Afraid of Losing You {AcornTree}

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Again, Hope couldn't help but frown as she listened to what he said and how the items he wanted weren't really stated in the guidelines. When he passed the paper over to her, she brought it closer to herself so that she could read it, furrowing her brows as she looked down at the paper and read through the list that was given. And, really, just like him she couldn't see anything that said that the instruments he wanted couldn't be brought, but then again they never stated that they could be brought either. After breathing out a sigh, Hope scratched at her forehead as she rested one of her elbows against the table, shaking her head as she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she answered, picking her head up to look at William. "I can call them tomorrow at some time and ask them if you want. At least then we'll get a better sense of if you can really bring those."

It was disappointing to hear him say that he needed them, and not because she was disappointed in him wanting those things, but disappointed in the fact that there was a possibility that he may not be able to bring those things. She felt as if that would do him no good, and really it may even stress him out more them help him. "I know you do, and I want you to have them with you too. I know how important they are to you." Again she could feel tears spring to her eyes, bu she quickly pushed them aside, as best as she could, and instead took a deep breath before she took another sip of her water.

When she saw him take a bite out of his food, it made Hope feel a little better. She tried to do the same thing herself, though taking a smaller bite and having a tougher time with getting it down, much like the other night when she had to force it down with a drink of water, which she ended up doing in the long run in the end. "We'll figure something out, okay?" She tried to bring him a little encouragement, again finding herself with that sense that she wanted to see him happy and well. Why hadn't she been acting like this the past couple of days instead of the pouting child that she had more than likely acted like? Maybe, she figured, it was because he hadn't been like this the past couple of days, and it scared her to see him like this. With another sigh coming from her lips, Hope leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder lightly, giving the clothes part of his body of his shoulder a little kiss before she turned her head to rest her cheek against the shoulder.
 
William nodded when Hope said that they could figure something out. "Thanks for calling." He would leave that up to her, both because he didn't feel like he could do it and because it might make Hope feel better, to be helping him. He used his fork to toy with the rest of his lasagna and then took another bite out of it, sighing softly. "Are we going to talk some more after I call my family?" he asked.

If they weren't, he might bring something up now. He knew that was the original plan, but that plan had gone out the window when he'd flipped out earlier and she had had to calm him down and make him better. William ate another bite of lasagna right afterwards and then pushed it away. He didn't want to be done eating it, because he'd have to call his family. But at the same time, he felt like if he ate another bite he might die right then and there.
 
With a nod of her head, Hope pushed the papers away so that neither of them had to look at it, so that neither of them had to be reminded of what was going to happen in the next two days. But, really, would they ever forget about it? Likely, that wouldn't be the case, but she figured that not looking directly at something that talked about the hospital may be better. But, she knew that she was going to be reminded of it all the more when she had to call the hospital, but it was something that she had to do for William. It was something that she was going to do for William. "You're welcome. I"ll call them tomorrow afternoon then." Or maybe in the morning, depending on how things went. Really, she didn't want to talk to them with William around, if only so that he wouldn't have to hear her talk to them, but she figured that if anything she could go stand outside to talk to them if need be.

Sitting back straight and rolling her shoulders, when William asked his question, Hope turned and looked at him with her brows partially raised. "Of course," she said, nodding her head before she turned and looked down at her food. She pushed her fork around a bit on it, though she still found no urge to want to eat anything, which only prompted her to scrunch her face up before she blew out a sigh. "We can talk when ever you want, about what ever you want. Okay?" She sat back against her seat then before she reached over to take another drink of her water. Really, that would probably be what her dinner consisted of. "Is there anything you want to talk about now? I mean... If you want to talk now we can, but if you want to wait then we can do that too."
 
William thought about this a moment, poking his fork into his lasagna repeatedly and watching as it made small little puncture holes into the pasta. He sighed and then shrugged his shoulders. "It can wait." He answered. It was an awkward topic that he wanted to bring up, and he'd rather do it after the drama with his family was over, so that the phone call wasn't even more awkward when he made it. He put his fork down and then sat back in his chair.

"I don't know if I can eat anymore." William admitted. A few bites of lasagna and he was done. Was it his nerves over calling his parents, or was it his illness? He pushed his hair up a bit and then looked towards Hope's food. "Are you done too?" If she was they might as well just throw the leftovers away. Heating it up once was fine, but heating it up twice was just gross whether he was sick or not.
 
"Okay," Hope answered with a nod of her head at his comment. What did he want to talk about? More about their finances, about what was, hopefully, going to happen when he was gone, or... what if he wanted to talk about if something went wrong and if the treatment didn't work. Just thinking about that was enough to set her stomach with nerves, and in that moment she felt like she could throw up as her body started to heat up. No, she hoped he didn't want to talk about him possibly dying; she wasn't sure if she could handle that now, or ever really.

She tried to push the thought off, however, even if it didn't really work. But to distract herself, Hope took another sip of water and watched as William started to poke at his food until he mentioned that he wasn't hungry. "Yeah. I don't think I can eat anymore either." After she cleared her throat, she took a breath and looked down at the table. "I guess we should start cleaning up then..." Really, she didn't want to, if only so that she could give William a little more time before he had to call his parents, but what else could they do?

Slowly, Hope got up from her chair then and grabbed their plates before she made her way back into the kitchen, herself heading over to the trash can in order to throw the food away. No point in keeping it if neither of them were going to eat it, right? Still, Hope found herself hating to do it, if only because before there had hardly been a time when they had to throw a lot of food away. Normally, they always ate all, or at the very least, most of the food that was always placed in front of them. But now... Neither of them could hardly stomach anything. After throwing away the food she headed over to the sink to wash the dishes, wanting to busy herself with that instead of just putting them in the dishwasher. "Are you going to call you family now?" She asked, poking her head up to look at him with a sympathetic gaze.
 
William had been itching to get rid of his own lasagna and do his own dishes, but when Hope took them he didn't complain. He just watched her dump the lasagna into the trash. When she went to the sink with the plates he got up and moved over to her, shaking his head in answer to her question. "After the dishes are done." He answered, buying himself a little time. "Here, I'll dry." He added, taking a towel and then getting ready to take the first dish from her.

He didn't feel like calling them while Hope was doing something else. Then again, maybe it would be easier. He didn't think so though. He'd way rather her listen in and help him out a little with it. "I think... I should probably just call my parents and sister all at once." That way he could avoid saying it more than once.
 
Nodding her head after she listened to William, Hope turned her eyes to look back down at the dishes so that she could finish them, furrowing her brows as she breathed out another sigh. She didn't want to be doing this; she didn't want this somber air to surround the two of them right now because she didn't like it. This wasn't the real... Them, she figured, and really she knew that it wasn't. She knew that William could tell that it wasn't too. Normally they would laugh with one another and play around after dinner, and even sometimes during dinner, or at the very least they would always relax with one another to just talk. But now... It was almost as if they were afraid to talk, if only because they knew what the topic of conversation would be; the cancer. And neither of them wanted to talk about that. Neither of them, she knew, wanted to be living like this, especially him she knew.

But when he mentioned that he would dry the dishes, Hope nodded her head again and passed off the dishes to him after she finished washing them. And while he was busying himself with that, Hope went to grab a rag so that she could wipe down the counters and anything else that needed to be wiped down in the kitchen for the time being. Her brows rose and her attention was turned back to him when he spoke up, herself rubbing the back of her neck at that. "That'll probably be the best option," she said, agreeing with him before she put the rag down and put it back on the side of the sink. "At least then you'll be able to talk to them at once, rather than having to call them individually. You think they'll all be available to be on a call all at once now?" That was a little bit of a concern, now that she thought about it. Either way she knew that he was going to call, but if he wanted to do it all at once, what if one of them didn't answer?

No, she shouldn't think like that. He was going to have to do it, regardless. "Um... I can sit with you, if you want me to still. I know you said that you wanted me to be there before when you call them, but just let me know if you don't want me to. I don't mind." If need be, she would give him his space with his family
 
William dried the dishes and then put each one away one at at a time. He sighed softly once he was done, not really able to postpone it any further at that point. He watched Hope finish up the counters and then he moved to sit down on the couch. He watched as Hope hovered close by, as if she was unsure of what to do or where to go. He took out his cellphone.

"Yeah... just sit with me, okay?" He requested. He felt more sick than ever in that moment. He knew it was nerves, but it was ridiculous how that could make him feel worse than the cancer currently. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, toying with the lock screen until he finally unlocked it. William called his sister first, putting his phone on speaker while it was ringing so that Hope could hear too.

"Heeeey lil bro." She answered. William let out a soft sigh.

"Hey, where are you?" William asked.

"Just at home, Eating leftover Chinese. When are you gonna come over and make something better for me?" She requested. William put his lips into a thin, straight line before he responded.

"Er... well, I just need to know if you have a bit of time. I'm gonna threeway with mom n dad." He answered.

"Um, okay, sure." She responded, mouth obviously full of Chinese.
 
When he told her to just come and sit with him, Hope nodded her head as she bit the inside of her cheek. Her hands were shaking lightly, her breathing was getting a little shaky, but after taking another deep breath she finally decided to sit next to him as he continued to fuddle with his phone. And it might have taken her a little, but eventually Hope settled herself next to William, placing a hand on his leg as she rubbed it gently in hopes of comforting him a little bit.

But she said nothing to him as she waited, her lips trembling as she bit her lip while she looked down at the phone in Williams hand. With every contact he went through, her heart thuded with nerves, and in that moment Hope found herself more upset at herself than anything. Why was she the nervous one? It just didn't seem right when she wasn't the one going through this. Nonetheless, she was still scared and nervous. But again she told herself that she had to be strong for him; she had to give William the support that he needed at the time.

She gave his leg another little squeeze of encouragement as he dialed his sisters number and finally called her, her breath dropping for a second before it started again when she heard the woman's voice on the other end of the line. His sister sounded so happy, so jovial! It was sad to think that that time would be gone soon. "You're doing fine," she whispered to him as she rubbed her thumb in gentle circles agannst his leg, herself turning to loom up at him.
 
William licked his lips a little when Hope told him he was doing okay. He was thankful for that, and he nodded a little at her. "Alright. I'm gonna call our parents." He warned, going through his contacts to the one labeled 'Mom' and then 'home.' He waited quietly as the phone rang, his sister still munching on leftovers as they waited.

"Hey honey." his mother finally picked up, and William's breath hitched in his throat.

"Hey mom..." He answered a little shakily.

"Hi mom!" His sister chimed in.

William rubbed at his face. "Oh, both of you are on the phone? Whats going on?" She asked, automatically picking up on something.

"Is dad with you first?" He asked. "He should pick up the phone too if he is..." William started. "I... I have some... news..."
 
Hope thought that it had been hard listening to William's sister on the other end of the line, but as soon as she heard his mom speak when she answered the phone she realized how much harder it was to hear. How was she going to react to hearing that her son had cancer? Probably not very well, she figured, but hadn't that been a concern of William's? To have his mom panic and try to control everything because she was concerned over her son?

Again, Hope told herself that it was understandable. After all, look at how she had reacted after finding out and she was only his girlfriend. She had only known William for three years while his family had known him his entire life. This wasn't some simple matter. This was too serious, one that his family, people that loved him unconditionally, would likely not like.

Breathing out a sigh after William spoke, Hope leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder as she looked down at the phone before she closed her eyes and just listened. There was a thought in the back if her mind that told her to say something to let the people on the other end of the line know that she was there with him, but at the last second she decided to stay quiet so that she could just listen.
 
His mom could be heard faintly telling his father to pick up the phone, and when he did William and his sister said hello. Finally William took a deep breath. He wished he had rehearsed what he was going to say. Or how to say it. Instead he probably did the worst thing he could and just blurted it out.

"I went to the doctor after I passed out and they said I have cancer." He said it all in one breath. There was an awkward silence on the other end of the line.

Finally his sister broke the silence with a nervous laugh. "Very funny, William." She said, not sounding all too sure of herself.

"No I... I'm serious. Please... don't make me say it again..." William answered, his voice sounding a bit watery as he did so.

His mother suddenly burst into tears and William felt the most terrible he had had in pretty much all his life. He swallowed thickly and then moved his hand to grab a hold of Hope's, feeling like he might cry too.

"William, if this is a joke you'd better stop it now." His father said sternly. William just shook his head wordlessly, not sure what to say.
 
Hope tried to even and steady her breathing as she listened to the conversation that William and his family were having, almost feeling as if she was an intruder listening in on a conversation that she had no right to listen onto. But... She needed to be here, or at least that was what she told herself. William himself even said that he wanted her to stay there with him through this, and she would. Always and forever. But when she thought about that it only brought more concerns to her; how would things play out when and if, though it was more than likely a would, his family would come there in regards to her? More than likely his family would want to take care of him and more than likely they would want to be there with him and for him, so where would that put her? Hopefully they wouldn't make her go away because of this, or at least hopefully William would argue against them in that regards.

As she thought, Hope nearly blocked out the noises around her, including William and the other people on the line, however when William finally spoke back up, Hope opened her eyes, picked her head up, and looked at him with a bit of surprise. So that was how he was going to tell them? Just like that with a quick little blurt? Honestly, she didn't blame him though. That was something that was probably bound to happen because of the fact that he didn't want to talk about it in the first place. The hand she had on William's leg tightened a little before she relaxed it and turned her eyes to look down at the ground as she listened to the collective reactions that his family gave him. They didn't believe him. They didn't want to believe him. And, really, she still didn't want to believe it either.

When his mother broke down and started crying, Hope felt her throat tighten and she felt tears surface in her own eyes. Quickly, before William could see them, she wiped the tears again and tightened her hand around his as he took a hold of it. There was a bit of silence between them all as they waited for William to speak up, but when there was nothing Hope turned her eyes to look up at him. Say something, she continued to say in her mind, say something! But when he didn't, and when she figured that he wouldn't, she finally spoke up, "H-he's not joking about this." She swallowed as she turned her head to face the phone, bringing her voice up into the conversation now, hopefully loud enough for them all to hear. Her voice was still shaking, her hands trembling even more so now... "Um... He has to go back to the hospital on Friday, and he's going to be staying there for a month for his treatment." Was she saying too much? Did William want to be the one to say something? If anything, she figured that he needed a little bit of help.
 
William was surprised that Hope had spoken up. He just hadn't found the words. What was he supposed to say if they didn't believe him? And his mother crying... well one of them believed it at any point but it hurt to hear his mother cry. He never wanted to hurt her. William's relationship with his family was a good one. He hadn't expected his family to think it was a joke. Well, maybe his sister, but not his father too.

He looked at Hope then. He felt bad for making her say something when he clearly couldn't. This was supposed to be his burden. What he was supposed to say.... but he was grateful that she'd spoken up instead of letting the silence lengthen.

No one seemed to say anything about the fact that Hope was listening or that she'd spoken up. They were all more focused on what had been said. "I... We're... coming down there, right now." his mother said between her crying. William took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, glancing at the clock and then back at his phone.

"Don't mom." He practically begged her. "Come tomorrow, okay? Its too late now, and... you'll get here when we're sleeping and... you're not in any shape to drive." Neither of his parents were, he was certain.

"William! We're co-"

"I'm supposed to get lots of sleep and rest. It'll be better if you come tomorrow." William cut off his father. He didn't want them to come tonight and make a fuss. He felt bad about using his illness against them and in his favor, but he didn't want them driving. It was too far away, and too late, and they were both emotional. He didn't want them getting into a crash or something else.

"We're coming first thing tomorrow then. Mira, you'd better come too." His father addressed his silent child.

"Y-Yeah.... of course, dad..." William's sister answered, sounding very much like a little girl. William felt like saying goodbye now, or just hanging up, anything to get away from this conversation, but he wasn't quite sure how to end it now. He glanced towards Hope again and then back at the phone.
 
Just as Hope had expected, they were going to be on their way to the apartment as soon as they could, right at that moment if they really wanted to. But when William told them not to and to come in the morning, she looked up from the phone to look up at him, her mouth quivering still as she looked at him. So heart broken, so hurt... She felt so bad for him, and in that moment she wished that she could take all of this away from him. She wished that he didn't have to deal with this in any sort of way really, because she could only imagine the turmoil that he was going through as he spoke to his family. If there was one thing she could give him, however, it was the fact that he wasn't breaking down like she suspected that he might have done half way through the conversation. But apparently he was stronger than that. Either that or he was merely putting on an act to seem strong so that his family wouldn't be even more distressed over the fact that their son was crying because of everything.

But at least he had been able to convince them to come tomorrow instead of tonight. At least it would give William, and her if she was being honest, a little more time before they had to face them. It was going to be rough, a lot rougher with them around, she figured, but it was something that was going to have to happen. His family would come, and there was no stopping it. So much for trying to have a relaxing day tomorrow since she didn't have to work, Hope thought to herself as she breathed out another sigh and leaned into William a little more, trying to get him to calm down a little bit.

"Um... We should... Head to bed now. It's been a long day, and William needs his rest." Hopefully that would end the call so that William could get away from it and so that he wouldn't have to continue to listen to them. "I guess we'll all just see you all tomorrow at some point then. Okay?"
 
Right. Heading to bed. That was a good way to end that conversation. "Goodnight." William helped to stop the conversation.

"I love you." His mother said firmly despite her tears. "We'll be there in the morning, as soon as possible."

They all said their goodnights and then William finally hung up the phone. He rubbed at his eyes to stop the tears that had come to them, but it didn't help much. He sniffed and then leaned against Hope, his anxiety about calling his parents gone but replaced with hurt. He was trying to be strong but when you tell something to your own mother that makes her sob like that... its so hard to stay strong.

"They're.. going to want to know... everything tomorrow..." He whispered.
 
Hope remained quiet after that, and when she heard William's mother say that she loved him and that they would be there in the morning, she couldn't help but grimace and feel a pang in her heart. Tomorrow was likely going to be the roughest day yet with everything that was going to happen, yet Hope couldn't help but think that Friday and the days after that were going to be so much worse because he would be actually be in the hospital. How long were his parents going to stay, she wondered, and where were they going to stay at? Would they be willing to stay at a hotel or would they try to figure something out in order to stay closer to William?

She tried to push the thought aside though, and when she felt William lean into her, Hope turned her head and looked at him with watered eyes. "I know," she said back softly to him, sighing before she reached with her arms and wrapped them around William's shoulders to pull him into a hug. "I know they will." And it's not like they couldn't not tell them because one way or another they were going to find out everything about it, whether it be from them or from the hospital. "But we have to tell them or they might just bother the hospital with trying to figure it all out." But did either of them really know what was going on? Hope really didn't, or at least not much more than the fact that he had a relatively aggressive cancer that ended up landing him in the hospital for an entire month so that he could get the right treatments. "Or we could just give them the papers to look over, if you don't want to tell them." That may be a good option, she figured; having them look at the papers that he had been given. Maybe that would give them more information about it.

She squeezed William a little tighter before she relaxed her hold and pulled back so that she could get a better look at William. "It's what ever you want to do though. If you want me to talk to them about it because you don't want to, then just let me know and I'll do it. I'll do... Anything you tell me to do, okay?"
 
William relaxed somewhat in Hope's arms. "Giving them the papers is a good idea..." Everything they needed to know was on there. He was worried about when they came over still though. Especially his mother. He rubbed the tears away from his eyes again. At least he wasn't nearly as bad off as he had been with telling the principal yesterday. Maybe that was because Hope was with him. Or because they had done it over the phone. Or both.

When Hope said she'd do whatever he told her to, he sighed quietly. "Will you close your eyes and put your finger on your nose and hop on one leg?" He asked. He had no idea why he asked that. He wasn't exactly trying to be funny, nor was he trying to exercise control over Hope. It was just the first thing to come to his head.The first thing that wasn't cancer-related anyway. Something far off and ridiculous and having no meaning what so ever.

One thing was for sure though. William didn't want Hope telling his parents for him. Tonight had been enough. He needed to figure out a way to handle them.
 
At his question, Hope rose her brows before she titled her head to look back at William, not sure whether or not to take the comment as a joke. But with the flat tone that came with it, she figured that he merely said it just to say it, maybe to try and forget about the conversation he just had with his family a few seconds ago. Nevertheless, she still answered, nodding her head before she leaned over into William and rested her head against his shoulder. She too, breathed out a sigh then before she closed her eyes to try and block the tears that wanted to fall from her eyes. "If you want me to I will." If it would make him feel better she would do it. To be fair, if anything would make him feel better she would do it for him, just so that he could start to feel better and just so that she could feel better as well. It was beginning to become apparent to Hope that as long as William wasn't going to be okay, she likely wasn't going to be okay, and the thought worried Hope all the more as the realization finally came to her.

Her eyes turned to look down at the floor when she heard Jazzy walk over to them, herself sitting on the ground by the couch as she gave off a little whine before she laid down on the ground, resting her head in between her paws as she shifted her eyes to look up at the two humans. The poor thing, Hope continued to think, because like her, it seemed that if William wasn't getting any better, then Jazzy wouldn't either. "Do you want to go back to the room and lay down? Just so that we can relax a little?" She asked after a few moments of silence with her just holding onto the man she loved and with her gently rubbing her foot against Jazzy's back to try and calm the dog down as well.

"Or we could take a shower, or a bath, or just... Nothing." Was she saying too much now? Was she asking him too many things? "Or we could just talk about what you wanted to talk about before."
 
William shook his head 'no' when she said she would if he wanted. He didn't really want her to. He pressed a kiss to the part of her neck that connected with her collar in quiet thanks. He thought that Hope would actually do it if he asked her to again, but he wouldn't. It probably wouldn't make him feel better anyway.

When Jazzy came over he sighed at the little dog, glad that hope was attempting to calm her too because he wasn't quite feeling up to it. He was going to agree to going back to the room to lie down when Hope started to babble some. Just as he was about to quiet her, she suggested talking about what he'd wanted to bring up before. He cringed just a little bit, pulling his eyebrows together. Maybe here on the couch with her was better than in bed after all.

"I... Do.. Did you read everything on the side effects?" he asked softly, trying hard to begin on what he knew was a rather delicate conversation.
 
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