D
Dervish
Guest
I DO WHAT I WANT, K.
I actually just finished the reviews. Just gotta tidy them up, run them by Souliolio and then post 'em!
- Status
I actually just finished the reviews. Just gotta tidy them up, run them by Souliolio and then post 'em!
D
Dervish
Guest
REVIEW TIME! For those of you accepted, I do ask you hold off posting until both Soul and I get stuff up, and please keep in mind that the posts may be lengthy, but that's just because it's intro and setting stuff. Don't feel pressured to write giant ass posts. Write what you feel comfortable and inspired to!
We also may have a couple more people joining in who have expressed interest but real life stuff prevented them from getting started until very recently, and our deadline was pretty short, so keep that in mind.
We also may have a couple more people joining in who have expressed interest but real life stuff prevented them from getting started until very recently, and our deadline was pretty short, so keep that in mind.
As always, your gift for written description boggles my mind and evokes images in my brain case that ranks up there with my favorite novels. I absolutely love the idea of a character that takes tattered stripes of an enemy's uniform to add to his own, even if it's impossible to even begin to imagine what that would begin to look like (I imagine a terrifying quilt work rag doll), and I really can't wait to hear some of Paints' stories of the various patches.
A thing that sticks out about him is he almost seems like a bard where stories and tall tales that may or may not be truth define him and ensnare his audience's imagination, and knowing you, you can pull that off pretty darn effortlessly which is exciting.
I don't have any criticisms for his background and history, which is pretty comprehensive and consistent and very entertaining to read. I can't overstate how much I love the fact he's a bright, colourful character with a lot of personality that has a large air of mystery about him. Makes me want to find out more about him.
Seriously, a damn fine job. Ten points to Mosisdor!
A thing that sticks out about him is he almost seems like a bard where stories and tall tales that may or may not be truth define him and ensnare his audience's imagination, and knowing you, you can pull that off pretty darn effortlessly which is exciting.
I don't have any criticisms for his background and history, which is pretty comprehensive and consistent and very entertaining to read. I can't overstate how much I love the fact he's a bright, colourful character with a lot of personality that has a large air of mystery about him. Makes me want to find out more about him.
Seriously, a damn fine job. Ten points to Mosisdor!
We're really not sure if you understood the tone of the game and how we are trying to stay away from video game-like systems in favour of having realistic and believable characters, but as stands, your character is clearly just built to be nothing more than a super powerful magic tank with no shortcomings, especially those that come with being a vampire.
Also, fangs are teeth. They aren't hollow. Also, the description of size that they aren't easy to see is clearly an attempt to make it so he can pass off for normal. His eyes also have the whole, "look! I'm different!" thing I see in a lot of character sheets where people give their characters weird coloured eyes for whatever reasons or heterochromia. This isn't in itself a problem, but it does seem to be a symptom of the larger picture.
Your equipment list is where we first start to have real problems; every single piece has a powerful enchantment. It basically says, "he can throw powerful spells around with impunity because his magicka regenerates super-fast, he can breathe underwater just in case, his two most powerful offensive schools get a massive boost, and he's immune to most kinds of magic, including fire which happens to be a vampire's greatest weakness." He also is apparently supposed to be carrying a hell of a lot of weight in magic pockets because of those boots. Then carrying around two separate staves is borderline absurd because imagine carrying them both at the same time, it would be awkward as hell. Seriously, already we're into "I just want to make an untouchable, god-like character that can destroy everything with ease" territory.
And no. There is no such thing as potions that cure bloodlust. You are NOT getting out of having one of the biggest drawbacks to being a vampire removed with some deus ex machina that doesn't exist. A vampire is a monster, plain and simple; part of roleplaying one convincingly is how they manage to hide their condition amongst people it craves to devour, either out of self-preservation or like the Count of Skingrad, where he wants to live a normal life and maintain healthy relationships. Just brushing it aside with some potions that don't exist that last for DAYS is absolutely absurd and ultimately wipes away any of the responsibility of being a vampire without losing any of the perks. It's unacceptable, and is exactly why we look at vampire and werewolf submissions with a magnifying glass because we want to know if somebody wants to actually roleplay someone suffering from a monstrous infliction or if they just want to be cool and powerful. This is already screaming the latter.
Continuing on the trend of overpowered nonsense, your character knows 47 friggin' spells. 47! on top of that, there's 19 more enchantments, some of which are spells, and it's absolutely ridiculous. Basically, your character can summon every single daedra, minus the ones from Dragonborn DLC, and a draemora while creating a minefield of destruction spells and enough thrown spells to destroy an army. On top of that, the illusion spells are powerful so he's capable of screwing with his enemy's minds on top of that, and then you have this gem: Fortify Skills(basically everything, but I really don't want to have to go though the full list) you just basically admitted you went through and picked nearly every skill and enchantment from a list because your character is uber powerful. Not only does he have resistance to basically any kind of magic, but all of his stats are buffed too, making him untouchable. Does this seem like a character you'd want to have somebody else play? What if you got into PVP? This is a character that's made entirely for the sole purpose of being able to dominate any encounter imaginable with no regard to the plot or character interaction. This is the equivalent of a school yard game where you and your friends are playing make belief, and whenever they say they're going to attack you, you make up some reason why they can't hurt you. This is seriously the most overpowered character submission for any game I have been a part of, ever.
Onto the background, it pretty much opens up with him almost immediately showing magic potential and then being trained intensely, and without acknowledgement of him having anything resembling a childhood outside of study. And there are SEVERAL instances of mages artificially increasing their lifespans to live for an incredible amount of time; if he'd spent as much time studying the arcane arts as the sheet would profess, he'd know pretty much every famous one and likely their methods before long. Prolonged life is a difficult thing to achieve, but it's by no means impossible. Him suddenly wanting to become a monster to live forever when he's still a teenager is absolutely insane, which from the rest of the sheet, he clearly isn't suffering from mental problems at this point in his life. Vampires aren't a romantic thing that people aspire to be; they are hated and feared creatures of the night that are driven by instinct and hunger instead of a mage's rational mind in the public view. Hell, it would make more sense for a mage to want to try to become a lich if they were into the whole conquering and necromancy deal and wanted to live forever, but that's a story for another time.
So suddenly, this mysterious man who just so happens to be a vampire comes up and asks Revral to become his apprentice. This is also a flimsy justification to explain where Revral apparently started to learn his absurdly massive spell list and enchantments. In the next 7 years, he wouldn't really have been able to learn a huge amount like you are implying; that is a short time comparative to how long it takes to master a spell. It's not like you can open a book like in the game and know it. Like Soul had posted, it's like learning advanced physics and chemistry; it takes years to start to master those fields including understanding the theory; magic is no difference.
And here's where we really start to get off the rails. Introducing cheap drama! It's not shocking or surprising that he was forced to kill his parents, or that he had no problem doing so to satisfy his hunger; the dead parents trope is extremely prevalent in roleplaying and it's an outright surprise if a character has a good relationship with their family and all of them are still alive by the time the game starts. Also, if he was already bitten in his sleep (I presume), he'd have been a full-fledged vampire already; there would be no need for a blood sacrifice to seal the deal, regardless if it was before the 3 days it takes for the disease to fully convert someone into a full-fledged vampire. Also, the fact that nobody seemed to notice that people who started visiting this Seanedil's residence or whatever never came back would immediately start raising alarms, especially since nobody ever really sees the guy. So, yeah. The fact that he happily murdered his parents to live forever despite them having a solid relationship before doesn't surprise me in the slightest. It's about what I've come to expect from this sheet so far.
I also don't think you realize how difficult it is to reach various planes of Oblivion, and there's many that are instantly dangerous to any mortal who reaches it, like Azura's plane that is allegedly so beautiful that to witness it would shatter your mind. One does not reach Oblivion unless they are summoned there by a Prince, a gate is left open, and so on. On top of that, the Oblivion Crisis happened 200 years ago because the Dragonfires were extinguished along with the Septim line, before that the Amulet of Kings kept the planes of Oblivion from breaching Mundus; so that means for at least 300 years, there would be absolutely no way for anyone to reach Oblivion, or for Oblivion to reach Mundus. This was why, in Oblivion, the game starts off with the Emperor's assassination after he explained all of his sons were dead. That assassination was what allowed Mehrunes Dagon to begin his invasion.
And nope. You don't remorselessly slaughter people for food for centuries and suddenly start developing a guilty conscious, especially after he didn't blink after killing his parents. Do you have nightmares for the cows that made up all the steaks and hamburgers you've ever eaten? Probably not. Vampires literally see their victims as cattle; they barely register them as people for the most part.
And he CAN'T stop feeding off the living, especially with that bullshit fake nicotine patch like potion you made up. That's part of being a vampire; you need blood to survive, there's no way around it. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Also, you don't just suddenly abandon a lifetime of work and research to start wandering around aimlessly trying to be a good guy. It just doesn't work that way.
Oh. And the staves are made of Soltheim. Marvellous.
I also doubt over 500 years he's only ever met 3 khajiit, and in a tavern. Also, he's a vampire; why on earth would he go to a tavern? Especially after you implied he doesn't eat because he drinks potions in a later post.
We really don't think this is the game for you. Sorry. I also apologize if that seemed harsh at all, it's hard to convey tone over text and I really don't want to come across as a massive dick, but I hate leaving reasons ambiguous and I hope that it's information you can use to make a better character down the road. It's certainly not personal, and I appreciate the interest you've shown in the game, but I can see this character becoming a source of needless conflict between players and the plot and I am not entirely sure if you grasp the tone and expectations we are going for with this game. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future games, and if I have to leave you with anything to take away from this, please take into consideration how horrible it is to try to roleplay with overpowered characters. If you can read your character sheet as if it were somebody else's, you might have a better idea where I'm coming from; you would not want to go into PVP with a character like this and there's really not much in the way of interaction potential. When there's absolutely no threat or risk to the character, what's the point? Roleplaying isn't like a video game where the goal is to be as powerful as possible, it's about telling a story with others and exploring your limitations.
See you around, bud.
Also, fangs are teeth. They aren't hollow. Also, the description of size that they aren't easy to see is clearly an attempt to make it so he can pass off for normal. His eyes also have the whole, "look! I'm different!" thing I see in a lot of character sheets where people give their characters weird coloured eyes for whatever reasons or heterochromia. This isn't in itself a problem, but it does seem to be a symptom of the larger picture.
Your equipment list is where we first start to have real problems; every single piece has a powerful enchantment. It basically says, "he can throw powerful spells around with impunity because his magicka regenerates super-fast, he can breathe underwater just in case, his two most powerful offensive schools get a massive boost, and he's immune to most kinds of magic, including fire which happens to be a vampire's greatest weakness." He also is apparently supposed to be carrying a hell of a lot of weight in magic pockets because of those boots. Then carrying around two separate staves is borderline absurd because imagine carrying them both at the same time, it would be awkward as hell. Seriously, already we're into "I just want to make an untouchable, god-like character that can destroy everything with ease" territory.
And no. There is no such thing as potions that cure bloodlust. You are NOT getting out of having one of the biggest drawbacks to being a vampire removed with some deus ex machina that doesn't exist. A vampire is a monster, plain and simple; part of roleplaying one convincingly is how they manage to hide their condition amongst people it craves to devour, either out of self-preservation or like the Count of Skingrad, where he wants to live a normal life and maintain healthy relationships. Just brushing it aside with some potions that don't exist that last for DAYS is absolutely absurd and ultimately wipes away any of the responsibility of being a vampire without losing any of the perks. It's unacceptable, and is exactly why we look at vampire and werewolf submissions with a magnifying glass because we want to know if somebody wants to actually roleplay someone suffering from a monstrous infliction or if they just want to be cool and powerful. This is already screaming the latter.
Continuing on the trend of overpowered nonsense, your character knows 47 friggin' spells. 47! on top of that, there's 19 more enchantments, some of which are spells, and it's absolutely ridiculous. Basically, your character can summon every single daedra, minus the ones from Dragonborn DLC, and a draemora while creating a minefield of destruction spells and enough thrown spells to destroy an army. On top of that, the illusion spells are powerful so he's capable of screwing with his enemy's minds on top of that, and then you have this gem: Fortify Skills(basically everything, but I really don't want to have to go though the full list) you just basically admitted you went through and picked nearly every skill and enchantment from a list because your character is uber powerful. Not only does he have resistance to basically any kind of magic, but all of his stats are buffed too, making him untouchable. Does this seem like a character you'd want to have somebody else play? What if you got into PVP? This is a character that's made entirely for the sole purpose of being able to dominate any encounter imaginable with no regard to the plot or character interaction. This is the equivalent of a school yard game where you and your friends are playing make belief, and whenever they say they're going to attack you, you make up some reason why they can't hurt you. This is seriously the most overpowered character submission for any game I have been a part of, ever.
Onto the background, it pretty much opens up with him almost immediately showing magic potential and then being trained intensely, and without acknowledgement of him having anything resembling a childhood outside of study. And there are SEVERAL instances of mages artificially increasing their lifespans to live for an incredible amount of time; if he'd spent as much time studying the arcane arts as the sheet would profess, he'd know pretty much every famous one and likely their methods before long. Prolonged life is a difficult thing to achieve, but it's by no means impossible. Him suddenly wanting to become a monster to live forever when he's still a teenager is absolutely insane, which from the rest of the sheet, he clearly isn't suffering from mental problems at this point in his life. Vampires aren't a romantic thing that people aspire to be; they are hated and feared creatures of the night that are driven by instinct and hunger instead of a mage's rational mind in the public view. Hell, it would make more sense for a mage to want to try to become a lich if they were into the whole conquering and necromancy deal and wanted to live forever, but that's a story for another time.
So suddenly, this mysterious man who just so happens to be a vampire comes up and asks Revral to become his apprentice. This is also a flimsy justification to explain where Revral apparently started to learn his absurdly massive spell list and enchantments. In the next 7 years, he wouldn't really have been able to learn a huge amount like you are implying; that is a short time comparative to how long it takes to master a spell. It's not like you can open a book like in the game and know it. Like Soul had posted, it's like learning advanced physics and chemistry; it takes years to start to master those fields including understanding the theory; magic is no difference.
And here's where we really start to get off the rails. Introducing cheap drama! It's not shocking or surprising that he was forced to kill his parents, or that he had no problem doing so to satisfy his hunger; the dead parents trope is extremely prevalent in roleplaying and it's an outright surprise if a character has a good relationship with their family and all of them are still alive by the time the game starts. Also, if he was already bitten in his sleep (I presume), he'd have been a full-fledged vampire already; there would be no need for a blood sacrifice to seal the deal, regardless if it was before the 3 days it takes for the disease to fully convert someone into a full-fledged vampire. Also, the fact that nobody seemed to notice that people who started visiting this Seanedil's residence or whatever never came back would immediately start raising alarms, especially since nobody ever really sees the guy. So, yeah. The fact that he happily murdered his parents to live forever despite them having a solid relationship before doesn't surprise me in the slightest. It's about what I've come to expect from this sheet so far.
I also don't think you realize how difficult it is to reach various planes of Oblivion, and there's many that are instantly dangerous to any mortal who reaches it, like Azura's plane that is allegedly so beautiful that to witness it would shatter your mind. One does not reach Oblivion unless they are summoned there by a Prince, a gate is left open, and so on. On top of that, the Oblivion Crisis happened 200 years ago because the Dragonfires were extinguished along with the Septim line, before that the Amulet of Kings kept the planes of Oblivion from breaching Mundus; so that means for at least 300 years, there would be absolutely no way for anyone to reach Oblivion, or for Oblivion to reach Mundus. This was why, in Oblivion, the game starts off with the Emperor's assassination after he explained all of his sons were dead. That assassination was what allowed Mehrunes Dagon to begin his invasion.
And nope. You don't remorselessly slaughter people for food for centuries and suddenly start developing a guilty conscious, especially after he didn't blink after killing his parents. Do you have nightmares for the cows that made up all the steaks and hamburgers you've ever eaten? Probably not. Vampires literally see their victims as cattle; they barely register them as people for the most part.
And he CAN'T stop feeding off the living, especially with that bullshit fake nicotine patch like potion you made up. That's part of being a vampire; you need blood to survive, there's no way around it. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Also, you don't just suddenly abandon a lifetime of work and research to start wandering around aimlessly trying to be a good guy. It just doesn't work that way.
Oh. And the staves are made of Soltheim. Marvellous.
I also doubt over 500 years he's only ever met 3 khajiit, and in a tavern. Also, he's a vampire; why on earth would he go to a tavern? Especially after you implied he doesn't eat because he drinks potions in a later post.
We really don't think this is the game for you. Sorry. I also apologize if that seemed harsh at all, it's hard to convey tone over text and I really don't want to come across as a massive dick, but I hate leaving reasons ambiguous and I hope that it's information you can use to make a better character down the road. It's certainly not personal, and I appreciate the interest you've shown in the game, but I can see this character becoming a source of needless conflict between players and the plot and I am not entirely sure if you grasp the tone and expectations we are going for with this game. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future games, and if I have to leave you with anything to take away from this, please take into consideration how horrible it is to try to roleplay with overpowered characters. If you can read your character sheet as if it were somebody else's, you might have a better idea where I'm coming from; you would not want to go into PVP with a character like this and there's really not much in the way of interaction potential. When there's absolutely no threat or risk to the character, what's the point? Roleplaying isn't like a video game where the goal is to be as powerful as possible, it's about telling a story with others and exploring your limitations.
See you around, bud.
I do greatly enjoy how you shied away from going the pretty boy route and instead have a washed-up, disheveled jackass. I'm also picturing him punching tree trunks for a living to make his hands tough, just like North Korean super commandos!
Skills and inventory all look pretty good, although with the spells, 15 seems a lot for his age and the fact he's primarily a hand-to-hand fighter. Keep in mind it takes a while to master any one spell, and at 25 and with a huge drinking problem and the amount of time he dedicated to physical fitness, he probably wouldn't be as diverse in magic skills as he is now. If you could trim it down a bit, I think you can retain the spirit of the character while keeping in line with the whole young person= fit, old person= experienced dichotomy we'd like to maintain.
I actually REALLY like how he's a dunmer who's spent a lot of his life as a monk in Elsweyr, that's a cultural mash up I'd never thought I'd see and I like it a lot. His habits of going to excess would probably sit well with quite a few khajiit who view substance abuse as a spiritual enlightenment.
One issue that I noticed relates to this: "Arriving at a most difficult of decisions and with hopes of a better future for Vedran, he was thus given up by his parents soon after his birth and placed under the care of a Redguard woman known only as Zell. A renowned master of the unarmed arts, she took her new charge with her to the Temple of Two-Moons Dance in Torval. The Temple of Two-Moons Dance was a famous temple of philosophy and combat and for countless centuries it had been considered the finest training ground for practitioners of the unarmed arts of fighting. Within its walls students from all parts of the empire were welcomed and great masters taught ancient techniques as well as the most modern styles of unarmed combat."
The two kingdoms that were once the confederacy of Elsweyr (Pelletine in the South, and Anequina in the North, where Torval is located) are a part of the Aldmeri Dominion, not the Empire, and they haven't been a part of the Empire in decades. While I'm not opposed to people from outside of the Dominion residing in the Dominion, there should definitely be a reason they were able to immigrate across the borders, especially with tensions so high, and the Dominion definitely wouldn't be letting everyone in, especially with concerns of Imperial spies.
While I have no doubt Vedran is a skilled combatant, I don't think a 20 year old is going to be knocking out 19 competitors in a single competition; an actual fight is exhausting, so being able to maintain endurance for that many battles in a short time would be crazy. How long was the festival, anyways? Also, did he officially join the Fighter's Guild? I can't imagine them hiring outside help when their entire livelihood depends on their members getting contracts, plus it's a quality control thing; you don't want someone you don't know potentially soiling your organization's name.
Other than that, looks great! Accepted upon appropriate edits.
Skills and inventory all look pretty good, although with the spells, 15 seems a lot for his age and the fact he's primarily a hand-to-hand fighter. Keep in mind it takes a while to master any one spell, and at 25 and with a huge drinking problem and the amount of time he dedicated to physical fitness, he probably wouldn't be as diverse in magic skills as he is now. If you could trim it down a bit, I think you can retain the spirit of the character while keeping in line with the whole young person= fit, old person= experienced dichotomy we'd like to maintain.
I actually REALLY like how he's a dunmer who's spent a lot of his life as a monk in Elsweyr, that's a cultural mash up I'd never thought I'd see and I like it a lot. His habits of going to excess would probably sit well with quite a few khajiit who view substance abuse as a spiritual enlightenment.
One issue that I noticed relates to this: "Arriving at a most difficult of decisions and with hopes of a better future for Vedran, he was thus given up by his parents soon after his birth and placed under the care of a Redguard woman known only as Zell. A renowned master of the unarmed arts, she took her new charge with her to the Temple of Two-Moons Dance in Torval. The Temple of Two-Moons Dance was a famous temple of philosophy and combat and for countless centuries it had been considered the finest training ground for practitioners of the unarmed arts of fighting. Within its walls students from all parts of the empire were welcomed and great masters taught ancient techniques as well as the most modern styles of unarmed combat."
The two kingdoms that were once the confederacy of Elsweyr (Pelletine in the South, and Anequina in the North, where Torval is located) are a part of the Aldmeri Dominion, not the Empire, and they haven't been a part of the Empire in decades. While I'm not opposed to people from outside of the Dominion residing in the Dominion, there should definitely be a reason they were able to immigrate across the borders, especially with tensions so high, and the Dominion definitely wouldn't be letting everyone in, especially with concerns of Imperial spies.
While I have no doubt Vedran is a skilled combatant, I don't think a 20 year old is going to be knocking out 19 competitors in a single competition; an actual fight is exhausting, so being able to maintain endurance for that many battles in a short time would be crazy. How long was the festival, anyways? Also, did he officially join the Fighter's Guild? I can't imagine them hiring outside help when their entire livelihood depends on their members getting contracts, plus it's a quality control thing; you don't want someone you don't know potentially soiling your organization's name.
Other than that, looks great! Accepted upon appropriate edits.
To answer your water breathing ring, that's hardly overpowered to have it be indefinite like you find in the games. Seriously, no need to handicap it that much! Likewise, your equipment and skills look good.
Also, good job on your homework with dunmer worship of certain Daedric Princes. That's actually something I don't see people incorporate a lot, so it's definitely a boon. Everything in his backstory is actually pretty awesome, so I have nothing to add for critique! A great character with lots of room for character development and enough historical ties to definitely bring some unique instances to the game. Accepted!
And I can absolutely get working on making him in Skyrim; it'll take me little bit, I kind of want to get the game rolling first. If you want to get me a list of in-game items that apply, it would make things ten times easier for me! Half the fun is digging up item codes (he says sarcastically). Not a problem!
Also, good job on your homework with dunmer worship of certain Daedric Princes. That's actually something I don't see people incorporate a lot, so it's definitely a boon. Everything in his backstory is actually pretty awesome, so I have nothing to add for critique! A great character with lots of room for character development and enough historical ties to definitely bring some unique instances to the game. Accepted!
And I can absolutely get working on making him in Skyrim; it'll take me little bit, I kind of want to get the game rolling first. If you want to get me a list of in-game items that apply, it would make things ten times easier for me! Half the fun is digging up item codes (he says sarcastically). Not a problem!
The flood of grey skins continues! Dun dun duuuuun.
I actually really enjoy how your character's been around Windhelm for as long as the Great War and has seen so much change and history come and go. His family's illicit activities are definitely relatable, especially when the axe starts coming down and they're forced to make ends meet, and seeing the local Nord's resentment grow before his eyes is definitely cool.
I actually really like this backstory! His transformation to vampirism and his loyalty to the Empire's pretty interesting, and he definitely will have conflicting interests, and I'm curious how he's going to maintain his condition without others knowing about it. Keep in mind that playing as a vampire will bring about some challenges and peril that other characters will not have; discovering Juin's true nature may very well result in player characters or NPCs trying to kill him. I've RP'd with you before and I trust your skills as a player, so I'm pleased to say that you are the first ever vampire character I've accepted into one of my games! Rejoice!
I actually really enjoy how your character's been around Windhelm for as long as the Great War and has seen so much change and history come and go. His family's illicit activities are definitely relatable, especially when the axe starts coming down and they're forced to make ends meet, and seeing the local Nord's resentment grow before his eyes is definitely cool.
I actually really like this backstory! His transformation to vampirism and his loyalty to the Empire's pretty interesting, and he definitely will have conflicting interests, and I'm curious how he's going to maintain his condition without others knowing about it. Keep in mind that playing as a vampire will bring about some challenges and peril that other characters will not have; discovering Juin's true nature may very well result in player characters or NPCs trying to kill him. I've RP'd with you before and I trust your skills as a player, so I'm pleased to say that you are the first ever vampire character I've accepted into one of my games! Rejoice!
Don't you still have that picture I made of Blade from the last go around? :P
Quick point, the argonians usually refer to their homeland as Argonia. Blackmarsh, I believe, is just Imperial nomenclature for the province. It's kind of like how the altmer refer to the Summerset Isles as Alinor.
And holy moly, everyone's from Windhelm! What a happening place.
Also, even though the guards tend to treat the argonians like crap, I don't think they'd try to outright murder Blade's brother for thievery because they do have to uphold laws and would have to answer for it, and it wouldn't just be the argonians witnessing it; any sailors in port would be witnesses, and they probably wouldn't have the same shitty dispositions the guards do. If Blade's brother attempted to flee or fight back, that's one thing, but definitely keep that in mind.
Overall, the overhaul of Blade is a really huge improvement and I think you've definitely developed him into a much deeper character than he was previously! Wonderful work, my friend. Accepto.
Quick point, the argonians usually refer to their homeland as Argonia. Blackmarsh, I believe, is just Imperial nomenclature for the province. It's kind of like how the altmer refer to the Summerset Isles as Alinor.
And holy moly, everyone's from Windhelm! What a happening place.
Also, even though the guards tend to treat the argonians like crap, I don't think they'd try to outright murder Blade's brother for thievery because they do have to uphold laws and would have to answer for it, and it wouldn't just be the argonians witnessing it; any sailors in port would be witnesses, and they probably wouldn't have the same shitty dispositions the guards do. If Blade's brother attempted to flee or fight back, that's one thing, but definitely keep that in mind.
Overall, the overhaul of Blade is a really huge improvement and I think you've definitely developed him into a much deeper character than he was previously! Wonderful work, my friend. Accepto.
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Dervish
Guest
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Voltair
Guest
I do still have that image actually, but it doesn't really represent Blade in his current state so well. Most of his clothing is fur and tanned skins like a Native American, with a few important pieces of plate armor on top. Just the breastplate and bracers likely. Also, since this is an alternate timeline he never obtained the dwemer greatsword remember?
As for the guard scenario, I was trying to emulate a sort of Rodney King scenario, in which the guards just go way overboard, for what reasons exactly? Nobody knows, but clearly they thought their position would protect them.
Also, since Blade grew largely outside of Argonian culture, he doesn't really have the same beliefs or habits most of them do, wouldn't this also include how he refers to Blackmarsh? Plus, it's not Blade speaking when I mention it in his CS lol, that's what I'm calling it.
And in my defense, Blade was from Windhelm when I originally created him two years ago. :p
As for the guard scenario, I was trying to emulate a sort of Rodney King scenario, in which the guards just go way overboard, for what reasons exactly? Nobody knows, but clearly they thought their position would protect them.
Also, since Blade grew largely outside of Argonian culture, he doesn't really have the same beliefs or habits most of them do, wouldn't this also include how he refers to Blackmarsh? Plus, it's not Blade speaking when I mention it in his CS lol, that's what I'm calling it.
And in my defense, Blade was from Windhelm when I originally created him two years ago. :p
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Dervish
Guest
If you want, I can update the picture pretty easily. I have his save file kickin' around still.
And fair 'nuff. I figured I should probably check with your first to make sure you didn't just think that the guards were a bunch of lawless beasts. I mean, they spend half of their time telling you that the Imperials suck because they think that about them. Poor misunderstood Stormcloaks.
And that's fair about the Blackmarsh bit! But even so, it wouldn't be unlikely that he'd refer to it as his people would, no matter how distant he is from it. Zaveed still refers to his home as Pelletine, although for outsiders, he'll use Elsweyr interchangeably.
And I know, it's not a criticism with the Windhelm thing, I just find it really amusing how everyone seems to be from there, and the majority of sheets seem to be dunmer to boot.
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O|NoSoul
Guest
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BKenScout
Guest
The flocking to Windhelm is why I had decided finally to make my character from Solitude. I debated Riverwood at first, to be honest. XD
And for the guard... I don't think they'd ever outright kill because they thought their position would save them. I mean, how could they catch that Argonian thief with all of the arrows they've taken in the knee?
... I apologize. It had to be done.
And for the guard... I don't think they'd ever outright kill because they thought their position would save them. I mean, how could they catch that Argonian thief with all of the arrows they've taken in the knee?
... I apologize. It had to be done.
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Dervish
Guest
As punishment, you can look forward to a stray arrow to the knee in the opening post. >:D
V
Voltair
Guest
Hmm, I appreciate the offer but I don't think it's necessary. He has a pretty specific look that would be time consuming to get down I think.
I think I specified in the CS that it was one particular guard and his associates who had a racist bent, as opposed to the whole city. This happened like, 70 or so years before the events of Skyrim, so I realized the people there wouldn't have the same outlook at the time. I'll try to make that more clear.
- Invitation Status
- Posting Speed
- One post per week
- Slow As Molasses
- Writing Levels
- Adept
- Advanced
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Genres
- Sci-fi, Fantasy, Modern (specifically thrillers or mysteries), Alternate-timeline Historical, Post-Apocalyptic, Western
Paints calls it Black Marsh, but that's mostly because A) that name has a color in it! :D and B) his foster father was an Imperial, and therefore called it such. Paints just kind of picked it up.
C
Cpt Toellner
Guest
Well, I have been talking to Dervs on skype for a bit, he said I could slip in my character here today but I wanted to make sure it was cool with everyone before I dropped a CS bomb.
I plan to make a
-gasp!-
Human.
I plan to make a
-gasp!-
Human.
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O|NoSoul
Guest
V
Voltair
Guest
C
Cpt Toellner
Guest
Well, I was most certainly toying with him being racist against beast-folk.
Now its essentially confirmed.
Now its essentially confirmed.
V
Voltair
Guest
D
Dervish
Guest
YOU HUMANS ARE ALL RACIST!
Very probable! Soul's got a shitload done and I just want to run a few things by him and work on the Zaveed bit. It might be a big longer than typical because lolestablishment, but by all means, don't feel pressured to length match, any of you.
I have a few of you guys in Skype already, so I'll add you to the group. For the rest of you, add Czartyler to your contacts, let me know who you are, and we can get this show rolling!
C
Cpt Toellner
Guest
Name:
Allectus Valeres
Race:
Imperial (Nibenese)
Family Origins:
If you ask any member of house Valeres, they will state that their family had been a strong, if quiet family within the upper-echelons of Imperial City society since the dawn of the Septim Empire. However, the truth is much less glamorous. Allectus's father, Sigmund, was a simple worker struggling to maintain ownership of a house in the Imperial City. He narrowly avoided conscription and found himself in a minor administrative position at the advent of the Great War. Taking advantage of casualties of the war, Sigmund grabbed power and stepped into the political vacuum. Surviving the occupation of the City, Sigmund birthed a son and raised his family to political prominence in post-war Cyrodiil. Taking the name, Sigmus Valeres, he elevated into the noble Imperial society, opening the door for his son's political ambitions.
Appearance:
-5'10, 140 lbs, thin, lanky build.
-Light skin.
-Angular and thin features, pointed chin and high cheek-bones.
-Icy blue eyes.
-Light brown hair with short streaks of grey.
-Hair goes down to his neck with a prominent widow's peak and a receding hair-line.
-No facial hair.
-Thin arms and legs.
Age:
32
Equipment:
Weapons:
-Fine Steel Rapier w/ ruby pommel
Apparel:
-Thick fur traveling cloak w/ hood
-Leather Armor: Tight-fitting, black-tanned.
--Includes torso, shoulder, knee, and shin protection.
-Cloth under shirt/pants
-Leather boots
-Simple gloves
-Satchel
Potions: (Held in satchel)
-Strength
-Health (x2)
-Resist Cold (x3)
Food:
-Water flask (large)
-Bread (half-loaf)
-Cheese (wrapped)
-Jerky (Enough for 3 days)
Books:
-Personal Journal
-Fall of the Snow Prince
-Blank Parchment w/ quill/ink
Misc:
-Gold
-Amethysts (x3)
-Map of Northern Skyrim
Miscellanea:
notes about character
Favored Skills:
Highly Proficient:
-Speechcraft
-Mercantile
Moderately Proficient:
-One Handed
-Sneak
Somewhat Proficient:
-Light Armor
Character Background:
Allectus was born within the Imperial City as it rebuilt itself and his father sought out more political power for himself. Being an opportunist, Sigmus Valeres collected a number of estates from those lost to the war. His son would be raised by a disconnected mother and disinterested house-staff, causing him to spend most of his time by himself, learning to read at an early age and getting lost in his books ever since.
At age 13, Allectus was offered as an aid to a Cyrodillic nobleman in the rebuilt city of Kvatch. This man would serve as a father figure to the young boy, rather than his actual father who simply used the boy as a means to furthering his own influence. Allectus would since look fondly back on his time in Kvatch, where he learned how to hunt, fight with a blade, and received a proper education for the son of a nobleman. He also would be taught the valuable lessons of leadership, politics, and economics, lessons he would keep with him and continue to build upon for the rest of his life.
At 19, Allectus was called back to the Imperial City to live with his father. The elder Valeres payed for extensive swordsmanship lessons for the young man. He would soon find himself in a variety of fencing competitions, achieving some notability among the ruling aristocracy of Cyrodiil and attending various social functions with his father. Under his mentorship, Allectus perused an early political career, being given small positions within the city such as "Waterfront Customs Officer," and later, "Junior Minister of Trade." The man found a niche in financial management and economics, opening up a promising future for the young imperial.
After a decade of rising up the ranks of government positions, Allectus could start looking seriously into becoming a member of the Elder Council. The loss of the Emperor had allowed for him to rise to prominence in the city as his father retreated to a private life. He could commonly be seen lurking about the Imperial palace, volunteering for minor roles in the empire and participating in a number of committees, where he was notable only for being present and agreeing with the opinions of other members. Ultimately, Allectus found that the road to the Elder Council would be a hard once, since all other members were either from very wealthy and influential families or were decorated veterans of the Great War.
So he would wait for the right opportunity to present itself, attaching himself to the Imperial Court after the death of Felix and the ascendancy of Tactus. He traveled with the Court to Windhelm as one of Tactus's retainers, seeing his chance and volunteering for the mission as the Imperial Ambassador to the Snow Elfs. He would be the first man to open contact with the Falmer in 4,000 years, surely that would be worthy of a position of the Elder Council?
Fighting Style:
Allectus has never actually found himself in a battle or other combat scenario. In fact, he has never killed anyone, nor does he intend to. He was trained from a young age to duel, mostly for show or sport against other decorated foes. That being said, he is quite a capable opponent with a light blade, striking and retreating in quick succession. Fighting in self-defense is a new concept to him, most times he would rather leave the gruesome task of killing to hired mercenaries or body-guards.
Personality:
-Sees races Beast-folk and some Mer as degenerate and below humanity.
-Does not drink or participate in "hedonistic" practices, and considers such activities to be "crude."
-Is very fond of achieving power, but quite unsure of what he would do with it. Dreams of a position on the Elder Council.
-Very fond of books and will read up as much as he can about a place or person before going there or meeting them.
-Insensitive to other cultures or customs he is not familiar with, willing to learn but very set in his own ways.
-Values a person by their power or wealth, nothing else.
-Considers himself to be more intelligent and sophisticated than his peers, and definitely more than the people of Skyrim.
-A bit of a history buff, knowing countless useless facts about ages long-past.
Font Color:
Gold will be the preferred color.
Allectus Valeres
Race:
Imperial (Nibenese)
Family Origins:
If you ask any member of house Valeres, they will state that their family had been a strong, if quiet family within the upper-echelons of Imperial City society since the dawn of the Septim Empire. However, the truth is much less glamorous. Allectus's father, Sigmund, was a simple worker struggling to maintain ownership of a house in the Imperial City. He narrowly avoided conscription and found himself in a minor administrative position at the advent of the Great War. Taking advantage of casualties of the war, Sigmund grabbed power and stepped into the political vacuum. Surviving the occupation of the City, Sigmund birthed a son and raised his family to political prominence in post-war Cyrodiil. Taking the name, Sigmus Valeres, he elevated into the noble Imperial society, opening the door for his son's political ambitions.
Appearance:
-Light skin.
-Angular and thin features, pointed chin and high cheek-bones.
-Icy blue eyes.
-Light brown hair with short streaks of grey.
-Hair goes down to his neck with a prominent widow's peak and a receding hair-line.
-No facial hair.
-Thin arms and legs.
Age:
32
Equipment:
Weapons:
-Fine Steel Rapier w/ ruby pommel
Apparel:
-Thick fur traveling cloak w/ hood
-Leather Armor: Tight-fitting, black-tanned.
--Includes torso, shoulder, knee, and shin protection.
-Cloth under shirt/pants
-Leather boots
-Simple gloves
-Satchel
Potions: (Held in satchel)
-Strength
-Health (x2)
-Resist Cold (x3)
Food:
-Water flask (large)
-Bread (half-loaf)
-Cheese (wrapped)
-Jerky (Enough for 3 days)
Books:
-Personal Journal
-Fall of the Snow Prince
-Blank Parchment w/ quill/ink
Misc:
-Gold
-Amethysts (x3)
-Map of Northern Skyrim
Miscellanea:
notes about character
Favored Skills:
Highly Proficient:
-Speechcraft
-Mercantile
Moderately Proficient:
-One Handed
-Sneak
Somewhat Proficient:
-Light Armor
Character Background:
Allectus was born within the Imperial City as it rebuilt itself and his father sought out more political power for himself. Being an opportunist, Sigmus Valeres collected a number of estates from those lost to the war. His son would be raised by a disconnected mother and disinterested house-staff, causing him to spend most of his time by himself, learning to read at an early age and getting lost in his books ever since.
At age 13, Allectus was offered as an aid to a Cyrodillic nobleman in the rebuilt city of Kvatch. This man would serve as a father figure to the young boy, rather than his actual father who simply used the boy as a means to furthering his own influence. Allectus would since look fondly back on his time in Kvatch, where he learned how to hunt, fight with a blade, and received a proper education for the son of a nobleman. He also would be taught the valuable lessons of leadership, politics, and economics, lessons he would keep with him and continue to build upon for the rest of his life.
At 19, Allectus was called back to the Imperial City to live with his father. The elder Valeres payed for extensive swordsmanship lessons for the young man. He would soon find himself in a variety of fencing competitions, achieving some notability among the ruling aristocracy of Cyrodiil and attending various social functions with his father. Under his mentorship, Allectus perused an early political career, being given small positions within the city such as "Waterfront Customs Officer," and later, "Junior Minister of Trade." The man found a niche in financial management and economics, opening up a promising future for the young imperial.
After a decade of rising up the ranks of government positions, Allectus could start looking seriously into becoming a member of the Elder Council. The loss of the Emperor had allowed for him to rise to prominence in the city as his father retreated to a private life. He could commonly be seen lurking about the Imperial palace, volunteering for minor roles in the empire and participating in a number of committees, where he was notable only for being present and agreeing with the opinions of other members. Ultimately, Allectus found that the road to the Elder Council would be a hard once, since all other members were either from very wealthy and influential families or were decorated veterans of the Great War.
So he would wait for the right opportunity to present itself, attaching himself to the Imperial Court after the death of Felix and the ascendancy of Tactus. He traveled with the Court to Windhelm as one of Tactus's retainers, seeing his chance and volunteering for the mission as the Imperial Ambassador to the Snow Elfs. He would be the first man to open contact with the Falmer in 4,000 years, surely that would be worthy of a position of the Elder Council?
Fighting Style:
Allectus has never actually found himself in a battle or other combat scenario. In fact, he has never killed anyone, nor does he intend to. He was trained from a young age to duel, mostly for show or sport against other decorated foes. That being said, he is quite a capable opponent with a light blade, striking and retreating in quick succession. Fighting in self-defense is a new concept to him, most times he would rather leave the gruesome task of killing to hired mercenaries or body-guards.
Personality:
-Sees races Beast-folk and some Mer as degenerate and below humanity.
-Does not drink or participate in "hedonistic" practices, and considers such activities to be "crude."
-Is very fond of achieving power, but quite unsure of what he would do with it. Dreams of a position on the Elder Council.
-Very fond of books and will read up as much as he can about a place or person before going there or meeting them.
-Insensitive to other cultures or customs he is not familiar with, willing to learn but very set in his own ways.
-Values a person by their power or wealth, nothing else.
-Considers himself to be more intelligent and sophisticated than his peers, and definitely more than the people of Skyrim.
-A bit of a history buff, knowing countless useless facts about ages long-past.
Font Color:
Gold will be the preferred color.
Last edited by a moderator:
C
Cpt Toellner
Guest
I
Iben
Guest
- Status