Terra Magica [PostApoc/Magitech Sci-fi]

[Hellis]

Seriusly. If you didn't deliver me a long post I'd be dissepointed. The more meat and thought put into a post the better in these early stages. <3

 

[Hellis]

Delish post Noxxie, it wasn't TL'DR at all. Working on my own as we speak.

 

[Excesmyr]

Name
Luke "Tristan" Tristram

Age
34

Appearance

Short for his age, he stands at a mere 5 foot 5 inches. He's small, but well proportioned. He also looks a lot older than he actually is. The stress of living in the New World begins to take it's toll. His hair begins to weather into a steel colored gray, he starts getting a more wrinkles than he should, and of course, the beard doesn't help his case much. Still, despite his old appearance, he's just as fit and capable as the next guy. He has a built torso and strong legs due to the weight he carries on his journeys. He's no body builder, but he has enough muscle to pack a punch.

Biography
Luke was born in the 16th year after the fall. He was born into a tightly knit scavenging town outside the walls of Ambrosia called Embargo. It was a small village of sorts, but had a strictly enforced hierarchy. It was mostly put into class systems where everyone did their jobs and pulled their own weight. Of course, some people were more important than other. It was governed by a small council that tried to settle matters such as distribution of food and privileges of the town's denizens. It was essentially an oligarchy, but it wasn't so bad. They weren't self-centered enough to screw over the people, but it was obvious that some people did get the shorter end of the stick. The hunters and the gatherers were revered as the heroes of the town, while people like mechanics and chefs were downplayed, despite their essential role. Most people whose jobs required them to stay in town usually got a raw deal. Still, as long as you pulled your own weight, you could still make a decent living. Or so he was told.

Luke's father was of the hunting variety, bringing home meats and foodstuffs, revered by the governing body and the townspeople. His mother was one of the town's traders. She made regular trips to Ambrosia and other neighboring villages and trade for the town's essentials. She traded pelts and meats for other food and equipment. Consequently, Luke led a rather privileged life, given the circumstances. He got to eat three square meals a day. Others in his village had to work a lot harder to do the same. But as a whole, the village was just scraping by.

Luke, at a young age, had taken after his mother. He had been very sociable and had a good eye for value. Although, he had partaken in a few hunting trips with his father, hoping to find his calling, Luke had accompanied his mother's trading expeditions far more frequently. Watching his mother, he had refined his social skills and learned how to get the most of a deal.

However, that only lasted for a few years. Border towns were starting to die off. With Ambrosia gaining steam and the new world eating up the scavenging towns, Embargo was quickly becoming obsolete. But the governing body was quite stubborn. Any attempt to leave was met with threats of violence. Given the status of the town, they needed every able body they could get, with larger monsters killing off most of the hunting population, his father included. The village became a prison, with their population becoming a chain gang.

This was their downfall. Mechanics and chefs were sent out into the wilds to replace dead hunters. This rash decision increased the mortality rates exponentially and the people rioted. In a month, the town of Embargo was no more.

There was a large exodus of people; immigrants bound for Ambrosia hoping to obtain refuge within their walls. It was a violent time, with people trying to leave and people forcibly trying to keep them there. Embargo was crumbling. Luke's mother was adamant about leaving and tried to leave during the night with Luke in tow. This was met with hostility when they were discovered. Luke was quite shaken up, but his mother was beaten up quite badly. She had put up a fight and survived, but her leg was broken beyond healing. She had barely made it to Ambrosia with Luke's help. She had her leg amputated and her career as a trader was over.

With his mother out of commission, Luke had to make a living for the both of them. Taking up his mother's career, he became a trader. It was small scale at first. He signed on to trade caravans to some of the more affluent towns that still managed to survive and make a living. At first he was gone for a few days, then weeks, until he finally joined caravans that travelled the main trade routes and was gone for about a month at a time. Still he always came back to provide money for his mother, enough to last her while he was gone and then some.

Eventually, his mother succumbed to disease. She was already old and weak from her sedentary lifestyle. It was only a matter of time before she had died. Luke had seen it coming, but he couldn't help mourning.

On the other hand, he was now free to pursue his career as a trader, maybe even start his own caravan. It wasn't that he disliked Ambrosia, but he wanted to see more of the world. He wanted to travel and trade this new world. But first he needed money. His chance came when there was an expedition to the wild south sponsored by some big name companies. This was his chance to get his foot in the door and sign on with one of them.

Archetype
Trader

Attribute: Mind
Intelligence and Mental Fortitude

Intuition (Luke has an uncanny ability to feel a person's intentions. It's almost a 6th sense, though it's not exactly concrete. Still it had gotten him out of a number of raw deals.)

Skills
Haggling, Appraisal, Diplomacy, Social, Weapons (Shotguns), Rat Packing (Storage), Bluffing

Weapon
12ga Shotgun- The only memento he has of his father. This is a well-used hunting shotgun that's been weathered by the years of use. Still, it's sturdy and reliable. It has green camouflage paint, albeit faded and chipping. On the side it has the engraving "For food, for raiment…" The beginning of the Philmont Grace.

Equipment and Gear
Utilitarian Outfit- Prioritizing storage over anything else, everything Luke wears is designed with pockets. Everything is designed or modified to store something. In Luke's line of work, the storage space is a must. He even sacrificed protection for storage, though it does offer modest protection.

Appraisal Kit- This little thing comes in handy when someone tries to screw you over on a trade. While he doesn't know much about any one subject, he knows enough about a wide range of subjects to know when someone is giving him a raw deal.

Shotgun Shells- Pretty self-explanatory. Can't shoot his gun without ammo.

 

[Hellis]

I'ts been cleared, before anyone asks why the WIP is here xD.

 

[Excesmyr]

K finished. I'm gonna catch up on the IC now.

Did you say we're free to make our own companies?

 

[Hellis]

Yes. Just let me know before hand you post So I can make sure Its not to bananas

 

[Excesmyr]

Sorry for not posting. I'll try and get something up by this weekend. A lot of papers are due since it's almost the end of the semester, so progress on the post is a little slow.

 

[Hellis]

I don't mean to come off as pushy or rude. But Kestrel and Potatocat, you could take more time and write a little more then what I felt like the bare minimum. Your collab between to two people is essentially a single paragraph if you remove the dialogue. I kinda expected a little more. Not neccerily walls of text. But at least something a bit more.

 

[Potatocat]

Well, that was a dialogue, so if you take out the dialogue of course there won't be too much there.

 

[Hellis]

I mean that you can do alot more with your posts in general. They are a bit too barebone. Do some worldbuilding, be more descriptive if you can.

 

[Potatocat]

Sorry, I can't speak for Kestrel, but I don't think there was much need or purpose for world building in that bit of dialogue. I mean, we got a nice little bit of character building. This has brought me to something I've seen in a lot of peoples posts here. I am feeling that there is a bit too much there. A little too much fluff. Now that can be fine for a lot of other writers, but I personally write a bit more straight and to the point. Of course there is always place for a but of that lovely fluffy goodness, but not in a dialogue between two characters.

 

[Kestrel]

I don't mean to come off as pushy or rude. But Kestrel and Potatocat, you could take more time and write a little more then what I felt like the bare minimum. Your collab between to two people is essentially a single paragraph if you remove the dialogue. I kinda expected a little more. Not neccerily walls of text. But at least something a bit more.

If we remove everything in Rob's post we cannot react to, we're left with about three lines. Ironically dialogue. In fact, that last paragraph, the only interactive one in your post, can be substituted for any of ours.

Now, I'll be honest. I don't mean to ruin your fun or tell you what you can and can't like, but I'm not too keen on ruining my own fun either. If you'll bear with me, and a post or two you might like less, I'd like to stay. If this kinda post is an issue to you, though, I might not be a fit for this roleplay. 'cause chances are you'd be seeing more of it. No hard feelings, different people have different opinions, is all. Might seem a bit uncompromising of me, maybe, but hey, at least I'm honest and direct, eh? Let me know your decision.

 

[Hellis]

Potato; If you feel that our posts have had to much fluff, then I honestly think you are not gonna enjoy the rp. Keep in mind, opening posts tend to be bigger. But really, if you think building up a character and his surroundings as you post is to much, I think you gonna find me, Noxxie and Panda to fluff to much to often. I grow concerned when a player go "you cannot write more from a bit of dialogue" There is body language, surroundings and the after and before a dialogue that you can include in your post. Writing straight to the point is fine and all. But "He did, she did" writing is something that doesn't fly with me as GM. Especially when the other players in general have put alot of effort, time and thought into their posts to make them as vivid and elaborate a tale as possible. Then it come of as rather disrespectful to say "its to much" and try to make yourself look better. Sorry to say.

Kestrel; I am generally ok with smaller posts aslong as I am not fed with 3 lines of text and a bit of dialogue. And as I said, i don't expect every post to be a entire page out of a book. Sometimes a paragraph is all it takes. You might not have a lot of freedom in a situation or alot to go on. That is fine. But looking at how quickly you guys throw your posts up, I honestly feel like you could sit down and take some more time to work on your posts. I don't want to make it less fun on you, and I have no doubt you can write awesomely. I was hoping I could perhaps spark something more productive rather then to come off as a attack. I've seen your posts in your own RP's, I know they fluctuate in size and you write some good stuff. Sometimes more elaborate then others. That's fine. It was more that I was worried you guys hurried to get your posts out more then anything. That and that you would keep that level of commitment towards the writing as your standard. In which case, I would say No thanks.

 

[Potatocat]

Sorry if I sounded disrespectful, didn't mean it like that. I was just saying I personally don't feel the need for massively building up this city that we are leaving shortly. If the story was set in the city, then I think it would make sense, but if we are all leaving this place I don't see much of a point.

I know my writing isn't perfect, its far from it and I could add a lot more in terms of body language and the like, but it is also sort of disrespectful to me when you seem to say that dialogue can't carry a bit of a story. I think that a bit of dialogue does so much more than descriptions to help build characters and the world. Especially in an RP format where most of the writing comes from interactions between characters. The long massive posts with little to react to are hard to respond too. We aren't each writing a book, we are all together writing a book and character interaction is the most integral part of of that process in this format. I would like to continue with this, mostly because you will all help me improve my writing, so lets see if we can't work something out.

 

[Hellis]

I wasn't kicking either of you our or anything when I highlighted the issue. I am a very hands on GM, and I have a certain style of doing things. I was pointing out a potential future problem for me as a GM and I don't take chances with my players anymore. To that extent, your posts have given me little when it comes to regarding insight into the character. As for our posts not giving alot for you to react on when we write longer posts, that simply isn't true. You can use the information from each of everyones posts to your advantage when writing. If its about the City, the player can incorporate things regarding said city into explaining reasoning and actions and what not. None of us have really written THAT long of a post yet.

Actually, both of you had what to me was A-Ok first posts, even IF i'd like to see even more. It was mainly your collab that set of alarm bells. Becouse I know people tend to write more for their first posts. But kept on that level, that's fine. Really.

On the subject of dialogue; Dialogue is there to communicate what your person is feeling. If you in a written media, use it as your tool to describe the world around your charachter, you get alot of nonsensical, longwinded conversations that no normal person would have in real life. We don't have a visual aspect to show things, it's why we describe things around us. That's my two cents about it. Dialogue can carry story; yes. Dialogue doens't substitute for writing. Look at a book, any book. Yes we are all working on the same book. But what book is 80 percent dialogue? You sometimes get several pages setting up the scenes, not a single word of dialogue in them.

This isn't a book though, its a RP. So both our points fall kinda flat. Its a unique, interactive form of storytelling. But you have to understand that as a GM, I have to address a problem if I see it. Now, you say you'd like to stay on, and grow as a writer and learn. And that sounds like a fantastic mindset.

 

[Potatocat]

Alright, lets just end this conversation here then with an understanding. We have different writing styles and philosophies. I think if we keep at this people may start getting a bit salty.

 

[Firemind]

Okay. First things first

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b] Noxxie[/BCOLOR][BCOLOR=#0b0b0b] and Panda to flu[/BCOLOR][BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]f[/BCOLOR][BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]f [/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]hehe.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]secondly. Why is this suddenly a thing?[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]Hellis, you've overreacted a bit here. Your first port of call should have been PMs, not outing people in the OOC. Besides that, you are judging on a single post that was designed less to build the world and more to progress plot. Fluffy writing is not everyones cup o' tea, but that is fine. Even people who don't like fluffy writing should be able to find merit in a less direct post: otherwise there is room for improvement.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]Potato: I understand that it was said in defence, but you did go a bit on the hunt. To start a retort by saying you think less of the majority's posts comes across as big headed. But no harm, no foul.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]Kestral: You have a funny name to say out loud.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]Noxxie: You my boo.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]Now, let us all be friends and such.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]Panda, out![/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]*flies off into the sunset via the back of a zoo keeper.*[/BCOLOR]

 

[Potatocat]

Wait, how can we be friends if you just leave? Wait come back I'm confused and need an adult!

 

[Hellis]

I know most of the players :D. So I think we are safe from the salt rivers of discontent. The key point; I, as the GM, like to see some more detail to your actions and posts. It's all I'm asking, It makes my life as GM a whole lot easier. You want to learn, that's fine. Repeated Effort and a open is the key to learning. We are all learning, all the time. :D.

Also: Panda is a big fluffy ball of wisdom. But he is unfair, he called out one of MY players in MY other RP :P. Granted, in that case, the post in question was only like, two lines. So you guys are safe in that regard.

Walla Walla TLDR: I like all the charachters, I just want to see more from them. Especially since lots of us has a slower pace and larger posts.

 

[Potatocat]

I know most of the players :D. So I think we are safe from the salt rivers of discontent. The key point; I, as the GM, like to see a little more evident effort, some more detail to your actions and posts. It's all I'm asking. You want to learn, that's fine. Repeated Effort and a open is the key to learning. We are all learning, all the time. :D.

Sorry, but your smiley has a pimple on its chin. That or an eye on its chin. 0.o