RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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If you say you almost started to believe that my mother was faithful to you during your eleven year relationship then don't turn around the next minute and spew shit like how you're sure she's been cheating on you this whole time and the new guy can move in as soon as you're gone...but oh wait he's probably married, the second you realize it's too late to sweet talk her into letting you stay.

And what do you mean by 'almost' asshole? My mother's never ever cheated on you. In fact you're the one with the history of cheating - yes I know all about that - so if anyone should be concerned, it's her.

On top of that you manage/control all her time, hell, you barely let her have friends, when the fuck would she find the time - and person - to cheat on you??
 
Who the FUCK does DIY till midnight. And they're gone back to doing it this morning. IT'S SO LOUD.

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK

I've going to into a state of insanity and murder them I swear.

Just knocking over and over and over and

Kill me
 
I'm just ready for this week to be over.

Broken phones, totaled cars, and totally screwed up sleep schedules thanks to the stress and how busy things have been is getting old.
And having mom panic when we get in the vehicles for a length of time because dad was the one in an accident on Wednesday (Even though he's just fine) is getting old, already.

She wasn't involved, she knows that all three of us are defensive drivers and are good drivers, so why is she so tense and anxious to the point of making me and my dad hurt by looking at her?! Ugh.
 
I seem to have a 100% failure rate when it comes to joining and creating RPs. Either it dies on its own or I lose interest and drop. I've never been able to stick with anything to the end AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, I JUST WANT TO FINISH SOMETHING FOR ONCE!

Pardon that.

Being picky about my likes doesn't help in the slightest.
 
I've decided I need to come clean to my mom about some things. This web of lies is now doing me more harm than good. I think things will get better once I finally tell the truth.

Problem is, the thought of doing this is extremely nerve-wracking. I've been on-and-off crying ever since I made this decision, just from sheer anxiety overload.

Therefore, I want to get this over with as quickly as possible.

But she won't be back home from work until 8 hours from now.

I don't know how I'm going to hold myself together for another 8 hours.

I could text her (in fact, it would probably be easier for me to confess via text message than in-person), but I don't want her to get distracted from her work and be stressed-out by all this in her already-stressful work environment...

;_; Aaaaaah this is not pleasant...
 
it is literally impossible to completely shield myself from the news
impossible

not that I don't already feel guilty and embarrassed about wanting to do so, but I need to for my mental health
but no matter what I'm going to hear about this shit and it's going to affect me to my core, and I'm never going to want to leave my house.

I'm so envious of people who have an unshakeable belief that god is real/afterlife is real/reincarnation is real. If I could just have the same thing I'd be so much happier. but I never will, because there is no proof of any of it.
 
Oh boy, I finally graduated high school.

And my mother still decided to find an opportunity to basically say I'm still a failure for not having any special honors or awards.
 
Why is it that I have so many rp ideas, yet I can't post any of them???

WHY BRAIN

WHY

also sidenote: f*ck coding. wish I could pay someone to do it
 
[spoili]I see people vying for the attentions of others who like to think they're better, people who enjoy watching other vie for their attention, people who boast about themselves like they're the best thing the world has to offer.

And I don't know why.

And it hurts, seeing these people going after others who don't give a s**t about them. I wish there was some way that I could convince them that there is a world full of people and they don't need to be stuck with the ones who treat them like dirt. :(

It also hurts that at times, I'm one of those vying people. Weaning oneself from wanting to be liked is so hard. Finding oneself worthy despite what others think... it's honestly enviable when I see people who are that confident.

I'm rambling now... so I'll stop.[/spoili]
 
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After completing a social experiment on a gay dating app, I have to say: stop being so fucking shallow, people. I understand folks have preferences and looks are subjective, but the majority of the guys are just average-looking(which I actually personally prefer, being one myself). The problem is these average-looking guys are ignoring each other as they try for the "hot" guys, which they fail at because they're not good enough for them, thus leaving everyone unhappy and alone. No wonder you're all so miserable and full of self-hate. Stop being so self-absorbed and pretentious and open your minds a little; you'll be happier and may actually get laid more than once a year.

Also fuck the Trump Administration to the depths of hell. Self-serving, greedy, ignorant twats. The majority of us did NOT want you to Make America Worse Again.
 
That moment when you think you're doing really well, and then you have a dream that reminds you of all the reasons why you hate yourself. And you can't even remember most of the specific scenarios that came up in your dream -- but you wake up thinking about all those reasons, and then those negative thoughts start to infect your social interactions as you feel yourself slipping back into the depths of social anxiety.

Bluuuh.
 
Why do I keep getting isolated from wherever I try to escape to?
It's enough that you're already so close together without me.
And now there's these new people that I don't remember accepting.

He was right, I don't need anybody else.
 
I feel like I do everything wrong on here. I love this website, I've been on it since November 2016, but I feel like I can never do right. Role playing for me has always been an escape, a thing i can do to relax and unwind and live in another world, rather than playing some RPG ( Like skyrim ;3) its always been my thing. I rp to have fun and to let loose all my stress. I like to say Im an excellent Rper, I have good grammar and spelling, descriptive responses, always feed into the plot and present new ideas. But everytime I get "Can you not do ___ its annoying" or my CS isnt good enough, I mess up a plot line I had no clue about, constantly corrected and pulled aside to be told Im wrong ONCE AGAIN. Rping is suppose to be fun, but it seems like people I encounter make it a chore or something, like its a mandatory prestigious thing. It hurts alot. yeah maybe Im not the most strict about rping, and I get that every one has boundaries and own personal rules, but it comes to a point where anything I do is wrong. I left for a while to decompress, I come back thinking itll get better, and once again im told im doing something wrong. Maybe its my fault, maybe im not rping right? Maybe I shouldnt take it so personally? I have no clue. I just wish I could have one rp where im not being pulled aside and told "hey can you not do ___ its really annoying."
 
I feel like every move I make on this site is just part of one big mistake that keeps compounding on itself until I either explode in frustration or implode with depression. What am I doing wrong? Am I even doing anything right? Is it even possible for me to be doing right? So many questions and there's no right answers.
 
GOD - FUCKING - DAMMIT

I was outside for maybe ten minutes tops - and not even all at once but in two five minute intervals - AND I GOT FUCKING HEAT EXHAUSTION.

I know it was hot as balls out but come on I was dressed lightly and it was five fucking minutes at a time before I was back in a cool, dark, and/or air conditioned place. I didn't even have time to start sweating! I know I don't handle heat very well, but I didn't think I was that fucking delicate.

Thank goodness for sunscreen or I'd probably have a nasty sunburn too
 
So, if people can't see things from my perspective, why precisely am I expected to see things from their's? I just can't wrap my head around it. I mean, yeah, having an outside view is helpful, but there's this nifty thing called "double standards" that's at work here. I don't know them, they don't know me, apparently they want it to stay that way? I don't know. I really don't. I'm set in my ways, but people want me to change. I want to do things, but I don't know how to do them. I wanna go somewhere, but I don't have a map.

I'M GODDAMN LOST AND CONFUSED, AND THERE AIN'T A SOUL THAT'S GONNA HELP!
 
My head hurts, my stomach hurts, and everything feels wrong.

Very unpleasant experience. 0/10 would not recommend.
 
CAN'T. SLEEP.
 
The Moon is a fucking bitch. Who does she think she is, lighting my room the fuck up when I'm trying to fucking sleep. I couldn't sleep a wink with that obnoxious-ass light shining through my windows. Goddamn.

"Uhhh, why didn't you just close your blinds?"

Because the windows were open. And if I let the blinds down then the wind would've blown through them and I would've had to hear the sound of the blinds rattling against each other all night -- which is sort of like the audio equivalent of the obnoxious moonlight, except worse.

"Why did you leave your windows open? Why couldn't you close them?"

Because my house doesn't have AC, and I'd prefer not to drown in a pool of my own sweat.

"Uhh... do you have a sleeping mask?"

THEORETICALLY. BUT I HAVEN'T NEEDED IT SINCE LAST SUMMER, AND LAST NIGHT I COULDN'T FIND IT. ;_;
 
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