[Samuel x Roman]

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Roman's entire life had been spent in fear, in constant worry that something, someday, would go horribly wrong. His entire life, he had been coddled by the people around him and had been treated like a fragile doll by them. His entire life, Roman had been conditioned to feel like he was weak.

But Samuel didn't think he was weak. That ... that meant more to Roman than he could ever hope to describe.

His eyes watered again and he reached out to pull his boyfriend close, tucking his head into the other's chest and holding him tightly. "Thank you," he whispered, unwilling to raise his voice any further than that because he knew it would tremble if he tried.

"I love you so much. It's just ... sometimes it feels like everything is going wrong. Sometimes I wonder how soon I'll die, because I know I'm not going to live for that long. Sometimes I wonder if it will be the next nosebleed or the next fall."
 
As Roman pulled him close Samuel held him gently, he wanted to hug him as close as Roman was hugging him but he didn't want to do anything that could make his injuries take longer to heal. But it was nice to be able to hold him, to know he was there and close, especially after the words that just came out of his boyfriend's mouth.

Samuel didn't think about the higher than average possibility of Roman dying much. Not because he didn't care but because it was one of those things he couldn't bare thinking about to the point where he pushed it away so he didn't have to.

Now that Roman mentioned it himself Samuel was thinking about it. It was a thought that was horrible, instantly made him tear up and made his stomach twist, not only because the concept of not having Roman with him anymore was too much but also because it was something that Roman actually had to be scared of.

"You're not going to…" Samuel's voice broke before he could say the word, it made it to real and if he said it he would definitely burst out in tears and now wasn't the time for him to cry, so Samuel decided to try to say what was going to happen instead, the opposite was easier to say because it was happier.

"You're going to live a long life and become the best tattoo artist in the world and have like fifty children and a hundred cats and you're going to look fantastic even though you're eighty, and you're going to be happy"

He was jokingly over exaggerating for two reasons, the first was simply because it was such a heavy topic and it was hard to deal with, the second was because he couldn't actually know what Roman's future would look like. But it was what he wanted for his boyfriend, whether it was with him or someone else Samuel just wanted Roman to be able to live his life and be happy.
 
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Roman didn't want to die. He didn't want to go any time soon -- it scared him to know that any day, he could just ... have a bad nosebleed, or be in a car crash, or fall and not have his epi-pen. It terrified him to know that one day, something bad could happen and everything he had done in his whole life would mean nothing.

"I hope so," Roman said quietly.

He wanted to live a long and happy life with Samuel, where they completed all their aspirations, where they had their own beautiful kids and good careers and they both lived into their old age. He wanted that. There was no way they could ensure this.

But, he could hope.

Roman wriggled closer and rested his forehead against his boyfriend's, closing his eyes, clenching his fingers in Samuel's shirt to ground himself. "I just want to be happy, with you."
 
"Yeah, you will be happy, both of us will be happy, together" Samuel whispered, held Roman close and just hoped Roman would recover soon so he wouldn't have to deal with all of these horrible thoughts and emotions, at least not as much of them as he had to now.

And Roman did get better, a little at least, About a week passed and the bruising on his back, while still looking kind of terrifying because of its size, had gone down a bit and was no longer that scary dark purple colour, making it look like a bruise anyone could have gotten, had it just been a little smaller of course.

Samuel came home from soccer practice that day to find his boyfriend in bed, just as expected. Samuel had been skipping out on a lot of soccer since Roman fell on the playground, he couldn't really stay home that much from school but he could afford to skip a couple of practices and after explaining to his teammates that Roman was sick and bedridden they had been very understanding. But now since Roman was getting better Samuel was feeling better about going back to going to practice regularly.

When he had walked down the stairs, placed his shoes on the ground next to said stairs, he was probably never letting go of his mother's rule of no soccer shoes in the house, it was too much of a habit. Then he headed over to his boyfriend in bed, he still looked a little tired but he was just as beautiful as ever.

He sat down next to Roman on the edge of the bed, brushed some hair out of his face and placed a kiss on his forehead, "Hey, how are you feeling today?"
 
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"Better," Roman replied.

Roman's bruising had gone down and so had his dosage of morphine -- he was taking half the amount he had been taking the week before, and so he was regaining feeling to his back. He could also move his arms and legs a lot more, and he was eating his normal amounts again. So, he was considerably better, a fact he was very happy about.

He also wasn't depressed anymore. That was good.

He hadn't gone back on his anxiety meds yet, because he couldn't do that for another few days, but due to his improvement he was back to his usual bright and upbeat self again.

"I do need to pee though," he remarked. He hadn't been able to walk yet -- people had had to carry him, or two people had had to help him walk. But ... maybe he'd be able to walk with less assistance now.

"Hey ... do you think you could help me walk to the bathroom?"
 
Samuel was very glad to hear the word better coming out of his boyfriend's mouth, it wasn't good necessarily but it was amazing to hear nonetheless. The suggestion that came next had Samuel raising his eyebrows for a moment though, he had had to carry Roman quite a lot the past two or so weeks, or they would have to call someone downstairs to help him around. But now Roman was asking specifically to walk, with Samuel's help only.

Samuel knew that if he wouldn't be able to do it was probably going to be kind of a setback in Roman's emotional healing. But he really was a lot better and it would be absolutely amazing if he could walk with less help, it would make him happy and would be a huge sign that he would be back to normal soon.

"Yeah, of course," Samuel said and smiled at Roman as if there really was no question about it and as if there wasn't anything too out of the ordinary with him trying to walk with only one person to help him. If he couldn't do it that would be okay and Samuel would be there to support him through it. Samuel sat up straight and held out held out his arm to gesture for Roman to lean on him so that they could stand up together.
 
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Roman leaned against his boyfriend and put an arm around his shoulders. He was nervous, because he hadn't tried to walk since the accident out of fear of hurting himself even further. But, he knew he'd be okay with Samuel. His boyfriend wouldn't allow any more harm to come to him.

Together, they stood up. Roman was a little shaky on his legs at first, like a giraffe when it was first born, but Samuel's arm around his middle helped to steady him. Slowly, they began to walk together. Roman's legs felt heavy, like they were being weighed down with sandbags, but he managed to walk.

He was walking.

They made it across the room and to the bathroom door, which Roman opened, and Samuel helped him sit down on the closed toilet seat. He looked up at his boyfriend with a brilliant smile on his face. "Thank you."
 
They stood up and Samuel's heart was beating a little harder in his chest as he noticed Roman struggling a little in the beginning. But then they were walking and they made it all the way over to the bathroom where Roman could sit down again and nothing bad happened, not even a stumble.

The smile on Roman's face was the best thing Samuel had seen in a while. They had just walked over the short distance to the bathroom but it was still huge and it had made Roman beam and that warmed Samuel's heart and made him smile back just as happily.

"No problem" He leant down to kiss Roman's forehead, then his cheek, then the other and then a quick peck to the mouth, his boyfriend was getting better and knowing that was the most amazing feeling in the world.
 
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Samuel left, Roman did his business and then Samuel came back to help him back to the bed. Again, Roman walked there, and he was incredibly proud of himself and happy with his progress. It was a huge improvement from the half-paralysed state he had been in the week before.

"I am pleased with myself," he announced as he sat down on the bed and put his legs back up. While he had certainly gotten a lot better since the fall, he wasn't going to risk hurting himself even further.

"And I love you," he said, pulling Samuel in for a kiss. "Very, very much."
 
Another couple of days passed and Samuel was once again walking down the stairs to their bedroom to greet his boyfriend. Today things were different from how the scenario normally would play out though. It was late in the evening and as he walked he occasionally stumbled just a little.

The guys on the team had proposed heading down to a sports bar after practice to watch a game, Samuel had been hesitant to come with because he wanted to go home to Roman, but his boyfriend was doing better, he was able to walk by himself now, even though he wasn't running around just yet and the bruising had gone down significantly. Also, Barcelona was playing, so if he wouldn't have gone with the guys he would have been home annoying Roman with watching the game anyways.

So, Samuel had texted his boyfriend where he was going and tagged along with his teammates. At some point during watching the game, he had stopped turning down drinking, partially because he didn't do too well with peer pressure and partially to be able to stop worrying and feeling weird about hanging around so many people while doing something he wasn't used to.

After the first drink he forgot he didn't like drinking and decided it wasn't too bad so by the time he had gotten a ride home by Amir, who had acted as one of two designated drivers, he was maybe more than just a little drunk.

"Hey, Roman are you awake?" Samuel asked when he walked into the room, it what was supposed to be a whisper but didn't really turn out as such. The more decent thing to do would have been to go check if he was, in fact, awake before he was loud. But it turned out to be not too big of a deal as when he looked over to the bed Samuel found his boyfriend curled up with his laptop, probably watching another episode of Gossip Girl, like he had been doing a lot lately.
 
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Roman hadn't put much thought into Samuel's text -- in fact, he was actually sort of glad that his boyfriend was out doing things with his soccer friends. It meant that he was branching out and expanding his social circle, which Roman had wanted him to do, because it meant they'd be seeing a little less Matthew.

He did notice, however, that Samuel was quite intoxicated as soon as he walked into the room. Roman was laying on his side with his laptop before him, watching his new favourite show Gossip Girl on Netflix, when Samuel came in. He looked up and noticed that his boyfriend was stumbling and speaking louder than he normally would.

Great.

Roman sat up and paused his show, closed his laptop and set it on the bedside table. He quirked an eyebrow at his boyfriend. "Yes, Samuel, I am indeed awake," he confirmed. Roman didn't have any experience with an intoxicated Samuel so he didn't know what to expect from his boyfriend at all.

"You look like you had fun," he noted. "But you should probably sleep."
 
"I did" Samuel smiled brightly as he kicked off his shoes and let himself fall face first into the bed, "But I'm don't want to sleep"

His voice came out muffled due to the pillow so he turned it and looked at Roman. Samuel had started to feel a little tired the moment he hit the bed, and probably before that too he just hadn't registered it yet, but he had decided he wanted to continue to stare at his boyfriend for a little while longer.

"I missed you," Samuel said. He always missed Roman a little when he wasn't there, not enough to really say anything, but now he didn't have that filter, and besides, he felt like he had totally missed Roman a whole lot more than normal and had totally been waiting to get to hug him the whole ride home.

So he did that. Wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist even if he was still laying down so looking up at his face was a little bothersome from the position he had put himself in, after looking at him for a little while more he gave up on it and let his head rest on Roman's leg instead, "You're so gorgeous, did you know that?"
 
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"I was aware," Roman confirmed, rubbing Samuel's back a little as his boyfriend used his thigh as a pillow. God, Samuel was drunk. Roman was just glad that he didn't seem to be a ridiculously annoying drunk, and that he seemed to just be clingy, and kind of cute.

But he was still quite drunk.

"Okay, you really need to sleep," decided Roman, gently pulling Samuel into a sitting position and laying him beside him on the bed. He pulled the covers up to his boyfriend's shoulders and then laid down on his back, turning his head to gaze at Samuel.

"How much did you drink?" he asked.
 
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"Not that much" Samuel insisted but as he made himself cozy under the covers he thought about it for a moment and changed his mind, "Never mind, maybe more than I was planning too, but it's not my fault, everyone else was drinking and I didn't want the only one who wasn't. But then Amir wasn't even drinking at all so I could have just not done it with him. He's officially the worst"

His very mild anger towards his friend who actually hadn't done anything wrong was forgotten within another couple of seconds as Samuel turned to his side and stared into Roman's eyes for a moment.

He placed a hand on Roman's chest, let it run down until it found the edge of his shirt and slipped his hand under and placed it around his boyfriend's waist. Roman's skin felt so warm against his, it was very nice. Then he moved in a little closer and placed a couple of kisses along Roman's neck, they were a little sloppy but Samuel just got the urge to kiss him and he was just lying there looking so very pretty he had just had to do it.

"Hey, Roman, I wanna make out, let's make out" Samuel requested far more bluntly than he normally would, chuckled quietly against Roman's neck at his own words and then placed another kiss in the spot his lips had barely even left.
 
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Roman's arm found its way around Samuel's shoulders and gently rubbed his back as his boyfriend kissed him on the neck. It felt nice, though it may have been a little sloppier than usual. But Roman wasn't going to take things any further -- Samuel had not taken advantage of Roman when he had been drunk, so Roman wasn't going to do it to his boyfriend, either.

He chuckled slightly at Samuel's blunt words. Drunk Samuel was definitely a lot more confident than Sober Samuel and Roman would be lying if he said it didn't come as a bit of a surprise. That being said, he refrained from laughing too much and instead gently pried Samuel off.

"You're too drunk," he said softly, sitting up only so he could lay Samuel down on his back and tuck him in, tucking the covers under his body so he couldn't move. "Maybe I'll make out with you when you're sober."
 
Samuel wriggled a little as he was tightly tucked in under the covers, it probably wouldn't have been too hard to get out had his brain not been so fuzzy and if he hadn't felt kind of tired and lazy, but for now he couldn't really do anything about it except to pout at his boyfriend and complain.

"But Romaaan," Samuel whined and then continued in a stage whisper, "I love you" as if it should be enough of a reason for Roman to let him get what he wanted, namely some make outs and maybe a little more.

"It's not like I wouldn't want to do the same thing right now if I was sober?" Samuel reasoned, not at all understanding why Roman would deny him anything, in the state of mind he was in, it just didn't make sense at all, he was drunk sure, but it's not like he wanted to do anything he wouldn't do when he was sober, "And Sober Samuel won't be mad if we fuck, I promise"
 
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"Samuel," Roman said sternly, putting a finger over Samuel's lips to gently hush him. "No. We are not doing anything while you're drunk."

It just didn't sit right with Roman, the idea of them doing anything while either one of them were intoxicated. It felt wrong, in a way. So, Roman would remain adamant, even if Drunk Samuel would be a little upset by it. He could deal with that. Sober Samuel would be grateful later.

"Goodnight." Roman kissed Samuel on the forehead. "If you don't go to sleep right now I'll tell Sober Samuel what you've been doing when he gets back."
 
EN-US">Samuel woke up the next day feeling off and it took him a moment to remember why, but soon he could recall drinking, coming home, annoying Roman and being embarrassing and lastly moping for what probably wasn't more than five minutes before falling asleep.

Now he was laying with one arm lazily over Romans waist, which wasn't out of the ordinary since he had a tendency to cling to Roman in his sleep, eyes still shut close and feeling kind of sick. He decided to carefully open his eyes only to see his boyfriend's peaceful sleeping face. It was a sight Samuel would normally adore and spend some time enjoying, but now he felt very embarrassed about how he had spoken when he was drunk.

He turned to lay on his back, stared up at the ceiling for a moment, before grabbing a pillow and covering his face with it, he was not looking forward to Roman waking up, there was no way his boyfriend wouldn't tease him to death about the night before.
 
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Roman had been sleeping lightly since the fall so he woke up pretty much as soon as Samuel moved. He turned his head to see his boyfriend hiding his face in a pillow and chuckled very quietly at it. Clearly, he hadn't been drunk enough to forget the events of the night before.

"Good morning, sleepy," he said softly, wriggling over to lay his head on Samuel's shoulder and gently poke the pillow he was covering his face with.

Roman guessed that Samuel was embarrassed after the previous night, but he wasn't going to make fun of him. He wouldn't do that. He wasn't a total asshole and he wasn't a piece of shit.

"You want some painkillers? I'm guessing you have a headache."
 
"Yes, please" Samuel mumbled from under the pillow, he felt more sick than his head hurt, which he had found was usually the way his body reacted to drinking too much, but that didn't mean his head didn't hurt at all and to someone who wasn't used to headaches it was annoying and not very fun at all.

At least he didn't have to live with knowing that he had managed to convince his boyfriend to sleep with him while drunk, thanks to Roman making him go to bed, just like Samuel had when Roman was drunk. It was nice that both of them had enough sense to know that going further while one of them was intoxicated wasn't the most decent thing to do.

"Aren't you going to remind me of my embarrassing drunk shenanigans?" Samuel half joked somewhat carefully as he removed the pillow from his face. His boyfriend was being suspiciously nice, then again Roman was a very nice person so maybe he should have expected the best and not the worst out of him, "Which I'm sorry for, by the way, I didn't plan on drinking, if I had I would have warned you in the text,"
 
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