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Hellis
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Potatocat
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Kestrel
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My posts fluctuate in size and content depending on what I feel is needed. Collaborations especially, I trim a lot of fat. Of course it wouldn't function as a series of posts. That's exactly why it's a collab. A collaboration is not a series of posts; it's one post.
You see, if I were to collab with you, for example, I would likely consider your character and their thoughts the main focus of said collab and distract as little as possible from them with my character's to make the read easier (mixing perspectives is a bitch for the audience). If I collaborated with someone whose contribution would make for a post lacking the description to make sense of anything on the other hand, I'd likely take and write a more dominant role and perspective. In my collaboration with potatocat, I felt this was an approach that worked for us; and I think we showcased what we meant to.
You're free to dislike it all the same, but let's be honest here, you are calling us lazy. Specifically, you're calling me lazy for making a concious choice on what to write or not. You're right on one thing. I can do the feelings, environment, body language, heck you'll see hints of it if you read the collab, but my choice to use the tools available to me differently than you do is not lazy. Here's a short version of all the shit that's actually in there;
Simone is very careful about pronunciation. This is because of her history as a mage. You've described magic as very dangerous and requiring focus. One of Simone's attributes is focus. This extends to the way she speaks and carries herself, with control and clarity.
She interacts physically with a stranger she first met. This is a crude hint at how Simone is a rather hands-on woman, also showing a certain disregard for personal space.
Oh and also she is careful and suspicious, which is why she lies about her phobia. However, this was a small showcase of her magic, moving her eyes too quickly to follow for just a second, to see if Alfonso could pick up on her being a mage. Simone doesn't like to lie.
This just being my first paragraph. Is the post condensed? Yes. Is it lazy? I'd rather not say that.
I don't mind if you want to add more 'fluff' to your posts. I'm not unappreciative of the effort you put in it, because I do know what you're trying to accomplish with it. However, as mentioned before, I use the tools available to me differently than you do. Because writing is such an abstract concept, we can all learn from each other. Before that, however, we have to respect each other's choices. You see, strengths and weaknesses are largely what we perceive them to be. For example, I actually learned a lot about GM'ing from magical vampire high schools that may have been filled with f7-less one-lining sues, but had like 500 pages of content and had been a source of entertainment for all those involved for years. I may not have liked being part of it, but I'd be damned if I wouldn't call that a successful roleplay. Something the most intricate and in-depth RP's
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Hellis
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I apologize Kestrel, that you felt I called it lazy. I do can see that in some ways i worded it in such a manner. You have very good in general.
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Kestrel
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Firemind
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*the zookeeper having collapsed under the strain of my weight, I roll back into centre stage.*
Kestral confirmed as r00d d00d: didn't even mention the gloriousness of panda once! So r00d!
[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]U wot m8? u havin' a giggle? I'll 'ave you: swear on me mum.[/BCOLOR]Hellis said:
[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]On a more serious note: I rarely call people out, and only when a major issue arises. Tell me you didn't think there was a major issue with the issue I called out in DAPPER?[/BCOLOR]
[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]now that we are all friends, i think it is only fair we allow ourselves the chance to comment and critique each others posts constructivly and only with a degree of consent. We dont want to set off a certain someone.[/BCOLOR]
[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]*points at Nox, because she isn't here to beat me up.*[/BCOLOR]
[BCOLOR=#0b0b0b]Start with mine, if you like. 'It's too awesome' is not valid critique, even if it is true.[/BCOLOR]
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Kestrel
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Good thing I don't pride myself in being a nice person.
I can look over your post if you want later, and probably feel like a huge hypocrite if I find things to bitch about.
I can look over your post if you want later, and probably feel like a huge hypocrite if I find things to bitch about.
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Firemind
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Potatocat
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Kestrel does not critique. He destroys. Jk, I don't know much other than he is actually a pretty cool dude, if not always polite. XD
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Excesmyr
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ok, my essay is finally finished. Back to regular posting schedule. I'll guarantee a post up by tonight or tomorrow. Sorry for delay
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Noxious
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Let me just brush some of this judgment off a chair and take a seat. I think I'm good with letting you write the way you want and I'll write the way I want. If I needed consistent style I would just read singular narrative. We've only seen a singular post. I will judge, but I will hold off for now. I feel I should defend my "fluff". I introduce characters with a background setting so you can draw from the environment to get into what I'm imagining. Set a base point for our world view prior to the interaction because it seems opportune. I enjoy getting into other's view as well.
To reiterate, I'm cool with it; the story, the characters, the muns. We all good.
Limey; so many shout outs! one day we should make a fluff baby. Hellis can GM, errr, videotape, errrr, domin...
So, I've been drinking. We get a day off work to watch football, drink, and eat. America.
To reiterate, I'm cool with it; the story, the characters, the muns. We all good.
Limey; so many shout outs! one day we should make a fluff baby. Hellis can GM, errr, videotape, errrr, domin...
So, I've been drinking. We get a day off work to watch football, drink, and eat. America.
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Potatocat
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'Merica. Now, the day after we be all grateful and shit let's go and essentially redo the London riots to get cheaper shit. ;P
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HelloBeautifulChild
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Hey! Is this still open for people to add in? I've read through all of this and am currently working on reading through the actual role play (obviously I would finish that ASAP/ definitely before I joined). I think this is great- and one of the first ones I've found that is focusing on not just role play but a rich backstory and effective writing.
I haven't been on this site long and I know that you're checking people out before you let them in, so if you would like me to submit a sample of my writing I'd be more than happy to do so. (I think I would use it as a way to lengthen the backstory to my character.)
As far as character I was thinking a small-scale engineer, possibly a student? I think this would work well to add into the group as there is already an engineer. My idea is that my character would be mildly young (25/26) and simply hadn't had the education or resources to be a full blown engineer. She would be from one of the farthest towns and would have helped with them, sustaining power and making weapons to defend themselves. (I'm particularly looking forward to a pair of gloves with water crystals that add a freezing punch to hurt people double when hit.)
Thanks for your consideration, I will let you know when I've read up on the role play (it shouldn't be too long).
EDIT: I've finished catching up. :)
I haven't been on this site long and I know that you're checking people out before you let them in, so if you would like me to submit a sample of my writing I'd be more than happy to do so. (I think I would use it as a way to lengthen the backstory to my character.)
As far as character I was thinking a small-scale engineer, possibly a student? I think this would work well to add into the group as there is already an engineer. My idea is that my character would be mildly young (25/26) and simply hadn't had the education or resources to be a full blown engineer. She would be from one of the farthest towns and would have helped with them, sustaining power and making weapons to defend themselves. (I'm particularly looking forward to a pair of gloves with water crystals that add a freezing punch to hurt people double when hit.)
Thanks for your consideration, I will let you know when I've read up on the role play (it shouldn't be too long).
EDIT: I've finished catching up. :)
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Hellis
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Send me your CS, Go extra hard on the backstory if you want to give me a sample of your writing :)
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HelloBeautifulChild
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Will do! By send you do you mean post on here or send you a message?
Either way I've started on it. I'll finish it definitely by tonight.
Either way I've started on it. I'll finish it definitely by tonight.
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Hellis
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HelloBeautifulChild
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Awesome, thanks, I'm just learning about the site so I probably ask a lot of stupid questions. Ah well, I learn.
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Hellis
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I'mm wait for our newest member to get her post up. Then I am moving things along. Limey and Noxxie, expect to be roped in for a little collab. Everyone else, butts, hold onto them.
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HelloBeautifulChild
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Name; Dove-Maxine "Max" Holt
Age; 26
Appearance;
Max would never be known for being gorgeous or beautiful. It didn't matter that her dark chestnut hair framed her perfectly proportioned pink rose lips. Nor did it concern anyone that her enrapturing hazel eyes would light up at just the right moment when she smiled her simple, pretty smile. It was due to the simple fact that no matter how much she was gifted with welcoming looks, she was not gifted with a welcoming personality. Her harsh, honest words had gotten her knocked in the face just enough to get her teeth a little off. Her life of experimentation left a scar trailing all of the way up her right arm, clearing the view for blood vessels and muscles with a lifetime of strength. She was of average height of 5'4", but the look she gave most people and the reputation she held on her face prevented any beauty from shining through.
She generally wears a pair of denim jeans that she added cargo pockets as well as thick straps to to attach various items to. For a top she sticks to a dark green shirt with a leather jacket that she added a hood to. Most of her clothes are really tough, worn down with years and years to go. She has made from scratch or added on to.
Biography; Born 24 years after the fall Dove-Maxine Holt has never known a life without magic and crystal enhanced technology. Her father was the only engineer of their small town, one of the farthest out from Ambrosia. He was the one to keep the town going. Providing them with clean water, weapons to fight the outside world that seemed only to do them harm, and peace of mind that allowed for humanity to return and provide for more than just survival. Her mother was a mage, distrusted by the town. She worked with water crystals and was obsessed. No matter how her father explained it to her, Max would never overlook the neediness her mother possessed, with little in return. When her mother died at Max's young age of 17, she wasn't surprised. It was a fate she had been expecting since she was a young child and the indifference it caused drove a wall between herself and her father thicker than they could ever break down.
Nevertheless Max progressed in her engineering skills. Though her father was self taught, the years of experience and notes all written down were invaluable and he passed them all along to her. Her focus differed from her father's though. He wanted to see what they would do with tools. How one would use them to power something or give an extra kick to the technology they already possessed. Max wanted to see what they could do almost entirely on their own. She knew and respected their power, a trait she learned from her mother yet doubted her mother possessed. She was more simplicity focused and was determined to propel the use of the crystals further.
Her first success came soon after she turned 23, with a simple pair of gloves. While her father rejected the facts, they lived in a harsh town. The poor town did not come together in their time of need but rather separated, in a poverty driven 'dog eat dog' world. Fights broke out and the 'law' of the lad, if you could even all it that, was nothing more than power hungry and corrupt. No matter how useful her repairs were, the rest of her work was purely theoretical and together the two skills brought little to no food to the table. She would need to make the money some other way.
After a long, fruitless day of job searching Max headed home with an angry and spiteful mood. When she came across two lawmakers bullying a group of children for their food, claiming they owed taxes, she lost her cool. Her attack on the men had little to no success, they were fed, healthy, trained men and after her 15 minutes of pure rage wore off her body had nothing else to run on. They beat her up real bad but didn't send her to jail. Maybe it was a kindness, but Max was sure they just didn't want to explain how a 23 year old girl managed to break one of their ankles and ruin another's sight for life with a swift hit to the right eye.
The next day a fellow young adult approached her, a guy by the age of 24 with dusty blonde hair and a rough reputation. His name was Rudey and she had known him for years. He told her about a fight club, and she nearly fell out of her boots laughing. It was real, if corny in its name, and she was invited. The money was made by bets and he was sure she could win.
He was wrong.
Her first night in resulted in a plethora of injuries, and her smart-ass comments during the fight against a local man she knew attacked women in their town got her her first punch in the teeth. Despite her loss, she was excited by her first night. She took the night as a learning experience and knew that with the right training and proper tools, she could win.
She spent the next week working on her first invention. Using the water crystals her mother had left behind for her, a precious item that she had vowed to not waste years ago, she worked to put together a pair of gloves that gave her punch an extra spark. With crystals built into them she was able to create a pair of gloves that froze so cold when used she just knew they would win. Putting them together was a rough task that her father frowned upon. To do what she needed to do she was going to have to have a lot of close contact with the crystals, a dangerous task as the crystals were raw with untapped potential.
In the end she was successful, but not without paying a price. She underestimated their power and how securely they would need to be in. In her first trial the leather she used was thin and when she put the gloves on the cold shock went up her right arm. She still bears a nasty scar from her right pointed finger all the way up her shoulder. It is a numb scar that is colored so thin on her skin that one can see her blood moving and muscles clenching through. To her it was nothing more than a reminder of the downright ignorant risk that mages made every day.
It was worth it though. The gloves worked perfectly and over the next years she defended herself, and her home. She fed her small family and grew strong in fights, with humans that was. With all of this success, she knew she owed her winnings, her life, her everything to her gloves.
Her gloves. What an eye opener they had become for her and her father. They realized how much unlocked potential the crystals had, and how ignorant they had been to what they could do. However they had reached their limits in their small town. To learn without teaching required tools and experimentation, and they did not have the supplies.
Now 26, Max knew she needed to leave her small town. Her father would stay behind, claiming that 67 was far too old an age to travel. Ambrosia was her goal. Little information passed from there to where she was but as she made her way there, joining random caravans on the way, the information she collected led her to know she was going to the right place. With a lifetime of experience, notes written in her families leather bound notebook in her pack, and her freezing crystal gloves on her hands, she was ready to become the engineer she had played at being since she was a young child.
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Attribute: Mind
Sub Attributes:
- Intelligence
- Mental Fortitude
- Strength
Skills:
- Weapons (Magitech) [ie- freezing gloves]
- First Aid
- Knowledge (Crystals)
- Street Style Fighting
- Intelligence (Quick to learn/understand)
- Communication
- Sewing
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Weapons: Freezing Gloves: Small leather gloves that do not come all of the way to the tips of the fingers. These gloves pack a frozen punch with them much like dry ice that sinks through clothing. It hardens a punch and allows it to do more damage, such as breaking a shoulder by nearly shattering the collar bone.
Equipment:
- Leather bound journal she and her father wrote all designs and notes in. This has extreme sentimental value but also provides a plethora of knowledge.
- Pocket tool from her father's father that allows her to work on equipment to buy her way around.
- Small bedroll with thick blanket.
- Self-purifying water bottle that cleans dirty water and allows her to drink, an invention of her own.
- Small sewing kit and roll of random fabric.
- First aid kit, needs expanding.
- General notes journal, much like her engineering one, this one has notes on all else. Her first aid information, a hand drawn map that she works on, etc.
For some reason this picture will not shrink, so if it show's up huge I'm sorry!
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HelloBeautifulChild
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