to keep her from not running." But she knew she wasn't going to be able to do that every day. Probably once a week if she ever got the nerve and feelings up to do it, but at least that was something. Really, Hope knew that it was just going to depend on how she felt during the time and of how irritating Jazzy was going to be.

It didn't take much longer until they made it back to the apartment, and as per usual Hope unlocked and opened the door, allowing them all to step in before she closed and locked the door behind them. Even if she didn't want to she let go of William she did and stepped more into the apartment as she breathed out a sigh a ran a hand through her hair before she wandered her way into the kitchen, biting her lip before she turned to look at William. "I don't think we really have anything to eat or really make for dinner, but I think we have a few left overs that we can eat. Either that or we could order for delivery." Again she sighed, thinking, debating on what she wanted to say but then deciding to just say it. "I know you're probably no hungry, because I don't have an appetite either but... Having some food may be good, even to just have it here. If we ever do get hungry we can just munch on that."
 
William considered himself lucky, to have Hope. She was so wonderful. Just taking Jazzy on a run was huge. Especially since he knew that Hope didn't run a whole awful lot. Even with him, much less without him. He was grateful for her, and what she would do for him. He knew that not everyone would do something like that for their boyfriends or girlfriends. Hope was going to take care of Jazzy, and to the best of her ability, himself too.

"Thank you." He told her, giving her a little squeeze as they walked together. Pretty soon they got back to the apartment though. He watched as Hope went to the kitchen and Jazzy went right with her in the hopes of something good to eat. If William was going to eat, he'd rather not eat leftovers. At the same time, he probably wasn't going to eat much, if anything, and on top of that the money issue was getting to him fast. Even just a five dollar meal from the local Chinese place sounded to expensive right then.

William shrugged. "The leftovers are fine." He promised. He pulled a chair over to his keyboard. "I'm going to play a little, okay?" He asked. And then maybe he'd call his parents. He was thinking about putting them on speaker and three-waying with his sister, just so that even if Hope didn't say anything, she still knew what was said, and how things happened. It might make him feel a little better about it anyway.
 
Hope walked over and went to fill Jazzy's water bowl up with water, set it back on the ground, and then went to the cabinet to grab the dog's food so that she could fill up the food bowl that was on the ground as well. After looking at the clock she realized that it was a good time to give Jazzy her food, given how this was just about the normal time they gave her food on a daily basis since they kept her on a schedule with feedings. But pushing the thought aside, when William mentioned that he would rather have left overs, she nodded her head and walked over to the fridge to open it, registering the little chewing sound that Jazzy was making a she dug her face into her food. At least she was eating; at least she wasn't feeling sick in that moment. Or maybe she was but she was strong enough to be able to hide it and not let it effect her. The thought was enough to cause Hope to scrunch her face up, but she shook her head and turned her attention back to the contents that were in the fridge. They still had that lasagna from the beginning of the week that they could eat if they wanted that, and there was a sandwich in there from when Hope went to lunch but didn't finish eating it and then just a few other things laying in there. There weren't many, however, things in the fridge in general, instantly sparking the fact that she needed to go grocery shopping in her mind. But would she really need to do that? Soon enough it was only going to be her here with William gone, and how often was she really going to be here?

"We have lasagna still left over," she called out before she backed away from the fridge and and closed it. "So we can eat that if you want to. Just let me know when you get hungry and I can heat it up." Nodding her head to herself, she breathed out a little sigh and walked back over to the living room so that she could sit on the couch like she had about a week ago when she listened to him play the keyboard a while ago. At least he was feeling up to playing. That may be a good sign in terms of him feeling a little better about things, even if it wasn't really true. Music, she knew, was always something that made him feel better. She just only hoped that he was going to be able to bring an instrument with him, or at least be able to play them, in the hospital.

She sat on her knees on the couch and folded her arms over the back of it while she rested her chin on her arms so that she could listen and watch him play
 
"The lasagna is good." He agreed as she closed the fridge. He didn't need anything more than that. After they ate it, he would have to call his parents, and he wasn't looking forward to that. For now, he just played. He worked on that song he had been working on before all of this, tweaking it and making it just right before he played it through twice without stopping at all, just to make sure that it sounded right to him. Once it was done, he took the sheets of paper off of the stand and handed them to Hope.

"I said you could name this." She could write it at the top. He had liked her suggestion the last time he'd worked with the song, but if she felt something was more fitting he didn't mind. He wanted her to name it.

After she had the sheet music, he played a few jazz tunes, but softly so that they could still talk to one another over the music if Hope wanted to. He didn't mind, feeling at ease. Maybe he should take the keyboard instead of the cello... but the cello he could play a lot more mindlessly than the keyboard. Then again, what if he needed a mental exercise? He pursed his lips a little as he played, trying to determine which one would be best.
 
Breathing out a sigh, Hope continued to listen to William as he worked and played the music, herself closing her eyes as she listened. With her head tilted, she opened back up and looked at the ground to see Jazzy laying on the floor next to William with her ears perked and her attention obviously on him. How long would it be for her, for them, to not hear his music playing in the apartment? That alone was a bit of a depressing thought to Hope, one that was enough to cause her bottom lip to quiver. But she tried to shake the notion and the feeling and instead just decided to try and blank her mind out so that all she could do was listen to him play. And she recognized the song, the one that he had played for her a little bit over a week ago. Things had been better then; the both of them had been happier at the time with no worries to pull them down. But now... Now there was so much to worry about, so much to fear. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't things be like normal?

Biting her lip, Hope finally opened her eyes up and picked her head to look at William when he stopped playing and when he handed her the music sheet. She took it in her hands and looked down at it, her eyes roaming over the musical notes that she couldn't understand no matter how hard she tried to figure it out. How could he read music like he could? It was impressive, always would be to her, and she admired him for the ability to be able to do so, as well as for his talent for playing the instruments. Regardless, she nodded her head when he said that she could name it, herself biting the inside of her cheek as she grabbed the pencil and wrote down the title that she had had before. She figured that it was a well enough name for the song, and, really, she couldn't come up with the energy or creativity to conjure up another name.

"Well, the name that I had before for the song will forever be the name," she declared, nodding her head to her own thought as she finally looked back up at William and listened to him continue to play softly. In that moment she just watched him, watched as he concentrated a bit on what he was doing though seeming to relax with what he was doing. That was good, to see him the way he was now, rather than the way she had come to see him when she got back from work. "Unless you change it, of course. It's your decision." She shrugged and sunk into the seat a little more. There was silence, besides the sounds from the keyboard, between the two of them as Hope leaned herself back against the back of the couch. "Have you decided what you wanted to bring with you to the hospital, or what you can, anyway?" Raising her brows, she spoke the question softly, almost not wanting to ask it but knowing that it was something that she needed to know. Or wanted to know, rather. "And just let me know when ever you're ready to eat. I don't think it'll take long for it to heat up."
 
William might have smiled if he was feeling up to it, but he just wasn't. He did like the name she had chosen before though, and he nodded at her. "Its a good name." he answered as he continued to play. When the silence filled back in, William wasn't too upset or concerned about it. He just kept playing, although he almost missed a note when Hope broke it again. He brought his lips together again, not really sure what to say.

"I don't know.... if I want the cello or the keyboard." He answered at last. "Or if either will even be allowed...." He needed something though. Some instrument. He had to have it, and thinking about not having it made him a tiny bit panicky. A panic that he managed to hide. "Besides that... I havn't given it much thought." He admitted, looking at Hope as he continued to play quietly. He was playing songs that he'd learned or made long ago, so he had to think less about how to play them. Sometimes, when he was playing songs that he'd known how to play for a very long time, it was more muscle memory than anything else.
 
Hope frowned, but turned her head to try and hide it from William as she listened to him. She hoped that he would be able to bring one of his instruments, or even both just to have it there, just so that it could play them both. She could only imagine the withdrawals that he would go through if he wasn't able to play something for an entire month, because when she thought about it, how would she react if she wouldn't be able to take any picture for an entire month? She rubbed the back of her neck at the thought. No way would she survive with that. Even if there really was nothing pretty or significant to take a picture of, just being able to do that, being able to capture what ever she pointed the lens at, was something that had become so normal to her that it was abnormal to her if she hadn't done it for more than a few days. Unless, of course, she was going through what she was going through now, but even she had satisfied her urges to take a picture with what she had done with William last night.

"Maybe we should look over the papers that the doctor gave you before you left the hospital, just to see," she offered as she looked back at William. "Or we could call the hospital just to double check and see." But would he really want to do that? Would he want to call the hospital, a place that he would have to spend too much time in? If anything, she figured that she could do it if he didn't want to, just to make sure and just so that she could let him know. Maybe there was something else she could do for him though, if he wasn't able to bring any instruments with him anyway. Maybe she could find a CD that had a collection of piano playing and cello playing, just so that he could continue to listen to the sounds of it while he was there.

Now that she thought about it, Hope figured that she may be able to look into it. Or figured that maybe she should look into it before Friday.

But with it getting a little later, Hope finally got off of the couch and walked behind it. She went over to William, and, hoping to not disrupt him in anyway, she leaned over and kissed his cheek lightly. "I'm going to go heat up the lasagna. Maybe smelling it will give you an appetite." And maybe herself as well, she figured. But, really, she just wanted William to be the one eating so that he could keep his strength up. Pushing the thought aside, she leaned back and headed to the kitchen where she reached in the fridge and grabbed two plates out of the cabinets after pulling the leftover lasagna out of the fridge. She gave them eat a portion of what was left over before she started putting them in the microwave to heat up.
 
William nodded his head again when she suggested looking over the papers. It was a good idea, and one he would do maybe during dinner. Or after. Probably after. He was still desperately trying to push the idea of the hospital away, further and further. William was usually not one to procrastinate, but he couldn't help it at this point. It was just too much to think about all at once, even if he knew that procrastinating further wouldn't help things. At least hew as talking about it now, and he gave himself credit for that.

"I'll look them over in a second." He agreed verbally at last. If it wasn't on there, he was hesitant to call the hospital, and was thinking about asking Hope to do it. He was already calling his parents. One hard phone call was enough for one night.

When she got up to kiss him, he gave her a tiny smile. Her kisses always made things a little better. "Okay..." he answered with a sigh. He finished the song he was playing and then sat back as Hope busied herself. Getting up, he looked for the hospital papers, not really sure where he'd placed them when they came back. He found them still in the bag Hope had brought him last time, and he took them out and put them on the table. Sitting down, he started skimming over things.
 
Glancing over at William before he disappeared to go find the papers that had been given to him at the hospital, Hope sighed before she turned back and looked at the microwave, watching as the food turned slowly as it started to heat up. She began to be able to smell the sauce on the lasagna as she waited, though the smell of it wasn't making her any more hungry than she previously had been, and, really, she didn't see herself eating any of this when laid out on the table. But she digressed; if William was going to be willing to eat, then she figured that she should at least do the same thing, if only so that he wouldn't worry over her. But that only made her wonder if he was going to worry about her at all while he was away. More than likely, she figured that he would, though she really didn't want him to. It wasn't because she felt like she didn't need to be worried about, which was definitely an idea in her mind, but it was more so because of the fact that she figured he needed to focus more on himself than of anything else. He needed to just focus on getting better so that he had a better chance of getting better, if there even was a chance of him getting better.

Pushing the thought aside, Hope shook her head and jumped a bit when the microwave dinged with the timer going off. By that time William had come back to sit at the table with the papers across it while he looked down at it. She bit her lip at the sight before she turned and looked at the food as she opened the door to the microwave to open it to take the food out. Was it ready...? She poked at the food a bit, turned it around to make sure that there were no cold spots on the food, and after finding none she declared that it was ready and well enough to eat. She picked the plates up and brought it over to the table, placing one by William and then placing the other in the spot where she was going to sit. And after that she headed back into the kitchen to grab the rest of the things that they would need; drinks, silverware, and napkins, before she headed back to the table, sat down in her seat, and then looked over at William.

"Have you found anything on what you can and can't bring?" She asked, raising her brows as she reached over to take a sip of her water to clear her throat a bit. After setting her glass down she leaned over a bit to read a little of what she could see that was on the paper that William was looking at, tilting her head all the while.
 
William thanked Hope for the food and glanced at it, but didn't eat it yet. He looked back at the papers afterwards and then sighed softly. "I'm not sure about the instruments." he answered. He gave her the list of items that could and couldn't come. "They're not included on here, and I'm not sure if they fit the guidelines or not. What do you think?" He asked. He picked up his fork and pushed it into the lasagna. He pulled a piece nearer to him on the plate and then stabbed it before putting it to his mouth.

He chewed and swallowed it before he put the fork down. He wasn't really hungry. He was just eating because he felt like Hope wanted him to. So he was going to go very slow with eating that. Maybe he would only eat half of it or something. "I need my cello or keyboard." he restated. His other instruments were important, but not as important as either of those two. At least one of them had to fit within the rules, right?
 
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