RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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Currently house/pet sitting. Let dog out sometime around 11, so not even 3 hours ago. I went to sleep about an hour ago only to be awoken by him whining.

Okay, let him out, maybe he just needs to potty again. Go outside, bloody wind storm. He takes off into the dark (has an electric collar, but still. It's eerie outside and I'm not a fan.) so I have to go inside to cut on more flood lights and get my shoes on to fetch him.

Two blasts of wind and two new mosquito bites later, he decides he also isn't a fan of the weather and comes back in.

Is now still whining to be let out, assuming he wants out of the kitchen and on the couch with me. Not happening.

Hasn't done this in the past 8 nights, not sure what's up tonight. I'm not giving in now.

So now I'm awake and annoyed, at two AM, in an annoyingly frightening wind storm, with a crying pup.

This is why I like cats.

I just want sleep.

And silence.
 
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Brain, why do you do this??

I'm trying to wind down for bed, I don't need to think about my own mortality and have a panic attack centered on the fact that I'll be dead one day.

I don't need it.

Shut up and let me sleep
 
Cosmic Fey said:
Brain, why do you do this??

I'm trying to wind down for bed, I don't need to think about my own mortality and have a panic attack centered on the fact that I'll be dead one day.

I don't need it.

Shut up and let me sleep
Click to expand...

me too thanks

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I'm doing really shitty at school. Got my financial aid suspended because of it. Girlfriend broke up with me last week. Thought I could fix something that was wrong with my car, but it ended up not being what was wrong and I'm back to square one, while spending money I didn't necessarily have, but needed so my car wasn't a danger to other cars. I don't want to talk about problems with anyone, and it's really hard for me to even put this here. I constantly think about killing myself, and although I never will act on it, most days it just seems tempting to drive off of a bridge.
 
may have to knock all my rps down to one rp when i take up full time job o_o *has been feeling the stress*
 
So now I have a UTI. For the very first time.

I mean I thought the universe would give me a break by now but I GUESS NOT
 
In the last ten minutes I have:
  • Rolled over to take the pressure off my hip.
  • Inhaled a bunch of dust.
  • Proceeded to have epic coughing fit.
  • Coughed my throat raw.
On the one hand, I finally coughed all that phlegm loose but on the other, I coughed hard enough to knock all that phlegm loose and I'm still coughing. No trouble breathing though, so that's good.

Also, I can hear my roommate singing. I can hear her singing through two doors and a thick fire-wall and over the birds. It is 5:40 in the morning.

This has kept me up for the last hour.

Girl, I love you but shut up

 
I'm so tired of being forced into everything. I'm sad, lonely, and I can't take it. If I weren't expected to always do everything and know everything and have people breathing down my fucking neck all the time I'd be happier.....even if it was just because I could bare the sadness I feel. I could at least pretend I have meaning and worth.
 
The people at my mom's work are being dicks. My mom is needing to change her diet for health reasons so naturally that changes what she eats at break. Her coworkers have been making fun of her everyday since her doctor's appointment. She used to like her job alright, but now she hates it and tries to refuse breaks to avoid her coworkers. Why do people feel the consistent need to be jackasses about dietary regulations? It's none of their business. >.>
 
Hell is trying to cosplay a character who has an antenna on the top of his head and NO MATTER HOW MANY ADJUSTMENTS YOU MAKE THE DAMN THING IS STILL OFF-CENTER EVERY TIME YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

AND IT'S NOT VERY EASY TO DETACH AND REATTACH, EITHER.
 
You must be FUCKING kidding me.
 
We haven't seen each other for a month... it was impossible to try and make plans with you. June was really busy for you, I understood that 100%. I wasn't really upset about that. What upsets me is that, on the one day we finally could get together, we hung out for around 3 hours. After that, you got a text from your boyfriend saying that his mother was offering for you to come to dinner. Just his mom. Not him. And you hummed about how you had to choose between a free meal or 'spending time with Opal'.

And then you rattled off the things that we apparently needed to catch up with, like a check list, like that was all I was - a chore to be done. And then you made the decision to go have dinner with your boyfriend's mother.

Maybe I am being petty. Maybe I am being selfish. But after you ditched our plans for you to come over for Christmas eve dinner, on Christmas eve, because your boyfriend's dad wanted to make dinner for you instead, I can't help but be hurt. I'm so hurt. I was okay with moving out. I was okay with it. I am okay with it. But I'm not okay with this.

You're the last person I have. All of the friends I used to have are gone. I don't even have online friends anymore, not like I used to, because I'm incapable of allowing myself to try and get close; I always worry I'm bothering people, and I don't want that. (The worst part about this is that I've had so many olive branches, so many people reaching out to say that they'd like to be my friend, or that I can talk to them, yet I can't go through with it. What's wrong with me? Am I broken? Yes.)

It hurts me so much to think that you may soon have no use for me. That, despite living in the same apartment complex, we'll go from seeing each other once a week or so, to once a month, to two months, to me being someone you want to spend time with only when no one else is available.

It hurts so much. I'm so lonely. I can't lose you too.
 
I don't feel well and I feel all dumb about it because I made plans to see a friend, who lives 3 hours away. I've informed all parties and they seem understand, but ugh why now? I already suffer travel anxieties, but that's not the case this time. I really want to go. But I know that if I do, I'll probably just end up making the car stop every gas station and hugging the toilet when I eventually get to our destination. Goddammit. I mean, I'll be in his area again next month, but...that's a month away. :/
 
Hey body? Can you wait until I'm not swallowing food to spaz and set off a coughing fit? I'd like to not choke to death please

ON THAT NOTE

WHY THE FUCK AM I HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME MOVING MY JAW?? I have spastic diplegia. That means only two, two, of my limbs (my legs) are primarily affected with my arms and torso only slightly affected (in the form of shaky hands, a weird grip/bad handwriting (although that might be more the dysgraphia) and weak core muscles). It doesn't really affect my head. My jaw is supposed to be one of the few things I don't have trouble with, so why??

Is it the humidity seeping into all my joints and causing problems, or is it just one of those days??
 
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Yep, I'm totally fucking done with people. I'm done! I'm so sick and tired of being nice to people then getting treated like shit when they get their way. Fuck that! I'm so over this shit right now. From now on the next person that asks me for something I'm telling them to go fuck themselves.
 
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I was really looking forward to watching the Doctor Who season finale at 9PM tonight.

But it didn't air at 9PM. It started at 8:30.

And my DVR didn't record it.

Now I've missed it, and I won't be able to watch it until at least tomorrow night, since I set my DVR to record a re-run of it at 4AM I'm busy most of tomorrow.

And I'll be thinking about it all day tomorrow. And certainly for the rest of tonight, as I planned my night around it, and now I can't watch it.

I'm very disappointed right now.
 
This entire day has just felt sort of off, and now I'm just sort of... here, not knowing what to do with myself, but also not wanting to go to bed, because the day still feels sort of incomplete. :/
 
I feel hollow.
I just want to feel whole.
I don't know if that's something I can do.
 
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